Chipper sucks
Anti-chip
Chipper Jones Is Way Way Uncool
First a disclaimer. I do admire Chipper Jones athletic talent. I got all my pictures from the BravosWeb page, when I describe some websites dedicated to him, I'm not thinking of any one in paticular, just things I've seen over the web. Thank you for looking at my site. I hope this dosen't ruin ya alls day, because I had a blast making this section. It's all tongue(Chipper would like that)and cheek guys.
Okay I know all you Chipper fans out there just love Chipper. He's so sweet and cool, and cute(ha ha thats my favorite one, I think it should be a statistic that most Chipper fans need glasses.) Now I will agree that Chipper Jones is a good asset to the Braves(allbeit, an obnoxious asset, but nevertheless, an asset.) And I have respect for his Athletic ability. But I'm sorry folks the mans a dweeb. Not to mention he is the most obnoxious man I have ever seen in my entire life. So to start off my Chipper page I will tell you exactly why I don't like, Chipper Jones. And review some Chipper Jones websites I've seen(shudder.) It was almost worth it though to make fun of him.
Chippers appearance:
Okay, most people who I have met on the internet, and in life in general(talking to real live people, who aren't named chipsgrl10, or whatever)I have found a variety of reasons why people(choke,barf)admire and Idolise Chipper Jones. Some people like his extensive athletic ability(he's an mvp, wow, color me excited.)Or the fact that he's sooooo nice to his fans(not that ninety percent of the Braves are total gentleman, It's only Chipper.) And some people like his sparkling personality(ha ha ha ha.) However the majority of Chipper Jones fans I know like Chipper because he's so gosh darn sexy. Oh my Gawd! Are you people on crack. Chipper Jones is not attractive.He is the most ugly man I have seen in my entire life. I have proof. First off his hair, he has this thick, hair, that he dosent style, that looks like tottaly eighties, he looks like he should be in "A Flock Of Seagulls" insted of on a baseball team. Then we get to his face. He has these little tiny squinty eyes. And he has a puffy face, that looks all swollen, and he has a chiseled chin, that with his puffy face, and cheeks that are usually filled with gum, the man looks like a chipmunk, ok people. Thats probaly really how he got his name chipper. They want you to buy off on that "Chip off the old block" crap, but he got the name Chipper because he looks like a chipmunk. Couldan't you even picture it now. Young Larry Wayne(I don't know if I had a name like Larry Wayne, maybe I would call myself Chipper to) is in little league, and he's sitting on the bench. When all the cool kids, like the Tom Glavine types, see him, they first look at the hair, then they see him pop a piece of bubble gum in his mouth and store it in his cheeks. Then the one kid is like "ha ha, you look like a chipmunk"then all the kids point and laugh at poor Larry Wayne. And for the rest of his life he's called Chipper. However when he became a celebrity, they told him that the chipmunk story was kind of lame, so they came up with this Chip on the old block stuff. And a (cough, choke, uncomfortable silence)legend was born. But enoughe about the fact that he could double for "Alvin, Simon, and Theadore, if this several million dollar deal, he's trying to get dosen't work out. Chipper has this smile(the smile that lights up atlanta)where his gums stick out. So it is so like blah. Plus, since he chews gum all the time, he talks out of the side of his mouth. Then there is Chippers (choke, cough)fashion sence.(Using Chipper and fashion sence in the same sentence, is kind of like an oxymoron.) Chipper has the fashion sence, and deportment of a twelve year old boy. Except when he wears those skintight, I'm surprised he can breathe uniform pants. I mean his uniform pants you can see every curve. Blah. Gross. This man is disgusting. I'm shuddering just thinking about him. I mean look at him. Just look at him.
Chippers fans:
The only thing more obnoxious then Chipper Jones is his fans. I don't mean the people who strictly like him for his baseball talent. I mean the obbsessed fans who tottaly hate you if you don't share their enthusiasm for Chippers cute butt(I don't need to say barf here, it's self explanatory.) A lot of those people make webistes. Now a website in itself is okay. But I found most of these websites at best to be a little too informative(I really could care less if Chipper wears boxars or briefs.Gross)and at worst laughable, and scary. Very scary. They all have pictures of Chipper plastered all over there sites. Not good pictures(once again using chipper jones pictures, and good in the same sentence is an oxymoron.)like baseball pics or anything. But they have such hideous pictures of him. That you would almost think it was an anti-Chipper Jones site, and they were using the most hideous pictures they could possibly use to make a point. Pictures of him with big wads of gum in his mouth, close ups of his puffy face, and pictures of him in his stylish baggy clothes(ha ha ha.) Then they have stuff like Chipper Jones candy bars, and I'm thinking. NO, no, they do not even have candy bars with Chipper Jones picture. Then they make all these sayings about chipper, like there baseball critics. Like, one girl said, something to the effect of could chipper be any more perfect. I laughed so hard, I fell out of my chair. I'm being for real, could chipper be more perfect. That sounds like something only an idiot fan would say, see Chipper jones wouldan't even say that. Because he tries to be humble. Even though you can tell he thinks he's all that,and a pack of bubblegum. These websites also have excerts from Chipper Jones diary. Nothing more intelectual then reading the enbossomings of a dumb jock. No I should not say that, I know one athlete who is talented, inteligent, sparkling, and a wonderfull person. (Hey after all this is the John Rocker page.) When I go through these webpages, if I'm not laughing to hard to function, I usuallly think, oh my gawd, you are not, oh yes you are, you have made a whole site glorifying, no, no, I can't believe it, you did not, not, make a website about this clown. This man makes me barf. He is so obnoxious, and his websites just go to show, that his fans all share that trait. Also on a lot of chipper jones sites they make sure to tell you that they are not chipper jones. I almost fell out of my chair again. Yeah, I'm sure chipper jones really has a website, with big pink hearts, that says, chipper is so cute i luv him. Well kids, I want you all to know that I am not John Rocker. ha ha ha ha ha. So don't email me and ask me if I am. Ha ha.