Sam & Becky are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and Sam
says to
Becky "So, Becky, I was wondering... Have you ever cheated on me?"
Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't
want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..."
"Well, all right, 3 times..."
"3, hmmm, well when were they?"
"Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 yrs old and you really wanted to start
the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan...
Remember, then one day the bank president himself came over the house and
signed the loan papers, no questions asked... Well..."
"Oh, Becky, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, to do
such a thing for me.... So when was number 2?"
"Well, Sam, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were
needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon wanted to touch you...
Then remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here to do the surgery
himself and then you were in good shape again... Well...."
"Oh my god!! Becky, you should do such a thing for me, to save my life... I
couldn't have a more wonderful wife... To do such a thing, , you must
really love me darling... I couldn't be more moved... So, all right then,
when was number 3?"
"Well, Sam, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president
of the congregation.... And you were 47 votes short...."
A few months ago, there was a job opening with the CIA as a secret"hit man" (assassin). These highly classified positions are hard tofill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involvedbefore you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, theynarrowed the possible choices down to 3 men, but only one positionwas available. So the day came for the final test to see which manwould get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering thetest took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun."We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter whatthe circumstances", they explained, "Inside this room, you will findyour wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The mangot a shocked look on his face and said "You can't be serious! I couldnever shoot my own wife!" "Well", says the CIA man, "you're definitelynot the right man for this job then." So they bring the second manto the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you willfollow instructions no matter what the circumstances", they explainedto the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in achair, take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bitshocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All wasquiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The man came out ofthe room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, I justcouldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not theright man for the job." "No" the CIA man replied, "You don't have whatit takes. Take your wife and go home." Now they're down to one manleft to test. Again they lead him to the same door to the same roomand hand him the same gun. "We must be sure that you will followinstructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your finaltest. Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair, take thisgun and kill her." The third man took the gun and opened the door.Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA heard the gun startfiring. One shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell brokeloose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on thewalls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. Thedoor opened slowly, and there stood the third man. He wiped the sweatfrom his brow and said "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loadedwith blanks. I had to beat her to death with the chair!
A wife woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing."Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much."Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant?""And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?""Yes, of course," she replied."Well, I would have been released tonight."
A man comes home very excited."I have just won the lottery. Quick pack your bags!""Are we going
on Holiday?" asks the wife"No just get out of 'ere!"
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