boysontrl

Hey all, here’s another humor fic by BlueMew! I don’t own any of the boy bands, TRL, or Carson Daly. So don’t sue me! Rated PG-13 for some language and violence.

The crowd cheers as the lights come on. Carson Daly walks out on the TRL stage.
Carson: What’s up! I’m Carson Daly, and today on TRL, we’re not only going to count down the top ten music videos, we’ve got fifteen special guests for all our fans out there! But the best thing is, the guests don’t know who else is going to be on here with them! So first, let’s bring out O-Town!
*the crowd claps and some people start crying as Ashley, Jacob, Eric, Dan, and Trevor walk on stage*
Carson: So how are you guys?
Ashley: Man, Carson, we are so stoked to be here! It’s such an honor to be guests on TRL!
Jacob: Yeah! And we decided to do a little Q and A for all the fans out there!
*audience sits quietly*
Girl #1: Uhh.. Carson… what other guests are here today?
Carson: *glares at O-Town* Well, at number ten today, we’ve got Shakira with Wherever, Whenever.
*video plays and audience screams as video ends. O-Town is sitting quietly in the corner of the stage*
Carson: Okay, okay… we’ve got some more special guests here today. Howie! Kevin! Nick! AJ! Brian! Come on out here!
*audience screams much louder and some girls faint. Nick is mobbed by girls and the other four members of the Backstreet Boys pull him from the crowd*
Nick: Dawg! I like that!
Carson, other BSB and O-Town: *glare at Nick*
Carson: So everyone besides Nick, tell me a little bit about what you’ve been doing recently? And AJ, how are you?
AJ: *drinks from thermos* Uhh… yeah man… I’m doing just fine… Y’all gotta love sobriety….
Nick: *grabs thermos* Dawg! You gotta let me have some a that!
Ashley: *glares at Nick* Three letters for you man… GED.
Nick: *flips his hair* I don’t have to be smart… I’m too pretty to worry about that stuff.
Ashley: *glares* I’m the pretty one of my group, and dawg, at least I’ve got some intelligence.
Nick: *drinks from thermos and spits out contents* Dude! This really IS coffee! And all this time I thought you were like sneaking in the booze!
AJ: *hits Nick* You are such a dumbass….
Carson: So Brian or Kevin, what is new with Backstreet?
Kevin: Well Carson, we’re going to be taking a break from touring for a while, then we’re going to start work on a new album.
Brian: Yeah Carson, it’s going to be a great time during this break. I’m going to spend the entire time with Leighanne and thanking God for all the joys in my life. If I may, I’d like to quote Romans 6:23…
Nick: *whispers to AJ* What’s a GED? I’m not sure what the hell that pansy’s talking about.
AJ: *laughs as he slaps Nick’s back* Dude, you are the stupidest fuck in the whole world. I think that I’ll go with you to get that GED, just to make sure you actually go to class.
Nick: I AM NOT GOING BACK TO SCHOOL!
*everyone stares at Nick*
Jacob: *whispers to Ashley* How can someone be that stupid?
Nick: *growls* I AM NOT STUPID! I’M BETTER LOOKING THAN ANY OF YOU HERE!
*audience screams*
Carson: Uhh… Nick, how about you go and play some basketball man. There’s a court one floor down.
Nick: *runs out screaming something about basketball*
Howie: *to Ashley* Can we trade you for him?
Ashley: *hugs Howie* OH MY GOD!!! I WOULD DIE IF I WAS A BACKSTREET BOY!!! That’s the whole reason I got involved with Making The Band!!! *hugs the rest of the BSB* I’m gonna be a Backstreet Boy!!!!
Kevin: *whispers to Brian* Maybe we should try to get Lance instead…
Brian: *nods*
Howie: Well, Ashley, we’re going to actually have a contest to replace Captain Intelligence… we’ll let you know what we decide, okay?
Ashley: *pouts* ….I wanna be a Backstreet Boy…..
Carson: *stands there speechless* Uhh… well, guys, you do realize that most of your popularity comes from Nick. *dodges a flying cue card* And at eight and seven, were Sum 41 and Janet Jackson. There’s no time to show the videos for them. Six is *glares at teleprompter* How the hell did I Want It That Way make it to number six?
*the four Backstreet Boys laugh*
AJ: We dared Nick to call in and vote for it. *drinks from thermos*
Carson: So do you just want to sing it or should we play the video?
Kevin: We’ll sing it. *motions for Ashley to join them and hands him sheet music* Sing that part right there.
Ashley: *cries* I get to be a Backstreet Boy!!!! I’ve wanted to be just like you guys since I was ten!
AJ: *hits Ashley* Just shut the fuck up and sing, bitch!
*the new BSB sing I Want It That Way, minus Ashley, who kept screwing up his part since he’s just too excited about becoming a Backstreet Boy*
Nick: *runs in panting* HEY! Why are you guys singing without me!?!
Howie: *points to O-Town* Go and sit with your other band members, Nick.
Nick: *walks over to AJ*
AJ: *pushes Nick to O-Town*
Nick: *cries* …but I’m the cute one… *sits down between Jacob and Eric*
Carson: Anyway, at number five, we have Michael Jackson’s You Rock My World. And after the video, we’re going to bring out our final guest!
*video plays, Nick cries, fangirls in the audience change their ‘I love the BSB’ signs to ‘I love O-Town’*
*audience screams as video ends*
Carson: Okay, as promised, it’s time to bring out our other guest. I think this is the first time that all of the major five person boy bands have been on the same show. NSYNC! GET ON OUT HERE!
*audience screams even more, and some girls faint. Ashley starts to cry and runs over to Nick*
Ashley: I can’t believe that I’m finally meeting my idols!
Nick: *hugs Ashley* … but I’m the cute one….
Justin: Word Carson. I just can’t believe you’d bring us out here with our rivals *spits on Brian*
Brian: *wipes of spit* Dear sweet Jesus, please bless brother Timberlake. He knows not what he does.
Justin: *tackles Brian* Is that some sort of insult, bro? ‘Cuz if it is, I’m gonna hafta open a can of whoop ass right here!
Brian: *closes his eyes* Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…
Chris: *pulls Justin off of Brian* Dawg! Calm down! You’re probably going to get struck with lightning or something if you hit him!
Lance: *walks over to the crying Nick and Ashley* Nick, I’ve just got to ask you, what’s your secret? I mean, your skin, it’s just SO perfect all the time!
Ashley: *squeals* OH. MY. GOD. I was wondering the exact same thing! You’ve got to tell us Nick!
Nick: *smiles as he runs his hand through his hair* I’m SO glad someone noticed! I use a moisturizer from Bath and Body works called Sun Ripened Raspberry! And then I like to use the cucumber scrub like six times a day to keep my pores in such great condition!
Lance: *smiles* Do I detect some mascara there?
Nick: *winks* I’ll never tell…
Ashley: *grabs Lance’s hand* Where did you get your manicure!?! I’ve just got to learn all these tricks! I want to be the cute one!
Nick: *bitchslaps Ashley* You sit yo ass down there, bitch! Y’all know that I am the cute one! The original cute one. You don’t even come close, you little crack whore!
*the audience, Carson, BSB, NSync, and O-Town all stare at the three blonds in awe as the catfight between Nick and Ashley starts. There’s much hair pulling, biting, and scratching involved, and Lance somehow gets drug in to the fight*
JC: NSync! Huddle up!
*Joey, JC, Justin, and Chris huddle while Lance is still trying to kick Nick and Ashley’s asses*
JC: So should we just get rid of Lance?
Joey: Nah, man! He’s the cute one!
Justin: And you’s the fat one! *laughs*
Chris: *whispers* You know what? I bet we could take out Backstreet before they even knew what happened. Then all we’d have to do is threaten O-Town, and they’d run away crying.
Justin: *whispers* And then we’d be the only boy band… LET’S DO IT!
*NSync breaks the huddle and walks over to their appropriate counterpart in the Backstreet Boys*
JC: *punches Howie* We’ve got a score to settle here!
Justin: *hits Brian with a chair* Yeah dawg! We’re going to show the world that NSync is the only boy band worth shit out there!
Joey: *kicks Kevin* You’re just an old man! You shouldn’t even be in a boy band for God’s sake!
AJ: *throws coffee on Chris* Don’t you even think of coming close to me… I know thirteen ways to kill a man…
Chris: *puts his hands up in surrender* How about we join up with the blonds and start the ultimate boy band? I mean, with three cute ones, a bad boy, and me, well, dawg, you gotta know that the ladies will love it.
AJ: *lowers his shades* How about this? I cover you in hot coffee again, then kick NSync’s collective ass and get the fuck out of here with O-Town and my boys. You're worth shit to me man.
Chris: *screams like a girl* Guys! AJ’s gone fucked!
Nick/Ashley/Lance *now laughing and singing* We’ve got the uuuuuuuuuuuurge to herbal! We’ve got the urge! (Natural botanicals) *cheesy ass pointing and dancing* We’ve got the uuuuurge to herbal!
Nick: *singing* For another half an hour!
Lance: *singing* Gonna herbal in the shower!
Ashley: *singing* We’ve got the uuurge to herbal!
*the blonds all bow to the audience of screaming fangirls*
Ashley: Hey! We could be like 98 degrees! *gets lost in fangirl… err… fanboy mode*
*Lance and Nick look around at the brawling BSB and NSync members and the crying O-Town members*
AJ: Nick! Get your ghetto booty over here and help me kick some pansy ass!
Nick: I’VE GOT THE URGE!
Lance: *dumps a bucket of water on Nick’s head and together they start to wash his hair with Herbal Essences*
AJ: Dude! You’ve become one of the pansy asses! *walks away from the unconscious Chris and hits Nick with the frying pan of doom* Now I’m gonna have to kick both yo asses!
*Nick and Lance hug each other for fear of the maniacal AJ, who is coming straight for them*
Howie: *kicks the unconscious JC* Nick, dawg, you do realize that you’ve just crossed the line. We’re going to have to kick your ass now too.
Brian: *closes his eyes and sings* Nearer my God to thee…
Justin: *growls* Fight like a man, yo! You’s more a pansy ass than Lancene there!
Brian: *praying in a monotone voice* Sanctus domine, amo te ludiarum.
*a bolt of white lightning comes through the window and instantly disintegrates Justin*
Brian: *bows head, evil grin* Thank you Jesus. You are my savior.
Nick: *crying* You can’t hurt us! We’re the cute ones!
Lance: *crying* And I just had my nails done today… you can’t make me ruin them!
AJ: *punches Lance* MEN DO NOT GET THEIR NAILS DONE!
Nick: *kicks Howie* But dawg, you paint your nails black. Why can’t I get mine painted clear?
Howie: *hits Nick square in the nose, causing it to bleed* HE PAINTS HIS OWN NAILS! HE DOESN’T GO TO SOME SALON TO HAVE SOMEONE PET HIS PANSY ASS HANDS!
Ashley: *punches AJ* It is NOT wrong for a guy to want to look good!
Nick: *wipes the blood away, growls, and lowers voice* I’m gonna kill you, you short piece of shit! *lunges at Howie*
AJ: *pummels Ashley* Dude, you're a little to female to be male.
Lance: *runs with hands out to sides like sissy* Oh no! Run! You’re all crazy! *hissy voice*
Howie: *ducks as Nick lunges* Short shit my ass!
Nick: *runs into screaming Lance*
Lance and Nick: *duck down with asses in air*
*another bolt of white lightning comes in through window and disintegrates Joey*
Kevin: *to Brian* I think all those years of church camp finally paid off. *looks up to heaven* In Jesus name, I want to thank you for your blessings Lord. Amen.
*in a vain effort to escape, O-Town member Eric was hit with a stray bolt of holy lightning and was disintegrated also. O-Town runs back to their seats and continue crying*
Jacob: We just wanted to be like the Backstreet Boys….
*AJ and Howie just stare at the cowering Nick and Lance, then turn to each other and laugh*
Howie: What did Will Ferrel say to me in that skit on SNL?
AJ: *laughs* I bet they would enjoy that…
*AJ and Howie continue laughing as they start kicking Nick and Lance*
Lance: *crying* I WANT MY MOMMY!
Nick: *stands up* Dawg, I’m one of you! Quit kicking me!
AJ: *hits Nick with thermos knocking him unconscious* And THAT’S for thinking that I’m still a drunk!
Lance: *faints*
AJ: *smiles* I think our work here is done.
Howie: *glares at O-Town* You wanna piece of us?
*O-Town continues crying and runs from the studio never to be heard from again*
Carson: *still dumbfounded* Well, we’re out of time for TRL today. I hope that you join us tomorrow when our guests will be Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park.
AJ: AND DON’T FORGET ABOUT US! I’M GONNA KICK YO ASS FRED DURST!
*Howie and AJ stand in front of the camera flexing and screaming insults Stone Cold style*
Carson: *sighs* When did this become the Jerry Springer show….