Disclaimer: Holds.
Recap: It's now 3 AM.... I'm tired. If you can't remember what you just read, thats your tough noogies.

"Jen, Grams, I'm going out!" Jason Lindley called out as he pulled on his coat from the coat rack beside the door Sunday morning. Receiving no answer, he continued on his way. Locking the door behind him with the borrowed key, he headed for his car, blond hair ruffling in the wind off the creek.

He started the car quickly, his destination, the Potter B&B. His date with Joey had been pleasurable, if not a little weird. Joey had gone back and forth to being quiet and friendly, outgoing and withdrawn, happy then sad. It only added to her appeal. A little mystery was always intriguing.

Joey stepped onto the porch of the B&B and inhaled the fresh morning air. She walked over to the railing and looked out over onto the creek. Her brown eyes drank in the tranquility of the scene.

It seemed sort of ironic how perfect life could seem on the outside but really screwed up on the inside. Her mind kept on replaying the horrible events of her first date with Jason, running into Pacey. That had been awful. It had been a knife twisting deep into her heart from the back. Something she definitely hadn't seen coming.

She had hurt him; of that, much she was sure. However, what she wasn't sure of was if that were a bad thing or not. She had just wanted him to hurt; she wanted him to hurt as bad as she was hurting. She didn't want him just reappearing like that when she didn't expect. She couldn't deal with the upheaval of her life. For once in a few weeks, she was walking a straight line, no distractions. Then he showed up... and Jason?

Jason would be perfect for her. The anti-Pacey. He was cute, smart, funny and a definite good-looking factor wove its way in there. She smiled slightly to herself. But he wasn't Pacey and that was supposed to be a good thing.

So how come it didn't feel like it?

Jason pulled his car into the driveway of the almost finished Bed and Breakfast. He walked slowly around the side of the building to the front; he was surprised to find her standing right there in front of him. She looked deep in thought, a troubled look on her beautiful features. Her brows brought together, a frown on her lips and her eyes dark. "Ahem." He cleared his throat loudly to alert her to his presence.

Joey jumped back surprised and turned to see who had disrupted her moment of solitude. She smiled slightly surprised by Jason's presence. "Hey, stranger," she said walking over to him. She placed a small kiss on his cheek.

"Good morning to you too, Joey," he said with a wide smile his dimples showing.

Joey smiled slightly. "Yeah...that too." She arched an eyebrow. "And let's not forget this." She lightly brushed her lips against this.

"No, we can't ever forget that," he whispered when they pulled apart. "So, I was thinking, I'm going home around six tonight, maybe you'd like to spend the day with me. We could start with breakfast out."

Joey nodded her head. "Sounds good to me." She smiled brightly.

"Great, you're going to have to recommend someplace, 'cause I have no idea where to find some good pancakes."

Joey laughed. "Well, you've come to the right place, but I don't think eating breakfast with my family is what you had in mind." She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward his car. "C'mon we'll find some place. Although, I'm sure nothing compares to Bodie's."

"Okay then," Jason agreed happily. Joey definitely seemed to be in a better mood than last night.

~Capeside Flea Market~ ~3 hours later~

Joey smiled taking into the sights of the busy flea market, Jason beside her. So far, the day had been perfect, she hadn't even thought of Pacey once. That had to be a good sign.

"Smile," a young girl with a camera said.

Jason and Joey paused for a quick picture together. The girl handed them a stub, before she walked away so if they wanted they could pick up the picture on their way out.

Joey grasped Jason's hands in her, when her eyes focused on a table of old hats. She walked over and slid an old Stetson hat over her head. She flashed a smile to Jason. "Well, how do I look?"

"Ravishing." He grinned at her happiness. "I don't think I could pull off a look like that." He grabbed an identical hat from the table and pulled it over his head. "So, what's the verdict?"

She stepped toward him and tilted her head to the side. "I don't know. I think you look kind of cute." She grinned.

"Nah," he said looking into a mirror that the vendor had placed out. "It makes my ears look big."

She cocked her head to the side thoughtfully. "You have a point," she said with a teasing smile.

"Gee thanks," he teased pulling the hat off leaving his hair mussed up.

She laughed and raised her hands trying to straighten out his hair. "Have a little hat hair there buddy."

Jason looked into her brown eyes as she played with his hair. Slowly he lowered his lips to hers, tenderly kissing her full lips, caressing her cheek with his hand.

Joey let out a contented sigh and kissed him back. "That was nice," she said pulling away. Her eyes lighted when she spotted a cotton candy machine. "Ooh, haven't had one of those in a while." She pulled Jason along as she made her way over to the vendor.

He followed behind her happily; this day was going perfectly. He hadn't thought about the home and the problems that waited there since he'd laid eyes on Joey earlier that morning. He bought her cotton candy and laughed as she tried to feed it to him. They settled onto one of the benches to people watch.

She sighed and nestled her head against Jason's shoulder. "I think I'm going to explode," she groaned rubbing her stomach. "Candy apples and cotton candy do not mix."

He laughed and placed an affectionate kiss on her forehead. "Aww, poor Joey."

She looked up at him playfully. "Are you mocking me?"

He smiled and placed a light kiss on her lips. "Never."

Joey smiled. "Thought so."

Pacey Witter moved through the crowd of people doing his best to find what Doug had sent him for. Apparently, there was some Striesand memorabilia floating around the flea market and since Doug had to work, he enlisted Pacey to search for the autographed CD. Since he had nothing better to do, he'd agreed, charging a $20 dollar handling fee. So far, he had turned up empty handed.

A familiar laugh floated over the humdrum of voices to greet his ears. Electricity instantly set his body on edge. He turned from the booth he was at and scanned the plaza. His eyes found Joey and Jason quickly, they were wrapped up in a close embrace, sending bursts of jealousy through his veins.

"So where to now?" Jason asked as he gazed around the crowded market.

Joey shrugged. "We could always browse. We can pick out the perfect souvenir to commemorate Capeside for you." She stood up and grabbed his hand pulling him off the bench.

Seeing them rise, Pacey grit his teeth and made his way to the couple. "Hello, Josephine." He greeted her emotionlessly purposely using her full name.

Joey turned startled tightening her grip on Jason's hand. "Hello, Pacey.”

Jason watched the scene unfold with interest wondering who the guy was. He cleared his throat when he saw the look on Joey's face. Joey turned to face him, almost forgetting that Jason was there with her. "Jason, honey. This is Pacey. Pacey, this is Jason." She smiled up at him weakly. "Pacey's an old acquaintance of mine." She whispered in his ear.

Jason nodded feeling the brunette’s eyes burn into them. He extended his hand politely. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Pacey said darkly shaking the boys hand.

Jason nodded and eyed him strangely returning the strong handshake. Joey gulped at the exchange and she felt her knees weaken at the sight of Pacey before her. Unknowingly, she was leaning against Jason as she drunk the sight of Pacey in hungrily.

He looked thin and his eyes were dark, as if he wasn't getting enough sleep. She bit her lower lip apprehensively and she struggled against the impulse to touch him. She looked away quickly before anyone could notice her gawking.

Jason noticed and stared at her strangely, but said nothing. "So how long have you known Joey, Pacey?" Jason asked trying to make conversation in the tension filled scene.

"Too long," Joey quipped quickly. She smiled at him through sad brown eyes.

Jason merely nodded. "I see."

"All my life, Jason." Pacey answered ignoring Joey's slight dig. "We grew up together. And let me tell you, this girl is no picnic." He attempted to smile good-naturedly at the other boy but failed, it only served to make him look morepitiful.

Jason nodded. "She's been wonderful so far."

Joey smiled at the compliment and gazed up at him. "You're just saying that. You fear my wrath."

He glanced down at her and smiled. "But of course."

Joey grinned lopsidedly and placed a small kiss on his lips. "Thought so. Pacey's a friend of Jen's too," Joey interjected. "They use to fuck."

Pacey's mouth dropped open in shock. There was a few moments of empty silence before Pacey spoke. "That's now quite the way of it. We were...involved for a while. It never led to anything. Now, she's happily involved in a relationship. Can't say the same for myself, however. What about you, Jason? You got someone special back home?" He asked innocently.

Joey shrugged. "Oh, don't be embarrassed, Pace." She looked up at Jason, her brown eyes pleading with his but for what he did not know. "It was really quite amusing. They decided to have no string attached sex, that is until I found them going at it in the coatroom of the Starlight Dance Studio, you know the one we passed on our way here?" She laughed falsely her eyes wandering from Jason to Pacey and back to Jason. She felt the salt of tears sting her eyes but she forced them away.

Jason gazed at her in concern. "You okay, Jo?" he asked softly.

Joey nodded. "Yeah. Fine. Just peachy."

Pacey felt a warm flush climb up his neck at the reminder. It hadn't exactly been one of his finest moments. "Well, you know how it is...sometimes you just get tired of all the dating mumbo jumbo." He tried to maintain a friendly demeanor with the older boy.

Joey nodded. "You have to sympathize with the guy, I mean his girlfriend lost it at the end of the school year and had to be institutionalized. Her name's Andie, sweet girl, she comes back and tells him that she screwed some mental patient over the summer. Can you believe that? She cheated on him with some loony in the psycho ward." Joey shook her head sadly.

Pacey turned his head away from Joey so she couldn't see the anguish in his eyes. "Everyone has some skeletons in their closet. Just ask Jo here, her boyfriend, Jack, turned out to be a closet case. It was heart breaking, really. They were so cute together."

Joey felt her face flush and she glanced up at Jason, apology written in her eyes before looking down at her hands. She shrugged. "I'm over it. It's no big deal, but speaking of skeletons in the closet...Pacey's quite notorious for fucking his English-"

Jason looked at Joey in surprise, confusion etched in his green eyes at Joey's sudden change in demeanor.

"Ah, ah, ah Josephine," Pacey interrupted shaking his finger. "If you want the story told, you have to tell it right," he said coldly, turning back to Jason. His initial plan was to just talk to them, get to know this Jason character and find out how much competition he was going to provide him with. But if this was the way she wanted it, so be it. He would fight fire with fire. "It's true, I had an illicit affair with my English teacher last year. Jason, you wouldn't believe this woman, long golden-red hair, and these long shapely legs, lips that just begged to be kissed. Not to mention..." he trailed off wagging his eyebrows with a knowing smile. "God, that woman taught me a lot." He smiled fondly.

Jason looked at the brunette some what impressed. "So what happened?"

"To Tammy?" He deliberately used his nickname for her. "Word spread around of our little affair. There was even a hearing in front of the School Board but I cleared her name and she left for her sister’s house. I still miss her."

Joey's continence faltered at his admission and the obvious slight at her. She felt her face reddened as she contemplated the thought of him actually thinking of Tamara Jacobs when she was with him, if he compared the two and she knew how far she fell behind compared to the older woman in experience. She wanted to make a comment but instead held her tongue and said nothing.

"So tell me, Jason, where did you gain your vast sexual expertise? I mean, if you were as good as Joey says you were, you must have gained some experience along the way." Pacey asked innocently.

Jason took a step back in surprise, "You thought?" He turned to Joey. "You said?"

Joey felt her face redden in an embarrassment. Her eyes went from Jason's to Pacey’s; from Jason's questioning green ones and Pacey's cold blue ones before finally resting on Jason. "I-I," she shook her head feeling her eyes tear and face burn from total humiliation. "I'm so sorry," she whispered to him under her breath. She released his hand and ran away from the two boys.

"What the hell was that all about?" Jason yelled in confusion with fire in his eyes as he turned to the younger man.

Pacey's casual demeanor was all but gone at that point. His hands rubbed his temples and his eyes were squeezed shut as if to shut out the last ten minutes from his memory. He finally looked up at Jason his shoulders slumped. "You picked a bad time to visit Capeside, my man."

"I think I deserve some type of explanation for the last ten minutes the two of you spent trying to morally degrade each other," he said angrily.

"Jo and I have...issues. See, we just broke up," he said flopping onto the bench nearby.

"A bad one, I see." Jason added unnecessarily.

"Yeah, sorry you were put in the middle of it. You seem like a nice enough guy. Come back in a few months by that time I'll have won her back or she'll have committed manslaughter," Pacey said with a sigh.

"I wouldn't want to be in your place. I think she'd probably add torture in addition to murder." They sat in silence, "I guess it's all for the best anyway, I'm leaving tonight." He rose. "I'd wish you good luck, but I don't think it would help." He left Pacey sitting dejected in the middle of the flea market.

Joey shivered and wrapped her coat tighter around herself as she huddled against the cold on Mrs. Ryan's porch waiting for Jason's arrival. She wanted to apologize for this afternoon and after, she had plans to go and kill Pacey but one thing at a time. She stood up when she heard a car pull into the driveway and she waited for Jason to come out.

Shutting the door he walked up the porch stairs, he wasn't remotely surprised to see Joey waiting for him. He paused in front of her, "Hey Joey." He forced a tight smile.

Joey smiled weakly. "Hey Jason...I think I owe you an apology."

He sat down beside her on the stairs. "I would tend to agree with you." The corner of his mouth lifted in an awkward smile.

Joey nodded and focused her eyes on him. "I'm sorry about earlier, all those things I said. It's just that seeing Pacey unnerved me and when I feel threatened I go for the jugular." She sighed. "And I'm sorry for telling Pacey that we slept together when we didn't. You didn't deserve-" She let out a small smile. "This sounded so much better when I rehearsed it in my head."

He chuckled. "It's okay, Pacey explained what was going on; vaguely. I won't say that I'm not upset about the lie; I am," he said seriously and then he put his arm around her weary shoulders. "It sounds to me like what you need is a friend. Not a boyfriend." He smiled. Which sucks for me, since I kinda like you. But I'm willing to be that friend until I have to leave tonight." He offered.

She smiled and rested her head against his shoulder. "Thanks. I kinda like you too," she teased.

"But you love him..." Jason whispered under his breath and instantly hoped she hadn't heard.

Joey's body immediately tensed when she heard what he said, her eyes clouded over and she shook her adamantly. "No. I don't. I did once, but not anymore."

"Feel like talking about it?" Jason offered.

She shrugged. "There's nothing to talk about. He hates me and the feeling is mutual."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. Based on what he said when I was talking to him, he's nowhere near mad at you."

She shook her head. "Well, it doesn't matter anymore. We're over."

"It helps to talk about it, I know from experience." He sighed shortly taken back five months ago when his long-term girlfriend had broken his heart. "I wont pressure you Joey, but from what I gather, this is more than the usual 'he dumped me, so now I hate his guts' break up."

She frowned. "I'll think about it, " she answered evasively not wanting to talk about it anymore.

"One last thing, then we can go inside and convince Jen to go with us to rent some movies. He said he wants you back." He told her seriously, and didn't wait for a response as he pulled her to her feet.

She fell silent unsure of how to respond and followed him inside.

Joey braved the cold as she headed over to the familiar apartment complex. After declining Jason's invitation to watch videos she had decided to head home but instead somehow found herself on her way to see Pacey. She wanted to turn and run the other way the moment she had entered the building but she kept on. This was what she need. She needed to fix this and she only knew one way how. It probably wouldn’t even work but she had to try. She eyed the door in front of her with remorse and reluctantly raised her hand to knock on the door.

Doug Witter's hand was on the door just as he heard the knock. He opened it to see a surprised Joey. "Hello, Joey. Watch what you say, he's in a pissy mood," he said before walking passed her and out the front door of the building.

"Nice to see you too, Doug," she muttered under her breath and stepped inside, closing the door behind her. She rubbed her hands for warmth, great now she was alone with him. She stood awkwardly at the doorway unsure of what she should do now.

Pacey sat at the kitchen table, unaware that anyone had entered. He was staring off into space, facing the hung cupboards. The day’s events replayed themselves in his mind. She hadn't slept with him. She hadn't slept with him. He hadn't expected to feel that much relief at that small acquisition, but he had. Now, there was only the problem of figuring out a way to win her back. The more he thought about it, the more impossible the task seemed.

Joey tentatively took a step forward. "Pacey?" she called out. "Are you here?" She bit her lower lip apprehensively.

Her voice sent a jolt through him. "In here." He answered after he got over the shock of her being there just when he was thinking of her.

Joey took a deep breath for reassurance and headed to the kitchen, where she thought he was. She cautiously stepped in and found him sitting at the kitchen table. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hi..." He trailed off, eyes wide in surprise. "Um... you want something to drink?" He offered and then mentally chastised himself. The only thing he could think to say was ‘you want something to drink'? That was supreme stupidity.

Joey shook her head her hands playing with the hem of her jacket. "No, I'm fine." She inhaled another sharp breath. "We need to talk."

"Right..." He trailed off sitting back down in the seat he gestured to the chair opposite himself.

Joey pulled the seat out and sat down. Her heart was beating a million miles a minute and her hands felt cold and clammy. She shut her eyes for a few moments and counted to four before opening them again. "You know I came here tonight because I'm tired of this. It's not worth it anymore. Us. This. Whatever we shared. It's over. Gone." She took a shaky breath. "I was wondering if we could be friends, no more antagonizing each other. We don't even have to talk anymore. We can pretend we don't see each other in the hall. It should be easy. We only have one year left." She looked at him for input.

"Is that really what you want? To forget that there was ever anything between us?" he asked hurt evident in his eyes.

She nodded ignoring the pain in his eyes. "I think that's what's best."

"Why?" he asked simply desperate to understand what was going on inside her head hoping to find someway of changing her mind.

"If every word that comes out of either of our mouths is just to hurt the other." She shook her head in disbelief.

"That's the last thing I want, Joey. I don't want to let you go," he said sincerity shining brightly in his eyes.

Joey turned her head away unable to face him. "Well, it's not your choice." Her voice quavered a bit in distress.

"I'm sorry Joey, for everything I did wrong." He reached for her hand across the table. "I'm sorry for yelling at you over going to Doug. But I want you to understand; I've never in my life been able to turn to him, for anything. He's been more of an enemy than a brother to me. I was scared of what his interference would mean. Can you see then, why I hated that you went to him? Why I was so angry?"

Joey simply nodded her head unsure of how to respond to his outburst. She slowly turned her head to face him. "I understand."

"I don't know if this will help or not," he said softly running his thumb across the top of her hand. "But you did the right thing. I don't know how you knew that Doug would stand by me, 'cause, for the life of me, I would never have believed it but I should have trusted you."

Joey swiftly pulled her hand away as if she had just been burned. Self-consciously she soothed the area that he had touched. "You could have told me this sooner, Pacey. You should have said something."

He followed the movement of her hand. "I've done a lot of things wrong, Joey. Starting with getting mad at you in the first place. The latest being the blow up this afternoon. But I can easily tell you the worst mistake I made was thinking you were better off without me. I still think you probably are but it was wrong of me to take that decision from you."

Joey gazed at him her eyes slightly hopeful. It passed and she quickly looked away. "It doesn't matter. It's too late now."

"It doesn't have to be too late." His voice pleaded. "I want to fix things. Why can't we just start over, forgive and forget?"

Joey shook her head vehemently her refusal to look at him apparent. "N-No," her voice cracked. "I can't-We can't."

"Why not? Joey, I'm putting my heart here on the table. I screwed up so badly, and I'm doing everything I can to make it right." She remained unmoving. "God, Jo, I still love you."

Joey's eyes fluttered shut and she took a calming breath. She opened them and stared at him, her eyes a mask of emotion. "You could have said something sooner. You should have said something sooner and I'm sorry that you love me, because I don't think-" she swiftly shook her head, "I know, I don't love you anymore."

Pacey moved away from her his head down unable to bear the coldness in her eyes. "When, exactly," he swallowed, "did you fall out of love with me? Or did you just never love me?" His voice was low holding back the tears that were gathering in the back of his throat.

Joey felt her own tears building and she fought the tightness constricting in her throat. She swallowed hard. "Maybe I should be asking you that question, for someone that proclaims to love me to play all my insecurities against me. All the things I hate about myself, all the things I fear and to know that *that person* believes those things about you too."

"I was wrong," he said flatly. "I was being stupid and insecure and I played God with your feelings. You have to know, that I didn't mean a word that I said. It made me sick inside to hurt you. I thought that I couldn't make you happy and that you deserved someone who could. So I pushed you away as fast and as far away as I could." He paused. "I'm disgusted at how far I took my bullheaded pursuit in alienating you because as much as I tried to deny it, there is no one out there who can love you as completely and whole heartedly as I do." His voice grew thick again as he tried to force her to look into his eyes. "I won’t pretend that I didn't try to hurt you, you know as well as I do that that was my goal. But I regret reaching it so much... Look at me. I haven't been eating. I haven't been sleeping. My concentration is shot to hell. Life just hasn't been worth living without you.

"I didn't stop loving you. No matter what you said, what you did to fight me, I never stopped loving you." He ran a hand through his hair, "I know I said some horrible things but so did you. Just this morning you instigated a fight with me. I tried to stay civil. Why are you still so mad?" he asked in frustration.

Joey sighed, feeling the tension build in her. "I just don't think I can look at you anymore without hating you. I just can't do this anymore. We're just not right for each other."

"You hate me." He repeated the words falling like lead from his mouth. Hot tears sprang to his eyes.

Joey stood up quickly, nearly knocking the chair over in the process. She ran a hand through her hair frustrated. "N-no, I don't. I don't hate you," she sat down and rubbed her temple tiredly. "I can't deal with this right now."

"We're going to deal with it, Joey," he said rising from his own chair, his voice rising. "You said so yourself we can't go on like this!"

Joey looked up at him helplessly. "What more do you want from me, Pace?"

"I want to know why you're so livid, why you take every opportunity to start a fight with me! Your anger is still as strong as it was when we first fought! And that just doesn't make sense to me! Tell me why you're still so furious with me, so I can fix whatever it was I did wrong!"

Joey stood up angrily the tears she had been holding for so long finally appearing. "You can't fix it okay! It's done and it's over and you can't go back and change time. There's no rewind button and no matter how hard you try it's still there and it doesn't matter how hard you try to forget or try not to think about how much you hurt him...So just forget it okay! It's not worth it!"

Pacey was silent listening to her words. "Hurt him?" He echoed. "Hurt who, Joey?" he asked a feeling of dread washing over him. He had a feeling he already knew.

Joey's face colored, her stomach squelching under the implications of her slip up. She shook her head in defiance. "No one."

"Don't lie to me, after all this... don't lie." His voice rumbled from the back of his throat.

"I'm not lying."

"Who did you mean?" His demeanor left no room for argument.

Joey's breath caught in her throat, her brown eyes frightened. "You," she said quietly.

His stance relaxed, "Jo, nothing you said to me was worth beating yourself up over. It was all true and I deserved every word of it. Let's just focus on the now, we can work past this." He stepped closer to her hope in his blue eyes.

She took a step back, melancholy etched in her eyes. "No," she spoke quietly and with determination. "We can't because I can't"

"Why?" he pleaded for what felt like the hundredth time that night, "I already told you, you were right and that I deserved what I got."

"No. I deserved it." she felt the first tear slide down her cheek followed rapidly by the other. Funny, how it fell in pairs. "I can't be with you, Pacey...because you deserve better."

"No. Joey, no." He crossed the distance separating them to stand before her. "You are everything I always wanted, everything I always needed." He attempted to wipe away her tears.

Joey shook her head and brushed his hands away. "No, I don't deserve it. I'm not everything. I'm everything you don't need."

"How can you say that?" he asked softly, letting his hands fall to his side. "You're perfect, kind, gently, funny, smart, playful, generous, smart, beautiful, honest, compassionate... I've known you my whole life and you still amaze and enthrall me. I know what's best for me and that's you."

"I slept with Dawson."

"You slept with..." He stumbled backwards desperate to get away from her.

Joey simply nodded her head in confirmation. "It was after that argument in Molly’s Market." Her tears fell faster. "He told me everything you didn't, Pacey. He made me feel beautiful and attractive and not the loser from the other side of the creek like you said I was. It was wrong and the whole time I just kept on thinking how wrong it was... but I didn't stop him. I didn't stop."

Unbidden, the images of Dawson and Joey invaded his mind. Him kissing her, touching her... making love to her. He shook his head in an attempt to force them to leave. He was unsuccessful as nausea overcame him and he bolted for the bathroom. His stomach emptied itself of the glass of orange juice and the one apple he had eaten. His stomach continued to dry heave as the myriad of images flashed through his mind.

He sat back on the cold linoleum, his back against the tub. His head rested in his hand, his eyes squeezed tight against the truth, her words repeating themselves endlessly in his head. The lump in his throat ached with his heartbeat, making it difficult to breathe.

She had slept with Dawson. His best friend. She and Dawson. Dawson and her. Kissing. Touching. Having Sex. It was enough to make his stomach recoil again. It was Andie all over again. Only worse.

After a few more minutes, he left the bathroom for his bedroom. At least in sleep there was a chance he could block out the mental images of the two of them together. His step faltered when he say her standing alone in the kitchen, her shoulders shaking.

"Why are you still here?" He forced the words passed the lump in his throat.

Why was she here? Why didn't she just run out the door the minute he had left the room? Why didn't she leave when she saw the hurt wash over his face when he heard her tell him about Dawson? What exactly did she hope to accomplish now that she had done what she had set out to do? This was what she wanted. What she hoped would happen. She willed her feet to move, begged her body to get her out of there. She couldn't. It was some kind of retribution, almost as if she could close her eyes and count hard enough everything would just fall away but it would never happen. She knew that. She lived with that. So why was she here?

"What is it with you? You and Andie. What? Was I not man enough for either of you? Are the words 'cheat on me' and 'fuck my best friend' written all over my face? Isn't it enough that I punish myself? Do the people I love have to punish me too?" He demanded of her. Receiving no response, he continued. "I loved you," he sneered contempt on his face. "You slept with my best friend, and I still love you. How is that for pathetic? Huh? Pacey Witter, desperate for love," he said cynically. He stopped pacing and faced her. "So, tell me, are you two together now?"

She shook her head no, brown hair cascading over her face, shielding it from view. She let out a troubled breath and scrutinized her hands with muted disinterest, afraid to look at him. Afraid of what she might see.

"Fine then, answer me this." His was voice still hard lacking any kind of compassion or sympathy. "Was he good? Did he make you scream? Or are you more of a moaner?" His mouth twisted into a mocking smile. “Did he make you come? He's a virgin after all, I can't imagine him even having the slightest clue what to do."

There it was. Clearly expressed in his words were the resentment and loathing, she had come to expect. Utter contempt and aversion flowing off him in waves, she could almost choke on it. She bit her cheek in an attempt to ward off her tears, not wanting to cry anymore. She opened her mouth to speak, but founds words were unable to form. For once Joey Potter was too tired to argue.

Her silence and obvious emotional turmoil got to him. This wasn't going to solve anything. Hell, in the mood he was in coherent thought was almost impossible. He turned away, his demeanor making a 180. Shoulders slumped and head down he couldn't stand to look at her anymore. His voice betrayed his hurt. "What exactly did you want to accomplish by coming here? Telling me this?" His hands gripped the sides of the counter as he looked out the kitchen window over the sink. The evening sunset cast red and purple light through the yard, the trees and flowers were just beginning to bloom once again. It all proved a sharp contrast to the stormy emotions rampaging through his veins now.

It was Joey's turn to be sick and her stomach squelched, swallowing the bile that had gathered in her throat. The salt of her tears burned her eyes. "Not this. I didn't want this. I wanted you to hate me. I wanted you to look at me and not see this image of perfection that you've painted me as. You give me so much credit for far too much. And I'm not perfect. I'm far from it."

"You were," he said softly. "You were everything to me." There was a pause as he searched for the words to describe what was going on in his head right now. There was no way to describe the state of his heart. "You want me to hate you. Why?" It wasn't what he meant to say, but it seemed a valid question at this point.

"Because," she spoke calmly, "it would have been far more easier to be cast into the role of the bad guy." Her eyes flickered shut and she inhaled a reassuring breath. "I don't want you to love me. I don't deserve it."

There was an extended silence, Pacey's knuckles turned white as he digested her words, trying not to feel them cut him to the core. "You'd better leave," he said his voice weak. There was no sound of movement behind him. He repeated the words louder this time in case she hadn't heard him. "Leave, Joey."

Joey nodded her head solemnly and left the room with a calm indifference. It wasn't until she had shut the door behind her, that the reality of what had happened hit her and her arm braced the doorframe for support. She inhaled sharp breaths, oxygen not filling her lungs fast enough. She let out a rush of sobs and melancholy racked her body. Unable to hold herself up anymore she slid against the wall and wept.

THE END

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