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Click here to get back! Your mama's so ugly...
Your mama's so stupid...
Your mama's so fat...
Your mama's so poor...
Your mama's so old...
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Your mama's so ugly...

she put the Boogie man outta business.
she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt
when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."
when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'
she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
when they took her to get make-up it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!
your Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye...
she put Marilyn Manson out of business.
she was a guard at Snake Mountain
they knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...
even Harry Knowles refused to date her.
they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold out!
you must be, cos your mama still ugly as sin....
she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.
Tony Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.
you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.
she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.
we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.
her shadow gave up.
people at the Zoo pay cash so they don't have to see her...
her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.
when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.
hotel managers use her picture to keep away the rats.
instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.
they gave her a middle name...'accident'.
she fell out of the ugly tree, and she hit every branch on the way down.
when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a job application!
when she was born the doctor smacked her face.

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Your mama's so stupid...

she stole free bread from the bakers.
I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...
she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner.
she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Coke.
she took the Pepsi challenge and failed.
she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!
it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"
she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.
she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.
she sold her car for gas money!
she thought a Quarterback was a refund...
she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a curb.
she cooks Indian curry with Old Spice.
when she was my secretary, she left white out on the screen.
when she came back the next day, she wrote on the white out.
she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.
when I asked her Are You Single? - she said, no 'I is Double jointed'
I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
it took her an hour to make minute rice.
she invented a silent car alarm.
that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean.
she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...
she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.
she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.
she thought Mountain Dew was a New York radio station.
she lost her shadow.
she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.
she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job.
she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.
she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.
when she asks me what Jeans I wear I said 'Guess' and she said - 'Levi?'
when I asked her to purchase me a Color TV she asked me...'Which color?'

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Your mama's so fat...

I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.
when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
when she hauls ass, she has friends come help.
I've got to tell two jokes just to cover her fat ass.
they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.
she can lay down and stand up and her height doesn't change.
when she dances, she makes the band skip.
when she walks across the living room, the radio skips.
when she played hide-n-go-seek, she hid behind a water tower.
the horse on her Polo shirt is real.
the horse on her Jordache jeans is real.
she's not kidding when she says "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!"
on Halloween she says "Trick or meatloaf!"
on Halloween she trick or treats two houses at a time.
when she opens the refrigerator, it says "I give up!"
when she opens the refrigerator, it says "Uncle!"
Fat Albert gave her the rights to say "Hey, hey, hey!"
when she ordered a "My Size Meal" at McDonald's they gave her a dinosaur.
when she ordered a "My Size Meal" at McDonald's they gave her the key to the store.
when she went to Burger King and asked for a Whopper, they gave her the sign.
when she works at the movie theater, she works as the screen.
when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.
her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine.
all the restaurants in town have signs that say: "Maximum Occupancy: 240 Patrons OR Your Mama"
when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
when she ran away, they had to put her picture on the milk truck.
you can't even see her legs, it just looks like she's gliding across the floor.
instead of Levis 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's.
instead of wide leg jeans, she wears wide load.
she was in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade... wearing ropes.
when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down.
she don't wear a G-String, she wears an A, B, C, D, E, F, G-String.
she fills up the bath tub, and then she turns on the water. she uses diet soap.
she has to use a lawn chair instead of a Thigh Master.
she went to sit down and the chair begged for mercy.
all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor.
when I said I wanted "Pigs in a blanket" she got back in bed.
when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 5 years to live.
she doesn't have a doctor, she has a grounds keeper.
she doesn't have love handles, she has a roll bar.
she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her.
a picture of her fell off the wall!
her picture takes two frames.
I saw a picture of her in a magazine on page 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.
when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall. she could sell shade.
her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
she's larger than life.
she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.
when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.
she puts mayonaise on aspirin.
people jog around her for exercise.
I ran around her twice and got lost.
she's once, twice, three times a lady.
she gets runs in her jeans.
when she was walking in her jeans I swear I smelled something burning.
I gotta take three steps back just to see all of her.
her ass has it's own congressman.
she shops for clothes in the local tent shop.
her favorite blouse is a tent.
she deep-fries her toothpaste.
her favorite food is seconds.
when she stepped on a train track, the warning lights went on.
when she goes to the circus she sees the big top and asks "Where can I try that on?"
when she goes to the circus she takes up all the rings.
that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.
even God couldn't raise her spirits.
she has TB... two bellies.
at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
the animals at the zoo feed her.
when your father mounts her, his ears pop.
"Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks.
every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
when she plays football she plays the interior line.
she has to keep pesos in one pocket and yen in the other.
when she wears heels, they're flats by the afternoon.
when she leaves the beach everybody shouts "The coast is clear."
she wakes up in sections.
her blood type is rocky-road.
her blood type is Ragu.
her college graduation picture was an aerial.
her yearbook picture is an aerial.
her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."
they used her for a trampoline at the Olympics.
she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon.
when she put on some BVD's by the time they reached her waist they spelled "BouleVarD."
when she auditioned for a part in "Indiana Jones," she got the part as the big rolling ball.
she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, and says "Okay."
when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains."
when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
when I finished having sex with her and tried to roll off, I was still on her.
I had to roll over twice to get off of her.
if she got her shoes shined, she'd have to take his word for it!
she's got Amtrak tattooed on her leg.
when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them.
she freebases ham.
we got her in the drive-in free by dressing her as a Chevy.
she went on a light diet... As soon as it's light she starts eating.
she's on a new diet... slim slow.
she ain't on a diet, she's on a triet... She be like "What ya'll eating? I'll try it!"
she went on a seafood diet... Whenever she saw food she ate it.
she could go a week without eating and still not lose weight.
she can't lose weight, only find it.
when she bends over we go into daylight savings time.
she's half Indian, half Irish, and half American.
she got it goin' on... and on and on and on.
when I climbed up on top of her, I burned my ass on the lightbulb.
when she goes to an office, they tell her to pull up a sofa.
if she wears fishnet stockings, they'd better be 50 pound test!
the telephone company gave her two area codes.
they have to run a relay race to get her belt through her belt loops.
she has to put her belt on with a boomerang.
her belt size is the equator.
she wears an asteroid belt.
she has her own area code.
her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.
when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.
when I was done I rolled over, over again, and I was still on top of the bitch.
she can't even jump to a conclusion.
if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance!
when she went to the Rose Parade they thought she was a float.
she went to Sizzler and got a group discount.
she made weight watchers go blind.
she wears a watch on each arm, one for each timezone.
she jumped in the ocean and they thought she was an oil spill.
she has to wear a three piece bathing suit.
she jumped in the ocean and the ocean jumped back and said "I'll wait my turn."
when she plays football she play offense and defense.
her nickname is "Damn."
the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot-dogs.
your daddy had to roll her in flower and look for the wet spot.
she broke her leg and gravy dripped out.
I shot the bitch and Crisco came out.
she DJ's for the ice cream truck.
I tried to fuck her doggy style but I was just ridin' piggy back.
she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to "Get the fuck off."
she stepped on a talking scale and it told her "Fuck it, they don't pay me enough!"
she stepped on a talking scale and it told her "Sorry, we don't do livestock."
she stepped on a talking scale and it said "Please step out of the car."
she stepped on a scale and she saw her phone number.
the last time she saw 90210 she was on a scale.
when she gets on the scale it says "To be continued."
when she steps on a scale, it says "One at a time, please."
when she weighed herself the scale gave her an equation.
she's moving the Earth out of its orbit.
Your father didn't know whether to fuck her or take the burro ride down.
no one can talk behind her back.
I gain weight just by watching her eat.
when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet.
she's got her own zip code.
she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her as a new world.
she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
she can't reach her back pocket.
she can't wear Dazzey Dukes. She has to wear Boss Hoggs.
she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
her tailor takes her measurements in light years.
when she comes down the stairs she measures on the Richter scale.
when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders "Thank You, Come Again."
she eats biscuits like tic tacs.
she don't eat Wheat Thins, she eats Wheat Thicks.
she fell in love and broke it.
when yo father fell in love with her he got lost.
when she swims, she leaves stretch marks on the swimming pool.
when she gets out of the car, she leaves stretch marks.
she leaves stretch marks on the bathtub.
when she fills up the tub, she fills up the tub.
she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!
she got hit by a truck and asked "Who threw that rock?"
she has to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
she has more nooks and crannies than a Thomas' English Muffin.
she has to buy two airline tickets.
she eats pumpkin pies like Skittles.
when the cashier at KFC asked what size bucket she wanted, she said the one on the roof.
she has to grease her hands to get into her pockets.
she has two stomachs: One for meat, one for vegetables.
she masturbates reading cookbooks.
the shadow of her ass weighs 50 pounds.
even her shadow has stretch marks.
she needs a roadmap to find her ass.
she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck.
she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
she jumped for joy and got stuck.
she measures 36 24 36, and the other arm is just as big.
the earth orbits around her instead of the sun.
NASA orbits satellites around her.
NASA is going to use her to fill the hole in the ozone layer.
she plays hopscotch like this: LA, Detroit, Seattle, NY.
when she went to a dating service, they matched her up with Detroit.
I saw her in New York, and when I told my friend in LA, he'd seen her too.
after she got off the carousel, the horse limped for a week.
she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
she looks like the Stay-Puff marshmallow man on steroids.
she sat on the corner and the police came & said "Break it up!"
she can't just work one corner, she has to work all four.
she sat on a dollar and made change.
she sat on four quarters and made a dollar.
her car is made out of spandex.
she has to get out of the car to change the radio station.
she has to get out of the car to change gears.
she got a "speed pass" for Dairy Queen.
she shows up on radar.
she stood in front of the Hollywood sign and it just said H d.
she had to roll over 4 times just to get an even tan.
she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out.
she uses hula hoops to hold up her socks.
she wears a hula-hoop for a belly-button ring.
she uses a mattress for a maxi-pad.
she uses a pillow case as a sock.
her skates went flat.
her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
she wears a VCR for a beeper.
she fell off a boat and the captain yelled "Land Ho!"
she sat on a rowing machine and it sank.
she went to a Chinese Restaurant and ordered a 40oz. of gravy.
she has 48 midnight snacks.
she's on both sides of the family.
she can't tie her own shoes.
she eats cereal out of a satellite dish.
she sat in Big Foot and made it a lowrider.
when she got on the bus she turned it into a low rider.
Yo mama's so fat, when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas.
Yo mama's so fat, when she walks down the street everyone yells "Earthquake!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she walks down the street, you can hear her hips saying to each other "If you let me by, I'll let you pass."
Yo mama's so fat, when she walks in front of the T.V., you miss 5 minutes of your show.
Yo mama's so fat, the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door.
Yo mama's so fat, the only thing she lost at Jenny Craig was $29.95. Yo mama's so fat, Jenny Craig did a credit check.
Yo mama's so fat, when she volunteered to clean cages at the zoo, people walked by and said "Look at the elephant!"
Yo mama's so fat, the highway patrol made her wear a "Caution! Wide Turn" sign.
Yo mama's so fat, she sat on an Oreo and unlocked the magic.
Yo mama's so fat, they had to baptize her at Sea World.
Yo mama's so fat, last time she went to Sea World Shamu got a hard on.
Yo mama's so fat, she jumed in da ocean and the whales started singing "We are family!"
Yo mama's so fat, when I have sex with her I have to slap her ass and ride the wave in.
Yo mama's so fat, they changed my Physics book to say "What goes up must come down, except Yo mama."
Yo mama's so fat, they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping.
Yo mama's so fat, she bungee jumped and went straight to hell.
Yo mama's so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses a kiddie slide for a shoe horn.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses blanket as a washcloth.
Yo mama's so fat, when her beeper went off, people thought she was backing up.
Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, little kids yell "Free Willy, Free Willy."
Yo mama's so fat, as a kid, she couldn't play Hide-n-seek, just seek.
Yo mama's so fat, she makes Free Willy look like a Tic-Tac.
Yo mama's so fat, when she backs up she beeps.
Yo mama's so fat, she plays pool with the planets.
Yo mama's so fat, she's taller lying down.
Yo mama's so fat, the body snatchers called home for backup.
Yo mama's so fat, the only thing she can fit into at the clothing store is the dressing rooms.
Yo mama's so fat, when she fell down the stairs, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo mama's so fat, she has to use sleeping bags for tube socks.
Yo mama's so fat, they had to install speed bumps at the all-u-can-eat buffet.
Yo mama's so fat, she pulls up a chair to an all-u-can-eat buffet.
Yo mama's so fat, when it says all-u-can-eat it still ain't enough.
Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.
Yo mama's so fat, you can pinch an inch on her forehead.
Yo mama's so fat, you can smack it up, flip it, and rub it down all at the same time.
Yo mama's so fat, you could go swimming in her bra.
Yo mama's so fat, when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.
Yo mama's so fat, on a scale of 1 to 10, she's a 747.
Yo mama's so fat, she has a greater gravitational attraction than a black hole.
Yo mama's so fat, she uses the carpet as a blanket.
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears corduroy pants, the ridges don't show.
Yo mama's so fat, she made Richard Simmons cry.
Yo mama's so fat, even Richard Simmons laughs at her.
Yo mama's so fat, when she saw a yellow bus going down the road she yelled "Hey! Stop that Twinkie."
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a red dress people yell "Hey Kool-Aid Man."
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people call her "Taxi!"
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, kids think its the school bus.
Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a purple sweater people call her "Barney."
Yo mama is so fat, when she sits in a chair, the rolls on her legs, cover her feet like a blanket.
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her ass back in the water.
Yo mama's so fat, when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan.
Yo mama's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittle's fell out.
Yo mama's so fat, and you're so poor, when she comes in your house the tires pop.
Yo mama's so fat, she don't know wether she's walking or rolling.
Yo mama's so fat, when she tiptoes, everyone yells "Stampede!"
Yo mama's so fat, she get's her toenails painted at Earl Schieb's.
Yo mama's so fat, but I fucked her anyway.
Yo mama's so fat, when I tried to fuck her I didn't know if I was hitting the hole or a roll.
Yo mama's so fat, when my dog went to fuck her he had to peel too many fat rolls and said "Fuck It."
Yo mama's so fat, when she fart the whole planet came out.
Yo mama's so fat, she makes sumo wrestlers look anerexic.
Yo mama's so fat, her car is made of spandex.
Yo mama's so fat, we're inside her right now.
Yo mama's so fat, she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.
Yo mama's so fat, one day when she got in a fight the person fighting her got lost in her.
Yo mama's so fat, when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought it was American Airlines biggest jet.
Yo mama's so fat, if she were an airplane, she'd be a jumbo jet.
Yo mama's so fat, one day she was lifting up her rolls and a car fell out.
Yo mama's so fat, Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
Yo mama's so fat, she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation.
Yo mama so fat that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.
Yo mama's so fat, all the chairs in her house have seatbelts.
Yo mama's so fat, she smells like bacon at 90 degrees.
Yo mama's so fat, and her back is so crooked, when she lays down...people say "I didn't know we had mountains."
Yo mama's so fat, when she travels, she's gotta make two trips.
Yo mama's so fat, God created her, and on tHe seventh day he rested.
Yo mama's so fat, they call her "Big Fat Ho."
Yo mama's so fat, when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo mama's so fat, when she was born, she didn't get a birth certificate, she got blue prints.
when she step on the weight scale it says...'to be continued'...
she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!
people exercise by jogging around her!
when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.
she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy pocket.
she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie.
NASA plans to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer.
she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...
when she went to the Zoo, Elephants began throwing peanuts at her.
small objects orbit her.
she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anorexic.
when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.
when she farted she launched herself into space.
she lost a game at hide&seek only because I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.
when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of gas!
she could be the eighth continent.
she nearly put Safeway out of business.
the only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.
her Uni graduation photo was an aerial.
when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.
she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.
her favorite food is seconds.
her belt size is Equator.
she eats desert out of a trash can lid.
when she wears an 'X' jacket, Copters attempt to land on her
she shows up on radar.
she needs a map to find her butt.
she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!
she wears an asteroid belt.
her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued on the other side'
she has TB ... 2 bellys.
she's once, twice, three times a lady.
she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
the circus uses her as a trampoline.
stunt agencies use her as an air mattress.
when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'
she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen.
she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!
she deep fries her toothpaste.

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Your mama's so poor...

they put her photo on food stamps.
when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
she waves an ice cube around and calls it Air conditioning.
burglars break into her home and leave money.
when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.
the IRS repossessed her cardboard box.
she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.
each night she goes to KFC to lick other people's fingers.
she can't even afford to go to the free clinic.
when I saw her kicking a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.
I caught her trying to use food stamps in the candy machine.
when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'
I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."
I visited her house, tore down the spider webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"
I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."
the only time she smelled hot food was when a rich man farted...
when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I said - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."
she hangs the toilet paper out to dry.
closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding shopping car....with a box on it...
she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
I went into her 'living room', stepped on a cigarette butt and she shouted - "Hey, who turned off the heater!"
I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped out saying - "Who knocked???"
I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.
she does drive by shootings on the school bus.
when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she said - "Don't use the good china"
When I walked in your front door, I was in your back yard.

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Your mama's so old...

she left her purse on Noah's Ark.
Jurassic Park brought back memories...
when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.
she still owes Moses a dollar.
when she was at school...there was no history class!
she's got the first autographed Koran.
she co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
when I asked for her ID she handed me a rock.
she even made Yoda jealous.
she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake.
when she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
she sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade.
her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.
her birthday expired.
when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo momma fishing on the other side!
she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.

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*Legal disclaimer*
Just because your mama is so fat, stupid, old, poor, and ugly doesn't mean you can sue me. Click here to get back!