Begins his new column here at "Rob's Grille & Bar"….

I was in Little League with Sandy Koufax, even if he doesn't remember it - he was right-handed then…What did we used to do, before Mashed Potato Buds were invented?

That Pamela & Tommy Lee video? It blew up my VCR…I have two words to say to Monica Lewinsky: "Marry me!"…First Gal Hillary Rodham Clinton tells me that when she gets the munchies, it usually is treated with Dolly Madison Raspberry Zingers….I could kick Charlton Heston's ass in ten seconds, if he would lay down all those guns…What's the deal with Uruguay?

If Ted Turner isn't a genius, then it doesn't snow in Minneapolis in the wintertime…People tell me I'm wacked, but make my next car a Hudson…There is no better feeling than the feeling you have AFTER you take a healthy dump…I just found it! I had misplaced the recipe for Eggs ala Danny Thomas. My lovely bride, Shawn, discovered it in my sock drawer, of all places!

Tony Blair is the most charismatic British leader since Disraeli…Mr. Saddam Hussein: watch your step, buster! …I have to confess: JonBenet Ramsey was hot…People often confuse seborhea and diarrhea. The first is a skin condition, the latter is the runs…Is Madelyn Albright a babe, or what?

Denzel Washington is signed to play me in "Behind The Big Microphone: The Larry King Story"…O.J. tells me his putting is better than ever…Nannette Fabray still has IT…You know my famous suspenders? They're usually holding up lederhosen…Pete Rose (who, in this reporter's opinion, should be in the Hall of Fame yesterday) makes a mean bean burrito.

Jim Nabors, Admiral Stockdale, Joey Heatherton, Mike Schmidt, and Barbara Boxer.

How is Ted Kaczynski coping with the loss of the limelight? Look for him to mount a PR campaign to get back on the front page…I've got guacamole in my Depends…Radio isn't the same since I left it…That Rush Limbaugh is fat, and has a big mouth…With little or no fanfare, Dennis Rodman has already done five political roundtable radio shows on NPR…I really miss Jack Lord.