Disclaimer: You know the drill. And sadly, Vinny isn't my love slave. . . I have high aspirations for the future though. . .

Any misspelled words are the fault of your own eyes. . .

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While the Vamp's Away. . . .

by Ritsuko

*Setting: The scouts are sitting around Misc's house, playing in Hojo's old laboratory. Skills has engrossed himself in a mold covered book, and pays no attention whatsoever to the world around him. Shakey, on the other hand, keeps jumping up and down, clapping at thin air. Goth is dressed in a lab coat. He grins wickedly and grabs a scalpel on a tray, that Tweek, in full nurse regalia holds. He leans in with it to the table where Misc is strapped down, fear in her eyes.

MISC: This is not what I agreed to when you said we were playing doctor!!!

GOTH: Aw, c'mon. *examines the thickly coated rust on the scalpel* It wont hurt. . . at least I don't THINK it won't. . .

MISC: Yeah. . . *insanely babbling and jerking at her restraints* you think it won't because YOU'RE not getting your intestines ripped out!!!!!

TWEEK: *looking cute, holding her tray* Well, the book says it won't.

MISC: The book says. . . THE BOOK SAYS! Well, I say. . .

SHAKEY: GI!GI! GIII! *continues jumping and clapping erratically*

GOTH: WHAT is he doing? The doctor needs to concentrate!!! *tests the scalpel on his skin and nothing happens* hmmm. . .

MISC: Doctor? YOU?! *looks at her restraints* You're gonna kill me again, dammit!

GOTH: *trying to saw through a roll of french bread with the scalpel* It'll be completely safe, Misc. *snaps his fingers* Like that movie, um, you know. . . House on Haunted Hill!

MISC: *total silence, then she starts to whimper* Can I at least have something to bite down on?

GOTH: Hmmm. . . I guess. *grabs a steel pipe and shoves it in Misc's mouth. * there ya go. *she glares at him, as he ever so sloooooowly brings the scalpel down*

SHAKEY: *just as goth is about to pierce flesh* GI GI GI GI GI GIGIIIIIIGYEAHGIGIGI!!!

GOTH: *throwing the scalpel down in agrevasion, which happens to stick into Misc's heart, whose eyes go wide* WHAT IS IT THAT YOU'RE DOING?! CAN'T I WORK???!!!

TWEEK: *still holding her tray* You call this work? I WISH I got paid $8.50 an hour to hold a tray!

SKILLS: *flipping a page* you don't want to know, Goth. . .

MISC: *having bitten through the pipe*GYYYEEEAAAHHH! GET THIS RUSTY SHIT OFFA ME! *thinks* Then get that fucking knife. . . ooh. . .camels. . . jellybeans. . .*sings* death. . . . is gonna lay his. . . cold, icy hands on meeeeeeeeeeeeee. . .

GOTH: *spinning Shakey around* Dammit Shakey!You ruined my operation! What are you doing?!

SHAKEY: *turning slowly* Why spud. . . *we can see spider parts congealing down his arms* GI! GI! Pest control.

GOTH: *eyes widen in disbelief and utter terror* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *suddenly, he has dissapears, leaving only a trail of disturbed dust that goes out the door*

SKILLS: I told him. *flips another page*

MISC: *sining* Lord on meeee. . . eeee. . . eeee. . . eeeeeeee

SHAKEY: What's the matter with him spud?

TWEEK: *angrily throwing her mouth cover off* Man! A perfectly good nurses costume gone to waste!

MISC: DEEEEEEAAAAAAAATTTHHH!

TWEEK: Shaddap! *pulls lever and Misc falls to the floor*

SKILLS: *wearily pulling a materia out of his bag* I'm giving you a freebie this time, Misc, just cause I need to level up my Cure. . .

MISC: *stands up, blood gushing down her front* What are you talking about? I'm fine.

TWEEK: *staring* Uh, Misc, YOU'RE BLEEDING TO DEATH.

MISC: Oh, I am not. *sticks tongue out* Big baby.

SHAKEY: Oh, my, spud. . . I haven't seen so much blood since the time Betsy foaled. . .

SKILLS: *stares blanky at Shakey, opens his mouth, and no words come out*

TWEEK: Okay, as if the blood wasn't enough, now I am gonna puke.

SKILLS: Let us help you Misc. . .

MISC: *backing away* But I'm fine! Look! *rips the knife out, and a chunk of her heart comes out as well.*

TWEEK: AAAAAAH!

MISC: Aw, c'mon, like I need a heart. . . .

SHAKEY: Have I ever told you what I used to put in chili, spud?

*Tweek looks green, and there's a scream somewhere in the house*

MISC: Oh, I hope he didn't drink the Kool Aid. . .

SKILLS: Okay! You are getting healed now! before I whip out some Carmichael!

MISC: *crying, as blood gushes everywhere* I don' wanna!!!!

*Suddenly, in a poof of smoke, a quite irate looking Vincent Valentine appears sucking his thumb and looking angry. Seeing Misc bleeding, he goes over wipes his thumb in the blood and continues to suck it, sitting cross legged on the floor and pouting.*

MISC: *as Skills tackles her and closes her wounds* Mmm. . . winter fresh! Vinny, honey, what's wrong?

VINNY: *speaking through thumb* Mean goth boy took my bed.

MISC: Oh, shit! He didn't lock himself in the chains did he? Or break my whips? Because tonight. . . *Vinny gives her a look* Oh. That bed.

VINNY: *whining* Miscy. . . I need my beauty sleep!

MISC: Wait wait wait. . . you want me to get him out of there?

VINNY: Well, yes.

TWEEK: *rolls on the floor laughing*

SHAKEY: Betcha could use a crowbar, spud!

MISC: C'mon baby, what'd be the point of dying for the fourteenth time this week?!

VINNY: *takes out his Hellmasker chansaw* I won't do that cute little thing with your Carebears.

*Misc's eyes widen in horror, as the others eye's widen and they look back and forth at each other in confusion*

MISC: Okay, hunny, okay. *mutters, walking out the door* Anything for the Carebears. . .

TWEEK: What does he. . .

SKILLS: Don't ask, Tweek. DON'T ASK.

*Misc walks into Vinny's dungeon, and knocks on the lid of the elaborate coffin within. There is a light whimpering under the box, and Misc rolls her eyes, ripping the lid open. Goth is crouched in a fetal position, only the whites of his eyes showing. He sucks his thumb, which is somehow bloody.*

MISC: Gothie Pooh. . . . *in a flash, Goth is on his knees clutching her neck*

GOTH: DON'T CALL ME THAT!

MISC: Gomen. . . go. . . men. . .

GOTH: *raising an eyebrow* You're saying mean thing about me in funny talk, aren't you?!

MISC: No. . . no. . . my most humble apologies. . . . *Goth raises an eyebrow again* M. . . master.

GOTH: *releasing her* That's better.

MISC: *staring at his thumb* You know, you're trying to out-vamp the vamp.

GOTH: Oh that? *wipes bloody thumb off on his pants* Slammed it in the coffin in my rush. Pretty convenient though. *light dawns* Hey! What do you mean, out-vamping the vamp! I make a better Batman, and a better vamp!!!

MISC: *turning away to go back to the lab* Yeah, but which one of you glues on your fangs?

GOTH: *utters an inhuman snarl and jumps out of the casket at Misc, and she shrieks, running back into the lab, with him close on her heels*

MISC: Shakey, Shakey ol' boy, LET ME HIDE BEHIND YOU!

SHAKEY: *holding hands up* Gi?

GOTH: *does the exact mimic of Goofy falling off of a cliff*

SKILLS: *finally tosses his book aside* This sucks about as much as Ayn Rand!!!

TWEEK: Hmmm. . . caffiene deposits low. . . hey Misc, didn't you say you had Koolaide?

MISC: *blinks* Uh, Tweek, there's no caffiene in Koolaide.

TWEEK: There will be once I mix it with coffee grounds. *she goes upstairs*

MISC: *sighs* Great. I hate messes. *prepares to go upstairs when Goth grabs her*

GOTH: You think I'm done with you?

MISC: Does a fruit pie taste like fruit?

SHAKEY: Oh, yes spud. GI! GI!

GOTH: Why I outghta. . .

VINNY: Hey! Leave her alone!

GOTH: Eh?

VINNY: She may be a pain in my undead butt half of the time, but this is my house. *Misc clears her throat* Her house. *she clears her throat again* And. . . *he mumbles* I love her.

GOTH: *stares blankly at Vinny for about a minute, as the rest silently look on. Then, he bursts into a fit of maniacal laughter.* You? In love with her?! *starts rolling around on the floor*

VINNY: *angrily* Why's that so funny?!

SKILLS: *heading upstairs* Oooh, catfight. . .

SHAKEY: Go fer his bad knee spud!

MISC: Someone has a bad knee?

SHAKEY: They always do in the moving pictures.

MISC: *pouting* Clooney didn't. If he had I coulda. . .

GOTH: See, all she's looking for is a pair of arms. *pointing at Vinny's claw* I give you guys another two weeks! Heh. . . make that two seconds!

VINNY: *eyes going completely red* Still, she's the only one who ever. . .

MISC: *whispering embarrassedly* VINNY!

GOTH: What, shined your claw for you? That's rich! *attempts to get up from the floor, but doesn't succeed.* She's gonna suck you up and spit you out my friend!

SHAKEY & MISC: EEEEEEEEWWWWWW!

GOTH: *losing his merriment* Not like that!

VINNY: It doesn't matter anymore! You think you're more of a vamp than I am?! You know how I got this way? Years of suffering and experiments! Torture and pain! Too many keggers. . . *shakes his head* And you're pissing me off!

GOTH: *drawing his huge sword* And just what are you going to do about it?

VINNY: *stares at sword* You think you could really harm the likes of me? Well, if you want to play dirty. . . *pulls out a yellow Materia just as Goth is about to hack him with his sword. In a blaze of light, Goth's sword clatters on the floor and all that is left is his crumpled pile of clothing.*

MISC: *looking around* Uh, hun, what the fuck just happened? I really hope you didn't turn him into air or something, cause he'll try to choke me or something. . .

*The bundle of clothes on the floor moves, and a green little head pokes out angrily. Vinny looks smugly down at Goth. Misc tries to keep herself from laughing. Shakey licks his lips.*

GOTH: What the hell are you all looking at? Why do you seem so high. . . oh no. . .

VINNY: *sniffing* And you can stay a frog until you come out and say whose the better vampire.

GOTH: *yelling and waving his little frog hands around* When I get my flippers on you, I'm gonna rip you apart inch by inch and feed you to the drooley cat!

MISC: *butting in* Loopy doesn't like vampire. . .

GOTH: *deadly* If you don't turn me back now. . .

MISC: But she likes frogs.

GOTH: *eyes widen* You. . . you know I'll get you for this! *angrily starts hopping up the stairs, as Shakey hungrily follows him.*

MISC: Shakey! No frogs legs! We're having your favorite tonight! Porcupine!

SHAKEY: OOOOH! Spud! Ya know I loves ya! GI! GI! *he leaves*

VINNY: Well, I think I'll be heading over to Cid's now. Everyone's getting together to watch the Midgar Moogles kick the Cosmo Canyon Chocobo's asses!

MISC: *ruffling his hair* Tell the girl's if they get bored to come on over.

VINNY: *nervously kissing her on the forehead* Yeah, they can either watch world war 8 on the tube, or in the mansion. *backs away* I'll be home before dawn. *dissapears in a poof of smoke*

MISC: *shakes her head sadly* If only. . . *hears clattering upstairs, and an 'uh oh!'* Aw fuck! That sounded important! *runs upstairs and stops in the kitchen doorway, where Skills is trying to remove a wisk from Tweek's mouth*

TWEEK: *hacking up a storm* My ice cream cone! Not yours!

SKILLS: Tweek, for the love of Morbo!

GOTH: *trying to open a sealed cookie jar* Ah, just let her choke.

SKILLS: Huh? *looks around* Who said that? *keeps pulling on the wisk*

SHAKEY: MR. Walking French Meal, over there, spud. *points*

GOTH: *popping his head around the jar* One word and you die a big slimy death.

SKILLS: *quickly rips the wisk out of Tweeks throat, and runs to his side* AHHHH! No! The terrible life threatening green plague! You must be quarantined immediately!

TWEEK: *licking some blood at the corner of her mouth* Mmm. . . minty.

GOTH: *rolling his eyes, and continuing to pulls the cookie jar* I'm a frog, moron!

TWEEK: Since when did you go to Jusenkyou?

MISC: Goth. . . *sweatdropping* Please don't open that. . .

GOTH: Shut up! I can do whatever I want! *keeps trying to open the jar, to no avail* Dammit! Tweek, come open this!

TWEEK: *running over, with a kettle of hot water. She splashes it's contents on him and amazingly enough, he turns back, naked. Screaming because of the heat, he slips in the puddled water and falls flat on the jar, breaking it*

MISC: NOOOOOOO!

SHAKEY: *turning his head* You can say that again spud! GI GI GYEEEAH! Not a sight I wanted to see!

MISC: That's not what I meant! Now it's free!

SKILLS: What's free?

*Suddenly the glowing pieces of cookie jar underneath Goth form into a mist, and enter Goth's eyes. He sneezes, and rubs at them a minute, and then looks frighteningly euphoric.*

MISC: Oh no no no no. . . .

TWEEK: What just happened?

SKILLS: Some thing tells me this isn't good. . .

TWEEK: Like fat getting sucked out of Roseanne Barr's ass, or not good as in finding out you've been screwing a fish-man?

*All in the room stare at her blankly, other than Goth, who is still in a euphoric state*

TWEEK: What?

SKILLS: Anyway. . . what's going on, Misc?

MISC: *hair standing on end, making the sign of the cross, and babbling like a gypsy woman* Is no good. . . he is posessed. . . by that which is pure evil. . . .

*They all stare at her in confusion.*

SHAKEY: GI! GI! Thats' all fine and dandy, spud, but could we get some pants on him maybe?

*Goth, finally snaps from his reverie and looks around*

GOTH: Oh, my dear chaps! How nice to see you all again. *notices their slack jawed staring* What's the matter? It's your good friend! Julian! From Harvard! Remember? Phi Theta Kappa? Don't you. . .? *looks down and sees that he is completely in the buff, and screams like a little girl.* Oh my goodness! Girls! Girls, cover your eyes from my sin! Respectable virgins need never see such a terror except on their wedding night!

*Misc looks over at Tweek, and laughs. Tweek responds by sticking her tongue out. Skills hands Goth/Julian an apron that reads "I feel like Chocobo tonight!"*

SKILLS: Goth? Are you feeling all right?

GOTH: *smiling broadly* Why, what do you mean, Jefferey, old chap? I'm perfect. . . though it seems Wanda has gotten a lot shorter and Veronica finally got that chest she wanted. . . but what's with Madison's stuttering problem?

SKILLS: *backs away slowly from the maniacally grinning Goth.* This can't be. . . he's been posessed. . . by the worst evil possible! *Goth suddenly dissapears*

SHAKEY & TWEEK: *gulping and holding on to each other* Which is?

MISC: *stepping forward with her eyes downcast* The soul of a preppie.

*All gasp in horror, and Goth come's back in the room in a pink turtleneck, Abercrombie and Fitch khaki pants, a board game under one arm and a mug of hot cocoa*

GOTH: Hey silly willies! Anyone up for a game of Parcheesi?

>>>>>>>>>>TO BE CONTINUED<<<<<<<<<<<

Oh no! A cliffhanger!