An Objectivist Christmas
By Rusty S.
Christmas day. A family of four objectivists - mother, father, sister, brother - enjoy their holiday together, exploring the deeper meanings of Christmas. They sit in a well organized, bare, and windowless living room, set with four neatly placed chairs in each opposing corner in a square pattern. The walls are white and without any form of decoration. A pile of presents, one to each member from each member, wrapped only in unsealed brown paper bags.
Father: Welcome family, I am quite pleased that all of you could make it to our gathering here that just happens to take place at the same moment as the Yule festival that has been popularly labeled as "Christmas" - it brings me great pleasure to look upon each one of you on this day.
Everyone nods stiffly in agreement
Mother: Dearest spouse, I believe that it would be quite an educational and useful activity if we all were to dispense with any meaningless small talk and move straight to a discussion of the deeper meaning of Christmas.
Sister: Indeed, that sounds like quite a fulfilling topic of conversation, which may even link to other topics of interest within the realm of socio-economic inspection.
Brother: Indeed.
Father: Very well, we are all in agreement then. A discussion on the deeper meaning of Christmas we shall commence in then, adhering to the proper rules of logic - of course. I shall begin. Christmas is nothing more than a religionists scam. Speaking strictly in historic terms, the birth of any sort of "Jesus", if such a fellow even existed - which is still quite a skeptical case - was linked to be some time in April, nowhere near the cold December month we now reside within. Furthermore the holiday and customs of Christmas as we consider it are actually stolen from the Pagan festival of the Yule, and such traditions were only slightly Christianized as to spread the influence of the early church. I find Christmas to be a complete waste of time as it has no firm root in any objective reality, and is merely a lie from the ancient church in order to convert heathanistic pagans.
Mother: While I do agree with you, dear, that Christmas is indeed a christianized holiday that has no actual basis, I do not believe we should be so quick to condemn it. Allow me to explain - in current cultural trends, our heavily consumeristic culture has demanded great economic sacrifice from nearly all people on the fall of Christmas. Millions spend much of their hard earned money on gifts for their friends and family, which significantly increase the economy overall, and bring much economic and industrial growth. Even though the concepts of Christmas may be set by falsehood, the current economic impact does much to aid not only the business man - America’s most productive and beneficial citizen - but also many of the working men overall, as a higher economy shall create more job opportunities and higher wages.
Brother: Although I am somewhat hesitant to bring this up, I feel that Christmas does indeed aid many people in terms of both personal and family healing. You see, as citizens work every day of their lives, for long hours, this creates some level of strain on their systems, causing unhappiness within them. However, if they are occasionally given time off from work, and able to visit their family, with the illusion of some sort of meaning behind their actions, much of the pressure within them may be released in a cathartic effect of sorts. With higher general moral, both worker productivity will go up, and crime rates may in fact go down, for a short while.
Sister: Indeed. Being able to spend time with the family unit does bring much joy and release of pressure within the self. Even though Christmas is based on false principals, its positive outcomes still far outweigh the negatives.
Father: Perhaps you all may be on to something - however I am still undecided on the issue of whether or not a known falsehood that is kept because it gives benefit should be tolerated or not. At any rate, we must keep to schedule. Now is the time for the opening of presents. Brother shall open the present first merely because his name is in the first alphabetical order - although such a selection method is quite subjective I am sure you will all agree it is quite acceptable as a makeshift agreement.
All: Agreed.
Mother: As can be seen, I have designated that all presents be wrapped in a plain brown paper bag, unsealed. This method is preferred because it makes for a reusable packaging method that saves considerable amounts of money over time, saves precious manual labor force, and as a coincidental by product, also preserves the environment somewhat - though the last had no bearing on my decision making process, as altruistic benefits can only be considered as a bonus, not as the direct reason behind an action. If we chose altruism as an end in and of itself, we would be leading ourselves quickly into a path of destruction by out un-natural choice.
Brother: Excellent. I shall open sister’s present first, because it is closest to me. *opens gift* Ah. I see that you have provided me with a gift certificate for Barnes and Noble for twenty dollars. Would you mind explaining the rational thought process behind this gift, so that I would better be able to appreciate its immediate and long term value, dear sister?
Sister: Certainly. As we know, an idea has far more lasting force than any act of physical labor could ever produce, therefore I felt that a gift of potentially useful knowledge would be the best benefit I could give you for a gift. If you make a rational choice on book selection, the value of your thought processes as a result may far exceed the bound pieces of paper in which the words are contained. It should be noted that I gave you this gift not out of a moral obligation, but because giving you a gift and seeing you pleased made me feel happy and pleased as result, hence a quite selfish motive behind my actions. The fact that you are receiving a gift from me is merely a by-product of my wish to seek happiness for myself, hence once again we see that the altruistic arguments versus selfishness are completely based on false concepts.
Brother: Aha. Then I thank you, dear sister, for this gift - it should prove most useful for me in my ever going quest to obtain knowledge in skills, so that I may better produce great works that shall immortalize me in the world of man long after I have perished from this world - which is the only world we shall ever know. I thank you deeply for your gift.
Mother: And here, father, I present you with a gift. Although I must say that it does bring me great pleasure to see you pleased by a gift, yet another selfish motive behind my action is the fact that purchasing such a gift gave a slight increase to the economy, and as a result the shares in my stock will undoubtedly go up over time, since such a trend has been done by many a wife such as myself at this time of year. As long as capitalism remains as the residing system in a country, mutual benefit from trade agreements shall trickle down to create much benefit for many others as well. Unfortunately, many liberals and so called "conservatives" have been attempting to dismantle our capitalistic system as of late, and as a result our strong foundation has slowly but surely been eroded by the two camps of altruists. But, I shall continue to do my part and fight my moral crusade by purchasing a gift in a capitalistic manner for my husband, hence I am quite pleased that I have battled the altruists by giving you such a present.
Father: Excellent. That is why I love you dear, you are so… utilitarian, in your approach - though ironically not in the ethical sense of the word. This aspect within you makes you as a wondrous work of art, in which I may gaze at in pure ecstatic splendor as I bask in the wondrous qualities of your character. I accept this gift wholeheartedly, because it not only brings me happiness, but also brings you happiness, which brings me even more happiness as result. I am so glad that we can appreciate such truly selfish motives behind our actions. *unwraps gift* Ah! It is a hammer - symbolizing the power that man holds over the world by the use of his own intellect and the things he creates - a triumphant sign of man’s refusal to become intimidated by the world and the universe, but to instead stand tall and proud over the glory of the many creations he has made, and the many conquering! With such a tool, I can also bring repairs to my home which I have paid for by the sweat of my own hard labor as well as the furious capacity of my intellect. I thank you for your gift, dear spouse.
-----They finish exchanging gifts-----
Sister: Father - might I ask a question? I have noticed other families in the area have a decorated tree within their living rooms. I was wondering why we do not partake in such an activity?
Father: It is quite simple my dear offspring - a tree in the middle of a room has no useful or utilitarian purpose whatsoever - it is merely a trinket of decoration. Although trinkets of decoration may be appropriate to purchase at times for our own personal fulfillment, I feel that one as temporary as a mere tree are not worth consuming valuable time and resources in order to procure. On the socio-cultural angle of the issue, to act just as our neighbors do for no practical purpose would be to live a life of weakness, living only to see a reflection of ourselves in the praise and uniformity of our fellow men - and this leads to a path of destruction. If we were to be so sad as to only be able to find joy in ourselves through how we are compared to others, we would be members of the lowly class of people known as the "second handers", who are incapable of feelings true personal worth and joy, and are destined to live trite, meaningless, and petty lives of irrationality and pressure from the herd. We shall not tolerate such things in our household.
Father: Come! It is time for us to partake in the Yule-time feast, my family! We shall devour the roasted flesh of a fine and succulent pig - raised, fattened, and slaughtered merely for the profit of others - much like the altruistic society we live in demands of us.
*family sits down*
Father: In normal tradition one would thank their god or some other form of deity for their meal, however the conception of god and religion are a metaphysical joke. The only true reality is that of the objective reality of the senses.
Sister: But father, can we truly rely only on sensory data? Surely we cannot completely trust all things that we receive as sensory input to be the sole source of our knowledge - after all, take for example-
Father: SILENCE GIRL we shall not discuss the practicality of empiricism at this table. It stands obvious to itself. If you were to take such an insane stand on the nature of knowledge, you would be no better than a post-modernist. Post modernism is the religion for crazies. My daughter shall not be listed among the crazies of metaphysical thought as long as she lives within this house and I pay for her food and clothing.
Sister: Very well. On a later date perhaps.
Father: Very well indeed. As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted by crude attempts to undermine the very foundation of knowledge itself, I was proclaiming that to thank a god for anything would not only be a mockery in the face of logic, but also in the face of human pride and practical common sense. Hence, I shall say thanks to whom is properly owed gratitude for this meal.
"I am thankful to myself for my hard labor that paid for this roasted pig, and my sweat which earned the currency which allowed me to trade with another free-willed individual to exchange services with one anothers, in order to get this product. I am acknowledging of the capitalist system that was able to provide such an environment of free trade - the only environment that allows full individual rights and freedom -, although the responsibility of such items still lay solely on the shoulders of myself, the individual who worked to produce a product of his own."
All: Amen.
----Later----
Father: So family unit, what have we all learned about the true meaning of Christmas?
Mother: I learned that it is a falsified holiday that continues on only for the sake of dead, stagnant tradition - however adversely it creates a positive economic impact, hence I have a neutral stance on the issue of Christmas.
Brother: I learned that despite the filthy altruists messages of "good will towards men" and being "selfless" on such an occasion, Christmas actual roots from selfish desires which not only satisfy each individual man, but also fuel society as a whole as a by product of such internal happiness - hence Christmas could be considered to be in the true spirit of capitalism and freedom, despite its altruistic and stagnant roots.
Sister: I learned that Christmas is a meaningless custom that we still feel some backwards need to act out upon, somewhat out of a rising feeling of guilt that resides deep within our egos. However, acting upon this urge does bring some form of happiness within us, as well as positive and selfish results, hence Christmas could still be considered to be kept around, despite its somewhat illogical purposes and causation’s.
Father: Excellent work family, I am very proud of myself for raising such a strong willed and minded group of individuals - and this pride in what I have done brings me great personal joy. I believe now would be a good time to sing together some of our favorite selfish Christmas carols.
All: Indeed.
~Fin~