Andy Atkinson: "And good evening, everyone! I'm Andy Atkinson, here with the RSPW's very own Satyr and ViNNY, as the brand spankin' new RSPWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE presents, live from the Spectrum in Philadelphia, the RSPWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Wrestlefest!"

ViNNY "Indubitably, here in this fine wrestling city, we've drawn quite a crowd of fans tonight!"

Fans are heard screaming "We thought this was ECW! Where's Dreamer?"

Music starts: Rowdy Roddy Piper "For Everybody," from The Wrestling Album.

Andy Atkinson: "And you know what that means, the new RSPWWEEEEEEEEEE's commissioner, David E. Powell!"

Satyr: "If you overdo 'RSPWWE' one more time, Brain.. I mean Andy.."

David E. Powell comes walking out in a suit, and takes the microphone.

DEP: "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to RSPWWE, the latest version of the classic RSPW parody fed, which happens to be special, because it's mine!"

Crowd voices: "F you, Where's Sandman, Boring, etc."

Satyr: "The Philadelphia crowd with a typical warm response.."

DEP: "It was my hope, to put together a very special show, and for some very special fans, here in the great city of...... (Looks down at a card he is holding in the palm of his hand) Philadelphia, Pennsylvania!"

Crowd: Pops.

DEP: "Now, ladies and gentlemen, I've got to say that.. (he smiles) I don't have too much else to say. Let's get on to the WRESTLING!"

Music: Rowdy Roddy Piper's "For Everybody" as DEP walks to the back.

Andy Atkinson: "Well, can you imagine that, Satyr and ViNNY, an opening promo that goes less than five minutes and just starts the show by going right to the matches?"

Satyr: "There's a trick, there has to be."

ViNNY: "Either that or he's gonna go back to his office and write more sad letters to wrestling valets."

Satyr and Andy Atkinson give ViNNY the "Captain Kirk" look.

ViNNY: "Right, well I was just saying. On to the first match, shall we?"

Music: "Dre Day" by Dr. Dre feat. Snoop Dogg

Andy Atkinson: "Here we have RSPW's very own JeffH, coming out to start the first match of the evening."

Satyr: "I'm digging the suspenders on his oversize jeans, wish more kids these days would do that so they weren't hanging their boxers all over the place.. what is that, he got something on his head?"

Andy Atkinson: "Aw, it's one of those ball caps with the fake blond ponytail!"

ViNNY: "Looks more natural that the one Paul E. had!"

JeffH gets into the ring, and has a microphone.

Andy Atkinson: "Aw, man, I knew it! Nobody just goes right to the first match these days! And these kids don't even have that many managers anymore, and look, there ain't no tag ropes out there, it's pathetic, ViNNY! It's pathetic!"

ViNNY just looks at Atkinson while Satyr shakes his head sadly.

JeffH: "Now listen up you Philthadelphia rejects!" (Crowd boos.) "Yeah, I knew I'd be in Philly, I smelled the place 50 miles before I got here. I am the greatest rapper this city's ever seen, forget Will Smith! Forget Boyz II Men!"

Andy Atkinson: "But Boyz II Men was a soul group."

Satyr: "Ssh, he's on a roll."

JeffH: "You're about to witness my other talents, too, when I destroy that out of shape, mouth breathing Lllllllloser that I'm up agaist," (Crowd boos more, a couple AA batteries can be seen flying by.) "That punk, that.."

Music: Wierd Al Yankovic's "Fat."

Crowd POPS. Steven Morelock appears at the top of the entry ramp, wearing black jeans, black army boots, a black leather jacket, and a white T-shirt with "Size Does Matter" written on it in black letters. He also has a microphone. "Heya, Jeff. Still my bitch, I see?"

JeffH leans over the top rope. "Bitch? Bitch? You fat schmuck, you fat bastard, you jerk, you loser that can't hang with my rhymes, you one who.. who.. who.."

A voice in the crowd: "NEIDHART!"

JeffH: "Shut up asshole! (to the guy in the crowd, then looks back up the entryway,) You wannabe Chad!"

Morelock raises an eyebrow.

JeffH: "MMMMMMMMMMorecock!"

Morelock glares, and the crowd and JeffH go silent.

Morelock: "Why yes, I do have more than most. Shall we?"

Andy Atkinson: "Morelock drops the microphone, and he's tearing down the ramp! He looks upset! He's through the ropes, and JeffH pounding away!"

Satyr: "And it's a clubberin', a clubberin' I tell ya!"

ViNNY: "Morelock now ducks one, and fires back with a series of rights and lefts. Morelock gets the better of the exchange, ducks another right, side suplex!"

Andy Atkinson(!): "That delivered with some authority! I also heard it on some authority that JeffH was up for the elimination Cruiserweight battle royal tonight. What happened?"

ViNNY: "Apparently he decided to challenge Mr. Morelock tonight instead."

Satyr: "Guess Steve was out of that weight class, huh?"

ViNNY: (Excited) "Morelock now with the armbar, JeffH reverses, reverse to hammerlock by Morelock, now JeffH slips around to a half Nelson, Morelock flips him over, brings him up with the armbar, jawbreaker by Jeff H! Jeff H jumps on Morelock, gets rolled, Morelock with the schoolboy! 1, 2, no! JeffH with the sunset flip! 1, 2, no! and they break contact!"

Crowd POPS for the chain wrestling.

Andy Atkinson: "So anyway.. they're glaring at each other now. JeffH calls for the test of strength.. and Morelock agrees. Morelock gets the better! He's bearing down, now he holds up his fist in the air! He looks right to the crowd, looks left to the crowd! They want to see this! OHH!!"

Satyr: "And JeffH just clocked Morelock right in the nuts. Proof that if you 're gonna hit somebody in there, you hit 'em. You don't go looking out there to the humanoids asking them what to do."

Andy Atkinson: "And JeffH fires a sweep kick into Morelock's knee, and reverses and comes down on that left knee from the other side! Morelock down to one knee!"

*SMACK!*

Andy Atkinson: "And a stiff Tajiri style kick to the side of Steven Morelock 's head, and he is down!"

ViNNY: "It's that knee, I tell you. From the right angle it only takes twenty pounds' pressure to dislocate the human knee."

Satyr: "Thank you, Dr. ViNNY! Now JeffH raises his arms in triumph."

Andy Atkinson: "You must be thrilled!"

Satyr: "No, I just said things like that were dumb moves. You have to remember that as I'm not a total face announcer, I get to be consistent."

ViNNY: "JeffH climbing the top rope, he just gave the Jeff Hardy sign!"

Andy Atkinson: "I'll refrain from making jokes here."

Satyr: "What else is new? Um, I mean, top rope elbow drop! Whoa! That one nailed Morelock right in the chest! JeffH rolls him up, 1, 2, no! Too close to the ropes!"

Andy Atkinson: "Common mistake these days."

ViNNY: "Yeah, the ref oughta just pull the foot off the ropes so everyone can go back to the locker room early."

Andy Atkinson: "Will you quit it! Aw, no, JeffH putting the boots to Morelock!"

Satry: "You didn't look unhappy when Morelock hit that darn suplex!"

Andy Atkinson: "And JeffH pulls the big man to his feet!"

ViNNY: "That may not be the best of ideas."

Andy Atkinson: "And a right by JeffH! Another right! Another BLOCKED! Blocked again! Jeff H fires a left that connects. Morlock BACKFISTS JeffH!"

Crowd pops.

Satyr: "He flipped through the air like a monkey!"

Andy Atkinson: "JeffH getting up, a shot to the chest by Morelock!"

Crowd: "WHOOOO!"

Andy Atkinson: "A left to the breadbasket, suplex by Morelock!"

Morelock looks up into the arena lights, stretching his arms out at his sides. "RUAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!"

Andy Atkinson: "When they fired Ryan, I said the same thing." (Mopes.)

ViNNY: "What?"

Andy Atkinson: "I mean, Morelock has JeffH again, t-bone suplex!"

Satyr: "The last T-Bone he saw, he ate it!"

Andy Atkinson: "Satyr, will you stop? Morelock running the ropes, knee drop, MISSED! He came down on that right knee! That's the one JeffH damaged earlier!"

ViNNY: "Actually, Mr. Atkinson, it was the right knee that...."

Satyr: "Sssh, don't tell the marks!"

ViNNY: "Oh, OK. Morelock having some difficulty with the knee again." (Rolls his eyes when Satyr looks away.)

Satyr: "JeffH targeting the knees again, going for the figure four, Morelock kicks him away! Now JeffH off the ropes.. BASEBALL SLIDE into Morelock's knees! Morelock is writihing in agony! JeffH looks to Morelock lying there, then the ringpost.. he's climbing the turnbuckles again!"

JeffH stands atop the turnbuckles, he slaps his elbow several times....

Andy Atkinson: "He may be trying for the Macho Man elbow again, here's the Jeff Hardy sign, he flies from the top rope.. MORELOCK MOVES! JeffH hits the mat like a sack o' potatoes!"

Satyr: "I never saw Earthquake's lunch come off the top rope like that, or any other way, thank God."

Andy Atkinson: "Morelock rolls back over on JeffH! He puts the Steiner recliner on him! JeffH slips out! Swing and a miss by Jeff! Morelock potatoes him! Swing and a miss by Morelock! JeffH with a chop! Another! Another!"

Crowd "Whooos" on each one.

Andy Atkinson: "JeffH with a right hand, Morelock whips JeffH to the ropes, drops his head - OH!"

Satyr: "He dropped it too early, JeffH comes off with a dropkick to the knee! They're both messed up now!"

ViNNY: "Really?"

Andy Atlkinson: "These two RSPW regulars are giving us a four star match! JeffH goes for the pin! 1, 2, no! JeffH with a stomp to the knee! Jeff H runs the ropes, and Morelock times it right! knee lift into the midsection of JeffH! JeffH is begging off, he punches Morelock in the balls again! Thumb, rake to the eyes by JeffH!"

*Smack!*

Crowd: "Ohhh!"

Andy Atkinson: "Tajiri side kick to the back of Morelock's leg. Now JeffH is going to the turnbuckles again! He's not climbing, what's he doing, oh, oh no!"

ViNNY "I see what he's doing there, Mr. Atkinson. He's taking off that turnbuckle pad."

Andy Atkinson: "That's a solid steel ring underneath! The turnbuckle pad is gone, oh no, this is horrible!"

Satyr: "Why? At least he didn't eat it like George Steele!"

Andy Atkinson: "JeffH posing, flexing, as Morelock tries to get to his feet on those battered legs!"

JeffH: "Yeahhhhhh! This one's for the Dallas Cowboys, Philthydelphia!"

Crowd: Boos, threats, thrown 9 volt batteries.

Andy Atkinson: "JeffH now pulling Morelock up on those battered legs, goes for the Irish whip.. REVERSE! JeffH goes face first into the turnbuckle ring! He's still on his feet.. RUSSIAN SICKLE by Morelock!"

Crowd: POPS!

Satyr: "See, that's why you don't take time to play to the humanoids."

Andy Atkinson: "Morelock now struggling up the turnbuckles, perching on that rung, he's dropped his jacket, now he's taking off the shirt - that's a Donovan McNabb jersey underneath!"

Crowd goes nuts cheering.

ViNNY: "Cheap pop, cheap pop, bloody cheap pop.."

Andy Atkinson: "747 splash! OW! Morelock connects from the top! The ref is there.. 1, 2, 3!!!!!"

"Fat" by Wierd Al Yankovic as Morelock staggers to the back, attended by a couple officials, and others attend to a dazed JeffH.

ViNNY: "So if I have this right, there will be a cruiserweight battle royal next for that title, then a couple of grudge matches, before the U.S. and tag titles come up in special matches, then the Ladies and Heavyweight belts. That U.S. belt match has created some controversy as of late, Peter Panaro not too thrilled with our own Gazza D."

Andy Atkinson: "As a matter of fact, we had some RSPWEEEE.. (Silenced by a look from Satyr,) you know, a camera crew with Gazza D this morning, and we have a presentation coming up."

Satyr: (Bitterly) "Yeah, I guess it beats having an actual _wrestling_ match."

Fade to:

Gazza D walking down South Street in Philadelphia, wearing a US flag T-shirt, an old-style steel army helmet with three gold stars on each shoulder, and an army officer's jacket with US flag shoulder patch. "Hello, hello, my fellow Americans! Yes, yes, pip pip, it's so good to be here in the greatest country in the world, to be an American, to be in America, to not drive cars sensibly driven on the correct side of the road but drive ones with left hand side drives like that's all gas guzzling and cack handed, indeed...." A kid with a baseball cap on walks by. "Yes, yes, baseball too, ah, of course the real sport the US got attention for was the team's fine effort in the most dominant sport in the world at the World Cup.. but oh yes, here we are." He comes up to a bunch of guys hanging out, eating by a food cart. "Yes, the Philadelphia cheese steak, they call it, fine American food, yes. Had one earlier, and.." One of the guys offers him a hot dog. "What's this? Oh yes, they call it a hot dog." The guy says "Yeah, have one o' these, chili, cheese, onions and barbecue sauce! Yeah, go right ahead!" Gazza D chomps down and makes a sick face. The guy goes on "Yeah, great stuff, huh?" Gazza looks over at him, and forces a smile, nodding.... Gazza D then makes it down the street a bit, ducks between a couple building and spits the mouthful of hot dog out, making Regalesque icky faces. "Bleh, yech, ptoo, I mean, yes what a wonderful piece of culinary Americana! You know I love America, and tonight I'll be ready for my.. _US_ Title match!" Gazza D continues ambling down South Street, and we FADE OUT.

Back to the Announce team.

Andy Atkinson: "Well, it certainly seems that he's taking to the US of A. What do you think, Satyr?"

Satyr: "Well, I can show you what his opponent tonight, Pete Panaro, thinks about it."

ViNNY: "Oh, marvelous! Please, do!"

Fade in:

Pete Panaro is in a gym, punching a heavy bag. he wears a black ""WW" WWE T-Shirt and gray shorts. He turns to the camera, and stops punching the bag, stopping its sways with his hand. "You know, I was a little mad when I found out I couldn't join Krusty and Barnett in that tag team three way dance. Not just the chance to finally dust off the UA for the spot of top stable, but to be in beating down DeJong and that asshole Chad Bryant. But then, I heard that I'd get the chance to be in a US Title match. To get the US Title, to win the US Title. To proudly represent that nation, and what it's all about. But then I hear that I'm going in against GazzaD, and that, heh, well that's just fine by me. But it won't be fine for you, GazzaD. See, that guy shouldn't even be in the US Title match. He isn't even an American, for crying out loud! So Gazza, I'm gonna make this easy for you. You don't have to come out there tonight. You don't have to go through the long, drawn out process that will end either way with my hand raised, and that strap on my waist. Because if you do, I'll just have to show the world - and the people in Philadelphia - just what being a champion is all about!" He looks off to the side of the screen. "We' re done, pal." A boom man with a mike is seen crossing the shot, and the camera goes off.

Fade back in to the announce team.

Satyr: "Well, that was interesting. Should be a heck of a match."

Andy Atkinson: "Indeed, like the one coming up!"

ViNNY: "A wrestling match again? Imagine that one!"

White Zombie: Dragula

Satyr: "And here we have Beans, well Bean Fried Deja, coming out to the ring."

ViNNY: "Resplendent in his black sweatshirt and blue jeans! A model of professional wrestling attire!"

Satyr: "What are those things he's got stuck in his belt?"

Andy Atkinson: "Packs of chili powder! Beans has Spice! The Ref telling him to leave that stuff at the timekeeper Jeff Amdur's table! Beans doesn't seem to trust the ref!"

Bean Fired Deja looks at the ref: "You toucha my spice, I kicka your wang!"

Music: Demolition Theme (Here comes the Axe, here comes the Smasher)

Satyr: "He oughta worry about this guy at the top of the entryway. MaxDaAxe JD!"

ViNNY: "Those tights.. they look like Scott Putski's old tights, a little Edge style artwork on there! He has a microphone too!"

Satyr: "Lovely."

MaxDaAxe: "Beans. I know the whole yakking on the mike before the match is, well, heh. But ya know, I'm giving you a fair chance to think it over. That I'm here, not in a title match, against you. That a guy that was involved in stuff, well, everyone remembers what, 'T.. W..O' stood for."

Crowd pops.

Satyr: "Um, it comes after 'one?'"

MaxDaAxe: "See, my rise begins tonight. _Our_ rise begins tonight. And.."

Beans grabs a mike at ringside: "And you think you're mad because we're down here in the card? Think it's not your place? Maybe, but you don't seem to say much about me being down here, now do ya?:

MaxDaAxe: "Well.."

Beans: "It doesn't matter what you say about it, or what you don't say about it! Or doing flippity flappity hand guestures to count numbers, and taking up time that we could be wrestling! You want a chance to go further, so do I! So let's show the boys in the back what we got, dude!"

MaxDaAxe: "Heh, well now that you mention it.." (He starts walking down the entry ramp.) "Just remember, you're cool with me, so this is all.. just.. business!" He gets up to the apron, and Beans, and they start pounding on each other.

Andy Atkinson: "And this one doesn't start off too technical! Beans' head bounced off a guardrail! Beans reverses the lariat! MaxDaAxe into the ring apron! Beans follows with a hard shot to the kidneys! Beans lifting Max into the ring, coming in after him! Max ready, and wins the exchange of blows!"

(Beans and Max are huffing and puffing at each other, then Max gives Beans the Moe eye poke.)

Andy Atkinson: "MaxDaAxe with a whip, Beans into the corner! During the break, they replaced that turnbuckle pad."

ViNNY: "But he wasn't even thrown into that corner!"

Satyr: Sighs.

Andy Atkinson: "MaxDaAxe flying into the corner! Beans sidesteps and he hits the pads! Beans locks on, German suplex! Beans holds on, another one! Back up, short-arm clothesline by Beans! MaxDaAxe is down!"

Satyr: "Beans really staying on his man, lifts Max up, BACKBREAKER!"

ViNNY: "Yes, Beans continuing to work on those kidneys."

Satyr: "If you say kidney beans again, we may get Morelock back out here!"

Andy Atkinson: "Will you stop! It's not like most RSPWers are fitness icons anyway! What do you know? (Satyr can be heard making a barely audible comment) Max surges to his feet, reverse atomic drop on Beans, and a short clothesline of his own! MaxDaAxe flexes!"

ViNNY: "Lugerous!"

Andy Atkinson: "Now MaxDaAxe with a stomp on Beans' knee, and a fierce kick! The referee warning him!"

Satyr: "Yeah, he needs to stay more centered, have more balance, kick straighter.."

Andy Atkinson: "MaxDaAxe with a blatant handful of hair, and 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! Raining fists down on Beans! Beans swings and misses! MaxDaAxe puts on the sleeper hold! This might be it early.. the ref tests Beans' arm, it drops! He tries it again, looks like Beans may be out. If it drops again.. no! Beans with the back elbow, and another, and another, not working.."

Crowd: "Oooooh!" (Collective wince.)

Andy Atkinson: "MULE KICK by Beans to break it up! That'll break almost any hold, right back into the, into the, into the.."

Satyr: "Yes it was!"

Andy Atkinson: "Both men struggling to their geet, gasping for breath! Beans swings and connects! Max swings and connects! Max with a Russian legsweep on Beans!"

ViNNY: "Da!"

Andy Atkinson: "Max pulling Beans up.. shot to the gut! Backing him towards the corner, another shot to the gut! Now he's setting Beans up for the Powerbomb! BEANS REVERSES! Back body drop into the ringpost, and Max hung upside down in the corner! Beans to the mat as well!"

ViNNY: "Good reversal, and Max clutching at his back as he's hanging up there."

Andy Atkinson: "Baseball slide by Beans! Now hanging him back in there upside down. Going across the ring, here he comes, flying knee - NO ONE HOME! Beans hung up on the second rope! Max and Beans trying to get to their feet, Max gets there first! He Slams Beans! Pin attempt! 1, 2, no! Beans gets the arm, the shoulder up, somehow! Max thought the count was a little slow.."

Satyr: "Count faster, ya bum!"

Andy Atkinson: Beans with a quick rollup for a 1 count! No! MaxDaAxe stomping away now! He gets Beans up, goes for the whip, Beans holds on!"

*WHACK!*

Andy Atkinson: "Monstrous stiff closed fist punch to the face by Beans! Should draw a warning, he tries to reverse, MaxDaAxe reverses and whips Beans! Oh! Beans collides with the ref, him and the ref are down!"

Music: "Walk" - Pantera

Andy Atkinson: "What's this! That's Stefan coming out! He's not supposed to be here! He has the match after this one, with Tehawk!"

ViNNY: "Well now, I suppose that's what all that stuff about hand gestures and the t.W.o. could have been about. And here we were used to different kinds of references to number two in wrestling!"

Satyr: "Especially in booking - Stefan slides into the ring, clothesline on Beans! MaxDaAxe moves in, double suplex on Beans! The two of them, two indeed.. they're stomping on him! The referee is on his feet, and.. and.. Stefan hands him some cash? The ref letting this go on, and MaxDaAxe covers for the 1-2-3!"

Demolition Theme (Here comes the Axe, here comes the Smasher.)

Andy Atkinson: "I can't stand it! Stefan and MaxDaAxe are flexing and celebrating! The referee is doing the nWo point with them! I don't believe it! MaxDaAxe is climbing the near turnbuckle, Stefan and the ref talking it over, no.. wait, Beans is getting back on his feet,, Max still flexing.. (Max flips the bird at a critical fan in the front row) Beans with a german suplex off the second turnbuckle on MaxDaAxeJD! Here comes Stefan, he 's seen enough! He pitches Beans through the ropes to the apron, he follows him outside!"

ViNNY: "MaxDaAxe trying to get to his feet, we need someone out here, this isn't a sanctioned match, that's over!"

Satyr: "Stefan doesn't care. He rams Beans into the ringpost."

Andy Atkinson: "Aw, they need to do something about that ref, too! Now Beans bounced off the guardrail! Stefan with a series of shots! Beans blocks one and throws one of his own! Beans thrown into the apron again, and whipped into the timekeeper's table!"

Jeff Amdur: "Hey, watch the little hammer I hit the bell with, asshole!"

Andy Atkinson: "Beans sprawled over the timekeeper's table, wait a minute, it looks like he's grabbed hold of something, an envelope or -one of those chili packets? He's tearing it open! Stefan is getting a chair! Stefan with the chair over his head, he's gonna he's gonna.. OH! Beans just rubbed a full pack of chili powder in Stefan's face!"

Satyr: "And Spice saves the day for him again! This is why it's good to bring foreign objects!"

Andy Atkinson: "Beans with a roundhouse to the face! A kick in the balls! He 's, he's setting Stefan up by the Spanish Announce table!"

La Parka and Super Crazy: "No no no ay maricon!"

Andy Atkinson: "Doctor bomb through the Spanish announce table by Beans! MaxDaAxe talking with the ref, now he sees it! Beans trying to catch his breath!"

ViNNY: "They're going to have to bring an extra one out here now. Fascinating how they always seem to know when we'll need them."

Satyr: "Quiet, you!"

Andy Atkinson: "MaxDaAxe just.. he took the money back from the ref! Knee to the gut on the ref! Can't say he didn't deserve it.. oh, oh no... Tombstone piledriver on the ref by MaxDaAxeJD! Now Max.. tope con hilo dive on Beans! Now security coming out, trying to separate them! Both flailing away as they are escorted to the back! Our other referees now coming out, including our special guest referees for later in the evening. Otto "Hack-Man" Heuer for the tag title match and "Oldschool" Scotty Flamingo for the heavyweight match! They are helping the ref to his feet, the bastard! Wait, Oldschool, Otto, and the other refs looking at each other - and it's a beatdown! The rest of the RSPWWEEEE's refs are stomping a mudhole in that guy's ass! Hack-Man with a Hogan legdrop!"

ViNNY: "Hulkarific, brother!"

Andy Atkinson: "Now Scotty Flamingo with a double wrist lock! That's OLDSCHOOL! The ref is tapping like a bitch! They all have him up like a crowd surfer, and they throw him to the apron!"

"Oldschool" Scotty Flamingo: "And STAY OUT, before we REALLY get pissed!"

Satyr: "The special guest refs and the rest escorting the miscreant to the back. One remains. Stefan is struggling to his feet from the wreckage of that Spanish announcing table. La Parka goes to whack him with a chair, but is stopped by Super Crazy! La Parka dances anyway!"

Music: "Rico Suave" - Gerardo

Satyr: "Now _here's_ where it gets interesting, kids!"

ViNNY: "Ruh oh!"

Andy Atkinson: "Yes, now we're going on to our next match. It looks like Max and Stefan's plan may have backfired, and now he's got a match with Tehawk. Tehawk running down to the ring. Clothesline by Tehawk on the ring apron, and the match is underway! DDT onto a steel chair! Tehawk rolls Stefan into the ring, and it' s academic! Tehawk with the pin! 1, 2, no!"

ViNNY: "What?"

Andy Atkinson: "Stefan got the shoulder up! Somehow, Stefan got the shoulder up!"

Satyr: "Easy pickings after that fight, though. Don't prolong the agony, kid."

Andy Atkinson: "I can't believe you're suggesting that he just lay down, allow himself to lose!"

Satyr: "Hey, Comedy Central's showing "Blazing Saddles" tonight after this thing, I want to get back to my room in time! FunkyM - I mean - Satyr like Mel Brooks!"

Andy Atkinson: "Sigh. OK, Tehawk now with a scoop and a slam. He hooks the leg. 1, 2, HE GETS A FOOT ON THE ROPES?"

Satyr: "You liked it better when Morelock got to the ropes."

Andy Atkinson: "Who asked you? Tehawk drags him away from the ropes, a shot by Stefan. Another, trading shots with Tehawk, Tehawk hooks the arm, Fireman's buster! Tehawk in the middle of the ring, he hooks the leg, 1, 2, 3!"

Music: "Rico Suave" - Gerardo

Andy Atkinson: "Certainly a game effort from Stefan here, all things considered, but if he hadn't interfered in the last match.. Wait, MaxDaAxeJD coming out now, Tehawk is already out of the ring. MaxDaAxe pursued by security, guess he got away from them, but too late."

ViNNY: "Well too late for that fellow. Security guys making a barrier between Tehawk and the alliance of Max and Stefan. This one may not be over."

Andy Atkinson: "Wait, we've got some activity in the back! We're going there now!"

Satyr: "Lovely."

me: "Hello everybody out there, this is, well, me! Live and backstage here at RSPWWE WrestleFest, as the one and only Alex Cain prepares for his next match. Alex, I noticed you watching the monitors for the last match. We know you have some history with some of the other players tonight."

Alex Cain: "Yes, was watching that bitch Tehawk, oh, it's not done between me an him."

me: "I noticed you didn't go out during his match, like Stefan did during the one with Beans."

Alex Cain: "I also saw what happened to Stefan. Winning is what's gonna get me ahead here if this fed ever takes off, so that's my priority. Saving my strength for stuff later, you know."

me: "Well, later tonight there are other matches involving people you have been.. associated with in the past. Would you be planning anything then?"

Alex Cain: "There are all kinds of bitches of mine out there. I'll take care of business first. Our business is done."

Andy Atkinson: "Well, that was relatively brief, and wait - Tehawk! What are you doing here?

Tehawk: "I can see the monitor, I can hear the sound you pipe in here on these speakers. The reason that bitch Alex didn't come out, is because he's a pussy! Oh, Alex, in time alright. Chupe mis huevos baby."

ViNNY: "Well that was lovely of him, don't you think?"

Andy Atkinson: "No love lost between those two, for sure. Wait, we have something else happening back there?"

Satyr: "Oh yes, please." (rolls eyes.)

In an office, DEP sits at a desk, going over papers. The battered referee from the Beans/MaxDaAxeJD match comes barging in.

DEP: "What the hell are you doing here? And what's with these cameras? You know I want to stay off TV!"

ref: "Please, you have to give me another chance, I swear!"

DEP: "You disappoint me. Sort of like that talk, you know, talk about a baseball strike. You do know baseball, don't you?" (DEP picks up a baseball bat.) "Baseball, the national game! Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, all that.." (The ref runs out of the room as DEP approaches. DEP smiles and picks up his telephone, punching a speed dial button.) "Hello? Yes. Please get me Federal Express."

END PT. 1

RSPWWE WrestleFest

Part II

Andy Atkinson: "Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, we're back! RSPWWE.. (A look from Satyr cuts off a longer 'eeeeee' sound attempt) WrestleFest. live from the Spectrum in beautiful Philadelphia, Pennsylvania!"

Satyr: "The town they oughta tear down and build a slum."

Andy Atkinson: "I'm here with Satyr and ViNNY, calling this live event for all of you wonderful viewers out there, and the thousands in attendance here tonight."

Crowd: "Where the F--- is Dreamer? Where the F--- is Dreamer? Where the F--- is Dreamer?"

ViNNY: "Yes, we've seen Steven Morelock get a pin on JeffH after a 747 splash in our opening match, then we saw MaxDaAxe defeat Beans, with some help from his friend and partner Stefan, plus a referee who apparently no longer works here."

Andy Atkinson: "Yeah, Stefan probably cost Bean Fried Deja the match. It was a good one, too, back and forth until Stefan showed up."

ViNNY: "The side effect being that Stefan was pinned rather quickly by Tehawk in the next match. A mixed success, as it were."

Andy Atkinson: "We also had word from Gazza D and Pete Panaro on their upcoming US Title match, Gazza trying to perhaps adapt to his country, though I'm no too sure about that. Mr. Panaro making his feelings on the matter clear."

Satyr: "Yeah, it'll be tough for anyone in the way of Panaro getting that US Title. GazzaD's gonna have a match on his hands!"

Music: "One Vision" - Queen

Andy Atkinson: "And here he comes, ladies and gentlemen, C the Shocker! He heads down to the ring, with a microphone in his hand."

Satyr: (Bangs his head on the table repeatedly.)

C The Shocker: "I'm gonna keep this short, but not too sweet. Dink, get your butt on out here so I can kick it again!"

Music: WWF Rap Album Kane Theme - "Big Red Machine."

Andy Atkinson: "And here comes Alex Cain! Blue jeans, sneakers, 'RSPW sucks' T-Shirt, and attitude."

Alex Cain: "You think you can talk down on me? What? You're my bitch. You can't even win a war of words with me, and you think you're gonna win a fight? Keep foaming at the mouth, sparky. I got all day to take you apart, and I'll start right now."

ViNNY: "Well, hello. It looks like Mr. Tehawk has decided to join us on the entryway."

Alex Cain: "Let me tell you a story about every sad post of a bum named Shockerrr... aaaaahhhhh!"

Andy Atkinson: "Tehawk from behind, running Alex Cain down the ramp! Alex on his feet, going after Tehawk, now C the Shocker from behind with a Polish hammer! Our timekeeper, Jeff Amdur, rings the bell, and the match is underway! Half Nelson by C the Shocker, and Alex Cain boosted up and into the ring!"

Satyr: "Shocker follows him in with a bulldog!"

ViNNY: "Hello!"

Andy Atkinson: " C The Shocker looks upset! He's sanding over Alex Cain now, just berating him! Slap to the back of the head by C The Shocker!"

Crowd: "(Mix of "Ooooh" and "Booo.")

Satyr: "Nice pause in the offence, kid, but who talked what smack doesn't go in the win loss column!"

Andy Atkinson: "The fans are riveted by it!"

Satyr rolls his eyes: "Marvelous. Now Alex Cain with a chop to the throat!"

Crowd: "Whoooo!"

Satyr: "Cain follows with a right hand! And another - blocked! C The Shocker keeps coming! C The Shocker puts Cain into the Armbar! Cain rolls out, C The Shocker kicked out through the ropes to the outside!"

Andy Atkinson: "Cain on his feet, plancha suicido onto C The Shocker, he wipes him out!"

ViNNY: "Well he wiped himself out, too, Andy, both men trying to get up, Cain makes it up first - he's going for a steel chair! The referee down in there now, he stops Cain. Cain held up, C The Shocker seems to be trying to set up for a something, trying to lean, he can't get his leg that high, Cain loses the chair, massive roundhouse punch by the Shocker!"

Andy Atkinson: "He couldn't get the leg up for a savate kick there, so he just punched him in the head!"

Satyr: "Shocking! Ha ha!"

Andy Atkinson: "You've waited all match to say that, you piece of work!"

ViNNY: "Alex Cain now brought over.. oh, they're coming over here.. (scuffling sounds.)

Andy Atkinson: "C The Shocker taking out the monitors, he might.."

ViNNY: "Why take out the monitors if you're going to run someone through the table? Couldn't that hurt your opponent more to leave them in?"

Satyr: "Ssh! Alex with an elbow, another! Powers out, slams C The Shocker face first into the table! Alex with a kick to the back of the knee! Now C The Shocker whipped to the post!"

Referee: "Five Mississippi, Six Mississippi, Seven Missi.. Massi, Missy.. ah screw it!"

Andy Atkinson: "The referee counting the time, Cain rolls in and out of the ring to break the count. Cain with a series of shots on C The Shocker by the rail, pounding away!"

Cain: "Roman Pig!"

C The Shocker: "Spartan Dog!"

Andy Atkinson: "Cain with the lariat, Shocker holds on, Cain into the steel ring steps!"

*Bonnnnnng* (N. Cheech and Chong.)

Andy Atkinson: "C The Shocker drags Cain up and into the ring, hairpull takedown! The ref warning C The Shocker about the hair! C The Shocker back up in the ref's face, right hand by Cain! Rake to the eyes! Cain pulls him around, neckbreaker!"

ViNNY: "Did someone out there just use a wrestling move?"

Satyr: Grumbles.

Andy Atkinson: "Cain follows it up with a knee drop to the neck! He goes for a headlock, reversal to a Half Nelson! Drop toe hold by Cain! Cain goes for the Boston Crab, Shocker finds the ropes! Cain holds for the four count, he lets go! He counted on his fingers along with the ref! I don't believe it!"

Satyr: "Me like!"

Andy Atkinson: "Cain with a series of stomps, now dragging C The Shocker into the middle of the ring, he tries for the figure four, can't get a grip.... C The Shocker rolls out - monkey flip! Cain into the official! The ref goes down"

ViNNY: "C the Shocker's up, has Cain, DDT! He rolls him up for the pin, no one there! Blatant choke by C The Shocker!"

Satyr: "He's learning."

Andy Atkinson: "Shocker with the soo-play! He whips Cain into the ropes, catches him, back body drop! On him again!"

C The Shocker: "Aaaaarghhh!!"

Satyr: "His interviews are improving!"

Andy Atkinson: "He whips Cain to the ropes, goes for the clothesli.. SPEAR! A massive spear by Alex Cain almost folded him up! Cain up, sweep kick to the leg, C The Shocker down on his head, Cain going for the face stomp, DRAGON SCREW LEG WHIP by C! Cain goes out of the ring! C The Shocker follows! He has the chair!"

Satyr: "Zoiks!"

Andy Atkinson: "C The Shocker stalking Cain, as Cain stumbles by our position, I don't know if Cain knows where he is, Cain over to the timekeeper, here comes the Shocker.. Cain grabs the bell!"

Jeff Amdur: "Hey, get off! You break it, you bought it, pal!"

Andy Atkinson: "Cain whips the bell into the chair!"

*Whoooonnnnnggggg!!!!!*

Andy Atkinson: "Right back into the Shocker's face! Cain drops the bell, he whips C The Shocker to the post!"

Jeff Amdur: (Shaking his bell ringing hammer) "If you'd messed with my Hammer I'd have whupped your ass, JERKY!"

Andy Atkinson: "Finally the referee back to his feet! Finally!"

ViNNY: "I must observe you were not as upset when C The Shocker used the chokehold while.."

Andy Atknison: "SHADDUP!"

Satyr: Cackles evilly.

Andy Atkinson: "I'm sorry, C The Shocker is laid out at ringside, a mess. Cain looking around, maybe for another object."

Satyr: "Ya can't win the match out there kid. Ya gotta get him back in the ring!"

Andy Atkinson: "Alex Cain pushing C The Shocker up the steps, and into the ring!"

Satyr: (Nods) "That's the way to do it."

Andy Atkinson: (Sigh) "Cain now going for the pin, 1, 2.. no! Alex pulled the shoulder up! Cain now climbing the top rope! The official checking on C The Shocker! Cain atop the top turnbuckle, Shocker has the ref! Cain, superfly, he just tackled the ref! The Shocker pulled that ref right into the path of it!"

Crowd: GASP!

Satyr: "Yes, only your hatred can destroy.. oh."

ViNNY: "What?"

Satyr: "Um, I mean C The Shocker trying to pull himself up on the ropes, one exciting match we have tonight, right fellows?"

ViNNY and Andy Atkinson look over at Satyr.

Andy Atkinson: (After a pause) "Well, both men up, Shocker stumbles, he makes Cain miss on a right hand! Straight right by Shocker! Another one! Cain trying to counter!"

Crowd: "SHOCKER, CAIN, SHOCKER, CAIN!"

Crowd: "OH!"

Andy Atkinson: "Alex Cain with a hip toss! Cain with a vicious kick! Another, mostly blocked with an arm! Cain again with a kick! Miss, Shocker sweeps the other leg, Cain goes down!"

Satyr: "Come on people... Mel Brooks people...."

ViNNY: "Eh?"

Satyr: "Heh heh, never mind! Grumblerobblerobble."

Andy Atkinson: "Swing and a miss by Shocker! Cain sets up for the Rock Bottom, reversal by Shocker, reverse atomic drop on Cain! C The Shocker with a pin! 1, 2, no!"

Satyr: "Arrrgh! I mean, what resiliency!"

Andy Atkinson: "Alex Cain with a chop! Shocker doubles him up, shoulderbreaker! The pin! 1, 2, no! Cain gets a shoulder up! Shocker goes for the powerbomb, he has Cain set up.. Cain with a monkey flip of his own! Cain pulling himself up on the referee! C the Shocker with a flying lariat, NO! Cain ducked, he almost took that official' s head off!"

ViNNY: "Lugerous!"

Satyr: "Who's the ref, Spike Dudley?"

Andy Atkinson: "Cain up, thumb to the eyes on the Shocker! Drop toehold! Cain out to the outside! C The Shocker laid out in the ring! The ref not moving! Cain dragging Shocker to the apron! Cain has a camera cable! He's choking C The Shocker out! He pulls the Shocker to the outside! He's got him by that cable like a dog collar!"

Satyr: "Don't ever mention dog collars and wrestling in the same sentence again!"

Andy Atkinson: "He whips Shocker around, right and left, Shocker catches Cain! Cain driven into our table!"

*BOOMP!*

Andy Atkinson: "Double Ax handle across the back by Shocker! He bounces Cain 's head off the table!"

*Boomp!*

Andy Atkinson: "C The Shocker with a hip toss on Cain, into our technicians!"

*Crash! AIEEE!*

Andy Atkinson: "C The Shocker limping now, he's not through with Cain! Cain with a chair.. into the Shocker's midsection! Now up under the chin!"

*TONK!* (N. Honky)

Andy Atkinson: "No, now Alex ramming the chair into Shocker's ribs! A shot across the legs!" *Whonk!* "Cain laying the chair across Shocker's knee, a stomp!" *Bonk!* "This is horrible!"

Satyr: "Yeah, you _never_ put the foreign object down until you're done using it!"

Andy Atkinson: "This could end C The Shocker's career! Andy Atkinson rolling Shocker into the ring, no! Bounces his head off the apron! Now rolling him into the ring!"

Satyr: "Gotta stop and smell the roses, ya know?"

Music: Gerardo - "Rico Suave"

Andy Atkinson: "Now Cain with a shot across Shocker's back with the steel! (Crowd pops) Wait, it.. it's Tehawk! Tehawk is coming down to the ring!"

(Tehawk comes running in and dives under the rops, coming up running again in one smooth motion.)

Andy Atkinson: "Tehawk with the Lou Thesz press! He's beating on Cain!"

Satyr: "Clubberin'! Clubberin'!"

Andy Atkinson: "Gut shot by Tehawk, he does the Jake Roberts finger wave, DDT on the steel chair! C The Shocker is up! He staggers over, right hand on Cain! Right hand on Cain! Right hand on Cain, backing him across the ring, Cain losing his footing, he falls into Tehawk!"

*Ding ding ding ding!*

Andy Atkinson: "What? The ref is telling them to ring the bell! He's what?"

Announcer (student:) "The winner of the match, as a result of a disqualification, Alex Cain!"

Music: WWF Rap Theme (Kane) - Big Red Machine

Andy Atkinson: "No, he saw Tehawk with the chair, that's not right, that's not right!"

Satyr: "Because it's Okay when good guys cheat!"

Andy Atkinson: "Tehawk helping a limping Shocker from the ring, Satyr, Cain could have broken that leg with that steel chair! Shocker talking with Tehawk, they understand! Why can't the ref?"

Satyr: "That ref's taken more bumps than a professional bull rider out there! Or a Detroit quarterback!"

Andy Atkinson: "Now Cain is helped to his feet, he can hardly stand, he's getting on the microphone!"

Alex Cain: "You know, I just made someone my bitch!"

Andy Atkinson: "He got his ass beat the entire match!"

ViNNY: "Nice spear though."

Alex Cain: "See, I said it before, winning in this fed, and on that newsgroup, are what it's alllll about. And today, I get my payday!"

Andy Atkinson: "He's leaning over the ropes over here."

Satyr: "Must be saying hi."

Alex Cain: "You hear me! My payday! My payday! My.."

Andy Atkinson: "C The Shocker with a chair! Shocker swings the chair dead into Cain's forehead as Cain turns around, and Alex Cain goes down! Cain is out! He's not moving! C The Shocker has the mike."

C The Shocker: "Payday? *pant.* Payday? *pant.* Well you can keep the change, you filthy animal!"

Music: Queen - "One Vision"

Andy Atkinson: "This thing with these three gentlemen is not over! Tehawk helping C The Shocker ot the back, referees attending to their injured comrade and Alex Cain! Folks, we just got something from the back!"

Satyr: "Is it that album with Morton Downey, Jr. singing?"

ViNNY: "What?"

Satyr: "I sure love 'Danny Boy.'"

Fade out and in to:

Gazza D is in the back, wearing a full out version of his earlier outfit. He has a pair of obviously toy pistols with white handles on, a field jacket with medals, and the helmet, and stands before a large British flag hanging on the wall. He looks behind him says "Oh," and steps over a few steps, now standing in front of a large US flag. me steps over to interview him with a microphone.

me: "Gazza D, you said you had a statement to make, regarding earlier statements by.."

Gazza D: (Talking as low and grizzled as possible.) "Yes. See, I'm going to give all the real Americans what they want! All real Americans love professional wrestling! They love seeing someone like me to represent their country! See, Pete Panaro's got a problem. It's not he talks about loving the country, no no. It's that he says he's gonna kick my ass. Well, that won't be easy. Especially while I'm kicking his, flying through him like.. like.." (Looks at a card in his pocket) (Normal higher voice) "Bloody crap through a goose? Who would.. (gets gruff again) I mean, we will meet in battle, and I will be, victorious!" He salutes to the edge of his starred helmet, then throws a quick "V for victory" sign as the camera fades out.

Fade in:

Andy Atkinson: "That was Gazza D."

Satyr: "Really?"

Andy Atkinson: (Gritting his teeth) "....in the hallway there, getting ready for this match."

Music: "Don't Tread on Me" - Metallica.

ViNNY: "He'll have a challenge in this man. Here comes Pete Panaro."

Andy Atkinson: "Nice 'Jane Fonda FOAD' T-Shirt there, tucked into the tights. We have Ted Turner present in the front row. I wonder what his reaction to all this is."

Ted Turner: "Yeah! Fuck yeah! Whooooo!"

Satyr: Blinks.

Andy Atkinson: "Ooooooooooookay. Panaro getting into the ring. He has a microphone."

ViNNY: "Lovely."

Pete Panaro: "Gazza, now listen up. You see that gold belt, right over there?"

(Shot of the belt by the timekeeper's table, Mr. Amdur smiling and waving to the camera.)

Pete Panaro: "One way or another, it's leaving with me. Now you make your choice. We can ring the bell and start the count right now. No dishonor in staying in the back. I will beat your ass if you come ou...."

*The arena goes dark*

Music: "Patton" Main Title - Jerry Goldsmith

The JumboTron over the top of the entrance way, lights up as Gazza D walks out, and spotlights come on, highlighting his glittering stars, buckles and pistols.The JumboTron shows vignettes of Gazza D walking down the streets, addressing crowds, talking to Boy Scouts, spitting out the hot dog, etc., before being replaced by a waving American flag as the lights come up.

Gazza D: "Hello everybody! It seems I am already here, and time to get down to the business of wrestling a match! Here in the great country of ours, the United States of America!"

Andy Atkinson: "Regaling us with greetings, as he makes his way down to ringside."

Satyr: "I guess you could call it that."

Pete Panaro: "You're fooling nobody, Gazza. Take that stuff off, and leave, before ya get some of this." (Shakes a fist.)

Gazza D: (Suprised) "Well bloody 'ell, ye don't expect me to come down 'ere naked? You freak! Um, I mean, (fishes a card out of his pocket, and gets gruff again) I'm going to come down there, and kick you right in the ass!" He then goes back to his higher voice. "Yes, that's it, I mean.." (Gruffly again) "Carry on!"

Andy Atkinson: "Gazza sets his helmet and a pair of riding gloves down on the ring steps, he's in the ring now, he drops the microphone and the gun belt, and it's on! Armdrag takedown by Peter Panaro! Into the armbar! Gazza D out of the armbar, clotheslined by Pete Panaro! Panaro with the hand sign of the belt on his waist, he wants that title!"

ViNNY: "Yes, I can see how it would a feather in his hat to get it. A true plus winning a title here on the first night of the RSPWWE!"

Andy Atkinson: "You're not kidding!"

ViNNY: "No?"

Andy Atkinson: "Knee drop by Panaro! No one home! Gazza D scoops him up, has the leg - Fisherman's suplex! 1, 2, NO! Panaro gets out! Standing dropkick by Gazza D! What elevation!"

ViNNY: "Good show indeed! Panaro thrown to the ropes, Gazza D drops the head, Oh! Panaro holds on to the ropes and hits the boot to the head!"

Andy Atkinson: "Panaro off the ropes again, elbow drop! Pin, gets a one count! Second attempt, 1, 2, no! Gazza D gets the shoulder up! Panaro has Gazza D up, goes for the Russian leg sweep! Blocked! Flatliner by Gazza D, and both men are down! Gazza over for the pin, 1, 2, no! Gazza D and Pete Panaro getting to their feet, Gazza D with a series of right hands to put Panaro down. Running the ropes, clothesline takedown by Gazza D! A stomp to the head! Gazza running the ropes again, armdrag takedown by Peter Panaro! Dropkick to the back of Gazza's head! 1, 2, a foot on the rope! The referee breaks it up!"

ViNNY: "Some impressive maneuvers by both competitors. Wouldn't you say, Satyr?"

Satyr: "What? Huh? Oh."

Andy Atkinson: "Panaro with the chokehold on the ropes, the referee breaks it up! Off the ropes on the other side, on top of Gazza's neck! He slingshots Gazza off the second rope into the center of the ring! Panaro, this could be it.. the American people' s elbow! The pin, 1, 2, no! He gets the shoulder up!" Gazza whipped into the corner, splash by Panaro! He backs up!"

Panaro: "Yeahhhh!"

Andy Atkinson: "Panaro coming in again, Gazza D with the elbow! Gazza D firing back with right hands, Panaro answers back with rights of his own! Belly to belly suplex by Gazza D! Pin attempt, 1, 2, reversal! 1, 2, Gazza D rolls out, schoolboy! 1, 2, no! Gazza D with a series of right hands, caught! Kick to the midsection by Panaro! X-Factor by Pete Panaro! Panaro with a handful of hair, he whips Gazza D to the ropes! Clothesline, Gazza ducks! Off the far rope, flying dropkick with authority by Gazza D!"

ViNNY: "With authority?"

Satyr: "Well, he is dressed up like a General."

Andy Akinson: "Panaro attempts a short arm clothesline, missed again! European uppercut by Gazza D! Panaro with a shot to the midsection, he's up, Gazza blocks another! Panaro attempts a chokeslam, Gazza gets around! German suplex by Gazza D on Pete Panaro!"

Satyr: "European uppercuts, Russian legsweeps, German suplex, I thought this was a US title match!"

Andy Atkinson: "Gazza D whips Panaro into the corner! He comes charging in - Panaro with the referee! Panaro pulled the referee in between them, and now all three men go down!"

ViNNY: "Yes, surely this night's action will have prospective referees lining up!"

Satyr: "Maybe, but I haven't heard of any ribs on them yet in the locker room.. It looks like Panaro is fishing around in his trunks."

Andy Atkinson: "That's disgusting! Wait, it looks like he has some sort of object, with white tape on it! A piece of metal - he wraps his fist around it, a shot to Gazza D! One of our technicians is up on the ring apron, he trying to get the attention of the referee - very brave.... oh no, Panaro levels him with a running clothesline takedown! Our technician went from the apron to the floor! The referee up now, he taps Panaro on the back- Panaro just took out the referee! He must have thought it was Gazza D, he whirled around and just clocked that referee!"

Satyr: "Maybe that guy really is Spike Dudley!"

Andy Atkinson: "Wait, Gazza D has crawled under the bottom ring rope, over by the stairs.. he's holding that helmet of his, maybe to try and draw inspiration, with the way things've been going.. wait, he's putting it on!"

Satyr: "He might as well get the guns too, while he's at it."

Andy Atkinson: "Panaro is trying to revive the referee, shaking him with one hand, he's got the other one behind his back, with that _thing_ in it!"

Satyr: "Maybe he want's to clock him again!"

Andy Atkinson: "Satyr!"

Satyr: "I mean, like, peekaboo! Wham!"

ViNNY: "Gazza's pulled himself back through the ropes, coming up on Panaro.. Panaro swings! Nothing but helmet!"

*Whonnnnng!*

Andy Atkinson: "Panaro holding the hand! headbutt by Gazza D!"

*Whonnng!*

Andy Atkinson: "Gazza kicks that object with the tape on it out of the ring, he grabs Panaro.."

Satyr: "Sure, throw out all the toys, ruin all the fun.."

Andy Atkinson: "Gazza whips Panaro into the corner! Spear! Helmet and shoulder into the ribs! Shoulder into the ribs! He flips Panaro out of the corner, and now he's climbing the ropes! Panaro doesn't know what planet he's on right now!"

ViNNY: "No comment."

Andy Atkinson: "Gazza D on top of the top turnbuckle, he sees an American flag in the audience! These fans are going wild! He's saluting the flag, and the fans!"

Satyr: Mumbles.

Andy Atkinson: "Diving from the top.." *WHONG!* "Diving headbutt from the top by Gazza D, with the helmet!"

Satyr: "He ought to get one of those Hogan helmets from the Ultimate Alliance."

Andy Atkinson: "Gazza crawling over to the corner, setting the helmet back down with the gloves, he has the referee semi-lucid.."

Music: "Mack The Knife" - Bobby Darin

Andy Atkinson: "WHAT? It.. it.. it's.. It's Bob Barnett! He's got a maroon silk robe on, and he's attended by several women in evening wear! He's coming down the ramp!"

ViNNY: "Taking his time about it."

Andy Atkinson: "We do know that Mr. Panaro is an ally of Mr. Barnett at times, he mentioned the common rivaly between those two, Krusty - who we'll meet later tonight - and the tag team of Chad Bryant and John DeJong, Barnett has a match tonight.... Gazza D is struggling to over where Mr. Panaro is! Pete isn't moving!"

Satyr: "Would you be? He just had a steel helmet slammed into his head! A steel helmet, a steel helmet, diving headbutt, diving headbutt, oh the humanity, King! I mean, yeahthatreallyhurt.."

Andy Atkinson: "Gazza makes the cover.. The referee struggling to count.. 1, 2, 3! We have a winner!"

Music: "Patton" Main Title - Jerry Goldsmith

Andy Atkinson: "And we have red, white and blue confetti coming down, American flags unfolding from the rafters! Gazza D is saluting left and right! What's all this with Barnett?"

Satyr: "Come on!" (He gets up and leaves, and some techs with a camera follow him.)

Andy Atkinson: "It looks like Satyr has left for the moment, Gazza D is collecting his, well, his paraphenalia as it were, and Jack Epstein is entering the ring with the U.S. Title belt."

Jack Epstein: "Mr. Gazza D, by the authority placed in my hands tonight by the Commissioner of RSPWWE, Mr. David Powell, I present you with the official RSPWWE U.S. Title belt. Congratulations."

Gazza D: "Outstanding! Thank you. And to all you fans out there, thank you!"

(Crowd pops)

Music: "Patton" Main Title - Jerry Goldsmith

Andy Atkinson: "A gracious acceptance speech by Gazza D, who is making his way out through the crowd right now, getting to know our wonderful fans, and maybe a little bit about our wonderful country.. sniff.. sniff.. I'm so verklempt.."

/cut to

Satyr: "Alright, I'm here with Bob Barnett, and some friends of his?"

Bob Barnett: "Well, I found them down by the bus station, but close enough."

Satyr: "I noticed you coming down to the ring near the end of the match. We know Pete Panaro has been an associate of yours."

Bob Barnett: "Well, I came out to give my.. encouragement, but it looks like the match is over. Guess I'd better escort these ladies to the back."

Satyr: "Well, have fun.. what about your match tonight? You and Krusty taking on the two UAers, ILOVEUWxx and Hulka R. Maniac, fine competitors with a good history in the e-feds, and of course, Chad Bryant and John Henry DeJong?"

Barnett: "Well, the UAers, that's business. Chadlee and the punk John Henry, that's something else! We're going wild on their asses. I've learned a few things over the years, and my partner's one pissed-off clown. Maybe - well Chud calls me an old man. Maybe I didn't move fast enough down to that ring, but I'll show 'em how fast this old man can move later tonight! C'mon, ladies!"

Satyr: "Right Andy, coming back to you, give me a while before you start up again, OK?"

Andy Atkinson: "Alright, thanks a lot Satyr! We have something coming up on that ladies' title battle royal later tonight! Ms. Portia St. Lucia, take it away!"

Fade out/in

Ms. Portia St. Lucia is seen reclining on a sofa in an evening dress, holding a champagne glass. A handsome latin man in a bow tie and serving jacket refills the glass.

Ms. Portia St. Lucia: "A Womens' title match? Hm, will need to dress the part.. maybe later."

Fade in/out.

MPSL is walking by a pool in a one piece bathing suit, hat, and sunglasses. She holds a martini glass in her hand, she looks at it, empty.

MPSL: "Well, I'll be ready, will they? I was raised on the dairy, BITCH! Sigh. *She snaps her fingers and holds out the glass.* Cabana boy!"

Satyr: "Ah, back. I miss anything?"

Andy Atkinson: "And this from Katie Proedehl!"

Satyr: "What?"

Fade in/out

Katie is in a gym, working out in leotards. A guy walks by with a water bottle, which instantly explodes in steam as he faints.

Katie: "I'll be ready for WrestleFest! Now, Mr. Cameraman, get on down here, It's time to do push-ups!"

The shot changes as the cameraman kneels down with the hand held camera. Katie startes doing pushups. There is a gasp and a thunk, the camera falls over at a wild angle, the outstretched arm of a passed out cameraman is visible in the frame.

Katie: "Mr camera man? Mr. camera maaaaan!"

Andy Atkinson: "Um, yeah."

ViNNY: "Yes! What's this, from She-Ra?"

Fade in/out

She-Ra theme music plays, and Sh-Ra is seen doing an "American Gladiators" style obstacle course, running through obstacles and using wrestling moves on anyone getting in her way.

She-Ra: "I have the Powwwwwwerrrrrrrrrrr!"

Fade in/out

ViNNY: "Illuminating!"

Satyr: "Actually the costume was gold lame!"

Andy Atkinson: "Gooolldfingaaa.. no wait, that's wrong. All of these vignettes are for the upcoming ladies' title match, first we have a big cruiser battle royal coming up."

ViNNY: "Wait, we had someone steal that last promo video we had? The one of student in that Stacy Kiebler WCW outfit, the business jacket and skirt?"

Andy Atkinson: "They were saying in the back that Burnside has it, he was last seen running out of the control room with it."

Satyr: "Err.."

End Part 2

Part 3 Start

Music: WWF Mankind Theme "Wreck" - WWF The Music Vol. 4

Andy Atkinson: "And our cruiserweight Battle Royal is gonna get underway! Wearing a shirt, some pants and a sock on his hand, Jack Foley!"

Music: "Orion" - Metallica

Andy Atkinson: "TedB6pack coming out! TedB is here, in a singlet to boot!"

Satyr: "You mean there's actually someone out there in wrestling gear? The world could implode!"

Andy Atkinson: "The two circling warily, the first four will come down, then every couple minutes after that, eight more men, one at a time. 12 in all."

Music: "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch" - From "The Grinch that stole Christmas"

Andy Atkinson: "Marc Ash is here! Mean Mark Ash is here! He's not waiting for the bell, he shoulderblocks TedB! Clothesline missed on Jack Foley! Jack Foley trading punches with him!"

Jeff Amdur: *Dingdingding!*

Music: "Ice Froggy Frog" - Fear Of A Black Hat Soundtrack

Andy Atkinson: "Running down, into the ring, the last of the first four, Froggy in the Meadow under a Log! Dropkick from behind on Marc Ash! TedB elbow drops Froggy! Aw, That's all the thanks you get in there, it's every frog for himself!"

Satyr: "I don't see any Rougeau brothers in there!"

Andy Atkinson: "Marc Ash slings Jack Foley into a corner! TedB jumps on Marc 's back! Frankensteiner by TedB! Froggy running for Jack Foley, he's out of the corner. Tapping the side of his head, smart, but Froggy caught himself before he hit! Savate kick by Froggy, pin, 1, 2, no!"

Music: "That Don't Impress Me Much" - Shania Twain

Andy Atkinson: "Don Martin coming out now! He's got on a 'Y2J' T-Shirt with a red ghostbuster sign painted over the 'Y2J' part! He's calling fans jobbers as he comes to the ring area! Now running up the steps, along the apron! Slingshots over the top into a body press, takes out Froggy and Jack Foley! Rolling out into a clothesline, and TedB goes down! Whoops, caught up by www.marcash.com , swinging neckbreaker!"

ViNNY: "How Rude!"

Andy Atkinson: "TedB with the clothesline from hell on Marc Ash! Jack Foley joins him in putting the boots to the indy wrestling sensation! Don Martin off the ropes, leg drop on Marc Ash! TedB and Foley make the pin, Don Martin also, no! Don Martin taken out with a chop block takedown by Froggy in the Meadow under a log! *Takes breath* TedB and Foley with the pin, ref in position, 1, 2, NO! Marc Ash kicks out with two men on him~! Froggy with a running clothesline on Martin, rolls him up, 1, 2, foot on the ropes! Froggy is beside himself! Froggy is climbing on top!"

Music: Eric Bischoff "Desperado" theme - WCW/NWO theme music (Was it on the WCW/NWO CD?)

Andy Atkinson: "Richie Rodriguez running down to the ring! On the apron, ducks a punch from Jack Foley! Shoulderblock on Jack Foley between the ropes! Another! Slingshot over the top rope into a sit down press on his chest! 1, no! Froggy off the top with a clothesline on Rodriguez! TedB spears Froggy! TedB swings at Marc Ash, miss, Ash has him up, VERTEBREAKER by Mean Marc Ash! 1, 2, 3, TedB is gone! Marc Ash back up, takes a shot from Don Martin! Fires one back and Martin goes down! Oh! Marc Ash takes a Russian Sickle to the back of the neck from Jack Foley! Marc Ash staggered, throws a backfist, miss, Golota shot on Marc Ash by Don Martin now! Jack Foley just DDT'd Marc Ash! Double pin! Rodriguez pulls Don Martin off! Gives him a facebuster!"

*SMACK!*

Crowd: "Ohhhhh!"

Andy Atkinson: "And did you HEAR that kick to the face of Rodriguez by Froggy in the Meadow under a Log! Ref down to count the pin on Marc Ash, 1, 2, no! He kicks out!"

Music: "Sadeness" by Enigma

Andy Atkinson: "It's THE_BEDE! In a brown monk outfit, accompanied by brothers of the order, he doffs the cloak, he's in the ring, head whip on Marc Ash! A punch to the face of Don Martin! One to Foley! Foley looks mad, he just screams! Powerslam by Jack Foley! Froggy rolls TedB6pack out of the ring! Marc Ash is up, chop block on Marc Ash by Don Martin! Slingshot legdrop over the top by Froggy in the Meadow under a log, 1, 2, broken up by Rodriguez! Don Martin and Froggy have Rodriguez now, double snap suplex! Don Martin shaking hands with Froggy, Froggy goes for the chokeslam! Busted out of the try by Jack Foley! Jack Foley with the backslide into the pinfall! 1, 2, broken up with a legdrop to the face by THE_BEDE!"

ViNNY: "It must be UA appreciation night!"

Satyr: "And that's not a bad thing, that's a good thing!"

Andy Atkinson: "Don Martin trying to get Mean Marc Ash over the top rope, Marc Ash battling back! He slings Don over the top rope, but Don holds on! Don Martin swings, but Marc Ash counters! He slaps on the Tarantula! The ref over to break the hold, Don Martin down, he has Marc's ankles! He hangs him up on the bottom rope!"

All the guys in the crowd: "OW!"

Andy Atkinson: "Don Martin pulls him around, facefirst between the ropes now. European uppercut by Don Martin, Froggy and Rodriguez battling, Jack Foley goes for the spear on Rodriguez. Rodriguez moves, Jack puts the yard sale on Froggy! The_Bede with a clothesline on Rodriguez! Don Martin slaps a tarantula of his own on Mean Marc Ash, and the ref is counting to break the hold!"

Music: "Hangar 18" - Megadeth

Andy Atkinson: "On my God, it's Mr. Sp0ck! Sp0ck into the ring, and.. and.. and what's that music?"

Music: Star Trek Original Series fight music breaks out and keeps going.

Andy Atkinson: "Sp0ck with a backfist on Rodriguez! Foley, Froggy and The_Bede have Sp0ck against the ropes! Sp0ck throws his arms up, and they all go flying back! Marc Ash swings at Sp0ck and misses! He just pinched Marc Ash's neck, Marc Ash is down? Don Martin and Jack Foley roll Marc Ash to the outside, and the ref starts counting! Don Martin has a ripped shirt! He wipes what looks like some blood off his mouth and tackles Mr. Sp0ck! Sp0ck chops him across the back! Now Jack Foley brawling with Sp0ck, Sp0ck shoves him back after a test of strength! The_Bede locking up with Sp0ck! Sp0ck pinches nis neck, what, The_Bede has some necklace that got in the way, a bead necklace! Sp0ck and The_Bede wrestling around! Richie Rodriguez hits Don Martin with a flying leg kick! Rodriguez covers, 1, 2, no! Monkeyflipped off and across the ring by Don Martin! The_Bede shoved across the ring by Mr. Sp0ck! Rodriguez, running lariat, but back body drop over the top rope by Don Martin! Marc Ash is counted out! The ref counting on Rodriguez now! Jack Foley in on Sp0ck, a series of punches to the midsection! Armdrag flip across the ring by Mr. Sp0ck! Don Martin tackles Mr. Sp0ck! He has Mr. Sp0ck down, but Sp0ck monkeyflips Don Martin, holds on, powerbomb! 1, 2, foot on the ropes! Rodriguez climbing the ropes, Jack Foley with the flying shoulderblock, Rodriguez pulls down the rope! Jack Foley goes flying into the fence!"

Crowd: "ECW! ECW! ECW! ECW! Fo-ley! Fo-ley! Fo-ley! Fo-ley!"

Andy Atkinson: "Rodriguez going for the slingshot, no, going over to the corner, he's climbing the top, caught by Don Martin! Don Martin with a shoulderbreaker from the second turnbuckle! He pulls Richie's foot off the ropes! The pin, 1, 2, The_Bede breaks it up! The_Bede with a double ax handle on Don Martin! Froggy off another turnbuckle, Don Martin moves, Froggy hits the mat! Don Martin with the rollup, 1, 2, 3! Mr. Sp0ck has The_Bede, slingshot off the ropes, clothesline! He has him by the neck, it's not working... but, chokeslam on The_Bede by Mr. Sp0ck! Don Martin jumps on to help with the pin, 1, 2, 3! The_Bede is gone! Don Martin congratulating Mr. Sp0ck, neck pinch on Don Martin! Don Martin is out! OH!"

Crowd: "OH!"

Satyr: "Skytwisting Moonsault by Jack Foley onto Mr. Sp0ck! Jack Foley struggling, he makes the pin, 1, 2, NO! Mr. Sp0ck refuses to job!"

ViNNY: "Never seen the second movie?"

Satyr: "What?"

Music: "Play that Funky music" - Wild Cherry

Andy Atkinson: "That's what, it's FunkyM!

Satyr: "Satyr like FunkyM!"

Andy Atkinson: "FunkyM into the ring, he pins Don Martin, 1 count, broken up by Rodriguez! Rodriguez pins Martin! 1, 2, Jack Foley breaks it up! DDT on Richie Rodriguez! FunkyM has Foley, Atomic Drop! FunkyM with Martin, piledriver! He pins Don Martin! 1, 2, 3! Rodriguez offers the hand of friendship to FunkyM, then the thumb to FunkyM's eyes! Jack Foley with the Full Nelson on Rodriguez! Savate kick, FunkyM missed, he just drilled Jack Foley! Rodriguez with a short clothesline, going for the super noogie submission, it's Sp0ck! Mr. Sp0ck with the chokeslam!"

Music: "Damage, Inc." - Metallica

Andy Atkinson: "Here comes Dethlar! Dethlar climbing the top, Foley has him though, slam off the top turnbuckle! FunkyM breaks up the pinfall attempt on Rodriguez! FunkyM slingshotted by Sp0ck, collides with Dethlar! Dethlar resplendent in his uniform, hasn't been able to get his cloak off yet, he gets Jack Foley around the neck, takes him down! Rodriguez with a shot to Dethlar, another, Dethlar grabs the legs, hotshot on the top rope for Richie Rodriguez! Now Dethlar and Mr. Sp0ck are facing off!"

Satyr: "The battle of the aliens!"

Andy Atkinson: "And they're pounding away! Dethlar goes around, pushes Sp0ck to the ropes, Sp0ck hangs on, Dethlar backing off, beckoning Sp0ck in! Rodriguez with the blindside superkick on Mr. Sp0ck! FunkyM and Jack Foley with a double hotshot on Rodriguez! Dethlar raking Sp0ck's face along the top rope! Now he has Sp0ck in the corner! A chop! Another!"

Crowd: "Whooo! Whoooo!"

Andy Atkinson: "Sp0ck reverses, Dethlar into the corner! A barrage of chops!"

Crowd: "Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!"

ViNNY: "Mr. Sp0ck setting Dethlar up on the ropes, could this be what I think it is?"

Satyr: "This can't be the Vulcan we know! Did he have a beard when he came in here?"

Andy Atkinson: "FunkyM thrown to the outside! Richie Rodriguez is battling Jack Foley in the corner! Sp0ck charging the corner! Shattered dreams on Dethlar!"

Crowd: "Ohhh!"

Music: "1975" - 1975 Nike Commercial/Snoop and Parliament

Andy Atkinson: "There he is, still carrying that video tape, Burnside! He stashes it under the ring, and in he goes! No! FunkyM pulls Burnside off the apron, slams him into the guardrail!"

Satyr: "It's every man for himself out there!"

Andy Atkinson: "Every alien, too. Sp0ck with the fisherman's suplex on Dethlar! 1, 2, no! FunkyM goes for the whip, reverse, Burnside sends him into the post! What's that on Burnside's shirt? Ass man? Oh, my GOD! Burnside sends FunkyM into the ring! Rodriguez whips Jack Foley into the opposite corner, now he stomps on FunkyM! He has FunkyM up! Burnside running the apron, clothesline, he drills Richie Rodriguez! FunkyM with the shoulderblock between the ropes, Burnside moves, hotshot between the ropes by Burnside! He follows with a European uppercut on FunkyM! Meanwhile, Sp0ck is trying to put Dethlar away, swing, miss, Soviet Suplex! Well, that's what they used to call a Rock Bottom, and Dethlar just put it on Mr. Sp0ck! 1, 2, Sp0ck kicks out! Rodriguez just got a running dropkick from Jack Foley! Jack Foley climbing the turnbuckle, flying body press onto Burnside! FunkyM ducked it! Can you believe it? FunkyM back in the ring, here comes Rodriguez, armdrag takedown, Rodriguex into Dethlar! Dethlar and Sp0ck share a look., no! Dethlar has Richie Rodriguez up! Spock off the ropes, 3D on Richie Rodriguez! Double pin, 1, 2, no! They pull up the shoulder! Now Dethlar has him up again? Mr Sp0ck is climbing the top rope! Burnside breaks it up, and Spock has a seat on the top rope! Ow! Jack Foley chop blocks Dethlar, and Richie Rodriguez eats canvas! Pin on Dethlar, 1, 2, no! FunkyM is back in the ring! Now he's running the ropes! Rodriguez is out on his feet! Jack Foley has him up, 3D by Jack Foley and FunkyM! 1, 2, Dethlar pulls them both off! Slam on Jack Foley! FunkyM, no, FunkyM with the roll up! 1, 2, no! Dethlar kicks out! Mr. Sp0ck and Burnside back brawling in the ring! They really busted each other up at ringside, Burnside swings, block, slingshot by Sp0ck, Dethlar with a clothesline, Burnside down! Jack Foley rolls up Dethlar! 1, 2, no! Jack Foley just got suplexed by Mr. Sp0ck!"

ViNNY: "I don't believe this, is this cooperation?"

Satyr: "Either that, or they're saving themselves for each other, right hand shot by Dethlar, Spock swings and a miss, side slam by Dethlar, Spock holds on! Roll up for a pin, 1, 2, Burnside breaks it up with a double ax! FunkyM with a wedgie into a back drop on Burnside! 1, 2, no! Burnside up first, and kicks FunkyM right in the face!"

ViNNY: "Now Dethlar has Mr. Sp0ck up, shortarm clothesline, ducked! Sp0ck with a backfist, ducked! Dethlar goes for the Chokeslam, Sp0ck twists out, Angle Olympic Slam on Dethlar by Mr. Sp0ck! Sp0ck makes the pin, hooks the leg, Jack Foley on, too, double pin, 1, 2, 3!

Music: "White Room" - Cream

Andy Atkinson: "And here comes Zodiac69!"

ViNNY: "Did you say Zodiac69?"

Andy Atkinson: "Yes.. no.. yes.. no!"

Satyr: "Do not force me to destroy you."

Andy Atkinson: "Just thought I'd throw that one out there!"

Satyr: "Yeah, throw it out with the rest of the garbage. Zodiac69 on the top turnbuckle already, Jack Foley locks up with Mr. Sp0ck, hurled across the ring! Richie Rodriguez is up, he swings at Burnside, Jack Foley blindsides him with the suplex into the bridge.."

Crowd: "OH!"

Andy Atkinson: "Zodiac69 with the superfly on Richie Rodriguez! He makes the pin, Jack Foley leans back on top, too. 1, 2, oh! Burnside with a running start, drills Jack Foley with a kick to the balls! Sp0ck takes Burnside out with a flying clothesline! Zodiac69 with the pin again! FunkyM pulls him off and goes for the pin! Zodiac69 returns the favor, pulls him off - double clothesline by Mr. Sp0ck! Mr. Sp0ck makes the pin, 1, 2, no! Somehow, Jack Foley got to the second rope, and hit a frogsplash! But Burnside has him up now, powerbomb! Burnside has FunkyM, goes for the same, reversal! Face jam by FunkyM!"

Satyr: "You can't powerbomb FunkyM!"

Andy Atkinson: "Mr. Sp0ck from behind, German suplex into a bridge on FunkyM! Zodiac69 breaks it up, with a baseball slide to the head on FunkyM! Double pin by Zodiac69 and Sp0ck! 1, 2, 3, and FunkyM is out of there! Zodiac69 triumphant, his arms raised, screaming! Burnside with the Polish Hammer on him from behind! Superkick on Burnside by Mr. Sp0ck! Richie Rodriguez struggling to his feet, a shot on Jack Foley, another shot on Jack Foley, Foley battling back, Foley just tried to pants Richie Rodriguez! Rodriguez holds on to the waist, knee to Foley's face, sunset flip by Foley, Rodriguez grabs the rope! Mr. Sp0ck trying to get Zodiac69 up for a slam, Zodiac69 struggles out, into the crippler crossface on Mr. Sp0ck! Zodiac69 using the ropes for leverage, Burnside breaks it up with a kick! Knocks the hand off the rope! Foley drags Richie Rodriguez into the center of the ring, sitout powerbomb! Burnside with the baseball slide into the small of Foley's back! Sp0ck out of the crossface, flips to his feet, armdrag takedown on Zodiac69! Burnside now climbing to the top turnbuckle."

ViNNY: "This proving to be quite a battle, we have Zodiac69, Sp0ck, Burnside, Jack Foley and Richie Rodriguez left in there, Zodiac69 is the freshest man, every one of them have taken a beating. Richie Rodriguez probably the worst of all. He's still laid out. He took not one, but two Dudley Death Drops - 3Ds. Who knows what have happened if Mr. Sp0ck had hit him with that top rope move he was setting up when Burnside caught him on the top?"

Satyr: "Well, Jim would probably think it would have been a top rope clothesline, baby, ha ha ha!"

ViNNY: Sigh.

Andy Atkinson: "Mr. Sp0ck going for the gutwrench on Zodiac69, reversed into a back body drop! Burnside just Ligerbombed Mr. Sp0ck off the top rope! Zodiac69 and Burnside make the pin, 1, 2, Sp0ck got a hand under the bottom rope! Richie Rodriguez rolled outside by Jack Foley! Foley with the rollup on Zodiac69! 1, 2, no! Zodiac69 rolls up Jack Foley! 1, 2, no! Burnside makes another cover on Mr. Sp0ck! 1, 2, no, Zodiac69 trips over him and breaks it up! Burnside up, shot to the face on Zodiac69! Forearm to the head on Jack Foley! Zodiac69 from behind, rolls him up, 1, 2, kickout! A three way battle, Richie Rodriguez struggling to get back into the ring, Mr. Sp0ck getting his bearings, now he's going up top.. armdrag takedown on Jack Foley by Burnside, but Zodiac69 from behind, German suplex into a bridge! Mr. Sp0ck with.. a Swanton bomb on Burnside? Oh my goodness! Double pin by Zodiac69 and Mr. Sp0ck, 1, 2, 3!"

ViNNY: "Burnside rolled to the outside, now a takedown into a Half Nelson by Mr. Sp0ck on Zodiac69! Jack Foley trying to catch his breath, Richie Rodriguez back in the ring, just in time, shot to the face on Jack Foley. Drop toehold into a hotshot on the second rope by Jack Foley to counter Rodriguez' attack! Zodiac69 reverses into an armbar on Mr. Sp0ck! Sp0ck rolls out into an ankle lock! Zodiac69 grabs a rope! Mr. Sp0ck pulls him off! Helicopter spin, Sp0ck just lets go, into a slam! Rodriguez rolls up Foley for a one count! Foley with a body scissors, over for a 1 count on Rodriguez! Rodriguez reverses, headscissors, Jack Foley gets out.... and Mr. Sp0ck has Zodiac69 in the Sharpshooter, in the middle of the ring! Foley with a running clothesline on Richie Rodriguez! Zodiac69 is tapping out! I can't believe it, Sp0ck made him tap!"

ViNNY: "Burnside seems to have rejoined the living, they're trying to get him to leave ringside. He's watching Zodiac69 leave the ring. What, now Burnside going back under the ring?"

Andy Atkinson: "Well, he must want that tape. Meanwhile, Spock with a backfist to Jack Foley. Foley sent through the air! Foley with a series of shots on Mr. Sp0ck, hip toss by Sp0ck, and Foley goes flying again! Richie Rodriguez from behind, caught! Belly-to-belly suplex by Mr. Sp0ck! Superkick by Mr. Sp0ck! The double ax! He has Richie Rodriguez, he hits Richie Rodriguez with the piledriver over by the ropes, NO! Burnside from the apron, slams Mr. Sp0ck in the face with that tape! The officials still trying to get Burnside to leave, another shot with the tape, blocked, a chop from Mr. Sp0ck breaks the tape right in half!"

Burnside: "Noooooo!"

Andy Atkinson: "And Burnside slingshots himself over the top rope into a head whip on Mr. Sp0ck! But he's been eliminated from this match! Sp0ck swings, armdrag takedown by Burnside! Standing dropkick to the face by Burnside! Burnside gets Sp0ck up, hangman's neckbreaker! A pin, he can't make the pin, the ref telling him to get out of there, he shoves the ref away! He whips Sp0ck through the ropes, Sp0ck holds on and comes back around, but gets clotheslined over the top by Burnside! Burnside to the outside, trying to choke Mr. Sp0ck with the tape ribbon! Security breaks it up with some officials, Burnside shoves them away, turns, kick to the gut by Mr. Sp0ck! Jawbreaker by Mr. Sp0ck! Mr. Sp0ck now pulling back the padding at ringside. The referee now counting the ten count on Foley and Rodriguez. Rodriguez pulling himself up the ropes, Jack Foley somehow getting to his feet. Oh! Mr. Sp0ck with a powerbomb on the concrete, and Burnside is out! Mr. Sp0ck making his way back into the ring, he's getting through the ropes, Guillotine legdrop on the back of his neck from the top rope by Jack Foley! Spock flips into the ring, he is dazed! Foley rolls him up, hooks both legs, 1, 2, 3! He just gets it! He just gets it, and Sp0ck has been eliminated! Sp0ck gets up with a closed fist, but then he just walks out of the ring! Jack Foley up, no, rolled up by Rodriguez? 1, 2, 3! We have a winner! On the outside, security and the officials attending to Burnside, Sp0ck is there! No! No! Another powerbomb on the concrete! Mr. Sp0ck is heading to the back!"

Mr. Sp0ck: "My losing this match due in part to a competitor that was already eliminated was quite Illogical!"

Music: Eric Bischoff "Desperado" theme - WCW/NWO theme music

Jack Epstein: "Congratulations, Mr. Rodriguez! You have won the RSPWWE cruiserweight title! What do you have to say about this momentous achievement?"

Rodriguez: Collapses.

Andy Atkinson: "Richie Rodriguez is holding the cruiserweight belt aloft from a stretcher, to the ovation of the fans! Streamers and highlights on the Jumbotron and coming from the rafters! As he's going out, we have some packages on the upcoming elimination Tag Title match, but wait, there's something else we have to go to.."

Satyr: "Great."

Fade out/in.

DEP's office again.

Pootro864 and Stoneco864 come barging in.

DEP: "What the hell are you two doing here?"

Pootro864: "What the hell were you doing, having a tag match and not letting us in? Don't you know I can be Poot, or evil Poot, I have _range_, I tell ya!"

Stoneco864: "Listen up, you've been drawing up all kinds of matches, but you forget that 864 is where it's at! Our workrate is unmatched I tell you!"

DEP: "So what do you want?"

Pootro864: "We want in that tag match! Make it a four corners match!"

DEP: "What I _can_ do is make you number one contenders. Give you the shot at the next show. Whoever wins the belts, you two get next. What do ya say?"

Stoneco864: "This podunk promotion might not be around for another show!"

DEP: "Ya can take it, or leave it. I'm sure there are tons of people that would take the shot."

Pootro864: "Well, I.."

JeffH runs in.

JeffH: "If you two llllllllllosers can be quiet for a second, I'm here to ask about something! That bum, Morelock, beat me tonight!"

Stoneco864: "Yeah, he beat your ass."

JeffH: "There was blatant interference in that match!"

DEP: "JeffH, bro, that might have been the one match tonight where there was no interference!"

JeffH: "Listen buddy.."

Stoneco864: "Wait a minute, I have an idea. Your next show, we go up against someone for #1 contender spot. Why don't you give JeffH and whoever he can bring the shot next week? Just to keep the belts in one place for us?"

JeffH: "Are you insulting me? Are you insulting me?"

Stoneco864: "Yes."

JeffH: "Alright, it's on! I'll get a partner, get the belts, and then we'll beat you, too!"

DEP: "And, 864 brahs, in the #1 contender match next, your opponents are MaxDaAxeJD and Stefan, the tWo. After that, we see if JeffH can back the boast."

JeffH: "I always do."

Pootro864: *Chuckles* "Except when Morelock stomps your ass!"

JeffH is held back by security as he tries to charge the tWo, who do Hall and Nash "scared" style hand gestures.

JeffH: "You're mine! You hear me? You're mine!"

Fade out/in

Andy Atkinson: "Now, our special video presentations, on that tag title match tonight!"

Fade out/in

Black and white, ILOVEUWxx and Hulka R. Maniac are walking through a gym.

Music: "Turn the Page" - Bob Seeger

Video Clips of the UAers, past and present, and of these two Hulkamaniacs/Warriors winning matches, holding belts in the air in front of fans at other RSPW fed shows, training, etc. Then shots of them working out, doing holds on sparring partners, riding Harleys, Monster Trucks, etc.

Shots of them doing stretch therapy, etc.

Fade out/in

In color, the two members of the UA sitting in front of a beach and Palm Trees, people working out with weights behind them. ILOVEUWxx wears a Hulk Still Rules shirt, and red and yellow tights. ILOVEUWxx has arm tassles. Hulka R. Maniac has red and yellow tights, a shirt with an Ultimate Warrior mask airbrushed on it, and a "Hollywood" bandanna.

me: "So, it's been a long time. Will you be ready for this match?"

Hulka R. Maniac: "Well, you know brother, all those days been long. We've been keeping the excellence for over five years now brother, we still know how to bring it up to the next level."

ILOVEUWxx: "The power of the Warrior runs strong within us all. In time the victory will come to those who will, and only we shall!"

Hulka R. Maniac: "One more for the ages, brother."

Fade out/in

Chad Bryant is seen blasting weights and doing sprints in place.

Music: "Killing in the name of" - Rage Against the Machine

Video package, etchings and paintings of the Homestead strike, demonstrations, montages of Chad working out, painting of battles between Pinkerton Detectives and Strikers, people marching for civil rights, corrupt executives getting handcuffed, etc.

Fade out/in

John Henry DeJong is shown working out, working in the rign with sparring partners, playing music, etc.

Music: "Pepper" - Butthole Surfers

More clips of John Henry DeJong, Beatles doing a sit in, JHDJ flexing.

Fade out/in

John Henry DeJong is in a hall backstage. Denim vest, Ramones T-Shirt, sunglasses, gold chain with cross, blue jeans. Jack Epstein is with him.

Jack Epstein: "So, what's your opinion of the match tonight? Are you ready? Bob Barnett and Krusty are longtime foes of yours, and the Ultimate Alliance has.."

John Henry DeJong: "Yeah, lets talk about that! Let's talk about the Ultimate Alliance, brother!"

(A guy in a brown trash bag with pieces of corn glued to it jumps out in front of the camera.)

Guy: "Yeah, yeah! Oh yeah brother, I'm in the Ultimate Alliance brother! All the nonsensical crappy trolls they hang out with, what is this, Cacamonsta? MMpoop? It doesn't matter!"

The guy rips the trashbag off, he has a western hat and badge on underneath, it's Chad Bryant.

Chad: "No, wait, now I'm that punk Manny Vargas! I'm that dumb sock Manny Vargas! Oh, I better write a ticket for not loving Hulk Hogan enough, and not jumping around like a goofball, I'm Sheriff Manny Vargas, what a joke!"

Chad Bryant rips off the Cowboy hat, the the badge. He looks at it a while (Like Gary Cooper in High Noon or Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry) then throws it away. He puts on a big indian headdress. "No, wait, now I'm Yapapi Chief, I'm friggin Yapapi Chief! I'm an ethnically insensitive bigoted gimmick!"

Chad takes off the headdress and throws it down. He is now in a black "WW" WWE T-shirt and blue jeans.

Chad: "See, that's the kind of crap the UA has spawned over the past few years, when they had the power, they turned the whole damn newsgroup into a cesspool, and one of bigotry as well. But see, that power is ending, and we are here, and we are the future!"

John Henry: "See, it's ironic about the bigot stuff - brotherrrrrrr! But let 's talk about Krusty, and let's talk about Bob Barnett!"

Chad: "Oh yeah, clown, you hypocrite, I'm coming for you! Your intolerance has been noted, and is about to be punished! But what I really want to talk about, is Bob Barnett! Bob Barnutt! You weak old man, you can't even fight me on a computer, you think you can take this in the ring? (Flexes.) See, we're coming out tonight, and we' re out for those belts. That you, Krusty, and those punk bigots in the UA are in the way, that's just a bonus to us. For thousands of years, the common man has been beat down by people like you. Tonight we begin to fight back! What's gone round, is gonna come around. See, that's why they call it revolution!"

John Henry: "See, you're between us and those belts, so welcome to the revolution."

Jack Epstein: Looks shocked, trembling a bit.

Fade out/in

Andy Atkinson: "Whoa, those two not mincing any words at all. Before that we heard from the UA, now let's check in with Krusty and Bob Barnett."

Fade out/in

Krusty is seen working out, both in a "Property of U.S. Navy" T-Shirt and Sweatpants, and full on clown gear. Music starts up.

Music: "Eye of the Tiger" - Survivor

Krusty is seen punching a heavy bag, jumping rope, shadowboxing, hitting the punching bag with quick reps, hitting one of those Bozo pop-up clown thingies, putting holds on sparring partners, etc.

Then he is seen raising a U.S. Flag, watching the Simpsons, doing massive reps with curls of a good sized barbell, running on a beach, running hard, passing some guy on a bike who turns around to watch Krusty pass, we see it's Lance Armstrong.

We then see Krusty doing chin-ups at the gym. We pull back and see it is one of those "pull down" weight bars with the weight set at 350 lbs.

Krusty is seen jumping hurdles, throwing a javelin, and eating Wheaties as the music plays on.

Fade in/out

Bob Barnett is wearing a Hawaiian shirt and white slacks on a beach, with a cooler beside him and a tropical drink with a paper umbrella in it. He is surrounded by about a dozen Univision quality Spanish ladies. He looks into the camera, and sighs. Then he smiles.

Bob Barnett: "Oh yeah. Workout, right?"

He picks up a Coca-Cola can and does a few curls with it. Then sets it down and chuckles.

Bob Barnett: "Heh, biceps cramping up. Oh, personal trainers?"

The ladies all smile, go "Awwww" and hug Barnett. Barnett smiles and gives the camera the thumbs-up.

Music: "nWo Black and White theme" - WCW/NWO the Music

Fade out/in

Bob Barnett (White shirt with cufflinks, gray slacks) and Krusty (Dressed like, well, Krusty) are seen in a hall backstage. Jack Epstein is with them. So is Barnett's entourage of ladies in evening dresses.

Jack Epstein: "I was going to say, gentlemen, we have a monitor back here, and we were just watching.."

Krusty: "We were just watching a couple tree hugging hippies making idiots of themselves! Heh heh!"

Barnett: "Really, it just gets sadder and sadder, but now we're gonna have to slap them around again."

Jack Epstein: "Mr. Barnett, there was some concern earlier, that you might not be taking this match as seriously as you could - and the incident with your walk down to ringside, well halfway, earlier."

Barnett: "All strategy, Mr. Epstein. A tried and true strategy called minimum possible effort. As one post or insult can be all that is needed to start a snakepit of chaos on RSPW, so one appearance can be suitable to show my skill to the world. Aren' t the ladies lovely, Mr. Epstein?"

Jack Epstein: "Um, well, yeah, of course.."

Barnett: "Now, I have been doing the minimum effort until now, but when I get in there, don't worry. Having been around the law and wrestling industries as long as I have, I know how to take care of myself. You see how ready my partner is."

Jack Epstein: "Well, that brings us to the Ultimate Alliance."

Krusty: "Well, personally I have no problem with those Hulkamaniacs myself, but tonight those tag belts are on the line, so we have to be professional here. Other stuff, well if someone wants to make it personal, it can be. Like Sideshow Bob says, kids, one can always be friends, but if someone wants to be an asshole, stick a pie in their face and whack 'em over the head with something! Uh, well I think it was something like that, heh heh!"

Barnett: "Later, mac,we got wrestling to do!"

Krusty: "But before that, we've got a match! Heh heh!"

Fade out/in

End Pt. 3

Begin Pt. 4

Andy Atkinson: "Well, no words were minced in that one. Wouldn't you agree, Satyr? Satyr?"

Satyr: "Zzzzzzzzzz, snort, wha? Huh?"

Music: "Crockett's Theme" - Jan Hammer/Miami Vice the music

Andy Atkinson: "And here comes our special guest referee, Otto 'Hack-Man' Heuer, down to the ring to get things underway for the tag team three way elimination match!"

Satyr: "You mean we're gonna have a _wrestling match_?"

ViNNY: "I know, amazing, isn't it?"

Music: "For What It's Worth" - Buffalo Springfield

Andy Atkinson: "And here he comes, coming out first, ladies and gentlemen, Chad Bryant!

Andy Atkinson: "Chad Bryant pausing near the top of the ramp, pointing to the back, I think I know why.."

Music: "Fight the Power" - Public Enemy

Andy Atkinson: "Yes, here comes John Henry! A soul handshake, and the two men running down the right, now climbing the corners to take in the applause of the fans, raising their arms.."

Music: "Mack The Knife" - Bobby Darin

ViNNY: "And here comes Mr. Bob Barnett, attended by his lady friends! Bob Barnett, seeming rather calm coming down heree, now eschanging pleasantries with Chad Bryant and John Henry DeJong.. wait, coming over here.."

Bob Barnett: "Now wait over here ladies, it's alright, keep an eye on them for me, ViNNY."

(The ladies find chairs by ViNNY, a couple lean over his shoulders and start rubbing them, one sits down in his lap, looking concerned about Barnett as he goes over to the ring apron.)

ViNNY: "Well, um, uh, hello ladies, yes!"

Andy Atkinson: "Well, it seems that our friend ViNNY's picked up some new friends!"

Satyr: "He should be careful he doesn't pick up something else!"

Andy Atkinson: "What?"

Satyr: "Oh, nothing, never mind.."

Music: "Oddities" - ICP

Satyr: "And here comes Krusty! Krusty seems ready to go, now he and Barnett climbing the ring steps.. Otto Heuer is trying to keep these four apart! It didn't work for long!"

Andy Atkinson: "Krusty locking up with John Henry, Chad misses a clothesline attempt on Barnett! Bob Barnett with a series of jabs! 1, 2, Bryant catches the arm, Japanese armdrag takedown by Bryant! Barnett rolls out of it, Bryant, backslide into a pin! 1, 2, no! John Henry with the jawbreaker on Krusty!"

Krusty: "He he, kids! Ow!"

Andy Atkinson: "Now Krusty with the rollup, 1, 2, no! Barnett back up, him and Bryant circling each other... Krusty and John Henry still going at it! Wait, what's that?"

The lights go down slightly.

Music: "Real American" - Rick Derringer

Andy Atkinson: "Hulka R. Maniac is here! Hulka running down into the ring! Barnett with a drop toehold on Chad, but Chad hooks a leg and rolls Barnett under the bottom rope! Hulka R. Maniac in the ring, double clothesline on Krusty and John Henry DeJong! He puts the hand to his ear! The crowd responds! Chad Bryant catches Hulka R. Maniac with a flying dropkick! Bryant and John Henry on Hulka now, hiptoss on John Henry by the Maniac, but a chop by Krusty!"

Crowd: WHOOOOO!!!!

Andy Atkinson: "Bryant has Hulka, rake to the eyes of Hulka R. Maniac by Krusty! clothesline on Hulka by Krusty! Clothesline on Krusty by Chad Bryant! John Henry and Chad now stomping on Krusty! he's rolled out of the ring, Bob Barnett is climbing back in, John Henry and Chad stomping away on Hulka R. Maniac!"

Music: "Ultimate Warrior Theme" - WWF Music

Andy Atkinson: "It's ILOVEUWxx! ILOVEUWxx is here! 2x into the ring! Flying clothesline on John Henry! Tilt-A-Whirl into a side slam on Chad Bryant! Double clothesline, Barnett ducks! John Henry with a cryonic kick, Barnett ducks! Hulka and 2x with dropkicks on John Henry and Bryant, John Henry back to the corner! The Hack-Man is in to restore order, Chad and DeJong talk it over, it's gonna be DeJong and ILOVEUWxx to start this thing off!"

Satyr: "Ha-cha cha!"

Andy Atkinson: "ILOVEUWxx with a finger point at DeJong! Now waving his hand around, giving salutations to the fans out there!"

Satyr: "Watch it!"

Andy Atkinson: "DeJong circling in, back out! Now around - trying to get between ILOVEUWxx and his corner - he shoves 2x back towards Bryant, 2x sidesteps, DeJong thrown into the corner, Bryant just avoids a collision! 2x points at DeJong ahead and claps his hands! DeJong is staying in, the test of strength... 2x gets the upper hand, John DeJong around into the Half Nelson, elbow by 2x! The Dos Equis off the ropes, DeJong with the armdrag takedown! Bryant is getting quite vocal with Barnett and Krusty from across the ring! Swing and a miss by 2x, side slam by John Henry! John Henry off the ropes, elbow drop! 1, no! Handful of hair by DeJong, 2x whipped to the corner! The tag to Chad, now Chad Bryant and John Henry working over 2x in the corner! The whip to the other side of the ring! Double clothesline on Chad and John Henry by ILOVEUWxx! 2x with a Body slam on John DeJong, but Chad catches him in a T-Bone suplex! 1, 2, no! Otto Heuer getting John DeJong to leave the ring, Barnett and Krusty making comments from their corner, getting some back from John and Chad alike! Chad with a knee to the gut on ILOVEUWxx! He follows with a knee to the face! Leg drop! Now he's waving his hand to his head, cupping his ear, a mockery of the Ultimate Alliance, I don't believe it! A pin! 1, 2, but 2x with the foot on the ropes! He has 2x' legs! Elbow drop downstairs! No! A warning from the Hack-Man, but he does it again! Another warning! He sets him up again.. oh! Krusty into the ring, a kick downstairs on Chad from behind, and now Chad goes down too! Krusty back out of the ring, both wrestlers trying to reach their respective corners now! Bob Barnett hanging over the top turnbuckle, just berating Chad! Barnett wants to go! Chad makes the tag to John Henry! Henry charging in on ILOVEUWxx, but 2x makes the tag! Hulka R. Maniac with the finger point, and John Henry is begging off! Wait, John Henry making the tag on Krusty? What the hell?"

Satyr: "Smart, smart man."

Andy Atkinson: "What's your opinion, ViNNY? ViNNY?"

Vinny: (Still surrounded by the ladies) "...."

Andy Atkinson: "Hulk R. Maniac and Krusty facing off now, John Henry clapping his hands, he must love this!"

Satyr: "He's about to see his opponents facing off. Elimination match, Andy, last team standing wins. Why let his team and the UA have all the fun early?"

Andy Atkinson: "John Henry and Chad Bryant taking a breather, as Krusty and Hulka R. Maniac square off. Hulka comes in, clothesline, Krusty counters into an armbreaker! Hulka rolls it over and reaches the bottom rope! Otto Heuer there to count, and Krusty breaks the hold! Krusty with a rake to the face, something shot out of a flower on his shirt, it missed, hotshot by Hulka R. Maniac! Splash off the ropes by Hulka! 1, 2, Krusty gets the shoulder up! Full Nelson on Krusty, sit down into a slam! Hulka with the sleeper hold! Krusty powers up, hits the jawbreaker! A swing by Krusty, he connects, Hulka fires back! A miss by Hulka, Krusty with that flower and a tube, around Hulka's neck! Hulka flips Krusty, and the foreign object is ejected out of the ring! Heuer was occupied with keeping Barnett and Bryant apart on the outside, he didn't see! Krusty up, ducks out of a hammerlock, German suplex! Hulka felt that one! Head scissors by Krusty! Hulka is trying to get out! Hulka has his arm up, trying to get support from the fans! Hulka down again! Pushing, pressing, trying, Hulka flips it, and Krusty bounces off the mat! Hulka getting up on his hands and knees, mule kick to the side of the head by Krusty! Krusty with a pinning attempt, 1, 2, no!"

Satyr: "Wait a minute, what's this? We're being joined by.. MaxDaAxeJD and Stefan?"

MaxDaAxe: "tWo, too sweet."

Andy Atkinson: "What might you be doing out here?"

Stefan: "A little recon, if you will. Seeing the tag team competition out here."

Andy Atkinson: "Reconnaissance perhaps necessary, after tonight. That one attempt may have backfired.."

MaxDaAxe: "Easy, chief. Besides, you win some, you lose some. We're just gonna try and, well up the percentages, you know, ooh, nice tilt-a-whirl into a powerslam by Hulka."

Andy Atkinson: "Alright, Krusty with Hulka up, whip to the rope, Chad Bryant with the leg extension, kick to the back of Krusty's head, and Krusty down again!" You gentlemen just here to watch right?"

Stefan: "Yeah, yeah, we don't need to repeat ourselves, huh? Nice armdrag takedown by Hulka!"

Andy Atkinson: "Alright, you sit there, we'll call the match!"

Stefan: "Alright, you got it."

MaxDaAxe: "Touchy."

Andy Atkinson: "Hulka bringing Krusty up again, short arm clothesline by Krusty! Krusty now stomping a couple times, up and into the flapjack, 1, 2, no! Krusty now whipping Hulka, reversal, reversed again, Hulka into the Bryant/DeJong corner, John DeJong slaps him across the back of the head! Hulka with a look that could kill, rushes at Krusty, reversal, Krusty whipped, pulls up short, a swing and a miss by John Henry again, Krusty with the clothesline attempt, Hulka ducks, back in the corner, DeJong slaps him in the back of the head again, Hulka paintbrushes DeJong! Ducks a swing by Chad, shoulderblock through the ropes, and Chad to the outside! DeJong swing and a miss, and Hulka slaps his hand! He just tagged in DeJong, and he follows it up with the middle finger!"

Stefan: "Whoa!"

Satyr: "Now Barnett on the outside, slamming Chad's head into the guardrail! Otto Heuer is on it! Barnett backing off now, Chad has a chair, both men back to their corners, Chad dropping the chair and now quite incensed at Mr. Barnett!"

Andy Atkinson: "John DeJong is now in the ring, a bit fresher than Krusty here, and the clown is staying back, circling him warily! Hulka and 2x are hugging as they consult in their corner, not like there's anything wrong with that!"

Satyr: "RSPW - Can you feel the love?"

Andy Atkinson: "DeJong now exchanging punches with Krusty, a knife edge chop to Krusty!"

Crowd: "Whooo!"

Andy Atkinson: "Krusty ducks a forearm, has DeJong, impaler DDT by Krusty! Krusty holds on, sitout powerbomb, DeJong claps Krusty's head between his thighs and gets out, eww... DeJong up again, taken down with a Japanese Arm drag! Monkeyflips Krusty into the ropes, gutwrench into a side slam on Krusty! Hooks the leg! 1, 2, Krusty gets out! Back body drop by DeJong, and Krusty goes down again! Hip toss by DeJong! DeJong running the ropes, Krusty jumps over DeJong, DeJong off the ropes, forearm shot by DeJong! DeJong going back to the well, running the ropes, Krusty ducks a lariat, DeJong into the hostile corner, boot to the face of John DeJong by Bob Barnett! Krusty hooks DeJong, gets the vertical hold, backbreaker on John Henry DeJong! Krusty makes the pin, 1, 2, he got the shoulder up! John DeJong up, Krusty has a handful of hair, a shot to the face on John DeJong! Backhand chop!"

Crowd: "Whoooo!"

Andy Atkinson: "DeJong slides between the legs, sunset flip, 1, 2, Krusty grabs the bottom rope! Krusty slingshots off the rope for the bonzai drop, Henry gets the knee up! Oh my GOD! Krusty is gasping for air! John Henry is trying to get his own bearings! Meanwhile, the Ultimate Alliance are playing to the crowd!"

(2x and Hulka are posing by the corner, doing the nWo point, hands to the ears, the Warrior "press slam" sign, etc.)

Andy Atkinson: "Barnett and Bryant pounding the turnbuckles! Clapping! Each man trying to rally support for their partners out there! Krusty is trying to climb the ropes, to get back on his feet, John Henry DeJong walking in circles! Bryant holding his hand out, he wants the tag! John Henry might not be sure where he is, much less his partner! Here comes Krusty, he walks into a shot from DeJong! Another, and Krusty goes down! DeJong with a primal scream! He runs back, off the rope, back body drop by Krusty, and John Henry is hung up on the top rope!"

The guys in the crowd: "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...."

Andy Atkinson: "ILOVEUWxx with the bulldog from the top rope! He runs across the ring and gives the double bird to Chad Bryant! Otto Heuer holding him back, now holding Bryant back! Bob Barnett runs in with a knee drop to the face of DeJong! Hulka R. Maniac and Bob Barnett stomping a mudhole in DeJong, and this is not right! Now both of them out of the ring, here comes Otto Heuer, and here comes Krusty, the pin, 1, no, a hand on the ropes! A belly to belly suplex by Krusty! He makes the pin, the referee is distracted by Hulka R. Maniac of all people!"

Stefan: "Yeah, those UAers just want this to keep going on between those guys, smart move there, eh?"

Andy Atkinson: "Makes sense. Your opinion of this, ViNNY?"

ViNNY: (Still surrounded by the ladies) "...."

Andy Atkinson: "Bryant in the ring, double ax handle on Krusty to break up the pin! Otto Heuer back in there, Krusty with another pin! 1, 2, no! DeJong gets the shoulder up! Krusty pulls DeJong up by the hair, a shot to the face! Another pin, 1, 2, no! Krusty gets DeJong up, short arm clothesline! He has him up again, another, no! Side suplex by DeJong! DeJong trying to find his bearings, Krusty up, elbow drop, John Henry rolls out of the way! DeJong making his way across the ring, a shot to the back of the head by Krusty! Krusty going for the Full Nelson, wait, reversal, backslide by John Henry, 1, no, Krusty gets out! DeJong breaks free, into his corner, the tag to Chad Bryant! Bryant into the ring, but Krusty holds up a forefinger, he's smiling? Wait, he's doing the nWo point! He's pointing to Bob Barnett! Bryant telling everyone to bring it! Krusty to his corner, he makes the tag to Bob Barnett! This is what they've been waiting for, and here they come! Barnett with a stiff series of jabs to Chad Bryant, Barnett bobbing, weaving, in a circular motion! Forearm attempt by Bryant, another combination of jabs by Barnett! Krusty is loving it! Forearm to the chest by Bryant, now a swing and a miss, Barnett with a kick, caught! Chad Bryant has Bob Barnett by the leg! Bryant talking a load of smack, telling Barnett to come on as he hops on one foot - Enzugiri kick by Bob Barnett, and Chad goes down! That wasn't an ordinary Enzugiri, either, instead of a strict side swing, Barnett hooked around in midair, that was a straight kick in to the face! I'll confer with my technical expert, ViNNY. ViNNY? ViNNY?"

Stefan: "Um, homes?"

Andy Atkinson: "Ah, yer right, forget it! Bob Barnett up, kick to the midsection on Chad Bryant!

Satyr: "It's like I always say, if you're gonna kick a guy, you don't have to waste time waiting for the guy to get up."

Andy Atkinson: "Bob Barnett with a swing and a miss! European uppercut by Chad Bryant! Now a series of right hands of his own! Trading shots with Barnett, Chad with a monster swing, miss, Barnett goes for the headlock, flipped by Chad Bryant! Chad Bryant is coming back! Knee lift by Bryant! He whips Bob Barnett through the ropes! John Henry stalking Bob Barnett outside, Krusty and Bryant have the ref distracted, John Henry coming in, no! John Henry taken into the post by Bob Barnett! The crowd goes nuts, what? ILOVEUWxx has Hulka in the Luger torture rack at ringside? What the hell?"

Satyr: "They're practicing!"

Andy Atkinson: "The Hulkamaniacs go back to flexing and posing as Barnett knees DeJong in the gut and sends him headfirst to the guardrail! Otto Heuer over and counting - a countout or DQ will eliminate a team tonight - and Barnett coming back in, Chad over to meet him, and a Barnett shoulderblock misses, Chad with the European uppercut, Barnett now hung up between the ropes, now slingshotted to the center of the ring by Chad Bryant! Chad Bryant standing Bob up, or is that Mr. Barnett? Has two hands full of hair!"

Chad Bryant: "We're going for a ride, old man!"

Andy Atkinson: "Bryant whips him into the ropes, charging with the clothesline, Chad goes flying! Barnett with a baseball slide off of the ropes, he tripped Chad up, and Chad eats the second rope!"

Satyr: "Well.."

Andy Atkinson: "Don't you dare! Barnett in the center of the ring, he wants Chad now! John Henry halfway into the ring, cut off by Otto Heuer, and Chad charges Barnett! Barnett - Drop toehold into an STF, Chad Bryant gets out! Bryant takes a jab, blocks another, forearm shot by Chad Bryant! Another blocked, Barnett hooks the arm, armdrag takedown again, into a wrist lock! Chad moving closer to the ropes, closer, Barnett bearing down! Chad is in agony!"

Barnett: "Tap out, Chad, I got women to see and seals to club after the show! Ha ha!"

Chad: "Grrrr.... fuck you!"

Andy Atkinson: "Chad has reached the bottom rope, and Otto Heuer breaks the hold! Barnett back, pounding away, Chad with an armdrag takedown! Chad with a short arm clothesline! Barnett with a swing, Chad hooks the arm, Chad Bryant with the Soviet Suplex!"

Satyr: "I'm not going to say a word."

Andy Atkinson: "Grr.. Bryant just spiked bobbarnett.com like a football! Krusty now showing concern for his partner!"

Krusty: "C'mon, Bob, Eye of the Tiger, Eye of the Tiger! Eh, or you could just kick him in the nuts, heh heh! Eh, c'mon, Eye of the Tiger!"

Andy Atkinson: "Bob Barnett whipped to the ropes, back body drop by Chad Bry ant, and what elevation! Chad taunts Krusty, Krusty doesn't fall for it! Heuer keeping DeJong out of the ring again! Armbar on Bob Barnett by Chad! Chad with a shot to the top of the head, another one! Chad taunting the UAers of all people now!"

Krusty: "C'mon, Bob! Remember what Vampiro taught you!"

Barnett: "Always smile when you do the crouching pose, no that's not it.. Don't hang out with Jerry Only, no that's not it.."

Andy Atkinson: "Bryant gets Bob Barnett up again, blatant two hand choke! Otto Heuer trying to break it, but Chad is bearing down! There's the first warning!"

Barnett: "That stuff about Sting.. ack.. no, that's not it.. ack.."

Andy Atkinson: "The second warning from Heuer! Chad could get himself thrown out!"

Barnett: "Break clap foot eyes! Yeah!"

Andy Atkinson: "Barnett throws out his arms and breaks the hold! Claps the ears of Chad Bryant! A stomp to the instep on Chad Bryant, and a poke to the eyes! Barnett with the Jawbreaker, and Barnett is free! Barnett has Chad up, reverse atomic drop! Barnett whips Chad to the one neutral corner, and he's pounding away! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, eleve, no! Otto Heuer cuts him off after the ten count! A warning from Heuer now! Shoulderblock by Barnett! European Uppercut by Barnett! A knife edge chop!"

Crowd: "Whoooo!"

Barnett's entourage: "Oooooooooohhhh!" (Hugging ViNNY)

ViNNY: "Ooh indeed, I mean, hee hee!"

Andy Atkinson: "John Henry running the outside of the ropes, Barnett moves back, John Henry misses! A shot to John Henry by Bob Barnett, DeJong out to the apron! Chad reverses now, Barnett into the corner! Chad opening up! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, blocked! Barnett with a shot! Chad with a shot! Barnett misses, Chad with a chop! And another! And another! (Crowd whoos on each one) Chad backing up to the opposite corner, he's taunting Krusty! Chad coming in, nobody home, and Chad's shoulder hits the steel ring post! Barnett slides to the outside, whips Chad's arm into the post again! To the inside, using the ropes for leverage on the armbar, now Heuer is breaking it up! The Ultimate Alliance is paying close attention now to the flow of this match, knowing they could be back in it at any time!"

2x and Hulka: "Zzzzzzzzzzz...."

Andy Atkinson: "Barnett on the second turnbuckle, pulling Chad up, he has vertical hold.... Vampiro spike from the second turnbuckle on Chad Bryant, and that could be it! Barnett crosses Chad's arms, makes the pin, 1, 2, and DeJong breaks it up with a series of stomps! DeJong stomping away, Chad might be out, now Krusty is back in the ring! Here comes the Ultimate Alliance! All six men in the ring, and things just got out of hand!"

Satyr: "Just?"

MaxDaAxeJD: "Yeah, really, chico. Been out of hand a while, man. Chad looks like he still isn't moving!"

Andy Atkinson: "Krusty back to his corner, Barnett suplexed by Hulka, Chad splashed by ILOVEUWxx off the ropes! He goes for the pin, he's not the legal man! Now Heuer is on to his intentions, backing him up, DeJong managed to drag Chad closer to his corner! Barnett looks to the UA corner, he's thinking, no! He tags in Krusty! Krusty in the ring, but Bryant rolls over, and John Henry makes the tag! He eats a dropkick from Krusty! Krusty now rolling Chad Bryant to the outside, he hits the padding on the ring apron!"

Stefan: "Well they call it padding, big man. It ain't too soft, I can tell you about that!"

Andy Atkinson: "It looks like the Ultimate Alliance is up to something! Hulka is up on the second turnbuckle, he's trying to steal the show again, but ILOVEUWxx is sneaking around the ring, by our position down here!"

Stefan: "Hey, what's up, dos equis?"

MaxDaAxeJD: "Ssh ssh ssh ssh ahh ahh ahh ahh...."

2x: (Flexing) "Ruahahhahahaha, brother! Ha ha!"

Andy Atkinson: "Chad Bryant still is hardly moving, he may not know what planet this is! Two hand thrust to the neck by DeJong, he follows it with a stiff jab! Krusty with a block, a shot of his own, whoa, John Henry spins him around and hits the stunner! 1, 2, Krusty got a hand on the ropes!"

Stefan: "That tells me they're tired, you always want to try and get that shoulder up if you can, can't depend on the eagle eye of the ref there to see that hand or foot on the ropes."

Andy Atkinson: "That was your policy in the last match."

Stefan: "Yeah, man, veteran move."

Saryr: "You know, they could also be getting tired because they've been beating on each other for what seems like an hour!"

Stefan: "Hey!"

MaxDaAxeJD: "Yeah, man, what's your problem?"

Andy Atkinson: "Gentlemen, please, we already have one match in the ring!"

Stefan: "I was just sayin', jeez!"

Andy Atkinson: "John Henry trading right hands, an armbar, reversal by Krusty to the Half Nelson, into the ropes, rolls up John Henry, 1, 2, no! Henry slips out, waistlock by Krusty, powers John Henry over again, 1, 2, DeJong gets the shoulder up! Krusty with another closed fist punch, and a handful of hair, Heuer is in there to warn them again! Krusty also flirting with a disqualification!"

Stefan: "Well there's no love lost between these two, like you were sayin', these guys want to beat each other almost as much as they want those belts."

Andy Atkinson: "Those belts being the RSPWWEEEEEEEE.. oh, sorry Satyr, RSPWWE tag team championships. Whip to the ropes by Krusty, Oh! Flying body press by DeJong, he took out Krusty and Otto Hack-Man Heuer! Oh, there goes Hulka, 2x coming around as well! Chad is just to his feet! The UA flexing, big boot on Bryant by ILOVEUWxx, and Chad goes down again!"

Music: "Big Red Machine" - WWF Rap Kane Theme

Andy Atkinson: "Oh my God, it's Alex Cain! Alex Cain on his way down here with a steel chair, and he just nailed 2x! Hulka with a swing and a miss, Cain gets him across the chest! Now a shot to the back with the steel chair! What, Bob Barnett is here! Bob Barnett standing Chad up, and Alex Cain is up on the safety rail, balanced at the corner! Flying leap, Chad moves! Alex Cain just blasted Bob Barnett with a top rope chair shot!"

MaxDaAxe: "Say, later, chico, we have some work to do!"

(Scuffles)

Andy Atkinson: "Stefan and MaxDaAxeJd over there now, here comes security! A double axe from behind on Cain by Stefan! MaxDaAxeJd hits a bulldog on Hulka R. Maniac! A knee lift to the face on 2x! Barnett is sprawled out, that chair did some serious damage, he may be unable to continue! Backbreaker on Alex Cain by Stefan, and now MaxDaAxeJD climbing the edge of the ring, splash on Cain from the ring by Max, and security hauling off the miscreants now! Cain, Stefan, and MaxDaAxe being hauled to the back, but the damage may have been done!"

Satyr: "What the hell? We know Cain has some old beefs with the UA, we also know he's no friend of John DeJong or Chad!"

Andy Atkinson: "It has to be something, Cain has to have some sort of plan in the works, else he wouldn't have shown up! Looks like he's gonna have issues with the tWo as well once all is said and done here tonight! Look at Barnett, he's been taken out!"

Satyr: "I don't think Cain has a beef with him, they were trying to finish Chad off for good! Chad has gotten back to his feet! He has the chair, he's looking around, Cain is gone, the UA and Barnett are down, the tWo has gone off to parts unknown! Krusty is back up, he's stumbling around! A shot by DeJong, another blocked, Krusty hits the impaler DDT! Otto Heuer is still trying to pull himself to his feet, he doesn't know what happened! Neither do Krusty or DeJong, wait! Krusty now going over to the ropes on the other side of the ring! He sees Barnett and the UA down, and Chad with the chair! Barnett.. Barnett's ladies are leaving our position, they're flocking to their man, trying to bring him around!"

ViNNY: "No! Please! Come back!" (mopes)

Andy Atkinson: "Chad didn't do anything with that chair, he drops it, still all but out on his feet! Krusty telling Chad his opinion on things, which is plain to see, Chad isn't backing down, answering back.. Barnett's entourage is trying.. mouth to mouth? Barnett coming around, Chad back to his corner, spear from behind by John DeJong! Otto Heuer up, over to the other side of the ring, trying to get the UA back to their corner as DeJong goes for the suplex! Krusty hangs on, DeJong can't move him! DeJong tries again, Krusty hangs on, gutwrench into a powerbomb on John DeJong! Krusty looking over to Bob Barnett, laid out there, Krusty clenching a fist, spin and a straight shot to DeJong! Belly to belly suplex on DeJong, and a short arm clothesline to follow it up! Now he has John Henry up with an armbar, a whip into Krusty's corner, and Krusty pounding away with closed fists! To the chest, now the head! Krusty on the first turnbuckle! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, Heuer stops him from continuing, now he hits the European uppercut on John Henry! A hiptoss! Otto Heuer warning him again about those closed fists! A punch to the head on DeJong! A knee to the gut! Another European uppercut! A right backfist to DeJong! A left backfist to DeJong! A headbutt to John Henry by Krusty, and DeJong is down! Another warning from Heuer! The UAers making it to their feet now, heading back to their corner, Chad is climbing back up to his, still feeling the effects of this match, Otto Heuer with a warning to Krusty again! He's pointing at Jeff Amdur!"

Heuer: "I'll ring that fucking bell! I will! This is a wrestling match! You got it?"

Andy Atkinson: "Krusty moving Heuer aside, he's back on John Henry! Shot to the face on John Henry! Slap to the chest on John Henry! John Henry fires back with a forearm shot, Krusty holds on! DeJong spun into the ropes! Krusty firing away upstairs, now downstairs into the side - right hand after right hand after right hand!"

Satyr: "Get outta therrrre Rock!"

Andy Atkinson: "Heuer's had enough, he's telling Epstein, the bell rings! Krusty and Bob Barnett have been disqualified! Krusty still driving closed fists into the side! John Henry knocked off the ropes! A haymaker to the face by Krusty, John Henry spun around! Another monster punch, John Henry still on his feet, staggering around the ring! A third, and John Henry goes down! Security is coming down here again, Bryant into the ring, into an armdrag by Krusty! Bryant rolls back to his feet and comes in with a spear into Krusty and a mass of security guards! Pull apart by security! Barnett up, too! He's staggering, but he wants back in there too! Krusty and Barnett being escorted out!"

Krusty: (Mr. T/Clubber Lang voice) "C'mon, sucker! (Krusty voice) "I mean, heh heh!"

Andy Atkinson: "John Henry DeJong is laid out in the middle of the ring, and 2x is climbing back up to his corner, Hulka making his way past our position! Now Otto Heuer counting on The UA, they have to get a man in there, 2x is in the ring! John Henry is still the legal man, but he's been laid out by Krusty, who just put on a boxing clinic in the city made famous by Rocky Balboa!"

Satyr: "But it isn't a boxing match, it's a wrestling match! Krusty saw Bryant with that chair, he took it out on Chad's partner! He's been thrown out, but the damage is done!"

Andy Atkinson: "Now Heuer is counting on John Henry! 2x is hanging back, he may be able to win this match without firing another shot! John Henry strugging to the ropes! Trying to pull himself up - no, pulling himself towards the corner, I don't know if he can even stand at this point! On his knees, he surges to the corner, cut off by the dos equis! 2x drags DeJong back towards the center of the ring! Chad is in the ring! Shot to 2x, cut off by Heuer! Hulka now in the ring, both Hulka and 2x putting the boots to DeJong! Heuer back on it, Hulka out, tagged in again by 2x! 2x boosts DeJong on his shoulders! Hulka to the ropes, Chad pulled down the middle rope! Hulka through the ropes to the apron! He was the legal man, and now Heuer telling ILOVEUWxx to get out of the ring! Chad with the double axe from the apron to the floor on Hulka! Heuer still on the dos equis! 2x with the Arabian Facebuster on DeJong, and now 2x is out of the ring! Heuer over to make the count on Hulka! 2x clapping and pounding the turnbuckle to rally his partner! Chad doing the same to rally his! DeJong is a battered mess! DeJong struggling, trying to pull himself up on the ropes! Scoop and a slam by 2x, Chad can't take it anymore! Off the top rope, neck whip takedown on ILOVEUWxx! Here comes Hulka, Chad sidesteps! Hulka spears ILOVEUWxx! Chad drags DeJong to his corner, Chad back out, Chad makes the tag! 2x with a dropkick on Henry, DeJong knocked through the ropes, he falls to the floor! Chad capitalizes with a knee drop to 2x' neck! Hulka behind Chad, T-Bone suplex on Chad! 1, 2, no! 2x back to the outside, Heuer is watching him now, 2x headed back to his corner! Hulka R. Maniac in there with Chad now, a whip to the ropes! Big boot by Hulka! The pin! 1, 2, no! Chad with the reversal! 1, 2, no! Hulka blocks a punch, folds Chad up, shoulderbreaker! That same shoulder that hit the steel ringpost! A pin! 1, 2, no! Now Hulka R. Maniac with the leg scissors and the armbar, pulling on that injured shoulder! Heuer checking with Chad to see if he can continue! Hulka working that shoulder, trying to make him tap! Chad pivoting in there, extending the leg, Hulka cranking back on the arm now! Chad gets his foot on the ropes! Heuer catches 2x trying to come in again, Hulka with an armdrag takedown! Now he slaps his hands down on the shoulders, working them over again! An iron grip by Hulka! Over in the other corner, John Henry still not up on the apron! He's slumped over by the ringpost, he seems to be coming around!"

John Henry: ".......If you ever goooo... to San Francisco....."

Andy Atkinson: "Hulka has Chad up again, whip to the ropes, Chad holds on, oh! Holding his shoulder, he may have stretched it again! He's holding on to that shoulder! Dropkick to the back of the shoulder by Hulka R. Maniac! Chad knocked out of the ring! Hulka from the apron with the double ax, and how he's on the outside with Chad! Hulka waving his hands, getting the accolades of the UA's legions of fans! Chad whipped towards the apron, he holds on, but Hulka takes him the other way! Chad goes into the steel safety rail! An overhand hammer blow to Chad's chest by Hulka! Heuer counting on them, warning Hulka to watch the closed fists now! Open hand slap to Bryant's chest by Hulka!"

Hulka R. Maniac: "Ruuuuaaaahhhahahahaha!"

Andy Atkinson: "Hulka with a clothesline to Chad Bryant against the safety rail, he takes him to the post, Chad slips out! He drives Hulka facefirst into the ringpost with his one good arm, and Hulka goes down! Chad to the safety rail, trying to catch his breath, trying to get some feeling back in that injured shoulder! DeJong still looks to be out of it! It's all coming down to this now, and there's still another UAer on the other side of that ring! Chad back on him now, drives Hulka into the safety rail now! Now shoving Hulka back into the ring, to break up the count by Referee Otto Heuer! Chad following him in, still strongly favoring that one arm! Swing and a miss by Hulka, Chad with the side suplex, again favoring that arm! A knee to the face on Hulka! Chad has him up, goes for the whip to the ropes, no! Hulka holds on, and Chad down to one knee, that shoulder now under pressure, Hulka slaps on an armbar, and bears down! Bearing down again, and Heuer is there! Chad stretching out, he gets to the middle rope! Heuer counting, Hulka holds on for the five! Oh! Hammer blow to the shoulder by Hulka as he breaks the hold, and Chad goes down to the mat! Heuer with another warning, Hulka follows up with a stomp to the same area, and Bryant is in trouble! DeJong clawing at the post, trying to make it back up to the apron, he's in no shape to continue! He shouldn't even be out here! Krusty disqualified from this match for that hellacious beating!"

Satyr: "Krusty thought they were making Rocky 6."

Andy Atkinson: "Well, Alex Cain blasted Bob Barnett with a chair, after Barnett put on a clinic of his own! Barnett almost had the match won! Then Krusty saw Chad with the chair, and it set him off!"

Satyr: "Hulka with another stomp, now an armdrag takedown on Chad Bryant! It 's down to Bryant and two of the most legendary members of the Ultimate Alliance now! What do you say, ViNNY?"

ViNNY: "...."

Satyr: "Yeah, you tell 'em!"

Andy Atkinson: "Bryant whirled around by Hulka, he holds on, armdrag takedown of his own! Boot to the face on Hulka! Chad up, trying to walk it off! He can't make the tag here, and he'd better keep an eye of Hulka! He can't let Hulka make that tag right now, either!"

ViNNY: "Say now, he'd better keep an eye on Hulka's corner, too. ILOVEUWxx chomping at the bit as they say, and he might not be averse to attempting to decide things pretty soon, tag or no tag at all!"

Andy Atkinson: "Welcome back, ViNNY!"

ViNNY: "Thank you, Andy, now where are they.. I mean, where were we?"

Andy Atkinson: "Hulka up now, a forearm shot to Chad! Moving towards his corner, leg tackle by Chad! Hulka now hung up on the other side of the ring! Hulka with a whip, short clothesline! Chad back up a whip of his own! Hulka reverses! Into a big boot by ILOVEUWxx! ILOVEUWxx is back in the ring, and that is not right! Hulka - the spear! Chad moved out of the way, and Hulka just speared his own partner! 2x rolls to the ropes, hung up! Chad has Hulka, the Razor's edge! 2x back to his feet, hung up in the ring ropes, and he is hot! Heuer is threatening to DQ 2x, 2x arguing, a standing dropkick by Chad Bryant, and 2x is knocked through the ropes! Hulka back up, legsweep by Chad Bryant! 2x climbing back in the ring, Chad swinging Hulka around, the Rude Awakening! 2x charges in, armdrag takedown by Chad! 2x up, John Henry has finally pulled himself up in his corner! Clothesline by ILOVEUWxx, and John Henry back down to the floor! Backslide on Hulka by Chad! 1, 2, 3!"

Music: "For What It's Worth" - Buffalo Springfield

Andy Atkinson: "Red, White and Blue ribbons falling again from the ceiling, and.. and 2x and Chad are brawling! The referees are trying to break it up! Jack Epstein and Otto Heuer in there! This match is over! Hulka and 2x on the outside, what are they doing! Hulka pulls a section of the mat off the floor! No! 2x has John Henry! He's pressing him into the air, 1, 2, 3 a couple of our referees there to make the catch! 2x and Hulka being directed to the back! He just tried to press slam John Henry on that hard concrete! The humanity! A lot of the fans still with the UA's cause! Bryant won this one, though! Right in the middle of the ring!"

Jack Epstein: "Mr. Bryant, Mr. DeJong. By the authority vested in me by the Commisioner of RSPWWE, I present you two with the RSPWWE tag team championship belts."

Chad Bryant: "You know, I gotta thank you, I gotta thank all of you, and these belts represent, well they represent.."

(As the UA are being escorted out, an official trips on a cord, and Chad's mike goes out as he speaks, a la Forrest Gump. A techie plugs it back in after a slight delay)

Chad Bryant: ".. so I gotta go get my partner some medical attention now, and that's all Ihave to say."

Jack Epstein: "I hear you brother."

(Everyone around ringside claps, everyone in the rest of the building wonders what's going on.)

Andy Atkinson: "Chad Bryant and John DeJong get the win in this three way bout. Up next, the inaugural Ladies' Championship match!

End Part 4

Start Part 5

Music: "Maneater" - Hall and Oates

Andy Atkinson: To start things off, coming out in what.. what looks like a red evening dress with sequin trim, it's Ms. Portia St. Lucia! She's got a long black cigarette holder, and.. what's that around her neck?"

Satyr: "That's some kind of dead animal! Did she trap that thing in 2x' garage?"

Andy Atkinson: "That's a Mink!"

Satyr: "Fink? It doesn't look loke Howard Finkel! Well, now that you mention it, maybe the eyes.."

Andy Atkinson: "Will you stop it Satyr, you piece of work? That's all that's left of a very fine animal!"

Satyr: "Keep it away from Morelock, he'll eat it!"

Andy Atkinson: "Will.. you.. stop.. Ms. Portia St. Lucia walking up the steps to the ring. The referee is there, waiting for our other three competitors before we start this thing off. She left that mink thing over by the timekeeper's table, waiting over by the ropes."

Satyr: "That thing tried to bite me!"

Andy Atkinson: "Satyr.."

Music: "She-Ra Theme" - Erika Lane, et. al (As per IMDB.)

Andy Atkinson: "Here comes She-Ra, ready for battle! Wrestling tights and.. boots? Did she steal those boots from John Nord, The Berserker?"

Satyr: "Keep 'em away from Amdur, that thing might eat 'em!"

Andy Atkinson: "Satyr.. She-Ra also in the ring, keeping an eye on Ms. Portia St. Lucia!"

(Satyr has a long steel pole like from a camera tripod, he has the end hovering a few inches from the Mink garment, looking at it warily as he waves the pole around.)

Music: "Here comes the Hotstepper" - Ini Kamoze

Andy Atkinson: "And here comes Katie Proedehl and, Satyr, what are you doing?"

Satyr has the pole, he pokes the mink in the mouth a couple times.

Satyr: "I knew it! I knew it! It's rabid I tell you!"

Andy Atkinson: "It is not! It's dead, Satyr!"

Satyr: "Well something killed it!"

Andy Atkinson: "Just put the pole down already, will ya? Katie also wearing a leotard, and.."

Satyr: "And quite popular tonight, Mr. Atkinson!"

Andy Atkinson: "Oh, you just figured that out, with all these people screaming and cheering!"

Satyr: "No, I figured it out because they probably like the Lincoln she drove up in tonight! They're from Philly, probably the first car they seen in weeks that isn't stripped and burnt out!"

Andy Atkinson: "That is just horrible, a horrible thing to say about the people of his fine city! Satyr, you know that's not true!"

Satyr: "Ok, days?"

Music: "Brown Sugar" - The Rolling Stones

Andy Atkinson: "OK, put a sock in it, will ya? student is coming out here now! student dressed for business tonight! A pantsuit and white shirt, she's leaving the tie over by the timekeeper, she just left it around Amdur's neck! Amdur getting up close and personal with the talent tonight! student giving that mink a wide berth."

Satyr: "That thing tried to bite her! I saw it!"

Andy Atkinson: "For the last time, Satyr, will you stop? Amdur rings the bell, and we're underway!"

*dingdingding!*

Andy Atkinson: "SheRa and Katie are locking up first! Chancery hold by SheRa! Whoa! Ms. Portia St. Lucia whips the bottom part of her skirt away! She has student around the neck, and whips her over into a takedown! Obviously a dress designed for that, like Molly Holly's Mona dress from WCW! She has student up again, now just shoves her back down! She throws the foreign object out of the ring!"

Satyr: "The dress is imported?"

Andy Atkinson: "Katie out of the chancery, armbar on SheRa, armdrag takedown on SheRa! student rolls out, holds on, Ms. Portia St. Lucia flipped across the ring! SheRa now rolling for an ankle lock, Proedehl out, those two face off! student goes for the clothesline on Portia St. Lucia!"

Satyr: "That's *Ms.* Portia St. Lucia!"

ViNNY: "Indeed!"

Andy Atkinson: "Ms. Portia St. Lucia ducks the clotehsline, and paintbrushes student! Now exchanging punches, student catches her, and puts the hairpull takedown on Ms. Portia St Lucia! Now SheRa grappling with Katie, and rolls her over into the surfboard! Now SheRa grabs the ropes! She's.. she's using the ropes for leverage and.. where's the ref? He's in there watching, but he's not breaking the hold! He's just standing there! SheRa off the ropes, not the ref's doing, but she made the fve count - now Katie reaches the ropes! OK, that's it, ref, break the damn hold!"

ViNNY: "The official just standing there, staring at the women strugging! The freak!"

Andy Atkinson: "What, now Ms. Portia St. Lucia and student have the referee, trying to talk to him, he isn't responsive, TOTAL ELIMINATION! Oh my, they just put Total Elimination on the referee, and he is down and out of the ring! Katie now slingshots SheRa, SheRa out to ringside! Katie trying to stand on those wobbly legs after that surfboard, and here comes Ms. Portia St. Lucia with the elbow! Katie goes down! Now student has Portia St. Lucia, side suplex on Ms. Portia St. Lucia!"

ViNNY: "This ladies' match getting quite nasty!"

Satyr: "It's like a remnant sale at Macy's!"

Andy Atkinson: "Will you cut it out! Macy's doesn't even have remnant sales!"

Satyr: "How would you know?"

Andy Atkinson: "SheRa trying to get back into the ring, slingshotted over the top rope by Ms. Portia St. Lucia! SheRa taking exception, but blindsided with a forearm *shot* by student! Ms. Portia St. Lucia with a stomp, going for another, but taken down with a clothesline by student, and we have another referee out there now! A, a referee-ette?"

Satyr: "Why not? Women wrestlers, women officials.."

Andy Atkinson: "Guess it makes sense, given what we just saw, guess there really isn't any better idea."

Satyr: "Either that or Lvubun was busy tonight."

Andy Atkinson: "Maybe, Katie now up, and hits a bulldog on Portia! student with a kick, SheRa ducks, hits the clothesline for a pinning attempt! 1, 2, no! student kicks out at the 2! Portia up, tries for the jawbreaker, but Katie slips out and Portia just falls on her.. well.. Katie now with a shot on Ms. Portia St. Lucia, and Ms. Portia St. Lucia whipped to the outside by Katie, with two handfuls of hair! Katie off the ring apron, St. Lucia sidestepped, and Katie pushed into the guardrail on the way down! Ms. Portia St. Lucia picks her up, runs her into the ring apron! Her back driven back to the canvas! Now SheRa with the lariat on student, into a clothesline! Exchance of slaps by Katie and Portia! Katie being whipped to the steel, but she hangs on and reverses, Portia St. Lucia sent to the steel ring steps! SheRa from the apron, and she wipes out Katie with a flying press! Both of them wiped out, student back up in the ring, trying to catch her breath, and now Ms. Portia St. Lucia is up, what she has that fabric she took off of her dress, coming up behind SheRa, she drapes it over her head! SheRa can't see! Ms. Portia St. Lucia just took her out with a cryonic kick to the head! Double axe from behind on Ms. Portia St. Lucia by student, flying down from the ring, and all four women are out on the floor! The referee now counting on all four of them! We could see a quadruple disqualification! No, student rolls SheRa into the ring! A stomp on Ms. Portia St. Lucia, Katie Proedehl also climbing back into the ring, and we are back underway! student with a shot on SheRa! Katie with a shot on SheRa! Now a double whip to the ropes, double clothesline by SheRa, and both other competitors down! Armdrag takedown on Katie by SheRa! An elbow shot knocks down student! Here comes Ms. Portia St. Lucia! SheRa swings, Portia catches her up, drop and a hotshot on the top rope! Ms. St. Lucia slings herself over the top rope, into a flying clothesline by Katie! Now a shoulderblock on student! Katie hoes for a hiptoss on SheRa! Katie blocked, and SheRa counters with a Fishermman' s suplex! 1, 2, broken up by student! student with a chop to Katie Proedoehl!"

Crowd: "Whoooo!"

Andy Atkinson: student now has SheRa up, sitout powerbomb! The cover! 1, 2, no! Legdrop on the back of Katie's neck by Ms. Portia St. Lucia! Ms. Portia St. Lucia pins Katie! Pulled off by student! student gets SheRa up, and she spikes her with the razor's edge! The pin! Oh, no! The referee distracted by Ms. Portia St. Lucia, who is choking Katie between the top and middle ropes! Still distracted, he could have counted to five by now! Katie off the ropes, into the armbar by Portia, student finally has the ref over, again the cover on SheRa! 1, 2, oh! SheRa gets the shoulder up at the last possible minute! Katie now rolling out, reversal, judo flip takedown on Ms. Portia St. Lucia! Katie hits the Thesz Press on student, they're rolling around! Katie on top, a shot - and blocked! Now a kickout by student! Katie up, and into a backslide by SheRa, but flips around, her legs into the ropes! Side headlock on the mat by SheRa, Katie's foot beneath the bottom rope! The referee breaks the hold! Katie under the rope, ducks a shoulder block, a nasty tangle, and a variation of a back body drop to the outside by Katie, and SheRa goes sprawling! Katie rolling out after her, both of them now on the floor, but Katie up first! In the ring, student turning around, caught by Ms. Portia St. Lucia! Ms. Portia St. Lucia with the Dragon Suplex! The DragonLady Suplex! She rolls student up for a pin! 1, 2, 3, and student is gone! student is out of there, and on the outside, SheRa whipped into the steel! Katie coming in fast, flying axe kick, missed! No one home, and Katie's foot comes crashing down on the steel! SheRa has her, Rock Bottom on the outside! And here comes Ms. Portia St. Lucia! And SheRa sees her, Ms. St. Lucia stops at the ring ropes, and SheRa hops up to the apron! A swing and a miss by St. Lucia! SheRa swings down, now slingshots up on the top rope, with a shoulderblock to the chest! SheRa now into the ring, a forearm on St. Lucia! Whip to the ropes, reversal, short arm clothesline by SheRa! SheRa raises her arms in triumph, rollup into a pin by St. Lucia for the one count! Katie Proedehl is trying to make it back up on the ring steps, really favoring that one leg!"

ViNNY: "I agree, she has right to be careful, especially with such a nicely matched pair of legs to be worried about!"

Satyr: "Ah, maybe they could just beat on the other one!"

Andy Atkinson: "Katie now up in the corner, armdrag takedown by SheRa on Portia! SheRa hooks the leg! 1, 2, kickout! SheRa has Ms. Portia St. Lucia in a wristlock! M. Portia St. Lucia down to one knee now, and Katie Proedehl is going up top! Katie Proedehl stumbles, struggling up top with only one good leg under her! Ms. Portia St. Lucia whipped to the ropes, she rolls out into a rolling clothesline takedown on SheRa! She has SheRa up again, whips her around, tilt-a-whirl into a backbreaker on SheRa! Katie Proedehl up on top, caught by Ms. Portia St. Lucia! A judo flip from the top rope, and Proedehl crashes down! Oh! A stiff jab by SheRa on Ms. Portia St. Lucia! Another blocked! Paintbrush slap by Ms. Portia St. Lucia! A stomp on Proedehl! SheRa catches St. Lucia again, belly-to-back suplex! A pin! 1, 2, no! SheRa up again, rolled up from behind by Katie Proedehl! 1, 2, no! SheRa gets the shoulder up! Now St. Lucia pulling Katie up by her hair! Hairpull takedown by Ms. Portia St. Lucia! A shot to the side of the head! Pulling Katie up again, Katie counters with the jawbreaker! A shot to the face by Katie! And another! St. Lucia with the European uppercut, Katie sidesteps the attack, and a knee to the midsection! Another knee sent into the face! Now another shot to the head, and another, and Katie with a paintbrush slap of her own! And.. and... and SheRa is going up to the top rope! Katie swings and a miss, European uppercut by St. Lucia connects! A swing and a miss, attempted slap, Clothesline by St. Lucia, staggers Katie Proedehl! Katie with the poke to the eyes! A shot to the head! Another! Katie being warned by the official, swing and a miss by Ms. Portia St. Lucia, armdrag takedown by Katie, and Katie down as well, trying to walk off the injury to the leg there, perhaps, and trying to get her breath! Now Ms. Portia St. Lucia gets right back up! My goodness, and she is back up on her feet, coming around with a purpose! Oh! Top rope bulldog by SheRa, and the official there to make the count! SheRa has both legs hooked, 1, 2, 3! Ms. Portia St. Lucia is out of there, a fraction of a second too late on the kickout from that pin, and she is out collecting that piuece of fabric or whatever from her dress."

Ms. Portia St. Lucia: "I'll be back, dearies."

Andy Atkinson: "Katie up again, still favoring the leg, she drops a forearm across the back of SheRa! Takes SheRa into the corner! a chop! Another!"

Crowd: "Whoo! Whoo!"

Andy Atkinson: "She has SheRa around again, tried to ram her into the post, SheRa holds on to the ropes! SheRa with an elbow, locks up with Katie, Katie into the corner! No, Katie out of the corner, and sends SheRa back in! A shot to the face by Katie! A shot to the face by Katie! A shot - blocked! SheRa takes Katie down with a vicious sweep of the leg!"

Satyr: "That's the one she's been favoring since the beginning of the match, when she had that surfboard slapped on, Katie back up with a charge, into a front chancery, SheRa has her up, hooks the leg! Ooh, drops Katie's knee down across hers! Katie down to the mat! SheRa slaps on the STF! Katie struggling, the referee down to check, Katie hooks, she's out! The reverse to the Crossface by Katie P! Now the referee is conferring with SheRa, and Katie's cranking back! SheRa pulling against that, she gets forward, flailing away, can't get a good shot back across her shoulder on Katie, Katie cinching back, SheRa rolls! SheRa rolls out and gets to the rope! Katie from behind, has SheRa by the ankles, pulls her off the ropes and drops her right on her face! Now the elbow drop, Katie missed! SheRa and Katie struggling to their feet, Katie swings, into a block, SheRa with the kick to the inside of the knee! A legsweep from the outside, and Katie goes down! SheRa into the Ankle Lock! She's got the ankle lock on Katie in the middle of the ring! Katie can't take much more, and she taps out! We have a Womens' Champion!"

Music: "She-Ra Theme" - Erika Lane, et. al (As per IMDB.)

ViNNY: "Fine piece of match calling!"

Andy Atkinson: "Yes, very impressive!"

Satyr: "The strategy was more impressive. Good work on the leg by SheRa, and, and now Katie coming out of the ring."

Andy Atkinson: "The leg collapsing under her, she falls into the timekeeper' s table! The table and that, that fur thing to the floor right with her!"

Satyr: "Someone get help! it'll eat her alive!"

Andy Atkinson: "Will you cut it out? Ms. Portia St. Lucia retrieving her mink."

Satyr: "I saw a flea collar on that thing!"

Andy Atkinson: "Katie getting help to the back, we have Jack Epstein into the ring to present the Womens' Championship belt!"

Jack Epstein: "Congratulations, SheRa! I hereby present you with the RSPWWE' s inaugrial Womens' Championship belt! Have you anything to say?"

SheRa takes the microphone, and holds the belt high in the air over her head.

SheRa: "I have the POWWWWWWER!"

Andy Atkinson: "SheRa in the ring, accepting the accolades of her fans, silver ribbons coming down, we have word we have something from the back!"

fade out/in

DEP's office. Pootro864 adn Stoneco864 are sitting in front of the desk, they are drawing up papers with DEP.

Krusty and Bob Barnett come in. They are attended by Bob's entourage.

DEP: "Hey, Krusty, Mr. Barnett! What's up? I was just drawing up contracts for the 864 crew here."

Bob Barnett: "We want a shot at those assholes! I stuck that punk Bryant off the second turnbuckle, we should have had the pin and you know it!"

DEP: "It was a three way match! Chad and DeJong, you and the UA.. after Krusty was disqualified, you.."

Krusty: "Lost? We ain't lost nothin'! The ref threw me out 'cause I beat him so bad! I mean, ahem, hey hey, kiddies! Heh heh!"

Bob Barnett: "We want a no DQ match with John Henry and Chad! We want to show them once and for all.."

DEP: "Bob, Mr. Barnett, Krusty. Chad and John aren't wrestling anyone right now except JeffH, and whoever he brings to the arena next week. As for the number one contender's shot, Stoneco and Poot here are going at it with MaxDaAxeJD and Stefan to decide just that. You'll have to wait a while for a shot at the belts, gentlemen. As for John Henry and Chad, the next show will determine how long you might have to wait for a match with them. Eventually, you might be able to have a no holds barred match, or whatever you can get them to agree to. For the time being, Chad and John Henry are going up against JeffH. Then if they hold on to those belts, they might be facing these guys, or the t.W.o."

Bob Barnett: "Alright, I got that - but we're here to stay in this organization. But mark my words. We will get revenge."

Krusty: "Yeah, and then we're gonna make them feel pain! I mean, heh heh, maybe we could get them a quickie pass to Krustyland!"

Barnett, Krusty, and the ladies walk out. Pootro864 and Stoneco864 hand back contracts to DEP, who gets out a briefcase with some files in it.

Pootro864: "That's what I'm talking about. Someone's going down!"

Fade in/out

"me" is walking down the hall. He comes up on John Henry, sitting agaist the wall getting treatment on his head, a teg team belt draped over his shoulder. Chad Bryant stands, looking around. He holds his tag team championship belt folded on his arm.

me: "Mr. Bryant, Mr. DeJong, any word on what we just saw back here on the monitors?"

Chad holds up the belt.

Chad: "Yes. My partner here and I are the *tag.. team.. champions.* We had our shot, and we made it. Now, next week, JeffH. I don't know who he's gonna get, but we' ll be ready, whoever it is!"

me: "What about the disqualification on Krusty?"

Chad: "Krusty broke the rules and got thrown out. Cain broke the rules, he just ended up leveling Barnett. Probably better for Barnutt that he didn't have to face me again."

me: "Well, Bob Barnett was proving a tough competitor in the ring with you.. he hit a couple of high impact maneuvers."

Chad: "What are you trying to say? Look, next week it's JeffH, then, who knows?"

Chad looks into the camera: "Yeah, who. Don't even think about it, guys!"

Chad flexes.

fade out/in.

Andy Atkinson: "Well, here we are, back again, and one more match on the card, the world championship match, the RSPWWEEEEEEEEE.. ahem, RSPWWE heavyweight title match. Getting ready to get underway out here, but wait, first we have something else with "me" in the back?"

Satyr: "Lovely."

fade out/in

"me" is with the UA, the UA is coming down the hall in their street clothes, which are basically their ring clothes, plus numerous feathered boas.

me: "Gentlemen, gentlemen of the Ultimate Alliance, do you have any comments about the match tonight? Gentlemen?"

Hulka: "Well, the Ultimate Alliance is where it's at, brother. We'll get those belts, we're still the force to reckon with in the RSP-dub, we'll be hitting the gym, training hard, have no doubt that we'll be back, brother!"

2x: "You know it, brother. When we get back, someone's gonna be getting taken out, dude!"

fade out/in

Backstage: JeffH runs across Krusty and Bob Barnett outside DEP's office.

JeffH: "So, you want to beat Chad and John DeSchlong? Well, one of you can be one half of the world tag team champs, you can have a match over who gets to be my partner, if it comes to that!"

Bob Barnett: (chuckles) "No chance in hell, kiddo."

Krusty: "Yeah, heh heh, we're gonna get ours back on our terms. Besides, you gotta go in with a partner you know. Now if you'll excuse us, Sideshow Bob got us a limo, and we even got some guy selling pretzels to volunteer to start 'er up for us!"

Sound: KABOOOOOM!

Krusty: "Heh heh, well that's our ride, gotta go, kiddo!"

Krusty, Bob and the entourage leave.

fade in/out

Andy Atkinson: Well, here we are, back at ringside.."

Music: "King of Rock" - RUN-DMC

Andy Atkinson: "And it's time to get OLDSCHOOL! Coming out tonight, our special guest referee for our inaugural RSPWWE heavyweight championship match, 'Oldschool' Scotty Flamingo!"

ViNNY: "Yes, and if you look closely, you can see he has a microphone in his hand!"

Oldschool: "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! It is time for the RSPWWE's inaugural heavyweight championship match! Our first competitor, ladies and gentlemen, a round of applause for Pecktackular!"

Music: "Sharp Dressed Man" - ZZ Top

Andy Atkinson: "And out here first, to start things off in this match, Pecktackular!"

Satyr: "Going with the classic black trunks look."

AndyAtkinson: "Pecktackular into the ring, stretching and loosening up, preparing for a match here with.."

Oldschool: "Our second competitor, ladies and gentlemen, another round of applause for Maijin Will!"

Music: "House of the Rising Sun" - The Animals

Satyr: "He's got a red singlet, what is this?"

Andy Atkinson: "Maijin Will and Pecktackular now both in the ring, stretching and getting ready, wary of each other, though! This one's gonna be for all the marbles!"

Oldschool: "Alright, gentlemen, you've had all night to see what we aren't accepting out here. No biting, no illegal holds, no closed fists. Defend yourselves at all times, and watch the hair and the eyes! Ya ready? Ya ready?"

Andy Atkinson: "Both men nodding 'ready,' circling each other, hopping around and up on their feet, now."

Oldschool: "Alright, boys, let's go! Ring the bell!"

Jack Epstein: *ding ding!*

Andy Atkinson: "Both men circling now, now locking up! Pecktackular starting things off, getting Maijin Will into the front chancery! Pecktackular bearing down, but neither competitor giving an inch! Now Maijin Will whips the arm around, into a wristlock! Now Maijin Will bearing down! Two great scientific technical posters locking up here tonight!"

Satyr: "You mean they're gonna do something?"

Andy Atkinson: "You're impossible! Pecktackular clenching his fist, looking around.."

Satyr: "C'mon, hit him!"

Andy Atkinson: "Pecktackular now stretching out, he reaches the ropes, and Maijin Will's breaking the hold! Maijin Will now backing up, both men circling into the center of the ring! Pecktackular charging in, put into an armbar by Maijin Will! Maijin Will locks up ther hammerlock! Pecktackular reversing, he slips around, German suplex into a bridge! 1, 2, and Maijin Will rolls out! Waistlock now on Pecktackular by Maijin Will on the mat! Maijin Will flips him over, 1, 2, no! And Pecktackular gets out! Both men facing off! Maijin Will raising his hands, squaring up in the ring, he's calling for the test of strength! Pecktackular cautious at first, and now they lock up! Both men struggling to get the better here, and Maijin Will is the one that cinches it in! Bearing down, and Pecktackular goes down! Referee 'Oldschool' Scotty Flamingo is checking on Pecktackular, seeing if he wants to continue! Maijin Will continuing to keep that pressure on! The audience now clapping, in part an attempt by some of the crowd to rally Pecktackular, in part out of an appreciation for both of our competitors! Pecktackular trying to power back with his right arm, Maijin slips the hold, down to a side headlock on Pecktackular, and Maijin Will cinching it in tight! The youngster, Pecktackular, with quite a challenge in the veteran Maijin Will! Pecktackular coming back, though, reversing into an armbar, bringing Maijin Will around, armdrag takedown into a sleeper hold!"

ViNNY: "Fine display of technical wrestling being put on in that squared circle tonight!"

Satyr: "Huh, what?"

Andy Atkinson: "Yes, well the display is continuing as we speak."

Satyr: "It is?"

Andy Atkinson: "Referee Scotty Flamingo checking on Maijin Will right now, checking that arm, it looks like the Maijin still has some fight left in him!"

Satyr: "Either that or he asked him if he had to go to the bathroom."

Andy Atkinson: "Maijin Will now struggling, battling up, he closes the fist, no, now he looks like he might try and use that elbow to power out, but no.. a surge from the legs, he gets to his feet, and he flips Pecktackular over onto the mat, and into a Full Nelson!"

Satyr: "Oh, come on, why aren't they swinging closed fists? Why aren't they flying off the ropes? Why aren't they wearing fancy tights? Why didn't they come out with pyro! Come on, this is supposed to be wrestling!"

Andy Atkinson: "This is technical wrestling! This is OLDSCHOOL wrestling!"

Satyr: "He's the one guy in that ring that isn't wrestling!"

Andy Atkinson: "Will you stop? Maijin Will now has Pecktackular up, hoisting him in the air, trying again, a third time, he flops Pecktackular down, Pecktackular rolls through and slips out, he comes up with an abdominal stretch! Maijin Will locked into the abdominal stretch, and Pecktackular holding on for all that he's worth! Maijin gets out, baseball slide between the legs, and a sunset flip by Maijin Will! The pin, 1, 2, no! Pecktackular gets out! Pecktackular now up, taken down into a chicken wing by Maijin Will! Pecktackular gets a foot on the ropes, and both men break off again! Both men into the center of the ring, and right back in, with Pecktackular slapping on the front chancery! Both men having taken the measure of each other, and locking up more quickly now! Pecktackular gets the sidelock, into the T-Bone suplex! He rolls up and hooks the leg for the pin! 1, 2, Maijin reverses, rolls up, 1, 2, no! Pecktackular up, stumbles, leg takedown by Maijin Will! Maijin Will hooking Pecktackular, and he gets him into the figure four! Maijin Will has the figure four leg lock on Pecktackular, and he is bearing down! Pecktackular struggling for all that he's worth, he's about six feet from the ropes, but Maijin has it locked on! It might as well be six miles! Pecktackular hitting the mat, Scotty Flamingo theere to check, it doesn't look like he's tapping! Pecktackular is trying for leverage, trying to move, or shift, or anything he can, but in that hold every move of his has to be excruciating! Pecktackular struggling, maybe risking his health and his safety with every move, he's getting himself sideways, twisting.. he turns it over! Pecktackular has turned over the figure four! Now Maijin Will in is pain, and he can't reach the ropes! Pecktackular arching his body and bearing down, the reversed hold putting unbleievable pressure on the knees and the ankles of Maijin Will! Maijin Will in the hold, and Scotty Flamingo now camped out by Will! Will struggling against the hold, and Pecktackular still working it for all he can! Scotty Flamingo checking Maijin Will's Arm! It drops! Another check, and it drops! Scotty Flamingo now checking with Jack Epstein, and the ringside physician, Maijin Will may be out here, the third check, and the arm stays up! Pecktackular still cranking on the leg lock, and Maijin Will pushing on the canvas himself! Maijin Will screaming, he must be in unbelievable pain! Maijin Will screaming, screaming, he got it over! Maijin Will reverses the leg lock again, and he's bearing down on that figure four! Refereee 'Oldschool' Scotty Flamingo switches positions again, and Pecktackular has had enough, and Pecktackular is tapping out!"

Jeff Amdur: *dingdingding*

Music: "House of the Rising Sun" - The Animals

Andy Atkinson: "And Maijin Will has won! Maijin Will has won! Maijin Will has won in a consummate display of stamina, technical ability and athletic grace by both of our fine competitors! Pecktackular trying to get up, and Maijin Will helping the kid to his feet! They embrace in the ring, and Pecktackular just raised Maijin Will's hand, pointing to him and clapping! This is what wrestling is all about!"

Satyr: "Come on, kid, hit him with a chair!"

Andy Atkinson: "Jack Epstein is entering the ring! He is accompanied by DEP!"

Streamers, balloons, and confetti rain down from the rafters.US flags hang from them as well.

Jack Epstein: "Mr. Maijin Will, on the authority vested in me by the commissioner of RSPWWE, Mr. David E. Powell, I hereby present you with the RSPWWE heavyweight championship belt! Mr. Powell?"

DEP: "Congratulations to both you fine gentlemen for a fine and well-played display of technical excellence. Pecktackular, I hope you will stay with us, you have done us proud. Maijin Will, you earned the belt you hold in your hand, I hope you wear it proudly."

Andy Atkinson: "I have word there will be some sort of presentation coming shortly, but first we have something in the back?"

Satyr: "Oh, well, I guess it couldn't last forever."

fade out/in

"me" is in a hallway, he and a camera crew are running, they come up to Alex Cain, who is bandaged about the head.

me: "Mr. Cain, we were going to ask you some questions about what happened tonight."

Alex Cain: "Well, not everything in life goes perfectly. Yet plans have a way of making themselves happen, if the plans are good enough."

me: "But what are you talking about? What about the questions."

Alex Cain: "*chuckles* Just when you think you have all the answers, I change the questions."

Cain leaves out the back door.

fade out/in

There is a crowd of people in the ring.

Jack Epstein: "At this time, we will have another word from our US Champion, Mr. GazzaD!"

Music: "Patton Main Title" - Jerry Goldsmith

GazzaD walks down to the ring, and gets in, with a microphone.

GazzaD: "It has been our great honor to put this on for you, and to bring the sport of wrestling and the joys of frivolity into your homes. Yet in this time of year, there must also be notice taken of events, of anniversaries, that touch us all in our own way. Despite the concern in the media to reminders and updates, there are some stories and some things that they can rest assured that all of us will never forget. And so, I close this tonight, my fellow Americans, with this. The one thought, the one memory, that you can take for what you will. That in the history of the United States, for perhaps the last one hundred years, when you look at the actions of brave civilians, police, fire and rescue officials on that day last year, it would be hard indeed for one to find better examples for today, of true America heroes. With honor and remembrance for those lost, we bid farewell."

Fade to black.

Matches and results for RSPWWE WrestleFest:

1) JeffH vs. Steven Morelock Steven Morelock d. JeffH with a 747 splash.

2) Bean Fried Deja vs. MaxDaAxeJD MaxDaAxeJD d. Bean Fried Deja via blatant interference by Stefan and a ref payoff. Ref was beaten up by Max, then by other refs, after the match. Beans also assaulted Stefan after the match.

3) Stefan vs. Tehawk Tehawk d. Stefan with a Fireman's Buster after Stefan was weakened by a vengeful, angry Bean Fried Deja. MaxDaAxeJD came to Stefan's aid, but too late to make a save.

4) C The Shocker vs. Alex Cain Alex Cain d. C The Shocker after Tehawk saved C The Shocker from a chair attack, and the referee disqualified C The Shocker because of interference. Post match, Alex Cain was hit with the chair by C The Shocker.

5) Pete Panaro vs. GazzaD - US Title match Peter Panaro lost after a Gazza D diving headbutt from the top, with Gazza D wearing a steel army helmet.

Victor: Gazza D - RSPWWE US Champion

6) Cruiserweight Championship Battle Royal Jack Foley vs. TedB6pack vs. Mean Marc Ash vs. Froggy in the Meadow under a Log vs. Don Martin vs. Richie Rodriguez vs. The_Bede vs. Mr. Sp0ck vs. FunkyM vs. Dethlar vs. Burnside vs. Zodiac69

TedB6pack eliminated after a Vertebreaker by Mean Marc Ash and a pin.

Mean Marc Ash was counted out after being neck pinched by Sp0ck and rolled out of the ring by Don Martin and Jack Foley

The_Bede eliminated after a Chokeslam by Mr. Sp0ck and a double pin by Sp0ck and Don Martin

Froggy in the Meadow under a Log eliminated after missing a superfly and getting pinned by Don Martin

Don Martin eliminated after a Vulcan neck pinch by Mr. Sp0ck, piledriver by FunkyM, and a pin by FunkyM

Dethlar eliminated after an Angle Olympic Slam from Sp0ck and a double pin by both Sp0ck and Jack Foley

FunkyM eliminated after a German suplex into a bridge by Sp0ck, a baseball slide into the head by Zodiac69, and a double pin by Mr. Sp0ck and Zodiac69

Burnside eliminated after a Swanton Bomb by Mr. Sp0ck and a double pin by Mr. Sp0ck and Zodiac69

Zodiac69 eliminated after tapping out to a Mr. Sp0ck sharpshooter

Mr. Sp0ck eliminated after Burnside interference, a Jack Foley top rope guillotine legdrop, and a pin by Jack Foley

Jack Foley eliminated after a rollup and pin by Richie Rodriguez

Victor: Richie Rodriguez - RSPWWE Cruiserweight Champion

7) Tag Team 3-Way Dance - Tag Title Match

Chad Bryant and John Dejong vs. Bob Barnett and Krusty vs. ILOVEUWxx and Hulka R. Maniac (The Ultimate Alliance.)

Special Guest Referee: Otto "Hack-Man" Heuer

Bob Barnett and Krusty disqualified and eliminated after contiuned use of the closed fist by Krusty in a Rocky III/Clubber Lang style assault on John Henry

ILOVEUWxx and Hulka eliminated after Chad Bryant pinned Hulka R. Maniac via a backslide

Victor(s): Chad Bryant and John DeJong, RSPWWE Tag Team Champions

8) Ladies' Championship Four Corners Match - Womens' Championship Match

Ms. Portia St. Lucia vs. SheRa vs. Katie Proedehl vs. student

student eliminated after a "DragonLady" Dragon Suplex by Ms. Portia St. Lucia and pinfall

Ms. Portia St. Lucia eliminated after a top rope bulldog by SheRa and subsequent pinfall

Katie Proedehl eliminated after tapping out to an ankle lock by SheRa

Victor: SheRa (Womens' Champion)

9) Heavyweight title match:

Pecktackular vs. Maijin Will

Special guest referee "Oldschool" Scotty Flamingo.

Pecktackular eliminated after Maijin Will countered Pecktackular's earlier reversal of a figure four leg lock, via submission. Sportsmanship was honorably shown following the match.

Victor: Maijin Will (Heavyweight Champion)

RSPWWE Champions' List:

Cruiserweight - Richie Rodriguez
US - GazzaD
Tag Team - Chad Bryant and John Henry DeJong
Womens' - SheRa
Heavyweight - Maijin Will

"Weep for the chickens, Bok. Weep for us all"

"Bok!"

G'Kar and Bok, in the Animaniacs Episode

"Chickens can't be Narns."

"Insanity is part of the times." - Londo Mollari, "Knives." Babylon 5, Season 2.