EX-SATSANGI SUPPORT GROUP

  Message 9159
 
I can't sing anymore

Ariadnefaden

(42/F/Vienna, Austria)  1/5/02 8:38 am

One of the reasons why I became sceptical about Santmat is the fact that I lost a natural gift that I possessed from my early youth on- the gift of singing. I had a very beautiful voice and was able to use it in very different ways without ever having "learnt" it. A lot of people were touched and surprised when they heard my singing and asked me if I had studied it. A had not. I did the "right thing" only by intuition.
Since my initiation and especially since I began to practice regularely, my singing became worse and worse. Now I stay mute when people around me begin to sing together- because I know that the sounds that come out of my mouth are not beautiful anymore but would disturb the harmony.
I feel like I was mutilated.
What has happened? I think that before initiation I had an "automatical connection" with "higher planes" when I was singing. That' s how I felt it. I felt that my singing came from "above" and that I was "receiving" it through the crown chacra and the third eye- I had not the feeling that "I" was the singer, but that "something" (my soul?) was singing in me, through me.
Since initiation, this connection- the connection with my own soul- is disturbed and replaced by something else. It's a kind of light and it's very strong- but it is cutting me off from my "natural connection" - the connection that expressed itself through my voice.
I consulted a doctor in order to check out if something was phisically wrong with my voice- but he told me that everything was okay.
My problem is not a physical but a psychological or, correctly said, a spiritual one.
But I am hopefull that I will find back to where I once belonged. And that my lost voice will come back to me.