Body, Blood and Soul

Contrary to what people believed, silence did not equal coldness. Despite gruff replies to offers of warmth, perhaps there was something else besides that - a reason, a history, an explanation that drove one to avoid people as if it was a plague. But despite these factors behind the façade, maybe there was a silent part that longed for something - something that /needed/, that desired to be accepted.

Acceptance...

Rukawa Kaede was a silent person. He had no friends and he kept away from friends. People looked at him with only a silent admiration - always directed to his physical attributes or talent in the basketball court. But that was it, wasn't it? Sometimes, when he walked through the hallways of the school or just plainly on the streets, he saw those gazes directed at him. He was not at all clueless to what they meant.

Looks of desire, of want, of longing. All for the few things he could live without. Beauty...

Rukawa Kaede was beautiful.

He saw it in their eyes - the silent meaning that they could not convey in common words. But he did hear it sometimes - from men and women alike. Passing through those who were oblivious to his presence, they all wanted just a few things from him...

His body, his soul.

He could almost laugh insanely. What was he to them then? A piece of toy they could dream upon when they touch themselves? A property to possess? Someone to be used? What was he to their eyes? Just a whore?

And the other questions... Why did they think of these sins? Why think of him that way when they didn't even know him? What have the world gone to if they could not even take time to get to know him personally before desiring to possess his soul?

Questions ringing in his mind and the bitterness inside his chest soaked through to his heart, spreading to his whole body - making him ill. Because he knew it was futile to stop these occurrences. What would he do to stop these things? Was he to tell them calmly to stop disrespecting him as a person by stopping to lust for him? Was he to tell him that he was a mere person compared to the angel they thought they wanted to possess? Sad thoughts that were futile, all now squeezing his heart painfully. Because the truth was - he was nothing and he was no one. No one cared and no one was near. It was his fault, he knew, to keep them away - because he was far too experienced in the games of life where always he was the loser...

Lately, he was again involved in a game. A twisted parody of what they thought his life was like. No, he was not perfect. Far from that - he was darkened by inner torture and angst born from trauma no one should have had to go through. But he had to go through them nonetheless because he was...

Beautiful...

How to recall his history now? A brief thought perhaps as he walked away from his team's locker room in the hallway that night. His history was a disaster, something that was easy to mock - something that could break him easily iif people knew about it. Let's see...

At age eight, he lost his virginity to a man who once loved his mother. His mother died at that encounter while trying to protect him. At age ten, his grandfather - the only guardian he had - died, forcing him to live for a year in a foster home. At age eleven, a rich man adopted him into his home - the man turning out later on as his professor. That man had become his lover for a few years before that man left him like the used goods that he was. At age fourteen, he was independent and alone, no longer trusting anyone to come near...

Of course, there was the occasional tryst from then on. Those who were forceful enough /did/ get to taste him after all, no matter his seeming protests and self-denials. That was the only way they got him - by force of will. Not that it was always non-consensual all the way. Sometimes, he did give in. At the very end, they /did/ sometimes convince him that he really did like what they did to him. But other times, he /was/ still thoroughly dominated... This was especially true when he was not yet so strong to defend himself - too young, too inexperienced to try to avoid these encounters with his possessors. Everyone always whispered disgusting words to his ears during these encounters...

They said he was pretty - his milky-white skin like that of a girl's and his face and his silky hair. That he was blessedly /beautiful/...

Lately, Rukawa could remember, he was yet again involved in a web of dilemma as someone had gotten too near him yet again. Not only in body, not only in blood...

Fearfully, it was also in soul...

Back to reality, Rukawa now faced a door that lead to the locker room of his current lover...

He stood there, knowing /he/ was alone inside. The games had ended nearly an hour ago at this particular night and now, people have dispersed and have long ago left this building. After all, this was a night to be celebrated with tenderness for most people - an event called Valentine's day. It was also his lover's birthday, supposed to be a double celebration of sorts. But now that they were to meet for yet another session perhaps, what could he offer him besides what he offered him whenever they met like this? What more could he give besides what every possessor desired from him? What was /he/ but another user of his body?

A step closer to the door. He was now right before its frame, his heart oddly beating quicker despite himself being used to this. It was a moment he hated - wherein he hesitated and debated within himself whether or not to go by his own will to /him/ or to just sigh and walk away. It would be much easier if /he/ was the one who grabbed him and shoved him to a corner, making him unable to decide. It would have been better to be too lost in the sensations to be thinking if what he allowed men to do to him was a sin or not.

Finally, there came the sigh from his lips. But the sigh did not result to him walking away. Rather, he knocked in the silence of the hallways, the hollow sound echoing through the emptiness. There came that voice he heard - a voice so familiar as he had heard /him/ talking throatily in his ears before. Groaning in passion as that person plunged inside of him - again and /again/.

The door opened. Rukawa stepped in. Dropping his bag on the floor, his eyes scanned the room for his lover, stopping once he saw the smirking person that sat on the far corner of the room - leaning on the walls, one knee pulled up to his chest as he settled himself on the tiled floor. There was a smirk on the face and familiar want in his eyes. Rukawa found himself unable to look into those devouring eyes any longer and ducked his head, letting his long dark bangs cover his face as he closed the door behind him, and letting himself enter the room some more.

He stopped only when he was in the centre of the room, not wanting to come nearer or to be the aggressor to this sinful act they were naturally going to be involved in. If there was going to be one that would be blamed for what they were about to do, it would certainly not be him. Perhaps it was a selfish thought to think of himself to be always the passive participant but that's the way it has always been. And he knew that was the way it was always going to be. Besides... he was too used to it anyway. He cared no longer.

When he finally looked up, his eyes shadowed a bit by silky hair and long dark lashes, he saw that the person still did not move from his spot, still admiring him with those lustful eyes...

The person, of course, was Sendoh Akira. None other than the person whom he could never beat in terms of the sport he valued the most. None other than the person who took interest in him after they first met more than a year ago when he was invited by Coach Taoka to watch the Ryonan basketball team practice...

Their relationship - if you could really call it a relationship - started a long time ago. When was it? Was it after the first official practice match they played with their teams? It was during that time. Anyway, they'd met before that. It happened that they met each other on the street and recognized each other. An invitation by Akira - then known to him as Sendoh only - and he agreed to a friendly one-on-one game. After that came dinner and after was a surprising invitation to Akira's hostel near Ryonan. It was an encounter he had not expected from someone he barely knew but it turned out that Sendoh had known about him before - his reputation behind being a famous good-looking 'super rookie' of Shohoku High. Sendoh had known some of his secrets - about men who had preyed upon him before. Apparently, Sendoh knew one of them. And it was immediately natural for Sendoh to get interested in him in /that/ manner. The rest, as they say, was history...

From that unforgettable night of being claimed by the older boy, Kaede had begun seeing him again and again. By summer, he'd even stopped his late night individual trainings at the Shohoku gym. He was playing at a court where he would meet Sendoh. And it was almost nightly when he let Sendoh possess him. It didn't bother him too much for this was something he had begun to need since first experiencing it when he was far too young to understand. But he had made a mistake somewhere regarding their 'relationship'...

Because he let Sendoh get too near. Not only in body but also in heart. That should not have happened. He should not have allowed...

Get-togethers on the weekends when they went places. Those nightly dates where they dined out. The small talks they had after sex. The gentle inquiries that tried to prod into his private life. Those times when they went out of town all by themselves, riding the train as far as Kyoto and the Aomori-ken prefecture in the north. He should just have kept it technical - contact plainly based on the need to share heat... That silent need to be in the company of someone's arms but to not get involved in something that could endanger the fragile and vulnerable part of him that no one knew about...

The mistake - he let Sendoh get too near. And now, perhaps, Sendoh owned him -far too much - though Sendoh may not even know that yet. Perhaps this was a night to give his gift, to let himself become vulnerable with a declaration that could ultimately hurt him in the end. But this /was/ Sendoh's birthday and it /was/ Valentine's night. It should be worth the risk, right? He should be brave enough to expose himself like this - to give everything.

Kaede peered up from beneath dark lashes to see that Sendoh stood finally from his place, slowly sauntering over to meet him. The taller boy strode in careful and slow steps, eyes never leaving Kaede's. Then he stopped right before him, azure gazes never parting from each other. Hidden words were spoken from the silence and before long, Sendoh expressed his hidden message as he cupped Kaede's cheek and leaned down to kiss Kaede deeply, plunging his tongue inside the mouth right away, stroking and tasting in a hungry way as if too much was never enough.

Rukawa, in turn, closed his eyes slowly, letting the other dominate him as always, knowing that the roughness was something he had come to desire and to need. But no sooner than becoming pliant, the usual self-denial kicked in, breaking their moment, their time of connection. Kaede suddenly tried pushing away from the contact, denying himself, knowing that he should not be doing this - giving himself to another man /yet again/. He hated this - hated what was to come - but he had no choice... he had /never/ any choice. Breathing in ragged breaths as their lips parted and Akira was breathing deeply against his own lips, Kaede sighed, turning his back and intending to just leave.

But then, there was a hand on his shoulder, that husky voice dripping with want in his ears...

"You come here in my special night... only to refuse yourself what you truly want?" It seemed a challenge but it insulted Kaede's very own spirit.

Kaede shrugged away the hand on his shoulder and shook his head, not wanting to be a slave any longer. But then the first statement of Akira entered his mind and he stiffened, being reminded what this special day meant for his lover. Valentine's day and Sendoh Akira's birthday. And here he was trapped yet again with his moralistic subconscious trying to get him away from this empty locker room which could become a venue for their tryst tonight. Kaede sighed and surrendered, letting the hands reach out to his sides and to stroke, pulling his open jacket down his shoulders while stroking the smooth arms on his sides. He closed his eyes and shivered from the chilly air as he only wore a shirt now on his upper body. And slowly the dance began...

Merciless tender kisses rained down on one arm as the other arm was stroked, provoking goose bumps to appear and him to shiver some more. He could feel the heat they already shared through their clothes and he could not help but press back, feeling the hardness already pressed against his back. He could barely wait in anticipation already...

Akira's lips travelled from one arm to the other, butterfly kisses slow and merciless in their gentleness and Kaede could not help but to groan softly because this was something he was not used to. Hearing his displeasure, it seemed like this only served to fuel Akira's desire some more with this annoying slowness as he reached down to grab a hold of Kaede's wrists and to kiss each one softly on the inside before kissing also the inside of the palms then the fingertips. Kaede sighed in displeasure.

"What? You always like it rough, Kaede..." Sendoh whispered in his ears. "Well, not really /rough/ but you almost see this as mandatory. I want it different this time. Not like you won't give me a chance... After all, this is my special day, isn't it?" The lips that spoke the words smiled against Kaede's cheek.

Kaede felt, for one moment, like breaking away again when Akira turned him suddenly around so that their eyes could meet. Akira, with only a small smile, reached down to the bottom hem of his shirt before pulling the shirt up and over Kaede's head, silent instruction to lift his arms followed right away. The shirt was discarded and fell to the floor along with the jacket. Akira looked at the broad expanse of whiteness and smiled, worshipping every inch first with his eyes before suddenly pushing Kaede against a wall and beginning to plunder the soft flesh with tongue, lips and teeth. A moan was wrenched away from Kaede after the skilled hands and mouth pressed in just the right places and while Kaede's nipples were teased. Then Akira moved away to admire yet again his younger lover - to see the flushed face, the tight upper body, the smooth white flesh...

Kaede felt so vulnerable as he was trapped by those eyes. It felt familiar yet so very different from when being looked at by other people. Akira's eyes... It felt like the older boy knew him inside and out. Kaede could not help but feel like he was being posessed in the most advanced way, in which he could no longer turn back as he was being owned forever in body and soul by the person who was now slowly reaching out to touch his flesh again.

It felt like steel under silk, Akira had to admit, still amazed up until today to have a lover like Kaede. His lips trailed down in a slow pace, savouring every inch of sweet flesh. Tongue darting across the pale features from the face to the neck to the chest, it suddenly stopped once it encountered a nipple. Akira smirked before reaching up with one hand to tease the other nipple, his tongue slowly licking on the one right in front of him. He felt the younger boy shiver and he continued his ministrations, letting the other hand pinch and tease while continuing to lick this one with his tongue.

"Akira..." Kaede gasped as the pleasure heightened, his hand reaching up of their own volition to trap themselves on the damp and yet unspiked hair of his lover, tangling themselves there and stroking as his eyes went sightless, focused on the ceiling. He truly hated this - hated how he was being controlled but he had no choice but to surrender now, to give the reins to Akira.

His name heard, he felt pleasure from just that psychological domination, finally leaving the now erect nipples, his sensitive fingertips feeling the smooth sides of his lover, making Kaede arch against the cold wall, glazed eyes looking at him with desire that equalled his own - wanting, needing, but as always with that defensiveness that they were both used to handling. Akira knew Kaede would do something drastic yet again later but for now...

Akira's hands descended all the way down until they rested on Kaede's hips. He felt the narrow hips and massaged them slowly, giving an ample amount of pressure as he looked within the unflinching eyes of his lover. Before there was any reaction, he descended his lips to meet Kaede's once again, into a deep kiss that he initiated and controlled, tongue entering the wet cavern, stroking and tasting the flavour of his partner. Tongues danced and meshed, their eyes open and looking at each other during the kiss, saliva mixing as it continued for so long that they gasped and breathed deeply once they parted. And it was at that time when Akira took the opportunity to pull Kaede away from the wall, towards another wall - or rather a corner of the room - where on both walls, mirrors were transfixed and ready to be witness to what they were about to do.

Kaede's eyes widened as he was shoved against the mirrored wall, seeing both himself and Akira reflected on both the wall he was pushed against and the wall right beside him. He realized what Akira was about to do - to let himself know exactly what was happening - and he could not help but flush in embarrassment and to push Akira away, knowing that he could never handle such treatment.

But Akira was not fazed by the push against his chest. Because he knew Kaede's self-denial was slowly kicking in again - that part which wanted to push away the guilt at doing an act that was supposed to be... /wrong/. Akira sighed and looked at Kaede who looked down at the floor, not wanting to meet his eyes. Then he stepped closer in a slow movement, his two hands touching the mirrored walls on either side of Kaede's body, trapping the younger and smaller boy between his arms. He nudged Kaede's head up with his chin, touching the forehead and pushing backward before he let their foreheads touch, their azure gazes focused only on each other. And he breathed against those reddened lips - colour intensified by the ferociousness of how he kissed him earlier on...

"Damn it, Kaede..." Akira whispered, the breath from the words touching Kaede's own lips. "Until how long are you going to deny yourself? Deny me? You know this night..."

But he trailed off, knowing that the pressure would just amount to too much. And if that happened, he knew Kaede could just push away - finally having enough - and leave. And he certainly did not want that.

He breathed deeply, knowing Akira was right as he saw the intense desire in the taller boy's gaze. Perhaps it equalled his own, perhaps it was more but he could not really help but fight sometimes - to fight this pleasure, this need, this... /weakness/. Why did he have to need this? Why did he have to come to Akira always knowing what to expect when he always struggled with himself before, during and after they committed their sins? Why did he come to rely on Akira? Why did he let Akira possess him like this? Why...?

But he sighed and he looked away, moving his head to the side until it rested against the wall, his sight meeting the reflection of the both of them right before each other - something looking so unnatural to the world. The sight of two tall boys pressed against each other maliciously, one dominant, the other passive...

He closed his eyes and feeling the futility, leaned his head forward so that it rested on Akira's shoulder. "I'm sorry... It's your birthday and all..." he spoke, not really knowing why he did.

Akira sighed and caught the younger boy's body, letting it rest on his form, supporting him as his arms encircled around the slender body. He shrugged. "I know... Sorry too for being like this but it's just... you're always like this. You always have to fight what you feel... and struggle... Sorry, Kaede..."

His hands began to rub against the back of his smaller partner, massaging the tired muscles along the way as he continued to hold him closely, inhaling the scent of his hair. The shampoo smelled so sweet as he felt the younger boy slowly relaxing against his ministrations, melting to his touch. All these sensations, these feelings - it was intoxicating. Just holding Kaede like this when he could feel and smell and see the beauty in his arms - it was addicting. But Akira took the moment for what it is anyway, despite the intensity of his desire. Later on, he'd get his chance. Later on, Kaede would buckle on his on. Later on...

Slowly, Kaede pulled away, sighing his tiredness at this constant game that he had to always compete in. There were lots of things he always thought whenever they did this and his mind was always in a disarray. He stood a little away from Akira and looked sideways for awhile, seeing his own reflection in the mirror of one of the walls. What did he see? He saw a young man, half-naked, and denying that he actually wanted to be consumed. He saw someone he himself could not accept... He saw...

"Akira..." Kaede whispered his query, lifting his arms slowly before wrapping them around himself. His heart was racing inside his chest and he looked away from the mirror, sick of seeing the fragility in his eyes.

"Yes? Anything wrong?" Akira asked, watching the stiff and pale back of the younger boy. He leaned his taller frame on the mirrored wall and wondered now what Kaede was thinking. It was always so desperate when they met like this - as if there was never going to be a time for gentleness or just one brief respite from anything that screamed futility. It was as if their relationship could never be normal...

Desperate...

Tragic...

Complicated...

Kaede spoke. "What am I...?"

"What?"

A deep breath drawn into his lips and Kaede spun around slowly so that their eyes could meet. He wanted nothing but the truth even on this day, this night. He wanted the hint of acceptance. He wanted... needed...

Inside, he wanted to kill himself. Why was he being so selfish on this night? Why did he need the reassurance when he should concentrate on pleasuring Akira? Why...?

Finally, he spoke.

"I wanted to know... what am I to your eyes?"

In which, Akira looked surprised. "Why..." But he couldn't say anymore words. He took in a deep breath and struggled within himself, not knowing what to say to that. What were they to each other anyway? What, besides lovers who had come to need each other always? They slept with each other... But there were other things. They shared moments too. They went together to different places. They dined out. They spent holidays together in places they never thought they'd visit if they were alone. They...

What were they actually?

And for the current question... what was Kaede to him?

Finally, he shrugged. And he spoke the truth that his heart was whispering in his ears. "I just know that you're important to me... Don't know anything else at the moment, but that's what I could honestly tell you right now."

Kaede listened closely before nodding slowly, feeling a bit awkward at hearing those words. Finally, the cold look on his face washed away - converting into one that Akira did not see often enough. Kaede had a look of relaxation on his face, something no one else ever saw. He felt relaxed just because he was in the presence of the only person he felt safe in...

His heart's burdens were momentarily forgotten too as he looked only at Akira and as Akira looked only at him. He queried in a whisper. "It's your birthday. What do you want me to do for you?"

No longer wanting to protest...

Only wanting to give now perhaps...

Just because...

Akira's face lightened up considerably. He smiled. It was not the smile he often had for the world - that which they both knew was a mask. It was a content one, drenched with a bit of amusement at the moment. "You... you would allow yourself to do anything for /my birthday/?"

Akira recalled Kaede's 16th birthday last New Year's day and that was a time they had spent together in Tokyo. Since they both had no families to spend with - Akira's father was in America, still busy even during the special day, and of course, Kaede was an orphan who had no family at all... They decided to go to Tokyo, to shop around, stay at a hotel and to basically be tourists...

They spent New Year and Kaede's birthday at the hotel, first sharing body heat intimately, then watching fireworks flash across the sky. That had been an unforgettable experience, something that would not equal to this perhaps - this mere after-game meeting in a locker room - with nothing but cold tiled floors and themselves to be with.

Valentine's day and Akira's 18th birthday...

Akira continued his smile but said nothing. Slowly, he pulled his jacket away then his shirt. He saw that in front of him, Kaede was slowly taking off his shoes, socks, pants and underwear. Kaede was expecting another tryst automatically of course - just like he was. No sooner than a few more minutes and they stood bare in front of each other, both eyes wandering each other's body.

Akira, the taller of the two, now much taller than before - perhaps 6'5" in height. Ever the handsome one with his entire being dripping with sexual appeal...

Kaede, the smaller of the two, rising now to 6'3", ready and willing after getting through the initial stages of self-denial. Looking as always as the beautiful male that everyone saw him to be...

Looking at each other, Akira finally told what he wanted as he slowly slid his body to the floor, shivering a bit from the cold tiles meeting his flesh. He looked up at Kaede as he sat on the floor, his eyes lusted and his member proudly sticking up in its glory between his legs. He smirked.

"I want you..."

Akira's voice held his desire, heavy with want for the pale boy who looked down expectantly at him.

"I want you to pleasure me. I want you to be the one to do it on your own initiative. To stop denying yourself. To prove that you want me as you much as I want you..."

Hearing those words, Kaede could not help but look incredulously at Akira. What did the older boy mean? For him to not just be a participant but to be also one who craved it as much as Akira?

Akira smiled before reaching out to Kaede's hand, to clasp their hands together then to tug the younger boy down - so as to sit down right before him. "I want you to stop looking down at yourself. I want you..." He smiled gently, something true unlike his usual smiles. "I want you to be my equal."

Kaede's hand trembled as he looked up at the mysterious cobalt eyes like his own. What did Akira want again? He wanted to be his equal? He wanted...

Akira was always the aggressor. Akira was the one to make him feel when he was too numb inside to respond. Akira was...

His voice, trying not to be shaky because of the shock he still felt from hearing the words, he asked... "What... what do you want me to do?" He felt so nervous all of a sudden. No man had ever wanted this before. Everyone just took and took and took until he had nothing else left to give. But Akira wanted to share something - something that seemed precious... Something he'd never seen before...

"I want you to show me..." Akira clasped his hand tighter around Kaede's. "To show me that you want me back."

"But... how?" Kaede asked, confused.

"Hmm... how..." Akira wondered suddenly, looking up in concentration at the ceiling. Definitely, how could Kaede show himself to him? He wanted him tonight - everything of him. He wanted so much on this special night. And he was not just going to take the initiative and do something. It was always that way between them. Tonight, he wanted Kaede to give himself...

"Akira?" Kaede asked when the older boy was silent. Akira looked from the ceiling to Kaede.

"I want you, Kaede." Akira said. "I want you to accept yourself. And accept what we have. I want you to do the initiative for once. I want to see that you would finally come to terms with what we have by seeing that you yourself would not always be either pliant or fighting me. I want you... I want everything of you..."

The younger boy let those words soak into him slowly before lowering his gaze. He did not really understand. But whatever it was, he was sure Akira just wanted to be pleasured. He was skilled enough to give Akira what he wanted from him so that he could also get what he needed later on. Perhaps Akira wanted a different way of having sex. He knew Akira would always be the dominant partner, the one to penetrate and to take. But perhaps tonight, Akira wanted to be dominant yet he did not want him the usual way. Perhaps Akira wanted...

Kaede looked up to confirm his words.

And Akira nodded, seeing understanding in Kaede's eyes.

"Yes, Kaede. I want to see yourself surrender to me. I want you... to do yourself..."

Warmth spread immediately to Kaede's cheeks, suddenly feeling embarrassed with just hearing those words. Akira knew Kaede wanted to be taken. He knew he needed to be taken. But to do the initiative and be the one who would... Kaede blushed immensely.

Akira smiled in endearment before pulling Kaede's hand up. He touched his lips to the back of the hand as he looked at his lover before kissing gently the inside of the palm then each of the fingertips. "Please, Kaede? For me? For my birthday?"

Kaede sighed a deep sigh before nodding slowly, knowing he couldn't really refuse anything to Akira on his special night. Seeing Akira's gestures, he looked at Akira with appreciation before moving forward, kneeling to get more leverage, before extending his other hand, touching Akira's face. He closed his eyes and their lips met. He was pliant when Akira dominated easily their kiss. He opened his lips to let the tongue in, knowing that he was only going to initiate their session but not to control it. That was Akira's role...

Akira deepened the kiss as he let go of Kaede's hand, both palms going upward to cradle the younger boy's head in them. He stroked their tongues together again and again, making that moment last as long as possible as he pulled Kaede on his lap, holding the lithe body to his chest. When they parted, both of them were breathless, looking dazedly and longingly into each other's eyes. But before Akira could do or say anything, Kaede was immediately at work again, knowing that he was the initiator tonight...

Kaede, after catching his breath, licked the sides of Akira's lips as if he was a kitten sipping from a bowl of milk. Hungrily, he tasted his lover's lips again and again, feeling the curving up of those same lips. After that, he moved his lips downward, licking on the neck, biting lightly the base of the throat. He felt Akira stiffen from that and he felt a bit of satisfaction. His lips went lower but then he paused as he felt Akira's hand on his hair, stroking the silky strands. He looked up in query but only saw a smile on Akira's lips. The hands were meant to guide him to what Akira wanted and he nodded his understanding.

Trailing his lips down, Akira made him focus his attention on one of the exposed brown nubs that was atop the muscular chest of the older boy. Knowing enough when Akira did this to him, he nodded, first licking the tight bud and hearing the faint gasp of Akira, then sucking on it. Akira spoke some words of encouragement as his head was pushed more into the nipple, Akira making him suck harder. After a few moments, his head was pulled away from that bud and made to focus on the other nipple. Again he nursed on that nipple, like a baby needing to lactate. He did what was demanded of him with much concentration, hearing the gasps and groans of his older partner.

Before long, he was taken away from the bud, his head pushed down to come before Akira's burgeoning erection. Looking up, he saw Akira's lust for him and he nodded in understanding. He'd done this before so it wasn't new. Kaede knew what was going to happen.

He first took a deep breath before taking in immediately the head in his mouth. He felt Akira's hands on his hair tighten a bit from the pleasure before suddenly relaxing, content to run themselves on his silky hair. He concentrated on what he was doing, chewing with his lips on the head as his lips began to work, licking on the opening of the shaft and tasting the bitter pre-cum that was there. Swirling his tongue several times around the head, he heard the groaning of his older partner and suddenly choked as the member was shoved deeply in his throat. Fighting his gag reflex as the length was trying to bury itself more in his mouth, he pulled away slightly since Akira's length was too massive. He let the length bury itself about mid-way before he began working again, now sucking as his hands squeezed the base of the erection and massaged the sacs underneath it.

Akira arched against the cold floor and mirrored wall. He could feel the skilled mouth of his partner working on him and he could not help but gasp and groan at the sensations, his hands busy running through Kaede's hair as his eyes was nearly sightless from the experience. Feeling Kaede start to bob his head up and down, suckling up and down and giving him the pleasure he desired, he looked sidewards, wanting to see what they looked like right now.

From the mirrored wall on their side, he saw himself smiling in pleasure as his perfect pretty boy was sucking his erection, pale body raised a bit from the floor - perfect lines and curves and silk and steel... All his'.

Another groan from Akira as Kaede was fervently giving him a blow job, sipping at his pre-cum, urging him with his stimulations to go off and ejaculate - but Akira resisting as he was content at the moment to just thrust inside the warm cavern and to let his hands explore. He moved his fingers away from the dark head before trailing on down the smooth and soft back of Kaede. He felt the younger boy stiffening in response before continuing, only determined to do his job. He felt the skin of the sensitive back and stroked, feeling the spine and the sides, making Kaede - despite his busy state - shiver in pleasure from what he was doing. He touched him - caressed his back again and again before he rested his hands on the curve of the back, that vulnerable dip where the spine ended to meet the hips. He applied a certain amount of pressure before Kaede stiffened at the tickling sensation and nearly laughed even with Akira's erection in his mouth. Akira felt immediately the pleasure from that and he smirked, his hands going lower until they found the two separate curves of Kaede's posterior. He caressed them both before squeezing them, a silent declaration of what he was going to do tonight as all other nights. He felt Kaede's quiet approval as the boy sucked in more fervently, feeling more and more excited because of his touches.

But because of that, Akira suddenly pulled Kaede away from his groin, not really wanting to come in Kaede's throat. He wanted to prove something to himself too. He wanted to last the entire night before coming inside of Kaede.

Now...

Kaede gasped and took in huge intakes of air as he got parted from his lover's erection. He sat back on the cold floor, looking up with lusted eyes at Akira as his legs were raised, his hands supporting him from the back. He knew that Akira wanted to come in another way and he could not help the anticipation he felt rushing in his veins.

Akira, for his part, watched the pretty scene in front of him. He watched the beautiful face of the younger boy, the stained blush on the pale face, the pre-cum and saliva mixed as they trailed down slowly on Kaede's chin. Those lips parted slightly - giving Kaede such a look that was dripping with desire. The exposed body - the legs parted and raised, giving a view of the opening that was just against the cold tiles of the floor. Akira took in a deep breath because of his excitement before reaching out for the alabaster body, wanting to continue on. He pulled Kaede to his lap once again, his lips quickly finding the boy's neck.

The neck was devoured. He licked and tasted the white flesh, making sure to put concentration on each and every one of Kaede's most sensitive spots. He made him moan as he sucked on the juncture between his shoulder and neck, grinning amidst the tangled skin. He kissed the flesh, sucked until the white skin would be marred with red marks later on. And then he pulled Kaede's up, holding on to support Kaede's back as he devoured the nipple that was ready for his taking. He took in the pink nub and sucked with much hunger, making sure to make Kaede feel what he felt earlier on. He stroked it with his tongue and sucked some more, feeling Kaede arching against his arms which were wrapped around Kaede's back. He heard the gasps and groans before focussing on the other nipple, giving it as much attention as the previous one. He heard Kaede gasp loudly then moan silently, practically purring as he was being pleasured intensely.

Finally, Akira pulled away to smirk at the flushed smaller boy. He let Kaede's body rest now and lean on his chest in half-contentment and half-protest - provoking the action of their erections brushing against each other to happen. Both their eyes widened as they looked down, their erections like clashing swords, reddened and swollen and needing release. Akira couldn't help but compare his much thicker and longer erection with the boy's, smirking in pride. Kaede actually was blessed with being well-endowed but his cock was just long and slender unlike his'. His' was thick and pulsing, aside from being long. He was born to be the dominator and they both knew it, no one protesting his natural position.

Grinning, Akira reached down to Kaede's hands and guided them to hold on to both their erections. And simultaneously, the two of them began to mutually masturbate both erections, looks of passion in their faces. Akira gasped and arched against the wall, finding high pleasure from their actions while Kaede meanwhile leaned forward to Akira's chest since there was no wall behind him to support him. Both felt boneless as they stroked both erections hard and quick, not at all gentle as Akira planned. But before they could come, Akira immediately took away both their hands from their erections, wanting to deny them both as long as possible.

From his position, Kaede sighed, gritting his teeth from the loss of hands to aid his erection. He looked up at Akira in tiredness but dared not voice his want and need. He still had his pride, after all. Akira, for his part, only smirked at him before leaning down to first nuzzle his hair then kiss his neck again, lifting him again slightly so as to lick on his nipples. He shivered and groaned softly, arching against the air, stretching silky skin and muscles across his smooth torso. Akira pleasured his nubs again and again until he could no longer take it and he had to look down with his gleaming and lusted eyes to tell Akira this.

Akira saw the look and nodded, pulling Kaede up more and more until Kaede was half-standing, his legs and knees barely supporting him on the back as his head was right against the mirrored wall where he could see his aroused reflection, panting and gasping as Akira's lips where kissing him /everywhere/.

The older boy had a satisfied smirk once Kaede was neatly positioned so that his erection was just before his face. Now that Kaede was being supported by the mirrored wall, it was easier now to do as he pleased. Taking first an intake of breath, he readied himself before taking in the younger boy's erection in his mouth, immediately sucking and stimulating, making Kaede gasp and moan in response right above him. He licked the underside of the shaft before grazing his teeth lightly across the velvet heat. He sucked and tasted his lover's pre-cum, loving always Kaede's scent and flavour. He did this as his hands wandered Kaede's body, holding on to the hips securely so Kaede couldn't thrust in his mouth. The free hand wandered and caressed the smooth lower back before resting itself on the curve of the buttocks, marvelling on the silky feel. And he went on further to let his four fingers brush against the opening, making Kaede shudder in anticipation above him. But he didn't probe, wanting something else. And Kaede made a sound of disappointment once he didn't enter him.

Finally, as Akira felt that Kaede was about to come finally, he pulled away cruelly, hearing first the loud protest then feeling Kaede slide down against his body, knees no longer able to support himself. Kaede's face looked up when he came back to sit on Akira's lap again, glaring at the older boy. He looked so tortured with Akira's denial now and the older boy could only pat his cheek then lean down to kiss Kaede's lips in a quick kiss. Akira whispered...

"What I want..." He caressed the younger boy's hair. "I want it now..."

Kaede took in a huge intake of breath as he heard that. But then he nodded, knowing it was the only way to get his release now.

"It's in my pants' back pocket. Go get it." Akira instructed.

Kaede nodded once again before looking around them to look for Akira's clothes. When he found the pants, he retrieved the small tube of lubrication that Akira often used on him. It was a new one as they had just finished up all the contents of the old one the last time they did this. He flipped open the lube with shaky fingers before handing it to Akira.

But Akira shook his head. "I want you to do it. I want to see you when you do it to yourself."

Face burning but caring no longer, Kaede first took a deep breath before placing a significant amount on his palm. Leaning his head on Akira's chest, he reached downwards towards Akira's pulsing erection, feeling its power in his palm. He applied the lube on it and stroked, hearing the older boy's hiss right above him.

"Now, you..." Akira urged, barely keeping himself from coming right then and there as he felt Kaede's hand on his shaft.

Kaede's trembling hand left Akira as he looked up at his lover. Akira nodded at him and he firmed himself, using Akira as leverage as he lifted himself up a bit so that he could prepare himself. Legs parted as he knelt, he placed his lubricated fingers between his legs, going past his erection and his testicles. He found his opening immediately and could not help but shudder as his hands felt cold against it. Seeing Akira's excited look at what he was doing, he just went ahead and did it, entering himself with one finger first, gritting his teeth at the initial pain before relaxing, knowing enough to do so. He tried to probe in further but had a bit of a hard time since he had to reach a long way. Akira guided him to lean down further with his body, Akira's body in front of him moving away so that he could concentrate only in penetrating himself.

Against the floor though, against the cold tiles, his eyes suddenly widened as he was right before the mirror, seeing himself finger-fuck himself, body twisting just so he could reach deep inside himself and find his spot. He gasped once he found it and saw with his own eyes his reaction, eyes gleaming with lust, body shivering, lips parted as he panted in pleasure.

Akira watched Kaede do himself for a few more moments, enjoying the scene before he felt that it was enough. Pulling Kaede to sit upright once again right before him, he reached out and tenderly caressed the younger boy's cheeks. "Now... I want it now, Kaede."

Kaede could barely hold himself now, barely able to restrain himself. He knew what Akira wanted and he knew a part of him wanted it too. But suddenly something snapped once again inside himself. That denying part of himself. As he sat before Sendoh Akira, himself willing to do /this/, he wanted to get away. Suddenly, he hated himself even more than before. Suddenly, he wanted Akira gone from his life. Suddenly, he wanted to just...

Akira kissed Kaede's forehead slowly before kissing each of Kaede's eyelids. He whispered gently...

"Maybe... Maybe this /is/ a sin, Kaede. But we're all sinners, aren't we? Why can't two sinners be happy amidst this diseased world we live in? If you don't accept what you are and you don't accept what we are to each other..." Akira looked deeply within his lover's eyes. "How can the world accept you? What you want in the end is that, isn't it...?"

And it felt like the shattering of glass suddenly for Kaede. Words he'd longed to hear since the beginning, wanting to hear it from every man who neared him. What he wanted, what he needed...

He wanted to be accepted...

But first, he must accept himself...

Accept Akira...

Before the world could accept him...

Kaede felt his heart breaking but it was not because of despair. Perhaps merely, it was the futility of this joining, the desperation they always had when in each other's arms. There was the need for the joining. A connection to someone because they were both alone in the world, no one to comfort them but themselves.

So, for the first statement, he had to accept himself. What was he then? No longer a whore, wasn't he? Because he wanted this and seeked for this did not mean he was a whore any longer. Because he wanted to share in another's warmth did not mean he was a low form of gutter trash. Maybe he did these things because he was... human...

Humans needed each other...

For the second statement... What was this they shared then? Was it a sexual relationship merely? Was it love? Was it a mixed form of love and hate? Perhaps this was what they call as desperate love? The need to be in someone's arms just because there was no one else to turn to...

And that kind of love...

That kind of love was something that could even ignore what the world thought of them or if the world accepted them...

That was... their relationship...

And now, Kaede /knew/.

"Kaede?" Akira queried, running a hand through Kaede's long strands of ebony hair.

"Akira." Kaede could only nod, now that he was sure. He hesitated no further as he lifted himself from the floor, looking deep within Akira's eyes while he did it. Letting his body hover right above Akira's lap, he held on to Akira's shoulders as he slowly settled himself down, letting the huge erection enter him slowly, desperate for that connection that both of them lacked in their lives. He let Akira's shaft be sheathed by his tight opening, his body arching as he felt the intrusion of it. It felt painful - just a little bit - but it was more satisfying for his psyche since this was something he had silently longed for in the back of his mind. Looking up at Akira's lusted eyes, he smiled microscopically before lifting his hips up again then planting his body all the way so that Akira's erection was buried inside him. He did this again and again slowly at first before he built up his pace, wanting Akira's member to start stroking his prostate.

Akira gasped and groaned at the tightness, letting Kaede control the pace for awhile. His hands reached out to touch Kaede's hips, wanting to steady them and to control - but he stopped himself in time, wanting Kaede to accept this first before he could give Kaede what he needed. He continued to groan in pleasure before suddenly feeling Kaede stiffen, hearing the gasp that came out from the younger boy. Akira knew right there and then that Kaede had stroked his prostate and now, the younger boy was impaling himself on Akira's erection in a feverish pace, not caring at all if he would be hurt later on. Kaede continued to do this despite his wavering stamina. But then he had to pause in a sudden faltering moment as his control was slowly diminishing. Kaede looked up at Akira's eyes and there was some hidden message there. Akira nodded, knowing immediately what it meant.

In Kaede's gaze was that desperation, that need. Akira happily obliged his younger lover and controlled the pace from then on, holding first to Kaede's back as he lowered their joined bodies to the tiled floors. Against the cold tiles, Akira now thrust in a mad pace, knowing this was what Kaede needed. He pulled out almost all the way before plunging his erection right back in, making sure to hit Kaede's prostate every time he did it. He watched from on top of Kaede as the young boy's head thrashed back and forth on the floor, face flushed, eyes sightless and body arching against the tiles. Kaede reached up to hold on to his shoulders, thrusting himself back to meet Akira's erection inside him so that they could meet more intensely, their meeting - erection and prostate - both causing sparks to jolt up through their spines and underneath their eyelids. Gasps and pants as the joining continued, Akira holding on to the slender hips of Kaede and penetrating again and again in deep long strokes.

Kaede, because of the overload of sensations, was coming to an end. He thrust himself back to meet Akira's member one more time before suddenly stilling, the hands holding on to Akira's shoulder dropping limply on the floor, his legs quivering and feeling boneless and his whole body suddenly stopping in all its motions. He ejaculated between their bodies in a rush of semen flying through the air and coating Akira's abdomen and lower chest area, dripping onto his own torso. He let Akira continue to thrust into him, satisfaction on his face.

The older boy smiled once he saw and felt Kaede release on both of them, feeling the sticky hot liquid now on their torsos. He continued going in and out of the younger boy, enjoying the pale body that continued to sheath him. He did not want to let himself go yet, wanting to last as long as possible. He continued his thrusting before suddenly stopping, wanting to do one final thing before letting himself go. This time, it was his own need that needs to be fulfilled. And of course, Kaede was part of it...

Akira pulled away suddenly from the younger boy, confusing Kaede below him. Before Kaede could ask, Akira flipped him over onto his stomach so that he could see himself while Akira was behind him, thrusting into him. Kaede flushed from his position on the floor but before he could really protest, Akira went back immediately to enter Kaede once again, groaning at the tightness of Kaede's ring.

"God... you'll never stop to become tight, don't you..." Akira whispered in a throaty voice, pulling Kaede's hips up and stabbing deep inside as he angled his thrusts to stroke Kaede's spot yet again. He felt the boy shiver and gasp in response and he smiled tiredly, wanting Kaede to come for the second time tonight. The good thing about Kaede was that even if he did not have a stamina so high, he could come again and again. Akira could almost laugh as that was the mark of a woman but would not really say it lest Kaede get mad and never return to him.

Kaede panted as Akira continued pounding in and out of him from the back, feeling extreme pleasure from all this. He liked it this way - hard, rough and next, it was going to be Akira's favourite...

He was going to be demanding...

"Akira..." Kaede gasped, hands wanting to hold on to something. But he could only lay them flat against the tiles as he looked at himself in front of him - his face just above the floor, moving to and fro with the dictation of Akira's thrusts. He saw his body being fucked again and again by the older boy behind him and now he saw clearly what he was...

He was /this/. He was a sinner. And he felt good at it. He wanted this kind of treatment and he was getting it. He wanted to deny it always but now he saw that it could no longer be denied as he watched himself - clearly seeing and hearing himself...

Aroused yet again...

Panting, pliant, moaning, groaning, gasping, desiring so much when Akira pounded into him like this...

Demanding...

"Akira... Harder... Harder..."

He felt the older boy thrust in as deep as he could, as hard as he could and as quick as he could and Kaede knew that this joining would be with blood since he was too demanding tonight...

"Hard...er..."

"Please! Harder!"

Kaede watched the both of them, bodies joined before the mirror, two male bodies, one dominant and the other submissive. He could not deny it any longer. And as their coupling was coming slowly to an end, there was also a part of him that could no longer deny the secret he had always tried to ignore...

Kaede gasped and watched for a few more times before stilling once again, coming for the second time that night, his semen spilling onto the floor. He sighed and melted, feeling boneless as he let Akira continue still to take him...

In his mind, the realizations...

Akira thrust in a few more times before suddenly pausing in his movement, ejaculating inside Kaede again and again in spurts, knowing that he filled the younger boy deeply until his very guts. He held that position as he continued to empty himself before finally allowing himself to pull away from the boy, seeing regretfully his semen coming out with blood mixed with it.

Like ribbons of pink reminding him of strawberry and milk...

But there was nothing innocent about this coupling.

Amidst the sex, blood and male bodies...

Akira kissed Kaede's neck from behind before nuzzling it with a content smile. "Thank you, Kaede. That was a good birthday present..."

Kaede sighed and nudged Akira's head away from his neck, wanting to not be against the cold floor anymore, pressed to it by the heavy body still atop him. Akira nodded and pulled both of them from the floor, the older boy sitting with Kaede nestled between his arms, sitting yet again on his lap. As they sat together in the warm embrace, they saw that they were before the mirror yet again.

Two male bodies entwined, sinners perhaps but lovers as well...

Akira whispered in Kaede ear as they both looked at their naked forms... their eyes...

"This is what we are, Kaede. Accept yourself as I accept myself. Accept that we are this way so the world could accept us too. We may become a nuisance but we are a nuisance they have to live with. We are what we are..."

Kaede could only sigh and nod, leaning back against the broader chest of his older partner. He smiled slightly, startling the older boy. "Happy Valentine's, Akira. Happy Birthday and...

"I'm yours."

***

Two tall boys walked along on the street, the taller of the two placing an arm on the smaller one. Perhaps for the first time ever, there seemed to be joy and contentment in both their gazes. On this Valentine's night, some looked at them weirdly, some with surprise and recognition and some with horror even. All in all, they were not totally accepted. But they were the way they were and no one could change that.

The important thing was for them to accept themselves and accept each other. Because, if not, who will be there to accept them?

They walked on further amidst the cold wind and weather, passing couples like them, and not minding anymore that society may see what they have as a sin. Love was not a sin at all, that's what they liked to believe, and perhaps there was love between them - something desperate and futile and... perhaps, everlasting...

In the end, what really mattered was...

To live this day to its end and be able to wake up tomorrow so they can share each other amongst the two of them - and perhaps, the world too...

In the end...

There was no end...

For life continued...

No End

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