Chapter 1

He looked down coldly at the man.

Fat, rich, powerful, disgusting. Most importantly, dead.

The boy looked away finally then silently went on to do the needed tasks. Holding the dagger with still dripping blood in one hand, he used the other to retrieve the paper handkerchief ready on the bedside table - to wipe the blood off the cool silver metal. He wiped it thoroughly, like he was taught years ago, making sure his fingerprints were never found, then left it on the table. The paper handkerchief he disposed on the ready wastebasket. Easy. A job for an idiot.

Turning his back from the scene of the murdered man, he breathed in and out for awhile - one of the few times he was allowed to be with himself. Looking down at himself, he was bare, pale and slender body exposed as, after all, he had just used it to divert the now dead man into falling into his trap.

He closed his eyes. Trying not to feel the sensation that the coupling with the man had caused... Trying not to focus on the constant reminder of his worthlessness - that familiar pain on his back...

He could almost smile at this. Smile in madness at what had become of the warrior they'd dreamed of him to be one day. He opened his eyes and looked ahead - at the door that signified reality must continue and that he had no choice for he was a slave only to the harshest pain that they could find for him. He took a step and slid the room's door aside. Expecting the manager to be standing off at the side of the door. Expecting the satisfied smirk for his success at his mission. Expecting the eyes roaming with want at his slim body...

What a tiring thing...

The manager, in glasses, only slightly taller now than the boy, but much bulkier and much stronger. He peered inside the room and confirmed that the boy's task had been done well. His smirk grew wider as he finally spread out the kimono that was previously hung on his arm. He spread it out for the boy to wear, something to at least make him look decent while he walked around freely in this estate.

The boy turned his back on him and allowed him to dress him - and of course, expecting also the hands that took the chance to caress his skin. When he was finally dressed in the kimono, he took the sash from the man's hands and tied it himself. Once that was over, he looked coldly at the manager before moving away to go off somewhere.

Also expecting the guard, that was hired by the shogun himself to always watch his every move, to appear from the shadows and to follow him wherever he went...

The guard was a ninja, with advanced skills, good enough to know whatever he was doing, whether while with his temporary freedom or while pleasing his customers. He could almost laugh at the absurdity of it. At how the shogun would go to lengths to ensure that his suffering was eternal.

He shook his head with pity at the shogun before moving out of the house and into the gardens. Thankfully, the ninja gave him enough space to do as he pleased...

Outside, it was another warm afternoon on this summer month. Thankfully, dressed in just this kimono, the heat wasn't so severe. He'd have to take a bath later on though but for now, it was better to try to cool himself down in the presence of nature. The peace he sought for wasn't long disturbed. Noise filled the previously silent garden of flowers and greenery. The boy looked up to see two prostitute women approaching him. He knew what they wanted.

"Good afternoon, Kaede-chan." One winked, the perfect example of an undignified whore. The boy noticed her to be someone new, perhaps just picked up from some random street. It was fairly obvious since she barely had any manners.

The other companion in the meantime could only look him up and down suggestively, like all those men who loved to prey on him. This one he knew a bit more for she'd been here nearly a year now, constantly still trying to bed him.

Unfortunately for them though, for always and forever, he will never be interested in them. Just coming to him while the dirty jobs they themselves chose to do should have satisfied them enough... It was enough proof of what kind of people they were.

And besides... Though painful to remember that seeming dream from an innocent childhood memory, everyone had known already even back then. Everyone had suspected already from then on that he was only going to be a man's pet, just like his mother had been. After all, he did wish to be like her...

The two women paused right before him. They were tall but he was now slightly taller, still a growing boy of fourteen years. He looked at them evenly, without emotion, knowing what they'd ask.

"Kaede-chan, you sure look dashing today. What say you and the two of us..."

But she couldn't continue her offer as the boy turned his body on her, walking away from them to move to the shade of the nearby tree. And as he did that, he already expected the outburst they would make. What a boring life. It got too predictable even in its intense infliction of constant pain for him.

The women let out disbelieving noises at his refusal.

"Damn it, Kaede. You wouldn't even try it? What's that thing between your legs then? I bet you've never even came once because you wanted to. You always like being forced, don't you?"

"Yeah, he's that kind of kid, alright. Always a slave to the men."

"Sheesh, what a waste. Beautiful but only a whore to the men. We're wasting our time here. Let's go, Maya..."

There was the shuffling of slippered feet and they were off to go wherever the hell they wanted to go. They'd be back again. The boy who now stood under the shade of the tree nearly smiled wryly at their words. Those words were true, of course. He cared no longer what they said. Years ago, it shattered him every time they cursed him, but now, every part of him seemed to have numbed from the constant reminder of his hellish reality. Besides, him being a whore to the men... Well, he held esteem in it now, no matter how odd that sounds. After all, how many men could endure the years he'd endured as some stranger's pet in every other night since he was but a small child? It'd been so bad then but now, he could just chalk it up as one more blow to his non-existent dignity. Besides, since lately he was getting the missions of killing officials for the government, he could just easily imagine to be taking revenge for his family's loss during the final day of his childhood. Nine years ago...

Shaking his head at himself in amusement of his thoughts, he raised a hand and rested it upon the trunk of the tree before him. He leaned in closer to it before resting his head on the trunk too, reflecting on the only dream that he now had.

The dream, of course, involved the bringing down of the government. Funny it may be to hear for he was only a slave in this place but truthfully enough, he was privy to what was happening around him. He knew the men he killed. He knew that some of them worked for the shogun. He knew that the ninja who watched him did not report everything to the shogun. He knew that the estate of whores was a place where some rebels hid themselves - and plotted. He was educated enough to know a lot of things, in fact. He'd had tutors as did the other upper class pleasure-givers. After all, some men did like the intellectual tryst once in a while - just before the dance. Not all men liked the witless whore.

Anyway, back on topic. The boy breathed deeply against the trunk, smelling the earthy scent of the place - the mixed scent of the freshly cut grass and the aroma of the flowers. To topple the government, he was going to get involved with the plotting soon. Slowly getting himself into the order of things, no more would he just be the pawn to actually do the act of assassinating targets. He was good at strategy. And the strategy was to methodically weaken the shogun's defences and powers until the shogun was weak enough to be defeated.

Why did he hate the shogun, you ask? Well, it has a simple reason. Simply because the man who killed his family and the leader of Japan in this Meiji Era were one and the same. To be free of the curse of his life, to be free of everything that has bounded him to his constant suffering, to be free of the guilt of becoming this person he was today. To not be this person anymore and to leave this world altogether. A dream to be free of everything.

The boy snorted. He closed his eyes and rested his body against the tree for awhile, not caring in the least what he looked like. A presence of another person was near though - for the quiet rustle of leaves from a sudden wind had alerted him of the person. He opened his eyes to see that it was only the ninja.

Ninja... what was his name again? They barely talked. His name was Toru, wasn't it? He'd seen the man give him glances he was experienced to know. But they kept a distance from each other always - the boy to be kept alive so that he would continue to suffer in dedication to his father's grave. What a romantic thing that the shogunate had given to his father.

Anyway...

"Do you want anything, Toru-san?" The boy pulled away from the tree finally, sighing in tiredness from both the heat of the day and the activity he had just participated in many minutes ago. He stood still but did not turn to see the ninja's face.

"Kaede," the man said his name - the name that he only allowed people to know. It was the least he could do - not to give out his family name so as not to disgrace his family further with how low he'd gotten.

The boy sighed and finally forced himself to look at the man. "Yes? What?"

"The manager needs to see you for a new job. It seems like a major one."

The boy gave out a small bitter laugh. It was too short though and too silent so maybe it wasn't a laugh actually. He sighed and looked off at the side. "Another one again? Tonight?"

"Not tonight." the man answered. "It's something different. But I think I heard that you have customers without kill tonight."

"Customers..." he could only echo, realizing the plural state of the word. No rest of course even on this night. How on earth could he even deserve rest? He could cry right now if only the sight of his tears would become the cause of joy of the other people in this estate...

Finally, stopping his cynical thoughts, he walked away from the tree, the man and the comforting shade, and went over to enter the house. An interesting mission, eh? His wish only is for it to bring him one step closer to his resting place below the ground.

Before the door, he paused and sighed, tired of all of this. He heard the faint ringing of the chime hung above him before he continued on in, passing through the familiar hallway, ignoring the women who gave him looks and heading to the office of this estate's manager. The door was on the furthest of the hallway, in this mansion-like business building. He knocked ever so politely - as if he had respect for the manager - before hearing a sound of affirmation that signified he could go in. He slid open the door and entered, closing the door securely behind him. The manager was at his seat, looking over at some documents and photos. The boy neared the man and waited patiently for his new assignment.

After a moment of silence in which the manager continued to look at a certain document, the manger looked up. There was a serious look on his face and it was immediately obvious that the next mission that the boy whore in front of him had was something that related to the destruction of the Meiji Government. His eyes' emotions were nearly unreadable. It was as if he was half-contemplating whether the boy could do the mission or doubting himself for relying on such a person...

The boy remained silent.

The manager sighed. He looked down at the desk once again, this time looking at a photo - a picture of an old man with intense eyes. Though the picture was black and white, the features were clear enough.

"Do you know who I'm looking at, Kaede?"

The boy shook his head in response.

"Well, this is Hirohito Koichiro. He's a man who works in the background for the shogunate. Sources all say that he holds a high position and that he is very vital for the current regime. So, a lot of Japan 's stability relies on him as well. Fifty one years old, a good swordsman still and highly intelligent, the shogunate relies on him a lot. Such precious information I just received the other day. And just earlier on, an informer told me that he is on his way to the most reputable whore house in the outskirts of Kyoto . Such a dangerous man yet having such weakness as to seek pleasure for his urges..." The manager looked up with an almost-smile to the boy. "And it is you who are tasked to annihilate this beast."

The way that the manager had been talking was as if this was the biggest fish they could find in the sea. But the boy knew better. Perhaps it was just like before, yet another attempt at something so unreachable. Then again, maybe the manager was right about his data...

The boy looked from the manager to the photo once again. The manager tasked him to destroy the 'beast'. From his point of view, the government lackey didn't look like a beast. He looked like any regular father would do. The photo reminded the boy of his father.

Suddenly stung by the thoughts and memories that the photo caused, the boy looked up at the manager once again. "Consider it done."

Not like he had any choice really. He never did have a choice...

The manager smirked in response. "Ah, but it's not so easy this time, Kaede. You see, there is something different about this man. There are boundaries which you may never get to break." Hearing only silence and impassiveness, he continued, acid drama in his voice. "You see, this man had never fed upon boys before. And he says he doesn't intend to. He's here for the ladies, not for the beautiful blue-eyed charm that most men look for. In other words, he knows of you but doesn't care. How will you make him interested to get him to use you?"

The boy didn't seem fazed, used to doubt and spite directed at him. "I can do this mission. And if not, why not use the women to do the job?"

The manager rolled his eyes. "Women... They are useless creatures. They scream at the first bug they see. What can a woman do against such a man? They'd die first before killing a man. Such weak creatures..."

"And you think I am strong?"

The manager looked up, surprised at the conclusion, then suddenly chuckled in amusement. "My, my... Little Kaede proclaiming his strength to the world. But in words. What do you know, child? You've been locked in your personal hell since you were five. Doomed forever to suffer for his father's sins. How tragic it must be for you. And you say you're strong? How so? How so when you are still trapped even now, a fourteen year old boy? Strong, hah! You make me laugh!"

The boy sighed quietly and closed his eyes briefly. Taking one deep breath though, he opened his eyes again, coldness engraved on the sapphire of his irises. His efforts were useless against the manager. And he could only feel useless with the silent threat he wanted his eyes to show.

The manager snickered one last time before settling down, a smirk playing on his lips. "Moving on, I need to brief you some more so be silent and listen closely." He looked at the boy and as usual, he was attentive to his words. The manager was pleased.

"Hirohito Koichiro. He'll arrive tomorrow morning by a horse-drawn carriage, I do believe. You will be there when he arrives. You will welcome him and be his servant boy, per se. You will seduce him day by day he stays to be pleasured by the women. And in time, he will seek you and you will have your chance. Your chance, boy! A chance to get one step closer to the shogunate you and I both hate." He looked dreamily at the ceiling of the room, watching the shadows from the light of the sun and the trees outside playing on the walls and ceiling. He smiled. "A chance. One step closer. Nearly there, nearly there..."

The boy said nothing. Though he felt the same way, though he too desired revenge, he expressed nothing. For after all, he was in the presence of a man he hated too. Just because the man was an accomplice to the torturing of his soul. If the man had any compassion at all...

"Is there anything else I must know?" he asked quietly, wanting to get this meeting over with.

"Ah, yes. Good that you're intelligent for a slave. Never missing any details. You could have been a great swordsman if you weren't a whore." The man smiled. "Anyway, there is one other vital thing you must know. He is always with his bodyguard. Always, except when he is bedding with his women. That bodyguard is tough, strong and highly intelligent. He protects his lord with all his strength. He is not to be trifled with. So here comes the tricky part. Though that bodyguard may very well be loyal to the shogun, he is reputed to have rebelled against the leader of the government on more than one occasion. That is something very vital as we deal with Hirohito Koichiro. I also want you to interact with this interesting swordsman that guards the government lackey. I want you to make him trust you. Let him use you, if he so desired you. If we could turn him against the lord he protects, our rebel group will get a boost. After you take care of Hirohito Koichiro, he will return to the shogun with word of his lord's death. And there would be no suspicion on the rebel group for everything would be covered-up by then."

A very tactical plan, the boy must admit. The only question was why did everything fall into his hands? Not only would he try his hardest to get an old man to see his worthless self and to use... Also, he must socialize with a swordsman? The very thought brought tightness to his throat. It burned him deep inside as he recalled, for one brief moment, the dreams his family had had for him. To be strong like his father, a warrior who feared nothing and could go anywhere and beat anything... Unfortunately, he could only result to this person he was today...

The boy slowly turned his back on the manager, too tired to respond anymore. "Is there anything else?"

There was silent wondering on the man's voice. "Ah, yes... Just one more thing. It is about tonight and who is seeking for you..."

At that moment, there came a knock to the door. The manager smirked, in half-amusement at the fate of the child before him. He shook his head then answered the door himself, sliding it to the side and seeing a tall man standing before him. He craned his head up and saw intense brown eyes that were filled with anticipation. He recognized him as one of the regular customers of the boy who still stood there near his table.

"It's you, my lord." The manager bowed his head once in greeting. "How are you today?"

"Fine, fine. I didn't come for you." The tall man had his eyes focused on the slim boy looking back impassively at him. He smirked before sauntering over to him.

"Ah, so you'll have him for the night, Sawakita-san?"

The man barely nodded. "As always..."

When he stood before the boy, he paused, looking at the elegant features that never ceased to amaze him. He leaned down then flicked his tongue to lick on the boy's lips. The boy did not even blink at him - too used to the shame of the encounter. The man was satisfied that the boy was already familiar to his every whim. He straightened once and fished for a pouch of gold from his pocket. He took a few coins then tossed it at the manager. "Get out after you pick up the payment. I'd like to use this office tonight..."

The manager smirked, picked the coins then bowed before leaving the room. "As you wish, my lord..."

The tall man smirked wider once the door was closed behind the departed manager. He placed his greedy hands on the boy's soft skin. "Now that we have the time again..."

The boy closed his eyes and sighed tiredly at the futility of the dirt he would be stained in once again. And as always, he let the man do as he wished...

***

He lay there with his eyes open. How many hours had it been since the last customer had gone away? Thankfully, he had enough energy left to stumble back to his room and get himself to his bed. Thankfully, he was now far away from prying eyes and gossiping natures.

The boy breathed deeply. He looked up at the ceiling - at the shadows of early morning playing from the window at his back. It was too early to get up yet. But that was the best time, he knew, when no one would be around to watch him if ever he attempted anything. Except of course, the ninja assigned to watch his every move. So now the time was perfect to sit up and do whatever needed to be done.

The boy did as he thought, finally getting up. He looked down at himself, at the simple yukata that clothed him, then at the sheets that covered the rest of himself. He sighed and slowly stood up, making sure to do a quick smoothing of the blanket he had used over his cot. He stood up fully after that and went to his closet.

The closet was opened. The boy looked inside to see the various kimono provided for him. It was a spiteful thing to even look at it, knowing that he was never considered a man before. It should have damaged him further if only he was not so used to it. Finally, not really caring, he took one that was hanged - a loose dark blue kimono that was made out of silk. That was enough for the first meeting of the government lackey he was to meet today. Satisfied with what he'd gotten, he took a towel from a drawer then closed the closet. He looked for one moment outside the room - through the window, as if contemplating something - then went to slide the door open to let himself out. He walked towards the bath - very much aware of the ninja who followeed him. When he reached the bath, he first retrieved soap and shampoo from where it was kept before going on in further inside.

Inside the bath was extraordinary. Since the estate was on the outskirts of Kyoto , it was closer to nature than the rest of the city. It had the pride of being near mountains and rivers and hills. Inside this bath was a hot spring, reputed to be one of the best in Kyoto . The bath itself was outspoken for its design. Marble floors ran through on the ground right around the spring and the stalls at the front where regular baths could be conducted. In this early morning, mist rose high from the hot spring at the far back, ready to be used by anyone who sought it.

The boy hung the kimono he was going to wear later on and slowly disrobed, placing his used yukata near his kimono. Naked, he moved gracefully towards the misty spring and slowly entered it, letting the hot water relax his tired body.

He sighed. Though no person was going to bother him now and though he was feeling well in the place where he now was, this was always been a time of reflection - when tiring thoughts entered his mind. This was another morning when he could not escape from his unforgivable mind...

He reflected sadly...

Nine years ago, he was brought to this place. After witnessing the massacre of his family and the burning of his home, he was shoved to a room. There was a waiting man inside. The man had been looking at him with fascination. Back then, he had been so innocent. So innocent...

Pure, clean...

But that was the past. Now, he had been reduced to common trash, having no choice in the matter. Even if he fought, they always won. The shogun controlled him. He could not escape anything graciously given to him. He could not even take his life. If people thought that he had the opportunity during which he held the dagger that would kill government lackeys, they thought wrong. Even during those times, even though he felt alone, someone always watched. Either the ninja or any other random person. He was too valuable a pet after all. A key to the shogunate. A killer who has no choice.

If he closed his eyes, he could recall them all. Each one, first in a moment of rapture then next in a moment of fatality. During the last breaths of the men he'd killed, he'd heard the worst things. They'd called him many several names, cursed him enough to make him go to hell even after this life called hell.

Bastard, devil's child and common whore...

Never to be loved in this life...

The boy closed his eyes, suppressing the ache in his heart to show. But still, even his control was unmerciful, pushing against his will. Even with his closed eyes, he felt the sting of tears crashing against his façade. The cold boy seemed breaking down in his moment of silent suffering...

He'd always reasoned many different things. He'd say that those men deserved it. After all, they came here to bathe themselves in sin. And he, the devil's child, could only punish them when heaven could not.

But the boy knew...

Even after life shall be mercifully taken from him, he knew...

Heaven shall never accept his soul so stained...

Forever shall he weep in the fiery embers of hell.

He choked back a sob, taking in another deep breath. He didn't want to think and to reflect but each time... Each time...

<Mother would frown down at her child...>

<Father would be laughing in his grave...>

<They continue to mock, the true children of my father - my brothers and sisters...>

<Screaming and laughing at the state of the youngest in the family, they hold back tears of joy at the truth of their words.>

<That I am this person so stained - a person never to see the light again.>

<Fallen, the little child, who suffers between heaven and hell.>

<Mortal until his final breath, unable to seek solace in anything or anyone.>

<The child whose wings were cut off before he learned to fly...>

Silent tears streamed down his face. For a long time, he stayed that way, clenching his fists underneath the hot water of the spring.

But something happened. There was a sound that broke through the silence. Someone had arrived and the boy knew that he'd die first before someone saw his tears.

The boy lowered his body once into the water, letting the heated liquid wash through him thoroughly. He'd done his lathering and washing earlier when he mused so...

"Ah, here you are, Kaede." The voice belonged to the manager of this hell on earth where the boy had lived since nine years ago.

The boy opened his eyes, mask placed on his face again, eyes carefully designed to look cold... uninviting... fierce...

He stood up, not caring one bit what the man thought of him.

The manager smiled. "Looking good as usual. But that cold look really doesn't suit you. You are beautiful. Be that way especially to the men you need to seduce. A smile once in a while, child. Let them trust you and let them lead themselves to be killed by your very hands. Well, one of them anyway..."

Laughter. The man laughed.

The boy said nothing, leaving the spring and walking to his clothes. He watched as the kimono he chose were taken by the manager, held out for him so that he would be dressed. Such tradition only practiced by the manager who caused him pain also. The silk touched his skin - skin and fabric feeling the same to the man who touched them.

"Beautiful." the man said with a smile, the declaration more of a curse than anything else to the boy.

"Now, let's go, boy. Time to work..."

Saying nothing, the boy fixed his clothes for one moment before gathering the yukata he'd worn earlier on. He looked up coldly at the man in silence.

"Ah, ready you are now, I see. I see your killer gaze. They'll be arriving in about an hour from now. You will be there of course. Are you ready?"

"I am." The boy sighed internally then walked away coolly, as if unaffected by everything he'd have to do or what he had done during the past nine years of his tortured life. On the hallways where a window allowed him to see outside, looking on he saw that the sun was getting higher by each passing second. For one moment, he closed his eyes, unseen by any person alive. And in a whisper...

"And even if I'm not...

"There's never any choice..."

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