This page is dedicated to those who have caused my to lose bladder control with moments of verbal brilliance, whether accidental or intentional.
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Sara: I've got some in my room *walks out of the room*
Tanner: You know those Mexicans always have tape...especially duct tape
Me: Yeah, so they can fix all those broken windows in their car.
Sara: *returns* I only have masking tape. I left my duct tape in my car after I fixed my sunroof.
Base2Wave: If there was a bible of awesomeness, you'd be Genesis
ThisVelvetGlove2: yeah. he set the record for the longest amount of time with his eyes cast chestward
ThisVelvetGlove2: i wanted to be like, "Hey, Pancho, up here. Hace arriba, since you no speak-a the english so good"
Enoma Otenki: i almost picked up the phoen and called her the other day
Enoma Otenki: but then i realized she was a bitch and i can't spell the word phone
Auto response from The Juliee: I'm Julie's mom and I'm a bitch.
kyky705: Oh well now Julie's mom, that's not a very nice thing to say about yourself.
The Juliee: wait wait wait....they can build new roads and over passes and ramps (plural) in 6 months???
KyKy705: Yeah... Austin should change the "Keep Austin Weird" shirt to "My Mexican Works faster than your Mexican"
TheJuliee: trial and error
TheJuliee: I think that's how I learned to use the computer
KyKy705: That's how I learned to use the potty.
Everything's better with Julie! You're the sugar to my coffee; the aloe vera to my sunburn..........the Vagisil to my yeast infection!
~Stephanie
ThisVelvetGlove2: I don't care how you get up, just get up
TheJuliee: you sound like you're pep talking someone with erectile dysfunction
I could never get the whole ska dancing thing down. It's like a mix of swing dancing and......epilepsy.
~Brian
The Juliee: Mr Pink? That's his name?
ThingsMismatched: haha yeah nathan picked it
ThingsMismatched: he loves Reservoir Dogs
The Juliee: oh...right...that's SO not what I was thinking
ThingsMismatched: haha what were you thinking??
The Juliee: come on....pink...what the hell do you think i was thinking?
ThingsMismatched: haha dirty dirty
ThisVelvetGlove2: so are ya'll in easter time zone
TheJuliee: yes....we are celebrating Christ's ressurection over here
Me: The middle name of Julie Berk, my mild-mannered alter ego, is Katherine.
Chris: Julie Katherine Berk? You're such a jew.
Me: I wanna work somewhere cool...like a record store or something.
Dad: Do you have enough piercings to work in a record store?
Duh33179: and my camera needs some fucking batteries
TheJuliee: so does mine
Duh33179: i say we revolt
TheJuliee: REVOLT!!
Duh33179: yup
TheJuliee: uh huh
Duh33179: what exactly are we revolting against?
TheJuliee: i'm not sure
Duh33179: oh well
Duh33179: REVOLT!
TheJuliee: REVOLT!
TheJuliee: now apologize
TheJuliee: say "Heidi, I'm sorry. I should be ashamed of myself."
a MatineeSuicide: Heidi, I'm sorry you're such a pussy. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Patriq (looking over the menu at Katz's): Who do I have to kill to get some bacon around here?
Me A pig.
Melissa: I am a bitch...I never should have ate that fucking turkey!
Melissa: What's a hookah?
Me: It's like a bong with an overactive thyroid.
TheJuliee: I got a raise
TheJuliee: an extra 25 a week
Duh33179: yay
Duh33179: dollars, right
TheJulie: always looking out for my best interest, aren't ya
TrueBentra: that or the nearest snack table
TheJuliee: we don't want them thinking we're trekkie nerds
a MatineeSuicide: but we are trekkie nerds
n L c 1 1 2 4: does she speak english?
TheJuliee: yeah
TheJuliee: it would kinda suck if she didn't cause none of us speak hebrew
n L c 1 1 2 4: wow, i'm glad i didn't ask if she spoke israelish
ThingsMismatched: i'm gonna mail you something
TheJuliee: oo, what?
ThingsMismatched: bah, girl stuff
TheJuliee: you're sending me tampons?
ThingsMismatched: no...pipe bombs, silly
TheJuliee: my computer hates me
gmoneymcfly2k: give it the ol' holy water and cross
TheJuliee: you mean hit it real hard with a baseball bat?
gmoneymcfly2k: is that not what I said?
TheJuliee: the doorbell rang
TheJuliee: it was rachel's ex boyfriend...the one i go to church with
ThingsMismatched: oh, fun fun
ThingsMismatched: was he selling cookies?
ThingsMismatched: yeah, i should go workout too
ThingsMismatched: but i ate a cupcake instead
heistathander: no, no, i'm just gonna sit here and shove this fuckin ice cream into my pie hole and stop showing sick pictures of men i'm attracted to
heistathander: scratch that last part
a MatineeSuicide: i dare you to find something good on that list
TheJuliee: if i do, what do i win?
a MatineeSuicide: a slap in the face
Duh33179: what does 'be there with your bells on' mean?
TheJuliee: be there prepared to have fun and make a scene and such
TheJuliee: it doesn't mean to wear bells
Duh33179: it's good you told me that, cos i totally would have.
a MatineeSuicide: we did feed this one Jew kid pork, just told him it was gefilte
decafmonkey: yeah i accidentally shaved my head
TheJuliee: what, were you shaving your face in the dark and you missed?
decafmonkey: no I was trimming the hair around my ears and slipped in a poodle of water in my bathroom and shaved a strip out of my hair
decafmonkey: so i had to cut the rest
TheJuliee: would that be a french poodle of water...or just a regular poodle
decafmonkey: it was from me just getting out of the shower
TheJuliee: you shower with poodles?
decafmonkey: i hate you
TheJuliee: i just put new batteries in my mouse...i hope that makes the difference
ThingsMismatched: i'm picturing you shoving batteries up a mouse's ass
Starlit31285: spyware is like an evil std
TheJuliee: and your computer is the skanky ho that caught it
Starlit31285: i use Norton Antivirus for protection, but i guess like condoms, it's not 100% effective
Plexy1: where do you work
TheJuliee: the 7th circle of hell
Plexy1: tacobell?
----
TheJuliee: i babysit an 11 and 12 year old who have the combined IQ of mayonaise
Plexy1: ahhhh
TheJuliee: ok sorry, that's a little harsh
TheJuliee: .....mayonaise is much smarter than these kids
Plexy1: you're a good role model
Eltongraves19: earplugs are for pussies
Eltongraves19: not literally
Eltongraves19: you're the devil
TheJuliee: can you blame me?
Eltongraves19: yes
n L c 1 1 2 4: sunburns are hot
TheJuliee: oooh yeah...so hot, you can melt butter on me
n L c 1 1 2 4: can you fry an egg instead?...I'm kinda hungry
twotonedloser05: you wanna be like me when you grow up?
TheJuliee: no, i wanna be like you when you grow up
TimeConsumingEd: i'm listening to hXc music
TimeConsumingEd: and knitting
TimeConsumingEd: i'm so fucking cool
TheJuliee: I got a new fan!
ThingsMismatched: yaay!!
ThingsMismatched: wait...like a ceiling fan or a person?
PvaMandi: ok
PvaMandi: plastic spoons aren't chewable
PvaMandi: just fyi
TheJuliee: maybe I'll sue him for damages if he gets unreasonable...i'd sue him for my 6 weeks salary i'd be missing....plus an extra 150 for waiting till the last minute
TheJuliee: that's $1200
ThingsMismatched: plus 145,000 for emotional trauma
TheJuliee: yes...i've shed so many tears....now i'm dehydrated
TheJuliee: physical trauma
ThingsMismatched: yes.....another 456,000!!!
ThingsMismatched: ahh..the joys of being american!
ThingsMismatched: frivolous lawsuits are fun!
Rawk0nD0nkeyK0ng: i think someone needs to invent "mouth lotion." water doesn't help..
Me: Pray to whatever god you believe in that I will get this job
Stephanie: I'm agnostic...so I won't pray. HOWEVER! I can be very persuasive with people...
"Awww c'mon, hire Julie"
-"No."
"Pleaaaaaase?? I'll buy you a lobster dinner."
-"I'm allergic to seafood"
"Mexican?"
-"When can she start?"
txamu86: oh man i'm on there! i feel like a star! or like a starbucks must feel when it wipes out another plot of land and mercilessly crushes a local coffee-hut owner's dreams
ThisVelvetGlove2: curse you and your opulent chesticles
Rawk0nD0nkeyK0ng: so awesome! i can see you now.
Rawk0nD0nkeyK0ng: "look here you little shit! I SAID COLOR in THE EFFIN lines!!!"
Age6Racer06: i have to read jane eyre i know that. i fucking hate that book
Age6Racer06: remember we were supposed to read it in 10th grade?
Age6Racer06: yeah i read to chapter 7 cos after that the chapters were longer than 3 pages
Duh33179: julie
Duh33179: i just thought i'd let you know
Duh33179: that your quote page
Duh33179: is amazing
ThisVelvetGlove2: lol i know what mutual means
ThisVelvetGlove2: if i grab ass, and they grab back, it's mutual
ThisVelvetGlove2: if i grab ass and they punch me in the eye, it's not mutual
ThisVelvetGlove2: it's assault
One of my sister's students: Did you know Michael Jackson used to be black?
GardeniaState: he yelled at them
GardeniaState: hardcore and they cried
GardeniaState: from then on, they realized who was boss and never misbehaved
GardeniaState: he also had a ferret to get rid of their tears. I guess you could bring Heidi to class
nlc1124: myspace is pissing me off with the red [x]
nlc1124: it's from all the fucking emo kids uploading their mirror pictures, that's what it is
ThisVelvetGlove2: so how was yer day?
The Juliee: hrrm
The Juliee: not too bad
The Juliee: my kids are getting a little better
ThisVelvetGlove2: oh goodgood. i was afraid i'd have to kick some minor ass
ThisVelvetGlove2: you know
ThisVelvetGlove2: tell 'em santa doesn't exist, mess up their macaroni art
ThisVelvetGlove2: shit like that
ThingsMismatched: hehe, i just realized that raft and fart have the same letters