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Shut up! ... Oh sorry. Good day my dear! I am your aunt Mojo and I am a fully qualified Psych-- psycho-- physi -- COUNSELOR! I AM A FULLY QUALIFIED COUNSELOR! My delicate features (especially my eyes, as you can see) should reassure you as we embark on our journey of self actu -- atucali -- DISCOVERY! DISCOVERY! That jackass -- sorry -- nice man who so kindly gave me this page has given me a free hand within reason to do as I like. (FREE HAND WITHIN REASON! I like that! What an oxymoro - axymoro - NONSENSE! WHAT NONSENSE! Anyway, I will be glad to listen to your problems and use my wisdom for your benefit |
8 December 2001
Dear Auntie,
I am sure you remember me auntie. I am your immediate neighbour to the left -- the girl with the pink hair. Anyway auntie, I think I am turning into a chicken. I find myself clucking all the time and scratching the ground with my nails I enjoy eating without the benefit of fork and knife. My beak -- er -- mouth goes right for the plate. At sunrise I crow very loudly for no particular reason. Help me Auntie! What can I do to going back to a normal human being with dreams and ambitions?
Yours,
Henrietta
Dear Hen,
If you are the same Henrietta who lives to my left and insists on playing her recorder at four in the morning listen very carefully- DO NOTHING AT ALL! Your eggs make excellent scrambled eggs!
Yours,
Aunt Mojo
17 December 2001
Dear Auntie,
I am desperate! I am in dire straights! I am in a quagmire! I am in very deep distress! My name is Anne and I am a very nice girl. I have a nice personality, a great sense of humour and I love socializing and meeting and talking to people. I know I am interesting and I KNOW I am pretty and witty and quite simply I am all that and a bag of chips. My problem, aunt, is that I have a condition in which I grow hair on my palms. This condition caused me no end of problems and usually people run away from me very fast without even looking back! What do I do?
Desperately yours,
Ana
Dear Ana,
If you follow your family tree, is there, among the branches, an ape of a monkey? No? All right, all right, no need to get all shirty! My advice to you girlfriend is to get yourself a pair of gloves and a job at the circus!
Yours,
Aunt Mojo
