A Peer's Guide to a Successful Household

A Peer's Guide to a Successful Household
Every head of Household should desire to become a peer. As a peer you will be a member of the Council of Barons which will enable you to have input into your state's Royal Order of Chivalry club. Any prestige you might gain from this peerage also filters down through you to your local household. After all, your house might now become a Barony. Your pages and squires will no longer be serving a mere knight, lady or noble, but rather a Peer of the Realm, a Baron.

The questions we face is simple:

Now do we grow our household? and,
How do we keep our household healthy?

The growth and health of your household begins and ends with you, its head. This is true of a church, a family, and even a nation. Your household all directly respond to you, your attitudes and your enthusiasm.

Enthusiasm
All organizations are made up of two basic types of people; leaders, and followers. Everyone falls into both of these categories at various times and according to relationships, (sometimes a person is a leader, and at other times he is a follower. i.e. A head of Household is a leader, yet simultaneously, must be a follower of the Head of State.) but personalities tend to be either leader or follower. A look at these two personality types will help the Head of Household run a growing and healthy household. Followers are looking for a leader. The very fact that they are looking defines many of the problems a peer will face. Followers often bounce from one leader to the next, constantly seeking a growing and satisfying relationship. Followers often need regular encouragement and positive reinforcement. Followers also require loyalty from their leader. Followers want to be a part of something large and successful. They want to fit in.

It is the Leader's responsibility to lead the followers. This is accomplished by communicating his vision to the followers so that they capture it and make it theirs. This requires a lot of enthusiasm. Followers do not supply their own enthusiasm. It must be injected on a regular basis. The Leader must provide the spark to ignite the followers, and then he must fan the flame on a regular basis to keep it from going out. Having a household meeting once a month with little or no communication in between is a sure way to failure. While it is not necessary to have weekly household meetings, weekly contact with each member of your household is critical. This contact can be a brief meeting in a halfway at church or a telephone call. Whatever form it takes, the Leader must fan the flames of enthusiasm. Talking about an upcoming event, new costuming or armor, the follower's progress towards advancement, etc. will help keep the flame burning. Leaders tend to "eat, drink, and sleep" their vision. While this is not a prerequisite most successful Leaders tend to fall under his description. Their love and enthusiasm for their club or ministry is contagious. Leadership should not be drudgery but a joy. Keep the fire burning in your own heart, and it will be easier to ignite those around you. (Where do leaders get their fires fanned? It all filters down from the top. The Head of State is the leader of all the Peers. It is his job to do for the Peers, what the Peers do for the local Household!)

Let's look at the specific needs of the follower in regard to the leader. A follower is seeking a place of identify and acceptance in a larger body or peer group, where he gains a sense of self worth and belonging. Followers often spend their entire lives trying to find their "niche" or the place where they "fit in." It is the Leader's job to help this happen. He must make the individual feel "at home." The Leader sometimes acts like a shoe horn, gently guiding the new member into their place in the household. He must also act as a peacemaker, constantly smoothing ruffled feathers and gently resolving conflict and hurts, without taking sides or being disloyal to any members. All followers are looking for self identity and worth. They achieve this by functioning within a group and receiving positive feedback by the other members, and most importantly, from the leader. The quickest way to kill a household is to be negative and cold. Remember, words have power. A harsh word will kill like the scorching sun, a kind compliment will soothe and sustain growth like a spring shower, a lack of positive word will slowly dry up the land, as all life withers without sustenance.

Vision
If you do not know where your household is going then do not expect it to go anywhere. Develop a vision for your household. This can come from within you, or your ideas can be augmented with successful ideas gleaned from other households. Part of your local vision might be drawn from your Head of State, or even the Crown Prince. Get a vision. Pray about it. Discuss it with close friends. Look at it from every Conceivable angle until it becomes clear.

Plan
Once your vision becomes clear it is important to make plans to make your vision a reality. Establish long term goals and lay out long term plans to reach them. Now break the long term plans down into small bite size steps. These steps will become the core of your short term plans. Here is a simple example:
The Vision: At the next Champion of the Earldom tournament and feast, your vision and goal is to have your entire household in matching household tunics and tabards. You also want each member to have their own arms so that each one can have their own table cloth and pennon to display at court, plus their own shield to compete with during the tournament. Long Term Goals

We have first defined our vision, then have broken it down into individual long term goals. We must break these goals down into smaller bites in order to accomplish them. To do this we examine what steps must be taken to achieve the goal.

We have now established the process or incremental steps we need to do in order to accomplish our goal. It is now just a matter of planning the individual meeting sand work days to accomplish each a four, steps. Obviously, even these steps can be broken down even further. Purchasing materials can start with a planning session where all the materials are listed for the current project. A group trip to the local fabric store can be fun and everyone can have some input as to the type and color of fabrics. Set about accomplishing these small steps and before you know it, your larger long term goals will be reached, and along the way, the success of these projects and activities will add fuel to your households enthusiasm.

Discipleship
It is important that the Leader disciple his household. Discipleship is achieved on a number of levels. The first is the teaching of skills. This could include all the items listed above such as sewing, shield making, heraldry, etc. A secondary level discipling or teaching of character. Loyalty and honesty are caught by life-style. Being a “lord” does not mean slave driver or dictator. A Peer should not force respect from his pages and squires, they should serve him because he deserves to be served. He leads by serving those who serve him. He is the first to arrive the last to leave. Her constantly strives to see that his pages and squires are enjoying themselves. He helps them equip them selves with all the accoutrements of the Order such as costumes, tournament equipment etc., and he instills in them his vision for the club and for leadership. When his work is complete, his squires a-re now ready to assume their place in the realm as a leader in their own right as a noble.

Activity
Nothing is more boring than doing the same thing week after week. Be creative in your planning. Mix up the format of your meetings. Keep the business and court short. Discover what your members enjoy doing and give ,them healthy savings of what they like. You should have at least one meeting a month. It is also important to have at least one activity a month. These could range from a visit to the local flea market in search of “stuff” a pizza party at a member's house to watch an exciting medieval video, an archery day, etc. If you make your members your friends, then your club will grow and the activities of the club will be natural outgrowth of the friendships you all are developing.

Consistency
No one wants to live on a roller coaster. Eventually everyone gets off. If you are not consistent with the management of your local household, it will eventually die. It is common to let things slide until an event approaches, and then to suddenly burst into activity. The energy and excitement that is generated during these burst is healthy for the local club. But, if the activities are too far apart the energy and excitement wears off and the household looses member in the lull. It is the extremes that are detrimental. Consistency is a superior approach. Your monthly activities smooth out the roller coaster extremes.

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