WOMAN OF THE YEAR : Wangari Maathai. Need any more be said? This woman has done our country and our continent proud, bringing us home a Nobel Peace Prize. Shining example of the results of fearlessness, dogged determination and hard work.

MAN OF THE YEAR: The lawyer who ripped a flag off a ministerial car and slapped an assistant minister because he was dissatisfied with the Government. Honourable mention goes to British High Commission Envoy Edward Clay and his "Vomiting on our shoes" speech.

ASS OF THE YEAR: There was competition here but the winner crossed the line comfortably ahead of the competition. Step up Chirau Ali Mwakwere, Kenyan Foreign Minister. After some Kenyan hostages had been taken, this Einstein raised eyebrows by deciding that the terrorists had freed the hostages, bewildering millions worldwide, including the militants who could have sworn they had not released their hostages.

FOOTBALLER OF THE YEAR: Thierry Henry. This cat is just good! Blisteringly fast, excellent dribbling skills, razor sharp instincts and not selfish with the ball, not only being one of the leading scorers in the Premier League but also leading in assists. Honourable mention to Ronadinho (Barca), Frank Lampard (Chelsea) and Didier Drogba (Chelsea)

ATHLETE OF THE YEAR: Kenenisa Bekele. Let's face it, our days in middle and long distance running are behind us. This cat is lethal

LYRICAL GYMNASTICS OF THE YEAR: Makadara MP Reuben Ndolo explaining away his his famous "Weka Taya" (Lynch and burn to death)

GOOF OF THE YEAR: Trade & Industry Minister Mukhisa Kituyi turning down the top job at the World Trade Organization, where he can influence continents, to remain a minister, where all he can influence is a bunch of villages and the odd town.

CRY BABY OF THE YEAR: The sight of fat tears rolling down the fat cheeks of Gibson Kamau Kuria, assistant counsel of the Goldenberg Inquiry wins hands down.

SPINELESS LEADER AWARD: Jointly shared by Local Government Minister Musikari Kombo and President Mwai Kibaki. Between the two of them the would be unable to decide whether or not to rise a second after sitting on a pin on a hot plate.

TOO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS AWARD: Water Minister Martha Karua, suing pretty much everything that breathes

HEN PECKED HUBBY AWARD: President Mwai Kibaki. It's just a matter of time before we get a 5,000 bob note with Lucy's face on it

HOT AIR AWARD: War on Corruption, 500,000 jobs, economic revival, working nation, merit, promotion on merit, appointment on ability

WELCOME TO THE WORLD AWARD: MP Samuel Moroto on his ar reset and incarceration. (What is the Government telling me by locking me up with common prisoners?)

SHAME OF THE YEAR: Margaret Hassan's beheading. Iraqi Militants are welcome to Bush, Rumsfeld and all their tanks, fighters and rockets!

CHAMELEON OF THE YEAR: Minister of Justice and Constitutional Affairs Kiraitu Murungi brings a whole new meaning to the term 'two faced'. For the Next Batman movie he's play the Two Face Character brilliantly

QUOTE OF THE YEAR: Justice and Constitutional Affairs Minister Robinson Githae suggesting to Kenyans to eat "... rats, snakes and other types of meat if they are hungry"

SHOCK OF THE YEAR: George Walker Bush being sworn into office a second time. I stopped drawing parallels between people and their president after taking a look at our own (Shudder!)

EDUCATE ME PLEASE AWARD: Disaster & Special Projects Minister Njenga Karume assuring journalists that people were not dying from famine, they were dying from 'disease and other things'

LOUSIEST DRESSER AWARD: Disaster & Special Projects Minister Njenga Karume for his checked coats so loud you'd think he wears armour under it, and trousers walking the fine line between trousers and bermuda shorts

MENSA AWARD OF THE YEAR: HE Mwai Emilio Kibaki. How he remembers to inhale and exhale in the correct order is a mystery!

FOOT IN MOUTH AWARD: Lucy Kibaki accusing Sports Ministry officials of laxity and laziness, and suggesting that swimming facilities at Nyayo Stadium were replete with mosquitoes and frogs. Said pool later turns out to be the very epitome of organization and efficiency

RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE AWARD: This award is shared in a two way tie by Finance Minister David Mwiraria and Health Minister Charity Ngilu, (NSHIF bill) and Justice Minister Kiraitu Murungi and Roads Minister Raila Odinga (Constitution)

UNDERDOGS OF THE YEAR: Greece, taking home the 2004 Euro Cup

CIRCUS OF THE YEAR: National Rainbow Coalition, the biggest collection of clowns on the continent

CONFUSION OF THE YEAR: Kenyan Football, from one crisis to the next and then again to the next

CLOWN OF THE YEAR: Jointly shared by COTU head Francis Atwoli, NGO Council chair Orie Rogo Manduli and President Mwai Kibaki on the golf course

WHAT THE HECK IS MY JOB AWARD: Lina Chebii Kilimo, Minister Office of the Vice President

GROWING OLD GRACEFULLY AWARD: Mrs (Josephine?) Michuki

GROWING OLD POORLY AWARD: MP Anthony Kimetto. Dude, the hot comb is out!

DONALD TRUMP AWARD: Information Minister Raphael Tuju, firing almost everyone he came into contact with.