hopewashere

Blue here again... I don't own the book Hope Was Here, it was written by Joan Bauer. I had to write this little piece for my English class, and I thought it was halfway decent, so I'm posting it. Feedback's appreciated!

I can’t say that I’ve had a bad life. I’ve enjoyed my waitressing career, and all of the people that I’ve met because of it. It’s just that the meaning of hope has changed.
How can the meaning of hope change? Isn’t it that feeling that people use to overcome all obstacles? Well, yes, that is still what hope is, but now as I look at myself in the rearview mirror, I can see that I’ve changed. The living embodiment of hope has not truly “lost the faith” as it has sometimes be said about people who lose hope in all things, I’ve just given up in being hopeful for myself.
Sure, I’ll smile as I serve you your meal, and I’ll even say an encouraging word or two, but who ever does that for me?
Braverman was my hope before I left for college. Boy, has MSU opened my eyes. I live in the “freshman ghetto” known as Butterfield hall, or so that’s what my roommate calls it. Irene is my closest friend on campus, but between her weekly trips to Canada with her friends from Ohio, job as the night watchman for Butterfield, and inane ramblings about the boy bands and shrine to Howie from the Backstreet Boys, I really don’t spend much time with her. That campus is actually quite big for a midwestern school, and even though I used to live in NYC, I’m having trouble meeting people. Yes, East Lansing is a big city, but not in the same sense that New York is a big city. I truly miss Wisconsin.
The best thing that she’s done for me is introduce me, and turn me in to a pop music fanatic. Surprisingly, my favorite group is Blink 182. Yes, I realize that most of their songs speak of the lack of hope. Perhaps that’s why I like them so much. There’s this one song, oh, what was the name of it? But the lyrics are something like,
“I never conquered, rarely came/
16 just held such better days/
Days when I still felt alive/
We couldn't wait to get outside/
The world was wide, too late to try/
The tour was over I'd survived/
I couldn't wait till I got home/
To pass the time in my room alone.”
Oh yes. “Adam’s Song” by Blink 182. That’s the name.
Irene said that song describes me perfectly. Then again, this is coming from the girl who chooses image songs for all her friends. That girl from Ohio that goes to all the concerts and Canada trips with her was given “Suite Madame Blue” by Styx, while her boyfriend was given “Drowning” by the Backstreet Boys. And what did Irene say about her own image song? Yeah, “Wherever, Whenever” by Shakira doesn’t remind me of her at all, but she swears the song totally reminds her of herself. I don’t understand her system of assigning image songs, but hey, she seems fanatical enough to understand the concepts of music that an amateur like me could never understand.
I can see where she is coming with by saying “Adam’s Song” describes me. I usually sit in my dorm room, alone, dreaming of how the city could be more like New York or Wisconsin. I haven’t wanted to do anything, not even to work as a waitress since coming to MSU. I thought I should concentrate on my studies. Without waitressing, I can’t live a normal life. I complain about missing my friends from high school and the diner back home. She says that’s a normal part of college life for a freshman, but I’m not a freshman anymore.
Truthfully, sixteen did hold better days. I was able to dream that naive dream of having a textbook father, and I could dream of being nothing more than a highly successful waitress.
I was such a fool.
But here I am, in the parking lot by the Welcome Stairways. I’m home at last. And now, I must put on that fake smile, put on my apron, and return to the world of the waitress. I’m sure Braverman will be back, and Addie will be overjoyed to see me, but how can they even understand me anymore? I’m not the same cheerful little girl from a year ago. I’m different now, but not in a good way.
What I wouldn’t give to be that happy hopeful kid once again.