Hero Cordy: Okay, we fade up on an aerial shot -- downtown, skyscrapers, lights, yadda yadda yadda. We hear a narrator -- preferably famous, maybe that bald Star Trek guy or one of the cheaper Baldwin brothers -- and he says, "It's a big, bad city out there." Cut to a woman walking down a dark, spooky street -- alone. We'll cast some beautiful young actress -- maybe an up-and-coming starlet whose career is on the verge of taking off. Anyway, she's all nervous, right? Mucho vulnerable. The voice guy says, "Danger lurks around every corner." She's attacked by big, ugly goon -- with a knife! She screams, "Help! Is there no one to help me?" "Well, now there's someone who'll answer your call. He'll protect you. Catch you when you fall. You can count on it." Angel: (in the commercial) "And you can count on me. Because I'm the Dark Avenger." Angel: I'm the what? Cordy: I know a little something about self-promotion, and I'm telling you, one commercial like this could help get us out of the red... or the black... or whichever one means we're broke. Cordy: Angel is all wrong for this commercial! He's a larger than life character, way too Braveheart for Joe Couch Potato to relate to. We need someone who's average, run of the mill, ordinary... you're perfect. Cordy: Our boss is in a funk. You know that he's only happy when he's fighting evil. Let's drum some up! Doyle: I don't know what we need evil for when we've got you right here. Cordy: I heard that. Doyle: Angel Investigations is the best! Our rats are low... Cordy: Rates! Doyle: It says rats. Cordy: I don't know. I'm not getting Everyman. I'm getting... uh... weasel! We don't want weasel. Doyle: I don't know. I think people'll be pouring in once they hear about our low rats. Cordy: I feel kind of hopeless with him down there doing the nonprofit brooding. It's not like he has a heart. How can it be broken? Cordy: Maybe if we get him a costume! Doyle: A costume? Cordy: Well, the guy's a bona fide hero. Would it kill him to put on some tights and a cape and garner us a little free publicity? Doyle: I don't see Angel putting on tights... Oh, now I do and it's really disturbing. Doyle: There's a girl upstairs who's not quite sad enough to cry in me arms, but keep up the dark cloud. I might get lucky. Doyle: All right, one of us has been drinking, and I'm sad to say it isn't me. Doyle: You've lived and loved and lost and fought and vanquished inside a day, and I'm still trying to work up the nerve to ask Cordy out for dinner. Angel: The Oracles said something very bad is coming. Soldiers of darkness ushering in the End of Days kind of bad. Doyle: So much for the security of long-term savings bonds. Doyle: Tell you what, you fight, and I'll keep score. Cordy: Angel started the day over knowing he'd remember everything that happened? Doyle: It's pretty amazing, huh? Cordy: Amazing he didn't check the stock quotes or the lotto numbers! Cordy: Whoever you saw just now... did it look like they could afford to pay? Doyle: These people are gonna need more than their mythic Promised One. A contractually obligated 500 might be a start. Cordy: While this may look like a popular brand of breath freshener, it's really a cunningly disguised demon repellent! Demon Man: Wintergreen. Harbor Master: I could get into a hell of a lot of trouble doing this. Angel: Not as much as if you don't. Angel: Big Randy told you about me, right? What I am? Harbor Master: He told me you bit him. Angel: Oh, I didn't bite him. Harbor Master: So you don't... Angel: I wasn't hungry. Doyle: You're fast. Rieff: I'm walking. You're just old. Rieff: I though all Brakken demons had a good sense of direction. Doyle: Yeah, we're also pretty good at basketball, too. Doyle: I think I hated that plan. Doyle: I wanted to tell you. I was afraid. Thought if I did, you'd reject me. Cordy: I've rejected you way before now! What do you think I am, superficial?! I mean, you're half demon. That is so far down the list. Way under short. And poor. Scourge Leader: You lied to us, half-breed. Angel: You catch on quick, football-head. Doyle: If you need help, then look no further. Angel Investigations is the best. Our rats are low. It says rats. Sorry. Our rates are low, but our standards are high. When the chips are down and you're at the end of your rope, you need someone that can you can count on. And that's what you'll find here. Someone who'll go all the way, who'll protect you no matter what. So don't lose hope. Come on over to our offices, and you'll see that there's still heroes in this world.... Is that it? Am I done?