"In a way, each of us has an El Guapo to face. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo. For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo. For us, El Guapo is a big, dangerous man who wants to kill us. But as sure as my name is Lucky Day, the people of Santa Poco can conquer their own personal El Guapo, who also happens to be *the actual* El Guapo!"

for some reason this scene occurred to me as I was driving around this morning, I am sure you all remember it from "three amigos" 

It feels alot like I am battling several of my own personal EL GUAPO's recently...  whether it be in terms of employment, music, faith, relationships or whatever..  there always seems to be a hurdle that when I get to I can't seem to get accross....  So... I am seriously searching again.. trying to find out exactly what my ELGUAPO is, so I can face hime and gun him down, take that next big step toward whatever it is I am going to become...

I used to have this idea of what that was, What I wanted to become, but at this moment, All my preconceptions and paradigms have been turned upside down and I have no idea...what lies ahead of me.

It is somewhat unsettling, to be honest...  I am faced with decisions I never thought I would have to make again and learning things about myself I never knew.  I guess perhaps its a midlife thing, I don't know...

and that is my EL GUAPO... not knowing. 

and thinking that I should...