Here are some goofy little writing-doodles I wrote in the mystical past as a youth, before I became an omnipotent demi-god. XD

Potato Potato Potato!

This is the story of Paul. Paul the anthropomorphic potato! Paul was a jolly spud, living a boring life, in the boring dirt, on a boring farm, in a boring town, in the most boring state of all: Idaho! But soon, that was all about to change!

On the fated eve of April 2nd 1974, the hand came. Ahhh, the legendary hand of doom, which snatched little potatos from their homes without notice, and brought them to the mysterious otherworld, had finally returned to claim the lives of innocent potatos. "Oh no! Why!?" thought paul the potao, as the hand of doom grabbed him from his dirty home, and brought him to certain doom.

But, the mysterious otherworld was no longer some myth to scare misbehaving child potatos, now, it was very much a reality! He was thrown into some sort of odd holding chamber with the other potatos. No one spoke. Finally, Paul spoke up. "How can we let ourselves be held into slavery like this? We must rebel!" "Rebel!" "Rebel!", the other potatos began to chant.

With all of the anthropomorphic potato strength that could be mustered, the potatos leaped out of the holding container and ran, ran to freedom!

In honor of his bravery, Paul was named dictator for life of the mighty potato empire. All hail the mighty potato empire!

*editors note: 1 day later, a donkey ate paul and the rest of the potatos.

The Tale of a Toothbrush:

It seems today will be a trite and meaningless day, just like any other. The minutes and hours pass idely by me, as I sit in my little tooth brush stand. I haven't been used lately, and Bill's teeth are probably as scummy as a pig in a mud puddle.

Ah, the door is opening! It must be Bill! Maybe his teeth won't fall out of his rancid gums afterall! Oh how I do love when my tooth-brushy life has some sort of meaning!

But wait, that isn't Bill coming into the room.... it's Randy, oh no! Stay away you morbidly obese, nefarious, spiteful, and all around not nice fiend! No, what are you doing!? Put me down you ape! Oh no, don't use me to clean out the toilet - you fool! Yarg!!! Oh the humanity of it all!

I've been defiled.... defiled by the evil Randy! But at least he's gone. Whats this, who is opening the door now? OH NO! It's Bill! Stay away Bill, you don't know where I've been! Put me down! No you fool! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

-End

Poems

Lame Clich'e Poem About A Creaky Old Barn

Lonely Is This Barn

Old And Creaky The Barn Sleeps

Alone In The Plains

Lame Cliché Haiku About Donkeys

A Noble Donkey

It Eats Dirt and Makes Noises

Nature's Perfect Beast

It Will Kick People

With Its Mighty Donkey Feet

And They Will Go "Ow!"

Elf

This is the tale of an elf named Bob

Just a regular elf, just a regular slob

Bob worked for Santa, that jolly fat man

Bob cooked his food in a frying pan

One day Bob burned his hand

And sued Santa Claus for 900 grand

Now Bob is rich and Santa is poor

Now Santa has to sell shoes door to door. :(

A Poem For Small Dumb Children: The Jello Monster!

The Jello monster lives under your bed

The jello monster wants to bite off your head

The jello monster is greenish yellow

The jello monster is a blubbery blob of living jello

The jello monster isn't very nice

The jello monster eats children and mice

If you find the jello monster, whatever you do

Eat him, before he eats you!

Well, that was fun. Now go back!