The knock at the office door was tentative, and almost too soft to hear. With a sigh, Cordelia rose, and went to the door.

“Who is it?”

The voice was muffled, but oddly familiar. “I’m here to see Angel.”

She peered at the figure standing just outside the door. Although the weather was not cold, the person was bundled in a coat, wearing fuzzy red gloves, with a preposterously large hat drawn low over the forehead and a scarf pulled up over the mouth. What little of the face she could see didn’t look human.

“Who are you?” she asked suspiciously.

“I’m here to see Angel,” the person repeated stubbornly, apparently unwilling to say more.

“Do I know you?”

“I’m here to see Angel.”

“Do you know any other words than those? And I haven’t seen gloves like that since third grade.”

The figure outside the door flinched slightly at the phrase “third grade,” and Cordelia’s eyes narrowed.

“Say something else besides that you’re here to see Angel, ‘cause I only knew two guys with fashion sense as bad as yours, and one of them is dead.”

“I’m here to ---”

Suddenly, on an impulse she did not quite understand, she opened the door, grabbing at one of the gloved hands to draw the strange figure inside. As he slid in, she closed the door behind him.

He looked down at the floor, hat drawn low over his face.

“Look at me,” she commanded. “Do I know you, or am I just crazy?”

“I’m here to see ---”

“Look at me,” she interrupted. “You’re not getting past me until I get a good look at you, so just give it up and look at me.”

He still looked down.

“I so do NOT have the patience for this,” Cordelia proclaimed, and she grabbed the brim of the oversize hat and pulled. As the hat came off and fell toward the floor, he dived after it, muttering an inarticulate protest.

She stared for a moment as he bent down, and then rudely pulled off the scarf, as well, although it caught on something and ripped as she pulled it away. When he raised his hands awkwardly to try to stop her, she took the opportunity to grab one glove, but missed the other.

Finally, he gave in, and met her eyes. She was staring into a face that she had seen only once before, covered with fearsome-looking spikes, and quite impressively ugly.

Within that face were eyes she knew. They weren't the greenish-blue she remembered, but she knew them, just the same.

She even recognized the miserable expression.

“Doyle?” she whispered. “Is that you?”

“I didn’t want you to see me like this, princess,” he murmured, turning away again.

“You’re alive? How?” She caught her breath. “God, we saw you die.”

“Well, appearances can be deceivin’, I guess.... especially mine.”

“It really is you, isn’t it? I don’t get it, but .... oh, we’ve missed you so much!”

She hesitated for only a moment, then said awkwardly, “Can I give you a hug without getting stabbed?”

He made a sound without words, and she threw her arms around him, carefully avoiding the spikes on his face.

“I missed you so much! Why - what - oh, never mind. Come on, come with me right now, let’s go see Angel.”

He followed her without speaking, but stopped to pick up the hat, scarf and single glove from the floor.

"So, what happened? How did you manage to survive, and why this?" Angel's gesture indicated the current demonic appearance of his friend.

"It's a long story." Doyle sighed, the beautiful voice at odds with his grim visage. "Our good friends the Scourge, they didn't build their beacon quite right, it seems, at least for the half-breeds they had in mind to kill. I woke up on the Quintessa, heading out, and I was like I am now. It appears the thing burns up whatever's human in a body, and leaves the demon part behind. But for a long time, I wasn't sure I'd still be myself, if you know what I mean."

"Having been through a few changes myself, actually I do."

"Survival had its price all right, but I find I'm still m'self, most of the way. I still have all my own memories. I thought I'd feel more different, but far as I can tell, nothing else changed except my looks. That's more than enough."

"And that's why it took you so long to come back here?"

Doyle nodded. "At first I thought I might start to forget, or I might start to change more as time went on... couldn't be sure what might happen. But it seems I've done all the changin' that I'm goin' to do, and I'm stuck the way I am."

"Well, however you look, it's good to have you back. Cordelia and I have missed you more than you know."

Cordelia simply nodded her assent, at an uncharacteristic loss for words.

Doyle looked from one to the other, and half-laughed. "Looking like this, I wasn't all too keen on getting back here. Finally figured that I owed it to you to know I'm not dead, just ugly."

Cordelia blurted out, "You'll always be our friend, no matter what."

She didn't contradict him though, he noticed.

"Well, that at least is good to hear. Since most of my other activities are no longer exactly available t'me, I thought maybe I could still help you out a bit."

"You will always have a place here," Angel said. "It hasn't been the same without you."

"It won't be the same with me, either, not looking this way."

"We can move one of the computers into the back office for you," Cordelia jumped in. "You can always answer the phones, since your voice is fine, and I bet you can kick some serious butt in that form, too. So the bad guys had better watch out from now on, right?"

"Nice try, Cordelia, but are you sure you want me around, with this face on?"

She nodded. "Sure, I'm sure. Did I like the other one better? Well, duh. Of course I did, but it wasn't any fun at all around here while you were dead. In fact, it sucked, brood factor double-or-nothing, if you know what I mean. So yeah, I'm sure."

"Thank you," he said softly. "That means a lot."

"Well, you being alive, y'know, that means a lot too." Hesitantly she crossed the room to sit down next to him. He pulled away, shrinking back from her.

"Cordelia -"

"Don't panic, I'm not going to try to kiss you right this minute, silly. I don't need to get an eye poked out. It's just.... well, I missed you, that's all."

"I'm surprised you can stand to be near me, with the way you feel about demons and all."

"It's still you under there. You're still the guy who saved my life, twice. Hey, I'm from Sunnydale, I live with a ghost and work for a vampire, I think I can deal with my best friend being a demon."

"Is that what I am t'you, then?" he asked.

Cordelia took a deep breath. "Right now, yeah, that's what you are, and I don't want to lose you again, so hang around, okay?"

"Okay."

"Excuse me for a minute," and Cordelia dashed off in the general direction of the bathroom. Doyle and Angel just looked at each other.

"She still has too much pride to let you see her cry," Angel said.

"Well, that goes two ways, don't it?" Doyle muttered miserably.

"She's come a long way already. Don't expect the impossible," Angel chided gently. "She cares for you a great deal. She wasn't the same when you were gone, you know."

Doyle nodded slowly. "I can see she's changed some already, but I would hate to think I took too much away from her."

"When we believed we had lost you, it took a lot out of her. You did the right thing, coming back."

"You sure, man?"

"Very sure. You haven't been seeing how sad she's been. I have. Even if you're never more than friends, she needs to have you in her life, Doyle. Not to mention that I could use your help, too."

"And what happens the next time she goes out on a date with some handsome bloke, and falls in love, what am I going to do then?"

"You'll be her friend, and you'll survive. I know that hurts, but it's still better than the alternative. Besides, now you'll probably outlive her by a few hundred years, if you can manage not to get yourself killed again."

At Doyle's start, Angel smiled grimly. "You hadn't thought of that? Start thinking that way. Sometimes it makes life more difficult, but other times, it makes everything much simpler. Now, I would guess that the average life expectancy of a full-blooded Bracken, who stays out of trouble, would be what? Four hundred years, maybe five hundred?"

"Uh....."

"Something like, anyway. Am I right?"

"Yeah."

"So, you'll see a lot of people you care about live out their lives and die. It gives you a different perspective."

Slowly, Doyle nodded. "Guess it would."

He looked up, to see that Cordelia was standing in the doorway. "You heard that, eh?"

She nodded sadly. "I guess there's some good news with the face, then, right? You could be around for a long time."

"Is that good news?"

"Yeah. Just think, long after I'm gone, you two guys can still be here, together, protecting this city from, like, aliens and robots and whatever. Not that we haven't started getting those already."

"Miss something, did I?"

"You'll catch up." She returned to her place on the couch beside Doyle, and when he started to flinch away again, she poked him lightly. "Don't run away. Newsflash, we want you back. We missed you. So, get over yourself and let us be happy you're here, okay?"

"You make it sound easy."

"Not easy, but at least we get a chance to find out."

"Find out what?"

"What you asked. Did you think I'd forget?"

He just stared. She tilted her head a bit, looking at him. "No promises," she warned. "'Cause, y'know, I have to agree with you that this face doesn't make the greatest first impression. But, hey, we all have our little problems."

"Little?"

"All right, sometimes they're not so little. But we deal."

"When did you turn into the fountain of wisdom, Cordelia?"

"When you died," she said brutally, and he winced.

Then, before either Doyle or Angel could say anything, she pressed on. "So, how do you take these visions back?"

"Oh, that's why you're glad to see me, is it?"

"Can we say insecure? This is the part where you want me to prove something, huh? All right, I guess I'll have to try. Don't these things retract or something? Like a cat's claws?"

She touched the spines on his face lightly, and he pulled back. "Cordelia, don't."

"If they don't retract, don't they get in the way when you eat?"

Angel started to laugh helplessly. "Cordelia, the more you change, the more you stay the same."

"Don't do that," Doyle hissed as Cordelia's fingers lightly brushed near his lips.

"Why? Does it hurt?"

"It's ... sensitive."

"Oh look, they're bending out of the way! Thought there had to be a trick to this."

She looked closely, curious, watching the way the spines near Doyle's mouth had started to curve slightly aside at her touch.

Angel murmured, "Should I leave the room?"

Doyle yelped, "Don't you dare leave, man. I'm bein' abused here."

"Oh, this is wild," Cordelia said with fascinated delight, watching the spines move as her fingertips gently circled around Doyle's lips. Her tentative gesture grew bolder as she watched the reaction.

Doyle squirmed in discomfort, and possibly in something else as well, as Angel chuckled in the background.

"Ye're no help at all, man," Doyle muttered, shifting his position awkwardly as he submitted to Cordelia's touch.

Cordelia's fingers continued to explore Doyle's lips. "Aha!" she exclaimed in triumph, as the spines surrounding Doyle's mouth and chin kept flattening down against the blue-green skin of his face. The more she stroked the skin around his mouth, the more the spines curled out of the way.

"Now, Cordelia," Angel drawled, "You didn't by any chance happen to stop to sneak a look at the demon database when you stepped out a few minutes ago, did you?"

"Shush," Cordelia chided. "You'll ruin the mystique. Feminine intuition and all that stuff. Besides, it didn't say very much."

She gave Doyle one last appraising look, and nodded. "Yeah, I think that will do. Now, about those visions?"

"Uh..."

"Let's find out if I can give them back to you."

"This time I really will leave the room," Angel said with a laugh, and this time, Doyle did not protest.

At the door, he turned for a moment, unable to resist one more glance at Cordelia tackling the task of figuring out how to kiss Doyle, and Doyle trying not to kiss back....

And then, finally, giving in.

Seeing the determination on Cordelia's face melting into pleasure, Angel left quietly, feeling the first real peace he'd enjoyed in a long time.

With one arm around his shoulders, and her mouth still seeking his, Cordelia's other hand had gone exploring. Her fingers traced the pattern of spines, softened and curled now, over his jaw and down his neck, extending all the way down to the pulse pounding in the hollow of his throat. There her touch lingered, blocked by the fabric of the shirt that he had buttoned as high as possible.

"Cordelia... stop...." Doyle's voice was strained as he pulled away at last from Cordelia's demanding kiss.

"Did you feel the visions come back to you? Because I didn't feel them leave me yet."

"Please stop." He sounded so pitiful that Cordelia reluctantly moved away from him, but not very far. In fact, her hand slid down his shoulder and came to rest where it was still touching his leg, which was still enough to cause him some discomfort.

"What's the matter?" she asked. "I thought this was kind of nice, really. Didn't you?"

"Cordelia, I can't just take the visions back. It's up to the Powers. If you're supposed to keep them, then you'll keep them, no matter how much you kiss me."

She shrugged and smiled. "So? What's wrong with trying?"

"In this form... I...." He stopped, and stared pointedly at her hand on his leg. "Please?"

Reluctantly, she withdrew her hand. "What, now I'm supposed to believe that all of a sudden you don't want to kiss me? Yeah, right. I know enough to know that's not true."

Doyle drew in a long, shaky breath. "Ever the confident one, eh, princess?"

"I'm not a total innocent, you know. I had boyfriends in high school. And, uh...." she looked down at her hands, now clasped together to keep them from straying. "When I thought you were dead, well, I ...."

"You don't have to tell me anything."

"Mmmhmmm. Because I was totally ready to go out to dinner with you, you know? And then you went and died on me, and it was like, what does anything matter any more?"

"You felt like that?"

"When you were.... gone? Yeah. You know the feeling, when you're just kind of empty, and it doesn't seem like there's really any point left to caring about anything?"

"I know it well."

"Yeah, well, that's kind of where I was," she muttered, still staring at her hands. "So, like I said, not ... uh... innocent."

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

"Well, you should be. You should have been there. Everything would have been different if you had been there."

She looked back up again, at the bluish-green demon face and the red eyes. "Even looking like this."

He shook his head slowly. "No."

"Yes. You know, I've been turning into research girl since you've been gone."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, there's this demon database thing. I mean, tonight wasn't the first time I looked at it. And I was wondering, well, how you happened. The half-demon, half-human thing and all?"

"Pretty much the usual way," Doyle answered drily.

"Well, when I first saw it I was thinking, ewww, like dating for demons, yuck. Turns out, I wasn't far off. Seems there's a reason why human women hook up with demon guys, after all. You know, all those old legends about demon lovers? Bottom line is, seems like there's more to being demony than just being ugly. And we already know that Brachens and humans are, like, compatible, because after all, you're here, which proves the point." Despite herself, her hand moved back up to his face, where the spines had now straightened back into their usual defensive position.

He leaned away, reached up, and gently caught her fingers.

"Cordelia, you can't play around with a demon like that."

"I'm not planning on playing around with just any old demon. I was thinking of just you."

He pulled farther away from her, dropping her hand. "Then stop thinking, because playin' ain't an option here."

She stared at him, hurt. "Okay, what am I missing? What's going on?"

"Look, it's pretty obvious here. I'm not human any more. What part of that don't you understand?"

"Uh, how about the part where you didn't really have a Brachen father and a human mother? That's the part I'm missing, because last I heard, you did."

"So?"

"So, human female, demon male, do the math. Unless, uh, now that you're the Promised One or whatever, are you claiming that you were an immaculate conception?"

Despite himself, he laughed. "Not hardly. But you're not my mother, and..."

"Well, duh. Incest is not my thing. But did you ever, you know, ask your mother why?"

"Can't say as I did. Not the sort of thing one asks one's mum, is it now?"

"Well, you must have wondered. I did. So, I was thinking, how often does this happen? 'Cause it seemed like there are an awful lot of half-demons, and, well, that means there sure is a whole lot going on somewhere out there that they don't teach in the sex-ed books."

"Whoa, what a surprise."

"Hey, sarcasm, good sign. So, I'm wondering what these demons have going on, because they must have something going for them, right? Anyway, I started looking up stuff, and it was way interesting, all this stuff about pher- uh, pheromones? Sort of like the ultimate aftershave commercial."

"I think you might be getting some wrong ideas from this demon database of yours. Let me see if I can figure a way to explain this, then. In this form..." He stopped, and spread out his hands helplessly, unable to find the words to continue.

"Are you afraid you'll hurt me?"

"Well, yes, among other things."

"You won't hurt me." She said it with absolute certainty.

"I don't know that, not for sure. In this form, I... uh... I don't have very good control," he confessed awkwardly.

She smiled. "Well, in my school days, I did my share of making out in closets, so I know a little bit about guys who don't have very good control."

"I didn't exactly mean that... although, in a way, I sort of did mean that."

"Like starting over as a teenage boy again, huh? Must be tough, after having been an old married man and all, but I can deal with it."

"Cordelia, this isn't a body you can get cozy with in a closet." He gestured toward the spikes on his face. "This is a body that's set up for fightin', for doin' damage. Plus, those little chemicals you're talking about, I can't really control them, either. If I get rude, you can't just slap me and walk away."

"But I wasn't planning to walk away," she answered softly.

He sighed. "You still don't get it, do ya? I didn't mind a little harmless flirtin' before, when I was human... mostly. It was fun, even when it drove me crazy, but....things are different now. If I'm really your friend, like you say...."

"What you mean is, don't be a tease, don't you? You can say it."

"Well, yeah."

"But what if it's not a tease? What if I mean it?"

"You don't. You can't."

"Don't try to tell me what I can feel and what I can't," she snapped at him. "You may have come back from the dead, but that doesn't make you God."

"I've got no claims to deity, Cordelia. Quite the opposite."

"You're not evil, no matter what you look like, so you can knock that off right now."

"It's not about evil, exactly. It's about twisting somebody's mind around just to get some. That plain isn't goin' to happen, chemicals or no chemicals. It's like, well, if I were giving you a drug or something that would make you forget how ugly I am. I wouldn't be doin' it on purpose, but I'd still be doin' it to you, and that ain't right."

"It is if I know ahead of time what I'm getting into." When he just shook his head stubbornly, she exclaimed: "You don't think I can handle it? Well, wakey-wakey, I'm not scared."

"Maybe you should be."

"You want to know what scares me?" she challenged him. "I'll tell you what scares me. The idea that you might walk out of here and not come back, that scares me. Big time. Because, you know, been there, done that, don't want to go there again."

"Yeah, well, coming back here was .... " his voice trailed off.

"Coming back was harder than dying. I got that," she assured him softly.

"Cordelia, darlin', don't do this t'me. Tomorrow or the next day, when the shock of me bein' alive wears off, and you're away from me, and gettin' a breath of fresh air in the sunshine, you'll be out lookin' at some guy who doesn't have spikes all over his face."

"Oh, I might look," she admitted with a grin. "Nothing wrong with looking. But, touch?" She put a hand lightly on his shoulder, and felt him tremble. "That's different."

"Don't smile at me like that. Don't give us false hope, princess. We both know it can't work."

"Hey, I'm not saying it will be easy. I'm not saying there won't be times when I have to pick somebody else to take me to a party. But that isn't what really counts, is it?"

Her hands were reaching for him again, and he tried to block her, but as he took in a shuddering breath, she dodged under both his hands and the half-curled spikes, and slid partway into his lap. She ended up with her head on his leg, and her legs stretched out along the couch.

"Last chance to stop," he warned her, his voice unsteady. "'Cause soon, I may not be able to stop any more."

"I got that the last five times you told me. Message received, okay? Now just shut up and let me find out for myself."

"Find out?"

"Why any woman who's had a demon lover never wants to settle for a human guy again."