Church Reader
- "Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
- "Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
- "Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
- An ad for St. Josephs Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone
tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For
fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
- When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that
said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are
open on Sundays, too."
- "Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons - come hear
one!"
- A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church.
When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read,
"The Resurrection is postponed."
- "People are like tea bags - you have to put
them in hot water before you know how strong they are.~~
- "God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."
- "Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"
- "When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right."
- "Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."
- "Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily."
- "How will you spend eternity - Smoking or Non-smoking?"
- Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives":
- "Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low.
But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
- "It is unlikely therell be a reduction in the wages of sin."
- "Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
- "If youre headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."