LEAGUE LAUGHS

Little Johnny the Wests supporter was in his math class one day when the teacher singled him out. "If I gave you $200," the teacher began, "and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would you have?" "An orgy," Johnny answered.

Rupert Murdoch had been in the newspaper business for 45 years when he finally became sick of the stress. So he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the Hunter,as far from humanity as possible. Rupert sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner when someone knocks on his door... He opens it and there is a big, bearded South supporter standing there. "Name's George... Your neighbor from four k's up the road... Having a party Saturday... Thought you'd like to come." "Great," says Rupert, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me!" As George is leaving, he stops, "Gotta warn you though, there's gonna be some heavy drinkin'." "Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of 'em." Again, as he starts to leave George stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too." Rupert replies "Well, I get along with people. Don't worry, I'll be there. Thanks again!" Once again George turns from the door... "I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too." "Now that's not a problem," says Rupert, "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there... By the way, what should I wear?" George stops in the door one last time and says, "Whatever you want,its just gonna be the two of us you bastard."

What’s the difference between Anthony Mundine and E.T.?

ET phoned home.

Wendel Sailor goes into the doctor's walking bow-legged. "What happened to you? You look like you've been riding a horse for 4 days?" inquires the doctor. "You have to help me," Wendel replies,"We were playing a game of cricket at training this morning,I had an accident and ended up with a cricket ball stuck up my arse." "How's that?" asks the doc. "Oh, don't you start," moans Sailor!

Why don't Rugby Union players eat meat at home?

No one's invented a steak that will fit in the toaster.

Ken McGuiness and Craig Field appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday." Monday, Ken and Craig were in court and the judge said to Ken, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles, one big and one small, and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And Craig, how did you do?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" "Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, "this is your asshole before prison......"

Manly fans are proof of reincarnation.

You can't get that dumb in just one lifetime.

Julian O'Neill walks into a bar and sees two hot chicks sitting at the bar. So he sits at the bar across from the girls and tells the bartender to send them a bottle of wine every 15 minutes. The first time the girls send it back. After 15 minutes the bartender gives them another bottle of wine, and one of the girls walk over to Julian and says, "It's not that we don't like you, but we're lesbians, so if I let squeeze my tits will you leave us alone?". Julian says "sure", and squeezes her tits. After another 15 minutes the bartender sends another bottle of wine, and the other girl, comes over really pissed off and says "You said you'd leave us alone if she let you squeeze her tits". Julian says "O.K. I'll leave you both alone for good if I get to smell her pussy." The girl says "Sure, come a little closer." He does, she opens her mouth and blows in his face "Hahhhhhhhhh".

What's the difference between Bulldogs fans and government bonds?

Bonds mature.

Brad Fitler was walking along a London street during the World Cup last year,on a very windy day, when he noticed a beautiful woman walking towards him. Suddenly, a gust of wind blew the woman's dress up, to reveal that she was wearing no knickers. Brad, trying to sound as English as possible, said to the woman: "It's a bit airy, isn't it, love?" The woman scowled and replied angrily: "What the fuck did you expect? Feathers?"

What is the difference between an Eels supporter and childbirth?

One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby

A 7 year old Kerrod Walters and a 4 year old Kevvie Walters are upstairs in the bedroom. "You know what?" asks the 7 year old Kerrod. "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 4 year old Kevvie nods his head in approval. "When we go downstairs for breakfast," says the 7 year old Kerrod, "I'm gonna swear first, and then you swear after me. O.K.?" "O.K.!" the 4 year old Kevvie agrees with enthusiasm. Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old Kerrod what he wants for breakfast. "Oh shit, Mom, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops." WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. The mother looked at the 4 year old Kevvie and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man ?" "I don't know" he blubbers, "but you can bet your fuckin' ass it won't be Coco pops!"

Why do Rugby Union players like to listen to dumb blonde jokes?

Because it is the only time when their stupidity isn't in the spotlight.

At NRL headquarters,David Moffat was alone in an elevator when he suddenly had to fart. He promptly reached into suitcase and sprayed the air with his deodorizer. Two floors later George Piggins got onto the elevator. He began to sniff. Moffat asked, "Do you smell something?" "Bloody oath I do," Piggins replied. "What does it smell like?"asked Moffat. Piggins replied"kind of smells like someone just shit in a pine tree."

How does a Sharks fan show he's planning for the Future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

A newly married couple wakes up during the Christmas season. The wife,being a Roosters fan says, "I just had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that our tree was decorated with dicks and on top was the biggest, hardest, smoothest dick that I have ever seen." "I suppose that was mine?" the husband quickly said. "No, I think it belonged to Luke Ricketson" said the wife. "Oh Yeah," he says snottily, "Well I had a similar dream. I dreamt that our tree was decorated with pussies and on top was the wettest, best looking pussy that I have ever seen." "And I suppose that was mine" the wife says. "Nope, Yours was holding the tree up."

How is being at a Broncos home game different from going to the circus?

At the circus the clowns don't talk.

During the NRL Grand Final last year, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals. At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first ruck, the elephant was tackled for a 6 metre gain. The second ruck, the rhino was stopped for a 5 metre gain. On the third tackle, the hippo was thrown over the touch line. The Little Animals club runner came out to the little animal huddle prior to packing down in the scrum and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?" "I did," said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too," said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who the hell hit him out of touch?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede. "So where the hell were you during the first half,the coach wants to know". "Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."

What's the difference between an intelligent Manly supporter and a UFO?

I don't know, I've never seen either one.

A huge docile young fella decided to try out for the Sharks. "Can you tackle?" asked Johnny Lang. "Watch this," said the fella, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the Lang. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the fella. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred metre dash. "Great!" enthused Lang. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "If I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

What's the one thing that keeps most Sharks fans out of Uni?

High School.

A visiting Eagles fan walks into a bar in New Zealand after the big game, orders a drink, and asks the bartender if he'd like to hear a good Kiwi joke. "Listen buddy," he growled. "See those 2 big guys on your left? They were both Props for the All Blacks team 5 years ago, and that huge fellow on your right was a world-class wrestler at the last Olympic games for NZ. That guy in the corner was New Zealands all-time champion weight lifter. And I exceeded in 3 sports at the hightest level for New Zealand. Now, are you absolutely positive you want to go ahead and tell your joke here?" "Nah, guess not," the Eagles fan replied. "I wouldn't want to have to explain it 5 times."

What's the difference between Sharks fans and a herd of cows?

One brain cell that prevents them from shitting all over the place!

A crowded Ansett flight was cancelled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry John Ribot pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight to Queensland and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." Ribot was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who the hell I am?" Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, Ribot glared at the Ansett agent, gritted his teeth and said "Fuck you!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."

How many Rupert Murdochs does it take to screw up a light bulb?

One - a Murdoch will screw up anything.

Lachlan Murdoch and his wife Sarah O'Hare had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their father,Rupert, who said he would house sit,that he do as he pleased since they would be out quite late. So Lachlan and Sarah went to the ball and dinner. After an hour an a half, Sarah told Lachlan that she was horribly bored and that she preferred to go home and finish some work for the next day. Lachlan responded that he had to stay for a few more hours to meet some very important business partners. So Sarah went home alone and found her father in-law spread out on the couch watching TV. She slowly moved towards him and sat down very seductively. She then told him to come closer. Then even closer. She moved forward and whispered in Ruperts ear, "Take off my dress. Now take off my bra. Now remove my shoes and stockings. Now remove my garter belt and panties." She then looked deep into his eyes and in a sharp voice shouted, "The next time I catch you wearing my clothes,I will go to the press!"

I understand Nth Queensland is trying to sign Craig Field.

Apparantly they want a Coke machine.

Jason Stevens, who live's near a river is a very religious man. One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jason was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat comes along and tells Jim to get in the boat with him. Jason says "No, that's ok. God will take care of me." So, the man in the boat drives off. The water rises, so Jason climbs onto his roof. At that time, another boat comes along and the person in that one tells Jason to get in. Jason replies, "No, that's ok. God will take care of me." The person in the boat then leaves. The water rises even more, and Jason climbs on his chimney. Then a helicopter comes and lowers a ladder. The woman in the helicopter tells Jason to climb up the ladder and get in. Jason tells her "That's ok." The woman says "Are you sure?" Jim says, "Yeah, I'm sure God will take care of me. Finally, the water rises too high and Jason drowns. Jason gets up to Heaven and is face-to-face with God. and says to God "You told me you would take care of me! What happened?" God replied "Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?"

There are 2 West/Tiger players in a car, who's driving?

The police.

 

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Manly fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Manly fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand expect one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise your hand?" "Because I'm not a Manly fan," she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Manly fan, then who are you a fan of?" "I am a Bulldogs fan, and proud of it," Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, why pray tell are you a Bulldogs fan?" "Because my mom is a Bulldogs fan, and my dad is Bulldogs fan, so I'm a Bulldogs fan too!" "Well," said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, "That is no reason for you to be a Bulldogs fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mom were a moron and your dad were a moron, what would you be then?" "Then," Janie smiled, "I guess I'd be a Eels fan."

Why can't the Cowboys get on the internet?

They can't get 3 w's in a row.

A Dragons fan, a Roosters fan, a Sharks fan and a Bronco's fan climbed to the top of Mount Everest. They looked over the edge in wonder. Then the Sharks fan shouts, "This is for the Sharkies!" and jumps off the cliff. Well, the Roosters fan, not wanting to be outdone, shouts, "This is for the Roosters!" and jumps to his death. Seeing the trend, the Dragons fan looks around for a moment. Then he walks behind the Bronco's fan, gives him a big shove off the mountain, and yells, "This is for Rugby League fans everywhere!"

Why are they replacing the turf at Penrith Stadium with cardboard?

The Panthers look better on paper.

Matt Rogers and David Peachy were playing golf. Peachy was not very good at it, and uttered a loud "Fuck, missed!" each time he missed. Matt tolerated him for a few minutes and couldn't take it anymore. "Do not swear thus, my friend, or God will punish you". It didn't make a difference, Peachy continued unabated. One after another, Peachy played badly, and followed up with "fuck, missed!!". Again, Rogers said "Do not utter such profanities, or God will show you a sign". It didn't help, and the next stroke missed was followed by a loud "Fuck, missed!!". A bolt of lightning dropped out of the clouds and struck the priest dead. A voice was heard in the clouds "Fuck me,I missed!!".

What do they call a drug ring in Melbourne?

A scrum.

Rupert Murdoch went back to his doctor to get the results of tests he had done a week earlier on his cancer. The doctor told him he had some good news and some bad news. Rupert said, "OK, what's the good news?" The doctor replied "You have 24 hours to live". Rupert gasped and said, "If that's the good news, what could possibly be the bad news?" The doctor said, "The bad news is that I should have told you yesterday!

The West/Tigers have adopted a new "Honor System". "Yes, your Honor", "No, your Honor".