At the sound of a car pulling into the drive, Joey shut off the television set that she hadn't really been watching. She uncurled from the couch and headed to her bedroom, prepared to feign sleep so she wouldn't have to deal with any questions.

Audrey waved goodbye to Dawson, Jen and Jack as they backed out of the driveway. She hefted Alex higher on her hip, the little boy long past exhaustion. "Okay, Alex. Let's hope your aunt and uncle have had enough alone time, 'cause you're getting damned heavy."

She went inside and listened for any noise, relieved to hear nothing, she carried Alex to his room, and settled him under the covers, only bothering to remove his coat, mittens and shoes. She made a quick stop in the bathroom and then went to the room she and Joey were sharing.

The light in the hall fell over Joey's bed, "Joey?" Audrey blurted when she saw her friend in the bed, apparently asleep. Joey bit the inside of her cheek and feigned sleep, hoping Audrey would leave her alone. Never one to take a hint, she crossed the room and shook Joey's shoulder, "Joey," she hissed. "What are you doing in here?"

Joey's eyes flew open and she glared at her friend. "Well, I was sleeping."

"Okay, but why aren't you doing it next door?"

"Because this is my room."

Audrey sat down on the edge of the bed. "But I figured you'd sleep in Pacey's room. I was looking forward to having the big bed tonight," she pouted.

Joey raised an eyebrow. "Why would you think that?"

"Wasn't that the plan?" Audrey blinked, "To get everyone out of the house so you and Pacey could, you know, get it on?"

Joey sighed, grabbing her blanket and pulling it over her head. Her words were muffled through the cotton. "I'm pretty sure Pacey's in love with me or something and I blew it."

Audrey grabbed the rim of the blanket and pulled it back, "Come again?"

Joey sat up in annoyance and tugged on the blanket. "I said, I think Pacey's in love with me," she muttered, "and I blew it."

"Okay, so...back up a bit, bunny. I thought you knew he loved you. I mean, we all heard him say so on New Years."

Joey shrugged uncomfortably and hugged her pillow. "I guess I was hoping it would just kind of go away and come up at a more convenient time. Like when I actually know how I feel."

"And it didn't, did it?" Audrey frowned sympathetically. "What happened?"

Joey groaned. "And I just sat there like an idiot not saying anything and it just went downhill from there."

"Oh, bunny." Audrey gave her a quick hug, "Where is he now?"

"I have no idea...." She frowned. "He wasn't with you guys?"

"No," Audrey shook his head. "You mean he left again?" Joey nodded, worrying her lower lip with her teeth. Audrey pursed her lips, and furtively checked her clock. "I'm sure he'll be back soon, it's not even eleven yet."

"Or he might not even come back."

"He'll come back, he wouldn't just leave us here."

Joey swallowed and dropped her gaze to her pillow. "What about if he does?"

"He wont, Jo. We have school the day after tomorrow, he's not just gonna abandon us in Capeside." Joey opened her mouth, and Audrey quickly continued, "And in the unlikely event that he does, we'll catch a ride with the others, or take the train back. But he wont."

"What am I supposed to say to him?" Joey asked in a panic. "I can't just ignore it, because that didn't exactly work as I expected last time and now it's out and it changes everything. I mean, it's always going to be between us. It's not like we can just go back to the way things were before." Her eyes were trained on her blanket as she went over the situation in her mind. "And it's going to be horrible and awkward and then we'll probably never talk to each other again. And if we do, it'll probably one of those meaningless, trivial conversations that you have just to fill up uncomfortable amounts of silence. Why do these things happen to me? Why can't I just have a male friend that stays a friend? Why does this stupid boy/girl thing always have to get in the way? Things used to be so much easier before I had breasts."

Audrey chuckled and Joey shot her a dark look, "Sorry, I know, it's not funny. But geez, bunny, I wish I had your problems."

"Well, I will gladly give them to you."

"All righty, perfect." Audrey grinned, "Now here's what I'd do. I'd go find Pacey, apologize profusely for letting him think the worst of the situation, explain that I need more time to figure out what I'm feeling, and them jump his bones for good measure."

Joey released an exasperated breath and leaned back against the headboard. "I don't even know where he is."

"Don't worry, he'll come back," Audrey assured her. "Maybe he went to Dawson's. Or his parent’s house."

Joey frowned. "I hope you're right."

"Where else would he go in the dead of winter?" She asked rhetorically.

"Good point."

"You could call over there, if you wanted." She suggested, rising from the bed to change into pajamas.

"Maybe I should just wait until morning," Joey reasoned.

"Maybe, he might need time to cool off. Did he seem angry?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I don't think he was."

"Something tells me that when Pacey's angry, you know it."

Joey sighed. "I just wish none of this ever happened."

"None of it?" Audrey arched an eyebrow as she shimmied out of her pants.

"Well, most of it," Joey amended.

A tiny smile crossed Audrey's features as she pulled a night shirt over her head. "Okay, Joey, we're gonna play a little game."

Joey drew her eyebrows together in annoyance. "I don't want to play a game."

"Tough. This is an easy game." She pulled her hands into her nightshirt and unhooked her bra.

"What is it?"

"You just have to lay there. Okay, now close your eyes."

"Close my eyes?" Joey repeated dubiously. "I don't have time for this Audrey."

"You have something better to do while you wait for Pacey to come home?"

"No," Joey admitted grudgingly.

"Okay, so close your eyes and clear your mind." Audrey pulled back the blankets on the cot and slid underneath them to get warm.

Joey resituated her pillow and laid back, shutting her eyes. "There. They're closed."

"Clear your mind. I'm going to say a word, and I want you to say the first thing that pops into your head."

She sighed. "Fine."

"Apples."

"Oranges."

Audrey grinned into the dark. "Capeside."

“Home."

"Dawson."

"Best friend," Joey responded automatically.

"Okay. Pizza."

"Cheese."

"Boston."

"Worthington."

"Bessie."

"Sister."

"Baseball."

"Pants."

Audrey giggled, "Sex."

"Inexperience."

"Awww, bunny."

"I'm still not seeing the point to this, Audrey."

"Shhh, just keep going. Christmas."

"Shopping."

"All right. Penis."

Joey's eyes widened. "Audrey!"

She laughed, "You hear the word penis and think of me?"

Joey rolled her eyes. "You know that's not what I meant."

"Uh huh, so what comes to mind when you hear the word penis, Jo?"

Joey frowned. "Sex."

"Okay, clear your mind again. Kiss."

Joey shut her eyes and settled comfortably under the covers. "Perfect."

Audrey smiled softly to herself, "Pacey."

Joey sighed quietly. "Indescribable."

"And love?"

Joey smiled. "Incredible."

Audrey sighed quietly, "So you've been in love before?" She whispered, abandoning the game.

Joey opened her eyes in surprise. "What?"

"I asked of you've been in love before."

Joey turned onto her side and watched the moonlight filter through her window. "I guess I was. With Dawson. Before..."

"Before...?"

"I had forgotten about it."

"You forgot about what? Being in love with Dawson?" Audrey turned on her side, facing the bed.

She nodded, glancing down at the streaks of light the moon left on the floor. "Yeah. It's strange. I mean, you can't just stop being in love with someone can you? It's just that what seemed like love at fifteen does not seem like what I think love is now. Does that make any sense?"

"Yeah, I think so." Audrey said quietly, "Maybe...maybe you loved Dawson as much as you could when you were fifteen. But, I think, the older you get, your capability and capacity for love grows too."

"Dawson and I were far from perfect. We were volatile and emotional. Not what I expected. Everyone always says the best relationships start with a friendship, but somehow Dawson and I lost that. We forgot how to be friends."

"I don't see how you can love someone and not be their friend. Not to say you didn't love him or anything, but…you know what I mean."

"We just couldn't find a balance." Joey turned onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. "There was no in between with Dawson."

"You guys are fine now though, right? I would never have known you dated unless you had told me."

"Yeah, but it took us a while to get where we are now."

"And now? Do you still think you love him?"

"I love him, but I'm not in love with him."

"But you were, way back when."

"Yeah...Well, as much as you can be in love at fifteen."

"You said everything was difficult between you and Dawson. Maybe that's colored your view of what love is supposed to be. You know? Maybe you can't recognize it for what is anymore."

Joey frowned. "I'm sure I would know."

"How?"

"I just would."

"Compare Dawson and Pacey." Audrey asked, her tone more demanding than pleading.

"How can I compare them?"

"Personality, relationships, the way they kiss," she suggested.

Joey scoffed. "I'm not going to compare the way they kiss."

"Well, you're no fun."

"I try."

"Why is it so hard to compare them?"

"They're two completely different people."

"What did you love about Dawson?"

"He's idealistic and optimistic, and he just has this way of seeing the world...There's just right and wrong with Dawson. No gray. And he's determined and stubborn. He was the only ten-year-old I knew who had their whole career planned out. Dawson was going to be a director and that was that. I was just so in awe of him, of his talent and his vision. He had the perfect family, and I couldn't help but want to be a part of that. It may be stupid, but I guess I thought some of what made him so special would rub off on me, just by being around him. He was practically the only person I could depend on after my mom died. He always knew what to say or what not to say. Wrap that all together and I was one smitten teenager."

Audrey smiled, "I can understand that. I probably would have done the same thing in your position. Where was Pacey during all this?"

Joey laughed. "Making my life hell."

"Do elaborate, this sounds good."

"Pacey was, for lack of a better word, annoying. He'd push me off the swing, pull my hair, and tease me mercilessly. Not that I didn't give as good as I got, but we fought all the time and Dawson was forced to play arbitrator. We were so antagonistic to each other. I don't know what it was. I guess we just didn't like having to share Dawson and Pacey was always sure to remind me that I was just a 'girl'. Then when puberty hit and I developed my crush on Dawson, it just got worse. Especially when Pacey picked up on my feelings way before Dawson did. We had our moments when we'd forget how much we hated each other, but those were few and far between and we'd never talked about it. So even though Pacey was a major pain in the ass and the bane of my existence, I knew that if I'd ever truly needed him for something, he would be there."

"When your mom died, where was Pacey?"

Joey stared blankly up at the ceiling. "I don't remember. I was just so caught up in everything that happened..."

"But you do remember Dawson being there."

"Dawson was always there."

"Hmmm." Audrey tucked her hands under her head, "And Pacey was just in the background of your life."

"Well, Pacey hated me."

"Joey, I don't think he ever hated you."

Joey smiled condescendingly. "Then he did a wonderful impression of someone who did."

"You said you gave as good as you got, did you hate him back?"

"Oh yeah. Back then I completely loathed him. He would go out of his way to embarrass and humiliate me. It was even worse when he found out I was harboring feelings for Dawson. It was like his one mission in life was to make mine hell."

"So you really hated him then, huh?"

"There was extreme dislike." Joey smiled faintly in recollection. "He had his moments."

"And now you're both all grown up and he makes you all hot and bothered."

Joey propped herself up a little. "It's more than that. I know I can tell Pacey anything and he won't judge me and if I wanted to visit my father at some insane hour at night, Pacey would steal his dad's car and take me. He actually bought me a wall, so I could paint it. He believes in me even when I don't. We probably wouldn't have the B&B if Pacey hadn't helped. It was my idea and I couldn't even believe it could possibly work out and Pacey convinced me that it would. That it wasn't such a stupid idea. He pushes me and he does it so selflessly. I can't help, but…I just wish he would believe in himself half as much as he does in me."

"Aww," Audrey curled herself to the side and looked up at the softness in Joey's eyes. "It sounds like he has you to believe in him."

"Our friendship is incredibly special to me and I wouldn't want anything to ruin that."

"I'm sure everything will turn out for the best, Jo. And no matter what happens, I'm sure he'll still be a part of your life."

Joey curled onto her side unsurely. "I hope you're right."

"He's hung around eighteen years, I'm pretty confident you're stuck with him."

She bit her lip and whispered softly, "I hope I am."