January 24, 2001 - Moral Question: Am I really helping these kids?
January 24, 2001 - Moral Question: Am I really helping these kids? |
Am I Doing Any Good? This worries me greatly. Every day I am in India. I ask myself if I am doing any good for the kids. The answer is probably "No!" I wish I could positively say that the kids benefit from what I do but it is still to early to tell if anything I do will have any lasting effect on their lives.
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I love the photo above. Here is Vela and some of her friends carrying two new mattresses home for the metal beds I had bought for her and Mumtaz. Earlier, I had purchased a mattress for Mari which her brother had recommended... but it was too hard and uncomfortable. Finally I found a mattress that was light weight but good quality. So later, on the way back from a walk to the beach and a movie with her friends, I surprised Vela by taking her to the mattress shop. I asked her to negotiate the price but she was so surprised and happy she did not get a good price.... but still it was better than I would have gotten. Then I asked her how she would get the mattresses to the government housing project. No problem. The kids hired an an autorickshaw, put two huge mattresses inside plus 5 kids. No room for me! No problem. I gave Vela the money for the autorickshaw and sent them on their merry way. As you can see even the driver was having a wonderful time doing the impossible. (Autorickshaws only hold two passengers and one suitcase.) As I walked to my room for a well desired nap, they passed by me. They all yelled and smiled at me while I tool these photos. |
Vela, Mari, and Mumtaz in their new dresses. I think Prabhu took the picture. I prefer then to smile when I take their picture.
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Can I Change India? No one can change India. Everyone knows that who has lived there. Then I wonder if I am making it harder for them to accept their fate (which is apparently the Hindu way.) Every day, I always try to teach the kids something new. I often let them decide what we are going to do. Then I let them solve the problems they get us into. I try to teach the kids to spend money wisely. I try to give them confidence. And above all, I try to get them to eat good food so they will grow up strong. Even so, I am probably not helping the kids. India is a strange place, This is a world where the local religions teaches them that the goal in life is not to be reincarnated. Their lives are considered to be so miserable that instead of living forever in different bodies, they would rather escape from all of this by never being reborn again. |
Is This Good For Me? The answer is definitely "Yes!". I have fun and learn a lot. This is the benefit I get from helping the kids. I do this not for them... but for me! |
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Here I am with Prabhu and Mumtaz.
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Will It Be Good For You? Yes! If you like kids, you can learn a lot... and have fun. India is more than just a distant location. "India makes you reflect on who you are and what it means to be human." India is the negative universe where all the rules you have ever know are backwards. It is a good place to discover yourself. By using the kids as your guides to India, you begin to understand about the true meaning of life. Nothing you learned as a child is true in India. It is a shock to learn that people exist without any of the values you were taught were absolutely necessary for society to function. Simply traveling in India does not teach you this. You will see many things but you will not understand what you see. The kids are the rosette stone which helps you translate what you see into something meaningful. You need the kids to learn about India. |
Don't Try To Be An Angel! Don't try to be perfect. Don't be afraid to experiment with the kids... and their parents... and their friends. And above all, learn to let go and relax. Easier said than done in India... but please try. The kids are used to me becoming very angry... so they know to disappear until I have calmed down and I try to figure out what went wrong. When Vela asks for $1, give it to her without asking why. Then carefully watch what happens. Sometimes she does very good things with the money in ways that surprise you. Sometimes she does very bad things. And if she sees that you watched her do something wrong, she begins to learn that you care. You can go even further... In India, people like to cheat you. It is the national pastime. Therefore, I now have become relaxed enough to allow people who I know and trust (such as Mari's brother, Ramu, the autorickshaw driver) to cheat you. You will be amazed what you learn. Certain forms of cheating are considered very bad in India. Other ways of cheating people are considered good and honorable. It is absolutely amazing to see the pained expression on Ramu's face when he cheats you in a bad way and the look of pride when he cheats you in the proper way. You never learn this unless you allow yourself to be vulnerable. So relax and open up to the world you are in. (However, I still wear five wallets, two of which are hidden, two are on chains and none are in my back pocket. And I sleep wearing my passport, airplane ticket and travelers checks. So you see, I still don't relax too much.) |
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You Have Money. Use It! Money is your best weapon against people in India. If you have never used money as a weapon, India is a good place to learn how to do this. Money makes people do strange things. In India, they do even stranger things. Someday, Vela will be just like her mother. So if you want to see what will happen to Vela, give money to her mother. Vela's mother is interesting. Give her not just a little money but a lot. Watch her come apart. |
Let the Kids Have Fun! Above all, I let the kids have fun. That is my greatest gift to them. No matter what happens to the kids in the future, at least for a few minutes, they can be kids. To see their shiny faces, in clean clothes at an amusement park cutting in front of all the more civilized kids is unique. In a world where they have so much sorry and hardship, it is great to see that they can escape for a few minutes at least. |
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Singing and Dancing One of the most entertaining aspects is to watch them sing and dance. When I arrived in India, Vela was very weak and silent. But after feeding her for a few weeks, she begin to smile and be happy again. The last day before I leave, she will usually put on a show for me and the other kids. She has seen all the Tamil motion pictures at least twice so she knows most of the popular songs (which appear in the motion pictures). These are the songs she loves to sing and dance. Here is Vela being carried by the other kids while she is singing a song for my rented camera on the last day. (1998) |
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