Okay. I'm going to explain how this all started out. My cousin and I were watching Slayers together. She thinks Lina Inverse is really cool. When, out of the blue, she says "Wouldn't it be neat if Disney and the slayers could get along and make really cool movies!" Like an idiot I pointed out that there were people who actually wrote fanfics about the Slayers and some were of said topic. And after explaining for about an hour or two on what the heck a fanfic was, she mutated on me. For those of you who have seen Amelia and know how her personality can rot your teeth, well she doesn't stand a chance against my cousin. Having to withstand tear infused puppy-dog eyes and 2000 gamma rays of oh-so-adoraibleness and her cute little sugar encrusted voice asking "Will you write some for me?!", is really really hard. So I did what any normal, or ab-normal, person would do... I crumbled. So here's the 1st of many:
[ slayers and stuff do NOT belong to me. They belong to who ever made them up. Ditto for the Disney stuff. Don't Sue Me!!!]
{WARNING: We have a Zel/Lina bias. Those of you who don't like this pairing don't read it then. Otherwise :P nyah nyah}
Cast:
Lil mermaid= Lina Inverse (naturally I'm the STAR!)
Prince= Zelgadis (*sigh*)
Evil sea witch= Amelia (but I’m the champion of justice!!)
Emperor's Sister: so I’ll change the ending a little stop whining.
Sea king= prince Phil
Evil henchmen= Martina and Naga
Prince's buddy= Xellos (heehee)
Zel: NO WAY!!!
Xel: ^_^
E, Sis: Behave or I’ll make this a MUSICAL!!
Zel: O.o
King's advisor= Rezo the red Priest
Prince's other friends:
Max the dog= Lassie
The serving wench= Zolf in drag.
Zolf: HEY!!!!
Crazy French chef= crazy French chef
Mermaid's friends:
sea gull= Gourry
fish (flounder dude)= Noonsa.
E, Sis: Now! on with the show!
The Little Mermaid.
E, Sis: A long time ago in the wonderful world of Disney, there lived a little mermaid. But our story starts off with the handsome Prince....
Scene 1: On a ship.
A great ship is sailing through a great, wide and slightly rough sea. On board is a seasick prince, a smirking advisor, and a charming collie, besides the regular seamen that you'd find on a ship. The crew is prancing and singing, Disney style, as they work.
"Looks like King Philionel is in a good mood today." a crewmember remarks.
"Who's that?" Prince Zelgadis manages to ask.
"King Philionel of the mer-people. Ruler of the seas and all who dwell beneath." the sailor replies.
"Mer-people! Really. Now my prince you shouldn't listen to such talk." Xellos, the prince's advisor and close friend, stated. "You ought to be thinking of getting yourself hitched. The whole country of where-ever-we're-from wants you to."
"Shut up Xellos." Prince Zel replies and heaves more of his dinner over-board.
E.Sis: okay....next scene then.
Scene 2: Under the Sea.
Deep under the oceans depths there lies a beautiful city call Seyruun. In the center of this great city is the royal palace where King Phil and his lovely daughter live. Merfolk and various fish are swimming towards the palace where a great concert/party is being held today.
"Presenting, His Royal Highness, the pacifist we all know and love. KING PHILIONEL!!"
The merfolk cheer as the king enters and takes his seat on the throne.
"Presenting, His Royal Highness' advisor and social coordinator. Rezo the red priest!"
The red priest enters, encased in a giant bubble, and is human.
"Your Highness" Rezo begins, "I have orchestrated a little concert today with the help of your daughter, and her ladies in waiting."
"Is Lina actually going to participate?" King Phil asked surprised, we are talking about Lina you know.
"She's supposed to anyway." Rezo answered. Rezo turned away from the king and faced, what he hoped was the stage cuz he's still blind. He struck his staff against the floor, that it made that tinkling sound and the concert began.
Four pretty mermaids started dancing and singing, again Disney style around a giant seashell that remained closed. The got to the last verse in the song ..."And the star, whom we have the honor of presenting her to you. The loveliest of mermaids in her musical debut. With the body and the charms of a prima ballerina, here's the royal princess LINA!" in which case the shell opened up to show... nothing.
Rezo looked confused. The king looked non-too-pleased.
"LINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
********
E.Sis: elsewhere...
A red-haired mermaid with a emerald green tail was swimming through the deep, hunting for treasure. Her companion, a fish with arms and legs, followed along complaining about this and that.
"Oh Noonsa, don't be such a guppy." the mermaid teased.
"But Lina.." Noonsa whined.
"Shut UP! or I’ll turn you into a sushi platter." Lina growled.
Noonsa quickly shut up.
The two continued on till they saw a sunken ship. Lina's ruby-red eyes glowed with excitement. "There's bound to be lots of treasure there! Noonsa stay here and keep a watch out for sharks!" Lina ordered before swimming inside.
Noonsa sweat-dropped. "SHARKS!"
Lina was about to give up on finding anything when a sparkle caught her eye. A heavily jeweled, silver fork lay partially buried under a plank.
"LUCKY!" Lina grabbed it and put it in her pouch. Next she took a ivory pipe before exiting the ship to find Noonsa battling with a nasty shark. "Damn."
Lina cast a ReyWing Bubble entrapping the shark before frying it with a fireball. "There now lets go find out about my treasure from.. ugh... Gourry."
Scene 3: Up on Dry Land.
Up in a stray piece of land we see Gourry in a really bad seagull costume, practicing his caws. Lina swims up with Noonsa and tries to get his attention.
Lina: "Gourry!"
Gourry: "CAW!"
Lina: "Gourry!!"
Gourry: "CAW!"
Lina: "Gourry!!!"
Gourry: "CAW!"
Lina: "GOURRY!!!!!!"
Gourry: "CAW!"
Fed-up Lina: "FIRE_BALL!!!!"
Gourry: "AHH! Oh hi Lina."
Lina throws the bag at the singed Gourry. " Well... tell me what these things are."
Gourry looks confused for a second than smiles. "Okay Lina." He roots through the bag and comes up with the fork. "Uhh this is a ... dinglehopper. Yeah. Humans use these things to style their hair into pleasing and unique hairstyles to attract the opposite sex." he looks very pleased for having remembered, somewhat, his lines. "Umm and this.." he took out the pipe, " is a bandis_bulbus snarfblat!" See humans used to sit around all day doing nothing but stare at each other. It was very boring ... so they invented the snarfblat so they could play music and not be bored. See watch." Gourry put the slimy thing in his mouth and began to gag. "Ewww where has this thing been! Bleh"
Lina looked amused, then blinked as she remembered something. "Ugh speaking of music. I forgot about that concert thingy."
Noonsa looked smug. "No you didn't. You said that there was no way in hell you were going to sing.."
Lina whammed Noonsa a good one. "Uh yeah what-ever. Come on!" Lina and Noonsa swam off back to Seyruun leaving a rather green Gourry behind.
Gourry : Ewwy Ewwy Ewwwy!
E.Sis: Well what did you expect. Its been under water for who knows how long.
Gourry: Blech! Yucky!
Scene 4: Back Under water.
Lina had gotten into a lot of trouble. Not only for skipping the concert but also for going to the surface, which was against the rules.
Lina: Thanks allot Noonsa *WHAM*
After Lina and K.Phil had a huge argument, Lina swam off trying not to blow something up. She was really mad. Rezo and Phil were left to chat, Noonsa having followed Lina.
"Teenagers!" Rezo said. "Give them and inch and they swim all over you."
"You don't think I was too hard on Lina do you?"
"Not at all! Why if Lina were my daughter I'd show her who's boss. She’s the type of girl who needs a firm hand and constant supervision..." Rezo yammered on and on not seeing the King's growing smile.
"Excellent Idea!" Kingy interrupted.
"What?"
"Rezo I want you to follow Lina and keep and eye on her, err make sure she behaves."
Rezo sweat-dropped. "How do I get myself into these things."
********
E.Sis: elsewhere...
Lina snuck into her secret cavern. Noonsa and Rezo behind her, un-noticed. The cavern is filled with treasure, magical items, and basic junk. She put away her new baubles before laying down slightly depressed.
Noonsa wobble over to her.
"Oh Noonsa, how can a race that makes such cool things be so... evil??" Lina reaches over into the shadows and puts on a record that plays "Part of Your World", sung by Annie Livingstone and the Cincinnati Pops Orchestra. At the end of the song Lina sighs.
Over head a ship goes by casting a shadow over Lina's cavern. Curious she swims to the surface, followed by a concerned Noonsa and a grouchy Rezo.
Scene 5: On a Ship
A ship sails through the night. Fireworks go off high above it in the sky and music can be heard. Lina and her two companions reach the surface. Lina's eyes begin to glow with a familiar excitement. "Yeah humans! Now I can see for myself how they are." And despite her friends’ calls of warning she swims up to the ship and latches on.
Lina peers over the bottom railing to get a good look at the sailors. "hmm nothing too impressive here." Suddenly a blonde collie appears and barks playfully at her. Lina was startle and almost fell of the side of the ship, when the dog helped her regain her balance and gave her a quick lick across the face.
Lina thought the dog was cute till a deep voice called out "Lassie! Come here girl!" Lina looked up the human, who was even cuter, who summoned the Collie and sighed "WOW he's... gorgeous!"
The 'gorgeous' human was of course Zel. He was dressed in his usual beige outfit sans cape and mask. His stony skin sparkled in the light of the fireworks as he strummed his guitar.
E.Sis: I heard somewhere that he actually plays a guitar.
Zelgadis stopped strumming as Xellos walked up to him.
"Prince Zelgadis, since its your birthday I've prepared a rather large present for you." Xellos told him pointing to the large object hidden behind a canvas.
"Oh Xellos you shouldn't have. Really."
Xellos just smiled as Zel removed the canvas to reveal a giant statue of himself, Zel, dressed in a very geeky prince's outfit. "Well, you really shouldn't have."
Lina just looked on thinking, boy that Zel guy is really sexy, but the statute doesn't do him justice."
Suddenly a great storm brewed itself up. Lina was knocked free from the ship by a wave. Lighting struck the mast causing it to shatter and burst into flame. Everyone managed to jump into the lifeboats, except for Lassie. Zel, using his chimera powers jumped aboard the ship again and tossed Lassie into the lifeboat. Unfortunately the fire reached the rest of the fireworks and the ship went "KA-BOOM".
Zelgadis was thrown clear into the sea and began to sink like a rock. Lina seeing this swam with all her might after him and managed to drag him away and to some land. On land she performed mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and waited till morning for him to wake up.
Scene 6: Wake-up Call
Lina was a little grouchy. Here she was laying on the sand and the guy just wouldn't wake up. He was alive, because she performed mouth-to-mouth on him, she remembered with a blush. Yet here he was snoozing, still. 'Ah well. Its not too bad. I do get all the time I could ever want to really look at him. *sigh* he's cute.'
Lina brushed lightly against his sleeping form, gazing down, smiling, into his face and began to hum the ending bars of "Part of Your World", when Zel began to blush and slowly open his eyes.
He looked, dazed at Lina, who just gave him an embarrassed smile. He was about to say something when a familiar barking distracted him. Looking to the side he saw Lassie racing up to meet him. Zel sat up and glanced back at the mysterious girl who had saved him, only to notice that she had vanished.
********
E.Sis: elsewhere...
Lina was swimming spirals in the water, until she swam into Rezo.
"Eeep! Rezo what are you doing here!?"
"Your father the king sent me to keep an eye on you. I here I find you mooning about a human of all things! Now listen princess..." Rezo started to go on and on about why she should never leave home and mess with humans and everything.
The local sea-life decided that he was incredibly boring and at that precise moment they started to sing, Reggae style, "Under the Sea".
Lina thought the song was way better than Rezo’s lecture and started to move to the groove. Rezo, not liking the interruption, started yelling and complaining; "HEY YOU STUPID FISH I'M TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION HERE!!!".
As Rezo and the Jamaican fish orchestra were having a 'Who can be louder' contest, Noonsa swam up to Lina. Lina couldn't hear a word he was trying to say so they took off together. After about half an hour of "Under the Sea!" The fishes decided to leave.
Rezo turned back to Lina "Now as I was saying Lina. Lina?? Well that just ^%#(%*^$@$#%#%#$!!!".
********
E.Sis: elsewhere...
Lina and Noonsa, who explained finally that he had a special surprise for Lina, had now arrived at her cavern. Inside Lina was happy to find the statue of Zel dressed in a very geeky prince's outfit.
As Lina latched on to the statue and made an array of smoochy noises Rezo arrived, looking rather cheesed off.
"I was talking to you missy!!!" he shouted, "You know what I'm going to do now!!! I'M going to tell that king EVERYTHING!"
"Oh you think so, Priesty-boy!!!" Lina smirked evilly.
Rezo sped off to the palace as fast as he could. Lina and Noonsa close behind him.
Scene 7: From Fish to Human in 3 easy steps
Princess Lina was back in her rooms at the royal palace daydreaming and, unknowingly, humming to herself. Her lady's maids were staring at her and giving each other knowing glances, when King Phil swam into the room. He stared at his daughter confused until one of her maids swam over to him.
"She's got it pretty bad sir." The mermaid informed him.
"What? What's wrong with Lina??" The King asked alarmed.
"Why, your majesty, Princess Lina is in love!" she answered with a slight smile.
"In LOVE!!" King Phil was shocked, then a knowing grin spread across his face. "Well well. In love. I wonder who the lucky merman is?"
The king swam off in search of his trusty advisor.
********
E.Sis: elsewhere...
Rezo the red priest was not happy. Noonsa and Lina had locked him in a closet so he wouldn't tell the king about their excursion to the surface. The closet had been so cramped that his raywing bubble spell broke and he almost drowned. After having successfully escaped and recast the spell his hair was matted down about his face and his velvet robes were ruined.
"Damn fish-heads. Do they KNOW how much a crimson velvet outfit COSTS now-a-days!!! Practically a bloody fortune!! And they ruined it! I'll never get these salt water stains out. And my HAIR! It takes me practically all day to get it JUST RIGHT! And now its all limp and smells like sea-weed. OH WHAT ELSE COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG!!!!!" Rezo grumbled audibly.
"REZO!!!!!!!!" King Phil's voice boomed throughout the palace.
"I had to ask, didn't I." Rezo muttered. He floated over and entered the throne room trying to put some order back into his appearance.
"Rezo." the king began, "You've been keeping secrets from me."
"I've been locked in a closet drowning."
"Oh. Well what's this about Lina being in love hmmm?"
"Well, she went to the surface and rescued some human and fell in ..." Rezo began.
"WHAT!!!!! A HUMAN!!! WHERE IS SHE NOW!!!" King Phil interrupted.
"Probably back in her secret cavern of human oddities and treasu..." Rezo began again.
"WHAT!!!!!!!!" King Phil interrupted once more.
"You know sire you really should try to make a bigger effort in your father/daughter relationship here. Social Services wouldn't approve." Rezo stated.
********
E.Sis: elsewhere...
Princess Lina was in her cavern dreaming and making kissy faces at the statue of Zel. Noonsa was gagging in the corner.
King Philionel burst into the room and wrought all hell down on the cavern and destroyed everything before Lina could do anything about it. After he had left Lina sat stunned among her rubble.
"Why THAT... [ the following dialogue has been cut due to it being unsuitable for children, adults, and the most hardened of criminals ] !!!!!!!" screamed Lina at the top of her lungs.
The cursing and swearing attracted the attention of two eel-people.
E, Sis: who have the most annoying laughs...
"OH WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!" one of the eel-women bellowed out causing a minor cave in and Noonsa to have a stroke. I am Naga the white serpent and this is my partner Martina. OH WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!"
"Yeah what's your point you sea-hyena!" snapped Lina, covering her ears in pain.
"OH WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH! My point my little flat-chested friend is that we may have the answer to your problem. OH WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!" Naga replied.
"Ah hahaha. I, Martina, servant to the Great Zomalgustar..."
"I know who you are you.." Lina interrupted, annoyed by all the laughing.
"DON'T INTERRUPT!!" Martina yelled. "Anyway, there is one who could help you get this princey of yours."
Lina appeared interested. This could be her one chance to get away from daddy-dearest, who she was very angry with at the moment, and be with Zel! Noonsa was beginning to become conscious and saw the two eels. He knew they worked for the bumbling seawitch. Sensing trouble he swam off in search of Rezo.
"Okay lead me to 'em."
"Off to Amelia's!" The two eels chorused.
********
E.Sis: later elsewhere...
Lina was led to The Sea-Witch, Amelia's place. There Lina explained how she had found the man of her dreams but how her father was opposed to the match simply because he was a human.
"Hmm, it seems Miss. Lina that your problem can be easily solved. For the sake of Love and Justice, I shall help you! See all I have to do is make you a human!" Amelia exclaimed with a smile.
"Hey that sounds like a great idea Amelia!"
"Thankyou Miss Lina! Hm" Amelia searched through her spell book and found the incantation 'From Fish to Human in 3 Easy Steps.' reading along the three steps were:
1} sing a not-very complimentary song about yourself and practice.
2} demand her voice as payment for services rendered. remind them for it to be permanent the must be kissed by a human they are in love with before the sun sets on the 3rd day of the spell being cast.
3} sing yet a another song about how the price isn't that bad and get them to sign the contract.
"Seems simple enough." Amelia stated, "okay here goes."
Amelia began to sing: "I admit that in the past I’ve been annoying, they weren't kidding when they called me well a... HEY!!!" growled Amelia in mid song. "Humph. But you'll find that, now-a-day, I've mended all my ways, repented, seen the light and made a switch. And I fortunately know a little white magic. It's a talent that I always have possessed. And here, lately, please don't laugh, I’ve used it on behalf of the miserable, lonely and depressed, pathetic, poor unfortunate souls. In pain, in need. This one longing to be thinner, that one wants to get the girl. And do I help them? YES IN DEED!" Amelia smiled, really getting into the song. "Those poor unfortunate souls. So sad, so true. They come flocking to my cauldron crying spells as they please and do I help them yes indeed."
By this time she had begun to dance around and Lina sweatdropped.
"Now its happened once or twice someone couldn't pay the price and I’m afraid I had to rake them across the coals."
"Well you see a contract is a contract and those who cannot meet the details have to be punished by the blazing star of justice!" Amelia put in so that she didn't sound too evil.
"Yes I’ve had the odd complaint, but on the whole I’ve been a saint; to those poor unfortunate souls."
"So what is this spell going to cost me?" Lina asked hoping there wouldn't be anymore singing and dancing.
"Cost? Oh yes. According to the spell book the price is... your voice."
"MY VOICE!!!!!!" Lina shouted in a panic. "But but but... how will I cast spells and... HEY how am I supposed to talk to him!!"
"Well," Amelia started "according to this you have to have him kiss you before the sun sets on the third day of the spell being cast and you'll stay human forever. I'm assuming you'll get your voice back then."
"*sigh* Okay I guess that sounds reasonable but still..."Lina mummered off.
"Hmm well on to step 3." Amelia continued and began to sing again. Lina moaned.
"The men up there don't like a lot of blather. They think a girl who gossips is a bore. Yes on land its much preferred for ladies not to say a word after all dear was is idle prattle for? They're not all that impressed with conversation. Two gentlemen avoid it when they can. But don't they swoon and fawn on the lady who's withdrawn; its she who hold her tongue who gets her man."
"Hmm maybe I should write these down. Besides." Amelia added blushing, "you could always use bodylanguage. Heehee."
"Come on you poor unfortunate soul, go ahead and make your choice. I'm a very busy girl and I haven't got all day. It wont cost much; just your voice. You poor unfortunate soul, its sad, but true. If you want to cross the bridge my sweet you have to pay the toll. Take a gulp and take a breath and, and go ahead and sign the scroll."
Lina shrugged, grabbed a pen and signed her name to the contract. Amelia jumped up and down happy to have another signed customer, and turned to her employees.
"Naga Martina, now I have her girls, the boss is on a roll, this poor unfortunate soul." She sang.
As Lina began to transform Rezo and Noonsa arrived. Amelia noticed a slight flaw in the spell. "Hm when she finishes transforming she'll drown. Oops."
Upon hearing that Rezo rushed forward and enveloped the choking Lina in his bubble.
"Gee Rezo," Lina thanked him "The air in here tastes pretty good, don't you think?"
Rezo just smiled and rushed up to the surface, Noonsa following close behind. Amelia watched them leave and thought. 'Another satisfied customer!' and went back to cleaning house, what she was doing before Lina and company arrived.
Scene 8: Up on Dry Land
Up on dry land Lina was reclining on the beach, her waist hidden by the water since she didn't have any underwear on only a sea shell bra. Noonsa was smashed into a nearby rock formation after having made a lewd comment about this and Rezo was perched on a nice dry rock beside Lina grumbling. Gourry the seagull, having managed to learn how to fly, landed upon seeing his dear old friends.
"Heya Lina how’s it hangin?" Gourry greeted Lina. "Say is it just me or is there something different about you today?"
Lina nodded happily wiggling her toes and drew up her knees to point out the transformation to Gourry.
"Umm lemme guess. Is it your..hair? Have you been using the dinglehopper?"
Lina shook her head no. Rezo sweat dropped.
"Umm. A new bra?" Gourry asked leaning in. "Hmm no they look as flat as ever."
This earned Gourry a swift and painful groin-kick, complements of Lina's new legs. Rezo and the unconscious Noonsa both sweat dropped and winced.
"Eeeeeeeeep. Lemme see." Gourry tried again in a very high pitched voice. "Is it.."
"SHE'S GOT LEGS YOU MORON!!!!!!!!" Rezo shouted exasperated. "She traded her voice, to the sea-witch Amelia, and got LEGS!"
"Oh. That would've been my next guess."
A vein in Rezo’s forehead began to twitch. "Never mind. I'm going to go straight back to the king and tell him every thing. He'll get Amelia to turn Lina back. And that'll be the end of this nightmare."
Lina looked desperate. She grabbed onto Rezo and gave him the wounded/lost puppy look, which had no effect since he's blind and couldn't see it. Then she turned that pitiful gaze onto... The Emperor's Sister.
E, Sis: Okay I’ll fix this.
The Emperor's Sister used her powers to transform Rezo into a miniature chibi-Rezo, that could fit in the palm of her hand. Seeing as how him being blind in this fic was starting to grate on her nerves she also gave him his sight, and kicked the piece of Shabranigdo that was locked in there to the moon.
Chibi-Rezo: I can see I can SEE! Hey! Why am I soo small and why is my voice squeaky!!!!!
E, Sis: Picky picky. Ya win some ya lose some.
Lina, happy that she got her way, picked up the squealing Rezo and started to cuddle him, like a little dolly. Off in the distance a faint barking sound could be heard coming closer and closer to where they were.
A collie jumped over rocks and sand and barked a happy greeting to Lina before turning back to call its master.
"What is it Lassie?" a familiar and sexy voice called out. A Head and body soon followed the voice as Lina was discovered by Prince Zel. "Oh." he said as he saw the girl Lassie was pointing to.
Zel approached Lina with a small smile. "Uh hi. You okay?" he glanced down and blushed furiously as he noticed she wasn't wearing much of anything. Lina saw his look and blushed an even deeper red while trying to cover up what she could. Zel turned around red in the face and took off his shirt. He offered it to Lina who, gratefully, slipped it on. She put the un-happy Rezo into a pocket.
Zel helped Lina to get up but since she wasn't used to legs she collapsed right into him. Lina gave him and embarrassed smile, as Zel had to wrap his arms around her to keep her balanced. Zel was blushing a new shade of red and his eyes were starting to pop out of his head. The fact that a cute naked red-head who's only source of clothing was a nifty bra and his shirt was pressed up tight against him, one who didn't seem to mind that he was made of rock either, was really staring to effect his hormones. Zel was hard pressed to keep his nose from bleeding and to keep his mind on being helpful instead of flashing several scenes involving her, a bubble-bath and a BIG bottle of Zefilian wine.
"So." Zel asked the girl in his arms, "What's your name and d.do you live around here?" Zel mentally winced at the pathetic pick up line he just used.
Lina didn't seem to mind though and excitedly began to tell him her name when, nothing happened. She winced and rubbed her throat forgetting the whole bargain thing. So she pantomimed her loss of voice to the prince.
"Hmm. Let me see. You lost your voice temporarily, yes?" Zel asked figuring that much out.
Lina nodded ecstatic. she had no idea how to mime 'sea-witch' and other things so she made up a little fib, that wasn't exactly a lie just not the whole truth.
"So" Zel said following her movements closely. "You were swimming along when... you met up with something horrible. And in a valiant effort to make it to land, you used up allot of strength that you passed out and woke up here. You haven't a clue as to where here is but you are a princess and know you can trust me to help you. Correct?"
Lina was amazed. 'Wow its like he can read my mind.' She smiled and nodded. She remembered Amelia saying how she had to kiss him to get her voice back or something. So Lina turned to face Zel, who was smiling triumphantly at having discovered she trusted him, puckered up and lay one on him.
Zel was in shock. 'Did she just.... KISS ME????'
Lina was stunned, nothing had happened. 'Oh Crud. I forgot. He's supposed to kiss Me. Not the other way around.'
Zel's shocked expression was replaced by a rather goofy looking grin. He picked Lina up in his arms telling her he was going to take her to his palace, that he was going to carry her since she hadn't recovered her own strength yet. Lina restrained the urge to hit him for picking her up and nodded her assent. So it was a strange sight that met the servants’ eyes as they saw their Prince, carrying a girl wearing his shirt, with a sappy grin on his face, into the palace. Their prince who never, as long as they'd known him, cracked a smile or even laughed since he became a chimera. The half-naked girl didn't seem too strange to them. Especially when the head of staff was a guy in drag and ... well... Xellos lived there too.
Scene 9: In the Palace
Lina and Zolf had yet to break off glares. In the background was a giant bath tub filled to the brim with scented soap and big pink bubbles. The tension increased.
'There's no way I’m stripping in front of this pervert.' Lina thought furiously. She glowered at the cross-dressing weirdo, clutching the borrowed shirt closer to her body.
"There's no way I'm letting you leave smelling like sea water girly." Zolf growled in a high pitched voice, his hands twisting in the skirt of his maid outfit. "There's no reason to be shy sweetie," he continued in rising annoyance when Lina remained in her place, "we're all girls here."
'YEAH RIGHT!' she replied with a mental scream. Her face clearly showing her thoughts.
Fed up Zolf cast a levitation spell on Lina and threw her into the bath. Soaked and surprised Lina gasped for air as she resurfaced.
"Now hand over the clothes deary." Zolf said sweetly, smiling smugly.
Lina threw the sopping clothes right in his face, completely forgetting about Rezo. Zolf collected them and left grumbling obscenities.
'Just you wait till I get my voice back, then KA-POW!' Lina dreamed as she lay back and enjoyed her bath.
As she was relaxing some more maids, women this time, came in and left her some clean clothes. Luckily for them, they left before Lina could see it was a dress.
E, Sis: You all know what THAT means.
Scene 10: Rezo’s Kitchen Adventure
Poor Little Rezo was feeling lousy. Getting caught in the laundry would probably do that to a chibi. Having managed to escape the scrubbing disaster with out being noticed he wandered around the huge palace, completely lost. In an attempt to get his barrings he didn't notice the large furry creature approach him.
"Woof woof?" Lassie asked Rezo.
"Wha? no my name's not Timmy. I'm trying to find Lina. You know the half-naked, temperamental red-head that rocky brought in here?"
Lassie seemed to think for a moment. Lassie is a very smart puppy. "Woof Bark!"
"Uhm she might be somewhere where there's food?"
"Lassie nodded before picking Rezo up in her gentle jaws and dumping him down the dumb waiter shaft.
E, Sister: That's a little elevator that goes from the kitchens to other rooms people.
"AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" *Thud*
Rezo landed in the kitchen, a little woozy, but not too bad.
Rezo: speak for yourself. *groan*
As soon as the room stopped twirling for Rezo, he noticed he wasn't alone. Not too far away was a fat chef chopping and singing in a very bad French accent.
"Le poisson, le poisson, how I luv le poison! How I luv to chop them and gut them like soh!" the chef sang as he chopped and gutted a helpless flounder in time to the music. Rezo started to look a little nauseous watching the whole display.
"Ugh, that's gross." he moaned softly. He started to creep away and made it close to the doorway, via table top, when a shadow loomed over him.
"Sacre-blu. What is this? How could I have missed? " the chef cried, still continuing his horrid singing as he grabbed Rezo. "Such a succulent little crab!"
Rezo: I'm not a cra-ahck
The chef dumped him in a bowl of seafood sauce, and kept right on singing.
Rezo: Eww my robes listen you stu- achew.
The chef proceeded to throw spices and flour on Rezo. Before ending his song by tossing the icky priest into a pot of boiling water. Before hitting the water Rezo reached out with his staff and latched onto the rim of the pot. He used it like a rope to pull himself up and jumped to safety.
The chef, saw this happen with and un-happy smile. "Eh! And what do yu think yu are doing my little crab-cake?"
"Crab-cake this! Flare_Arrow!" Rezo fired a flare carrot at the insane chef managing to set fire to his twisting mustache. Noticing that his magic had shrunk as well as his body, Rezo did the only sensible thing. RUN LIKE HELL!!
Rezo ran about the kitchen as the crazy French chef chased him, trying to kill him with a meat cleaver and a seafood mallet. They managed to destroy most of the kitchen, knocking over tables and shattering plates. The crazy French chef, having lost sight of Rezo, stood up with an insane grin and flaming mustache called out "Where are yu my little one?"
"Jean Pierre! What on earth are you doing?"
The chef spun around to see an angry Zolf.
"Ah mi? uh Nutting." The chef said bashfully and put out the fire on his mustache, smiling sickly all the while.
Zolf gave off a feminine humph before collecting the serving plates, which had remained intact through the whole escapade, and marched off mumbling about crazy Frenchmen.
Scene 11: Dinner Reservations
Prince Zelgadis and Xellos were standing near the dinning room balcony. Both were discussing their new visitor; one driving the other nuts.
E, Sis: Betcha’ you can guess who.
Their discussion came to a halt with a single lewd phrase from the demon we all know and love, Xellos.
Xellos: Hubba hubba!
Lina, upon entering and hearing this, decided to mentally grace him with the term "JERK". She was NOT in a very cheerful mood. The muteness was getting to her. She had misplaced her tiny advisor, and she was wearing a dress! Mind you it was a charming outfit: a rosy satin, modest yet elegant, confection with no sleeves, or silly decorations, and a bell skirt that ended at her ankles; the outfit was completed with an ivory coloured belt, slippers and matching purse. But Lina Inverse did NOT wear dresses! It’s just not her style.
E, Sis: But it can’t be helped. Ariel wore dresses! Lina: -_-*
Prince Zel was stunned. He’d never seen such a lovely sight before, in all his life. His sappy grin began to resurface. Xellos wasted no time, much to Zel’s annoyance, in rushing forward to make the charming lady’s acquaintance.
"My my!You are a delightful creature." Xellos oozed as he kissed Lina’s hand. "Stone-boy wasn’t kidding when he said you were one h.." * WHAM * Xellos kissed the tiles as Prince Zel’s elbow connected with his skull.
"Eh heh", Zel began embarrassed. "Shall we dine?"
Lina’s face lit up with joy. ‘FOOD!’ She smiled and nodded excitedly. Zel, ever the gentleman, held out a chair for Lina as she sat down. Xellos managed to pry himself from the floor and joined them none the worse for wear.
At the dinner table Xellos continued to ooze his demon charms on the ever-silent Lina, as Zel was torn between pounding him into a nasty purple goo or smiling like a ninny at Lina. Lina wondered what was holding up the service. She was hungry NOW!
As the trio waited for their meal to arrive Xellos took the time to light up, a pipe, and started smoking.
E, Sis: A TOTALLY GROSS HABIT, WHICH EXCEPT FOR THIS SCENE WILL NEVER OCUER IN ANY OF MY FANFICS AGAIN!!!!!
Xellos: What about my boss? She’s never without a light!
E, Sis: Not in MY fics she wont. Don’t worry, if Xelas gets the urge I’ll put her on the patch or something.
Lina heartily agreed with The Emperor’s Sister. And since she didn’t want her appetite to be spoiled, devised and evil scheme. Lina smiled a cute little smile and pointed at Xellos’ pipe.
"Oh? Would you like to try it?" Xellos asked and handed it over. Lina grasped eagerly for the prize and as Xellos began to talk once more she brought it to her mouth and blew with all her might. Smoke, ash and tobacco flew into Xellos’ face obscuring everything under a thick black mask. Prince Zel laughed harder and longer that he’d ever laughed in his entire life time.
"I take it you’re a non-smoker." Xellos remarked as he began to clean himself off.
Zolf’s arrival brought a pleased smile to Lina’s lips as he was the one barring the covered trays of food. He set them down in front of every one and left without a word.
Lina removed the lid to her plate and discovered a masterpiece for the senses. A delicious butter crab smothered in a rich creamy sauce and accompanied by sautéed prawns and parsley. Lina’s eyes’ glowed and she heartily dug in, finishing her meal in record time.
"Guess you were really hungry." Zel remarked, and at her questioning look surrendered up his plate.
Xellos, finally clean, began to tease the prince and soon the two of them broke out in a heated argument about who would take Lina to the doctor. As the were arguing Xellos’ plate’s lid moved. Curious Lina paused in her consumption of Zel’s plate and looked closer to see Rezo’s head pop out from under the shield. Surprised, Lina glanced at her dinner companions to make sure they weren’t paying attention before swiping up the messy priest and shoving him into her purse.
Zel turned to Lina just as she finished cleaning off her second plate and smiled. "Ah, who would you prefer escort you to the doctor Miss…" Lina latched on to Zel as if he were a life preserver. "Well Xellos, that takes care of that. If you’re ready we’ll go."
Lina nodded and the two of them left the table, arm in arm, to see the royal physician. Xellos, alone, shrugged and uncovered his dish to see his crab dinner had run off. "Hey!!! Where’s my food?"
Scene 12: A Ride in the Park
The next morning Lina awoke with a mission. She was going to get the prince to kiss her, and she was going to use every trick in the book to do it. Lina gazed at her still sleeping bed fellow, Rezo. ‘Aw. Just like a little innocent baby.’ She thought smiling, before shaking him awake.
"Glaaah! Wha?" Rezo sputtered. "Oh its you. Don’t do that!"
Lina shrugged and outlined, on paper, her plans. She shoved the sheet at Rezo who had to lay it down to read it.
"So. You actually think this’ll work?" he asked.
Lina nodded and snapped her fingers. ‘Piece of cake.’
"Well you’re not going to leave me behind. You’ll probably need my help." He stated rising. "Now let’s see. What are you going to wear today? Something subtle but alluring."
Lina snickered knowing Rezo probably couldn’t care less about her love life. He was still shaky about the whole chef thing. But she figured, not to look this gift horse in the mouth and opened up her closet of borrowed, yet highly fashionable, clothes.
After about half an hour of the two of them arguing about style and what looked good and what didn’t they finally gave up and got the Emperor’s Sister to pick something out.
E, Sis: Sheesh you’d think I was your mother or something.
Finally, all dressed and ready to go, Lina descended the main stair case in search of her prey.. er prince.
**********
E, Sis: Meanwhile…
Back under water in the sea witch’s realm things were… dull.
Martina: You’re telling me! I was wondering when you were going to mention us again.
Naga: The great serpent Naga should always be center stage! OH WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!
While the dastardly duo were getting cabin fever and their boss, the sea witch Amelia wondered what was happening with her latest customer.
"I wonder what Miss. Lina is doing." Amelia pondered out loud.
"Probably trying to suck face with his royal highness." Quipped Martina annoyed at having absolutely nothing to do.
"Hmm. Ah I know! We’ll pay them a visit and see how things are progressing!" Amelia jumped with joy, and with a squeal made ready to go on an impromptu visit. In moments the trio were swimming through the sea towards the not too distant shore.
Flopping onto the sands Amelia gazed about searching for Lina. As she was preparing to call out, a breath taking sight, took her breath away.
E, Sis: They tend to do that.
Prince Zelgadis raced about the horizon, topless, playing fetch with Lassie. With a care free laugh he tossed the stick far and wide and watched the playful collie race after it.
Amelia forgot everything as she stared, ogling the stone carved Adonis before her. ‘OH he’s so CUTE!’ she sighed before fainting away into the sea’s embrace. Naga and Martina looked at their fallen boss, to the prince, back to Amelia, and then at each other.
"You think we should tell her that he’s taken?" Martina asked her partner.
"What? And break her little heart? What nonsense! I say we rig it so that princey boy marries our little Amelia!" Naga announced.
"Oh? And why, although I’m really for this believe me, should we do that?"
"BECAUSE!! When Amelia marries the Prince. We’ll move into the palace and meet handsome and RICH prince’s our selves. Not too mention that we’ll be able to lord on over on Lina!"
"What and excellent idea!!"
The duo proceeded to laugh hysterically and grabbed at their boss before swimming off.
E, Sis: I should do something about their getting off topic but, * shrug* eh I’m kinda curious as to what’ll happen next with those two.
Zelgadis and Lassie looked up from covering their ears in agony and searched the water line. "What in the abyss was that horrendous noise?" Zel asked, not really wanting to know the answer. Shrugging, Zel and his faithful collie marched back to the palace.
***********
E, Sis: Later on…
Prince Zel, now fully dressed in his casual prince’s attire, was walking the palace grounds, bored out of his mind and wondering how his silent guest was faring. The good doctor diagnosed her as physically fit, the other day, and assumed her voice would return eventually. Zel figured she was probably as bored as he was right about now and thought that was as good an excuse as any to pay her a visit.
He had just turned around and headed for the stairs when he saw her descending. Lina was wearing a subtle, yet alluring, ensemble that was perfect for a jaunt through town. She had on a dark blue skirt dress with a pale blue, almost white, Grecian style top. The outfit was completed with a matching short coat, half boots, and a short rimmed hat. She looked down at the prince and smiled.
Zel’s jaw almost hit the floor as he gawked at the red head in front of him. "Ah. Hi." Zel managed to get his vocals cords to work and proceeded to invite her on a tour of the city. Smiling and laughing, mutely, Lina latched on to his arm and towed him out of the palace to the waiting curricle outside.
E, Sis: For those of you who’ve never read a regency romance novel, a curricle is a small carriage for two that men always drove. They were usually pulled by a team of two to four horses, depending on the style of the design.
As they were about to depart Lina begged for the chance to drive. She had never driven before and didn’t want to miss out on any new experience. Zel figured she could do much harm and handed her the reins. With a crack of the whip the team and curricle sped off faster than the speed of light. Zel cried out and held on for dear life as Lina, enjoying herself, drove about the country side, like a mad woman. Finally when the horses were to tired to run any more and Lina was tired of driving through rivers and flying over crags, she handed the reins back to the shaking prince. Zel vowed to NEVER let the girl drive anything EVER again.
The two proceeded to ride on into the city that, as luck should have it, was in the midst of a large and wondrous festival. For the next few hours, Lina dragged the prince from one stall to another, trying any and all forms of delicacies, and of course leaving Zel to foot the bill.
Lina was having the time of her life. ‘Wow! What a wonderful world! The food! The music! The food! The dancing! The food! I never want to leave this place! Now where oh where could I put my plan into action?’
Rezo, who all this time was hiding inside the inner jacket pocket, piped up. "The fair would be an ideal place to get this charade over and done with you know."
Excited, Lina grasped Zel’s arm and pointed toward the fair grounds. Looking into her sparkling kittenish eyes, Zel gave in and bought them some tickets.
Lina gazed about the grounds in search of the perfect setting, as Zel managed to knock down all the rigged cups, three times in a row, and win Lina a cute and cuddly chibi doll.
E, Sis: Any everyone should know how hard THAT game is.
Lina was triumphant. As she clutched the doll in one arm, and Zel’s arm in the other, she set a bee-line course, straight for the ‘Tunnel of Love’.
Zel blushed several shades, as the smirking attendant pushed him into the Giant swan boat next to Lina. They rode into the dark and poorly lit cave and sat, in relative silence, listening to the cheesy loves songs that were being poured into the sound systems.
Gathering up some much needed courage Zel turned to his ship mate. "So.. ah. Say I don’t know your name and I should call you something." He babbled.
Lina smiled and snuggled closer mouthing the word ‘Lina’ over and over until he got it right.
"Lina! The.. that’s a n..nice name." Zel winced as he stuttered like a nervous school boy. ‘Come on Zelgadis Greywiers! You’ll never get anywhere this way!’ he mentally berated himself.
Rezo sneaked out of Lina’s pocket and climbed the swan’s back. Leaning close to Lina’s ear he proceeded to give her instructions. "Okay. He’s a little shy so try and be subtle. Don’t move too fast or you may spook him."
Nodding Lina pulled the old ‘pretend yawn’ and wrapped her arm around Zel’s shoulders. She looked up at him expectantly and saw, to her disappointment, that he hadn’t noticed. Zel was berating himself and re-running that old ‘Who could like a freak’ speech in his head. He was so absorbed that he wasn’t aware of anything. Not The lame love songs, the obviously rocking motions of the swan boat ahead of them, nor of his partner.
"OK." Rezo tried again. "Forget being subtle!"
Lina nodded and swung her self into Zel’s lap, wrapping both her arms around his neck. Startled, Zel came back to earth with a crash and grabbed her tight to make sure the boat didn’t tip over and they both didn’t fall into the recycled river water.
At that precise moment the song "Kiss the Girl" began to play and Lina raised her eye brows suggestively. Embarrassed Zel broke eye contact. Before he had a chance to remove her from his lap, Lina took advantage of his turned face to nibble on his ears. Forgetting everything, Zel not only let Lina continue, he revised his total opinion of such Make-out spots as the ‘tunnel of love’ and found them to be the most wonderful places on this earth.
Throwing caution to the winds, Zel leaned in and was about to give Lina the kiss everyone had been waiting for when… Both the effect of the two evil, match-breaking, eels’ pushing and Zel’s weight, tipped the boat over and SPLASH!
E, Sis: Talk about wrecking the mood.
With and un-wanted, and very cold, dunking, the drenched couple stood up in the waist high water stuttering and at a loss on what to do. "Well, I guess we should get back." Zel stated finally, emotionally confused. He helped Lina out of the water and turned to go. Lina nodded, shakily.
As Zel trudged onward, she looked back and retrieved her submerged red priest, who looked as miserable as she felt. Shoving back into her pocket, she rushed after the prince thinking, ‘This was no cheery walk in the park. This was a night mare. And just when he was about to do it too!’
Scene 13: To Be or Not To Be?
"That was a close one." Martina muttered to her partner in crime. The pair watched the bedraggled couple disappear out of the "Tunnel of Love".
"Too close." Naga agreed. "We’re going to have to do something fast before Lina digs her claws into the prince any deeper."
"I’ve got it!" Martina shouted. "We get Amelia to turn into a human to woo her darling prince charming. And just before she speaks to him, I’ll trick her into using a ‘Love Me’ charm to win him over!"
"OH WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH! I see! Then we get them hitched A.S.A.P., so its goodbye Lina, hello rich life!" Naga finished.
The two cackled with glee at their evil plot and set off to look for their boss.
************
E, Sis: Later…
The sea-witch, Amelia, and her two cronies were sitting around a mahogany table, studying the spell book. Earlier the dastardly duo managed to convince the nieve young octopus-girl to ‘follow her heart’ and to tell Zelgadis how she felt towards him. Now they were searching for a better spell than the one cast on Lina, for how could Amelia confess her undying affection, if she couldn’t say anything.
As luck would have it the next page after the "Fish to human in 3 easy steps" spell was a "How to become Human, without all the Hassles" incantation.
"My this spell is so simple!" Amelia cried out with her usual glee.
While her two companions packed for their trip, Amelia practiced what she would say to Zel. She was so absorbed that she didn’t over hear Naga and Martina’s conversation.
"So, did you finish the ‘Love Me’ charm?" Naga asked as she picked out several leather thong bikinis and shoved them into a duffel bag.
"Yup!" Martina answered as she did the same. "I’ve disguised it so cleverly that Amelia will think it’s a normal breath mint! The draw back is that it’ll wear off sometime tomorrow, so we’ll have to make this a quickie wedding."
**********
E, Sis: Elsewhere…
Prince Zel stared moodily out at the crashing waves. He was experiencing a multitude of emotions, the fore most being confusion and embarrassment.
Xellos calmly approached the thinking chimera and instantly gained his attention by bouncing a rock off Zel’s head.
"My my, you’re rather pensive tonight." Xellos said. "But then again the whole country side is buzzing with tales of your antics involving our charming guest and the ‘Tunnel of Love’!"
Zel blushed as he recalled the snickers and stares of the people outside the ride’s exit, when he and Lina exited soaking wet from their dunking. Naturally they all assumed, what almost could have taken place, actually did. Zel felt terrible for putting Lina through all that, that he couldn’t face her for the rest of the day.
"Hmm, you know Zel, you’ve got something really incredible going for you here." Xellos said, surprising the hell outta the prince. "You should realize that sometimes what you could be searching for may well be right under your very nose."
Prince Zel stared at Xellos stunned. He could believe that Xellos could be so insightful and wise when I came to love, let alone advise HIM on the subject. He almost started to think there was more to Xellos than he gave him credit for until Xellos spoiled it all by continuing.
"But.. if you want to ruin it for yourself go right ahead, I’d be more than happy to take our vibrant red head off your hands!" Xellos turned, and with a smile plastid to his face, left humming ‘My Way’ by Usher.
"Fruitcake," Zel muttered to himself. "But he’s got a point." He turned his gaze to Lina’s window, seeing only her silhouette imprint on the bedroom curtain. Gathering his resolve, he made a sincere and heartfelt pledge.
"I’m going not going to let Lina get away. She’s the greatest thing that’s happened to me in a long time! I’m not going to lose that to someone else, now way!" He was all riled up to go marching up stairs to Lina’s room, take her in his arms and convince her to be his, when he was promptly distracted by something on the beach.
E, Sis: Men and their short attention spans.
Scene 14: Mentos Fresh and Full of Life
Amelia, Naga, and Martina finally managed to make it to shore before sun down. Once there, Amelia cast the new Hassle-free spell to transform them into humans. They had just finished dressing when they spied Zel approaching.
"Quick Amelia!" Martina advised. "Take this breath mint so you wont turn him off with bad breath or anything."
Martina handed Amelia a mentos mint which she quickly popped into her mouth.
"We’ll be cheering you on from back here." Naga explained as the two leather clan villains dove for cover.
Amelia jumped onto Zel’s path and smiled.
Zel looked at her annoyed. "What are you doing here little girl? The beach is dangerous at night, and this is Private Property!"
"Oh you’re so good and just!" Amelia breathed causing the magic mentoss mint to activate. "Not only do you care about the safety of others, you also have a strong sense in up-holding the laws and rights of others!"
By this time the ‘Magic Mentos Mint’ had worked its spell on the helpless Zel.
E, Sis: I’ve got to think up a better name for that tongue twister.
Zelgadis’ eyes took on the vacant glazed appearance of a zombie, as Amelia continued on with her well rehearsed speech.
"Oh Mr. Zelgadis, I love you! More than anything in the world! I just know we’re destined for each other. Destined to be together, forever and ever! Please Mr. Zelgadis," she begged with stars in her eyes, "please say you love me too!"
"I love you too." Zel repeated like a well programmed robot.
Martina and Naga flew from their hiding places and removed their ear plugs.
"OH WAHAHAHAHAHAHH! This is marvelous! Now let’s get to work! Tomorrow is the Big Day!" Naga bounced, literally, with joy.
"Hmm? What do you mean?" Amelia asked, having swallowed the MMM already.
"AH?" Martina’s mind raced for a suitable cover story. "Why.. er.. why wait? It’s a match made in heaven right? Let’s have the wedding tomorrow then you can celebrate the rest of your lives!"
"What a great idea!" Amelia beamed. "Isn’t it Mr. Zelgadis?"
"Yes a great idea." Zel stated flatly.
Scene 15: Wedding Day Blahs
Lina awoke on the wrong side of the bed that morning. She could feel the beginning of a small cold brewing, not to mention her period was almost due to arrive. She was still annoyed at Zel for avoiding her all day yesterday as well.
‘What’s he think? I’m made of time or something? Today’s my last day.’ She growled in her mind and began to pace the room like a caged tiger.
She was interrupted when Gourry crashed into her closed window and caused rezo to fall off the bed in fright. Lina opened the cracked window and allowed Gourry to slide inside. Rezo struggled to climb back onto the bed as Gourry shook himself and grinned, recovered.
"Hey Lina!" Gourry congratulated, "I just heard the good news! And I thought you’d never land a husband with your flat…"
* WHAM *
"What are you talking about?" Rezo panted, victorious in his climb.
"Wha?" Gourry rubbed his head. "Oh. It’s all over town. Ya know, about the prince getting hitched all of a sudden."
Lina looked at Rezo puzzled. "It could be that he felt the honorable thing to do after the ‘Tunnel’ incident was to ask you to marry him. He may be on his way to do so now." Rezo reasoned.
Lina figured a rushed wedding could be the answer to her problem although she wasn’t too keen on the idea of getting married so soon in the relationship.
A knock on the door created an abrupt halt to all the activities going on in the room. Simultaneously, Rezo dived for cover, Gourry flew out the window, and Lina answered the door. Lina swung open the door to see Xellos standing there gawking. Looking down, she realized that she was wearing only a rumpled teddy and she quickly slammed the door closed to go put on a robe. Covered up to her satisfaction, she re-opened the door to find out what Xellos wanted.
Once the door was opened, Xellos swept Lina up into his embrace. Smiling evilly, he gazed into her startled eyes and spoke. "Ah my darling, I bring devastating news. But fear not, I am here to comfort you."
‘Eh?’ Lina’s expression said.
"You see, our very foolish chimera friend has decided to marry someone else. Rather callous of him, but my sweet, this means that there is nothing to keep US from being together." Xellos moved in for the kill as Lina snapped out of her shock, burning mad.
With a well placed upper-cut Lina was free, and Xellos was flung into the wall. She stormed into her room and tore into her closet for a suitable outfit for bringing-down-all-hell.
Dressed to kill, literally, she picked up Rezo and Xellos and dragged them out of the palace, behind her. Putting Xellos into a choke hold, Lina demanded he tell her where the event was to take place.
"Boat… docks… sailed off!" Xellos wheezed out. Dissatisfied Lina dropped him and turned her evil eye to the dangling Rezo.
Rezo: eeep!
Rezo was saved by Noonsa’s and Gourry’s arrival.
"Hey Lina! You’ll never guess what we just saw." Gourry yammered. "See we were going by this really big boat, that was covered in pink streamers and balloons and stuff. There was also this huge cake and … yeah that Zel guy was there."
"AMELIA IS GOING TO MARRY YOUR PRINCE!!!" Noonsa yelled, fed up with waiting for the bird-brain to get to the point.
Lina was really ticked off now. Rezo, who had managed to formulate a plan, decided that now was the time to butt into the conversation.
"Ok people!" Rezo started. "We’ve got to move and move fast! Noonsa you and Gourry go on ahead and stall the wedding. Ah.. take Xellos with you. Lina and I will get a ride there a.s.a.p."
The red duo raced off in search of a speed boat to ‘borrow’ leaving a determined trio behind.
"So… how exactly does one stall a wedding?" Gourry asked confused. Noonsa shrugged, just as clueless.
With a sigh, Xellos pulled himself to his feet and pointed. "With that!"
The others glanced over to see a small bell encased in glass, with a small hammer hanging beside it. On the glass was written "Break Glass to Activate Emergency Wedding Stalling Procedure."
Gourry and Noonsa: Oh. Well that’s sure handy.
Xellos grabbed the hammer and smashed the glass with one blow. A loud doomsday bell rang out and instantly several forms of wildlife, ocean life, and even the coast guard set forth into action.
The AEWSP charged the lone sailing vessel, at full speed. Catastrophe broke loose and several screams could be heard coming from the poor ship as the party aboard was obliterated. Some people managed to jump overboard while others raced to secure life boats. The poor bride to be weeped hysterically and blamed the groom for the mess. The disaster was paused when Xellos screamed out annoyed "HEY YOU MORONS!! THAT’S THE WRONG SHIP!!!!!!!" in which case the sheepish army apologized profoundly to the innocent victims of their wrath and decided to wait until the trio in charge showed them the correct ship to attack.
"This is going to take a while. Isn’t it?" Noonsa sighed.
Scene 16: Two Girls, A Guy, and a Leaky Boat.
Amelia was putting the finishing touches on her wedding ensemble when all hell broke loose on deck. With adrenaline pouring through her veins she leaped topside and climbed the main mast to address the masses.
"Halt villains! For disrupting one of the most important days in a young girl’s life, I, Amelia Wil Tesla Seyluun, shall punish you, in the name of justice and young brides everywhere!" Amelia dived off the ship’s mast, executing a perfect swan dive, her wedding dress and veil billowing out behind her like angel’s wings, to land face first on deck. Gourry walked over and began prodding the young brunette with a stick to see is she was still alive. Almost immediately, Amelia somersaulted backwards, only to slip on a canapé and fall flat on her face once again. The entire audience sweatdropped.
Xellos: Well I’d consider this wedding stalled. Don’t you?
Audience: * nods *
After a few more hours, the sun begun to set, and the red duo boarded the ship. Lina spotted her target and launched her attack. She nailed Amelia with a mighty body slam and put the sea witch into a head lock. As Lina worked out her frustrations the sun finished its decent and poor, pissed-off, Lina retransformed into a mermaid.
Amelia: Ack.. Miss… Lina… What are… you… doing?
Lina: Grrrrrr… Amelia you @#%$! How dare you! You cheated on our deal! You lousy skank! Zel was mine!!
Amelia: But.. but… glah!
Naga and Martina: Hey! Let go of our boss!
The two scantily clad villains dived at the struggling girls and an all out brawl ensued.
Unknown male: CAT FIGHT!!!
Immediately a group of young men encircled the battling females, placing bets and cheering. It was about this time that the MMM finally wore off.
Zel stared, confused, at the circle of men before dragging his protesting advisor out of their midst.
Xellos: Hey!
"Xellos, could you explain to me what exactly is going on here?"
"Eh? Don’t you know? You were about to get hitched to some brunette, I don’t recall ever meeting. Our dashing red head apparently knows her and she went ballistic when she heard the news. So she charged on over here, with me, some talking wildlife, and this really tiny guy, to do you and your blushing bride severe bodily harm. Then, I don’t really understand the details but, Lina dearest has a tail and she, your fiancée, and two half naked chicks are going all out right there on deck." Xellos summarized. "Is that all? May I get back to the fight? I’ve got good money riding on Lina-chan."
Zel: Ah.. sure.
Rezo: * ahem * Maybe I could clear some things up for you.
Zel glanced down at the very small red priest. Shrugging, he figured it was going to be a very weird day, he picked up the priest and bade him speak.
"Well your highness." Rezo began. "Seeing as how you’re completely clueless about what’s going on, it seems safe to assume that you were under some sort of enchantment. One most likely placed upon your person by the sea witch Amelia, the girl you were about to get married to. Are you with me so far?"
Zel nodded, "Yes you’re making perfect sense."
"Well," Rezo continued, "Lina discovered this plot and employed all our available resources to come to your aid. You see, Amelia was the little unpleasantness she encountered three days ago."
"Ah yes! I recall her mentioning that." Zel confirmed. "Now I’m beginning to understand."
"Now those bikini bearers happen to be Amelia’s evil henchmen and…"
"Lina’s outnumbered 3-1!" Zel exclaimed worriedly.
"Well yeah, but, Lina can take care of…"
Lina: Mega Brando!
Rezo: herself.
Naga and Martina flew far into the air and out to sea, vanishing from sight, leaving a rather beat up Amelia and bedraggled mermaid on deck. As the bride seemed only semi conscious, Lina was declared the victor by the male spectators. Money changed hands as they waited to see if the girls would ‘kiss and make up’.
The prince charged into their midst concerned. "Are you all right?" And to Amelia’s dismay, he knelt before the mermaid, and didn’t seem the least bit interested in her welfare, at all.
As Lina nodded, Amelia began to whine about Zel’s desertion, and Zel marveled at Lina’s lack of legs, a disturbing moaning sound could be heard coming from beneath them.
* groan *
Gourry: Hey the ship’s sinking!
"CRACK!"
Lina: oops… guess I shouldn’t have cast that spell.
* sploosh *
Masses: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Scene 17: A New and Improved Ending!
E, Sis: you read correctly. This is the LAST scene!
Most of the passengers having fled for their lives, and taken all of the sinking vessels life boats and preservers, the stranded cast sat around the lone, undisturbed banquet table to discuss their next course of action.
E, Sis: For the curious that’d be Zel, Lina, Amelia, Xellos, Gourry, Rezo, and moi.
Rezo: So now what?
Gourry: Hey why are you here?
E, Sis: I’m the writer.. I have to be here.
Xellos: Mini pizza!?
E, Sis: Thank you! * munch *
Rezo: * AHEM! * now what?
Zel: We drown.
Xellos: How pessimistic.
Zel: What! You wanna piece of me?
Xellos: Bring it on stone boy!
Girls: KNOCK IT OFF!!!!!!!!!!
The excess testosterone having been successfully chastised, the three girls entered into a private discussion. The Emperor’s sister took out some sheets of paper covered in very bad hand writing. She handed them over to the two females and they nosed through the sheets.
E, Sis: So does this ending work for you two?
Lina: I’m fine with it.
Amelia: it works. Let’s go ahead.
E, Sis: okay then.
"There’s really nothing to worry about guys." Lina informed her companions. " I sent Noonsa to fetch daddy and get us outta this mess."
"And why should he save us when he doesn’t even approve of your choice in boyfriend?" Rezo asked.
"Daddy’s just peeved about the whole fish/human thing. But if I become human again, Amelia can take my place as heir." Lina explained. "She’s more suited to the job than I am anyway."
"Justice must always reign supreme in Seyrunn!" Amelia declared.
"See, it works out for everyone." Lina concluded.
"But didn’t Amelia love Zel?" Gourry asked, quite lost.
"I was ensorcelled, so it doesn’t count. Besides she’s WAY to young and well…" Zel paused.
"I’ve reason to believe they’re related somehow." Rezo finished.
"Oh? What’s this?" Xellos eagerly leaned forward.
"Ah well… cough.. you see I’m Zel’s grandfather and.. er his great grandfather too."
All: Ewww!
"Hey I was BLIND! Being stuck in the dark makes it a little hard to tell!"
E, Sis: I thought the blind would have their other senses even more powerful than a normal persons to make up for their lack of sight making them able to see more, or something.
Zel: heh try and get out of that one Rezo.
Rezo: Um.. ah.. say can we get back to the main story already!!!!
Zel: * smirk *
"Anyway!" Lina resumed, "Amelia has to teach me that hassle free spell before Dad arrives."
"Oh yes! Here it is." Amelia cried supplying the book. Lina sped read the spell once and again. By the third read over she looked over at the Emperor’s Sister with a raised eye brow, and an expression that clearly spoke of disbelief.
E, Sis: Okay so I can’t write spells! Just cast it so we can finish already.
Shrugging Lina complied. "Ok here goes. Flippity Floppity Floom! You’re a Fish now you’re a Human. Badda Bing Badda Boom!"
Xellos: That’s pretty cheesy.
Gourry: I liked it!
In a poof of smoke Lina was transformed, yet again, into a human and dressed in the same blue dress Disney’s Little Mermaid wore when the king transformed Ariel into a human, for the last time, at the end of the movie.
Soon afterward King Phil arrived and, once agreeing to Lina’s terms, gave them all a lift back to dry land. That done with he wished his ex-daughter well and he, his newly adopted daughter Amelia, Noonsa, and any other aquatic extras, returned to the brimy deep.
Zel: so I guess that’s the end then.
E, Sis: Not So Fast!
Zel: what now?
E, Sis: There’s still the kiss.
Zel: ..kiss…
Lina: Hey that’s right! We never did get around to that and if we don’t the readers could start a riot.
E, Sis: * nods *
Zel: o.O
Lina: * chuckles * Emperor’s Sister.. do you mind?
E, Sis: not at all.
The Emperor’s Sister, using the power endowed upon all fanfic writers, sent the two back to the ‘Tunnel of Love’, where, seated quite comfortably, they took up where they last left off.
Lina was sitting, once again, in Zel’s lap and he gave no indication of wanting her elsewhere. With her arms wrapped around his neck she nibbled teasingly at his ears giggling when he groaned with pleasure. Zel, hormones racing full speed, glided his hands up Lina’s skirt, placing searing, hungry kisses over her neck and shoulders. Lina ran her fingers through his spiny hair as she begged him to continue. Finally their hungry mouths connected in a hot and frenzied kiss. One the readers have been waiting for since the fic began. Lina opened her mouth to his em-passioned invasion and the young randy couple started to make out in full force, sliding to the bottom of the swan.
E, Sis: Whoa ok.. I guess I’ll leave it there, since there’s NO WAY I’m writing a lemon when little munchkins could be reading this. Well I hope you enjoyed the story! I certainly enjoyed writing it! Now all that’s left to say is..