Absently, Rukawa watched as Sendoh arranged the bed, taking away the dark blue comforter, folding it neatly, then placed it on top of a nearby desk. The room had now darkened slightly as afternoon was slowly giving way to night. The lamp in the room was turned on beside the bed as sounds of heavy downpour still emanated from outside. Standing with his naked back leaning against the door of Sendoh's room, Rukawa could not help but shift his gaze, watching through the unbarred window at how harsh wind was making trees sway towards a direction. The wind too was creating a loud sound, howling without mercy. It was sort of surprising to have weather like this today, as if there was a storm. Last night, departing from Tokyo and arriving here in Yokohama, the sky was almost clear. Perhaps there was a typhoon.

A sudden dull sound of something falling on the carpeted floor made him look back inside the room, in time to see Sendoh crouching down to pick up a blank canvas. The older boy touched the rough texture of the canvas and lifted it as he stood, his lips curving up in a sheepishly grin once their eyes met.

"Oops." Sendoh said, standing up straight and moving towards the side of the bed. He placed the blank canvas on the easel that he had set up earlier on with careful movements, making sure to secure it so that it would not move when he began to paint. Paints of a multitude colors and paintbrushes of different tips were already prepared, on a small wooden case located at the bottom of the easel. A stool was already placed before the easel as well. The only thing needed now was for the artist to sit down on the stool and start painting and, most importantly, for the model to finish taking off the rest of his clothes and to position himself on the bed. Sendoh stood before the easel for one moment, then cocked his head to the side as he looked towards his friend's direction. A small smile touched his lips.

"Shall we begin?"

The younger boy unconsciously swallowed before nodding his head. A few minutes had gone by since he had allowed Sendoh the permission to paint him nude and it was about time that he do his part. Although he was feeling rather uneasy about what he was about to do, he knew that as a person, he must fulfill his end of the bargain. And besides, it should not matter if he took his clothes off in front of his friend. Even without any barriers against Sendoh, he somehow knew that it would be okay. He trusted Sendoh. The only thing that was really stopping him was an immense shyness that he could not help but feel. Secret longings that was festering inside him for so long made him nervous, as if what he was doing was forbidden. But... He had to be brave. There was really no room for cowardice, especially now.

Rukawa pushed himself away from the pale wooden door of Sendoh's room, and walked towards the bed that was located in the center of the room, its sheets and two pillows the color of white. Wondering slightly how he should arrange himself on the bed, he took a step. He could feel powerful and fast thudding against his chest, his heart rate high. He took another step, his bare feet feeling the material of the soft rug underneath. The room's air felt rather cold on his bare torso and he somehow knew that once he was naked, the temperature would drop further. He took another step and another and another until his clothed legs came in contact with the side of the bed.

Looking down at the pristine white sheets, he could not help but be reminded of the irony of pure white against the attributes of who he was as a person. Something pure that reminded him of the guilt he felt in his heart - something that told his mind once again, with a certainty he had no power against, that he could never deserve anything again. He reached down with his fingers at the front of his jeans and began to undo the top button. The cold material of the circular button separated from where it was fastened a second ago. Rukawa moved his fingers down to the head of the zipper, pulling it down until the lowest point, his actions emitting a loud zipping sound in the suddenly quiet room. Finally, he hooked his fingers on the top edge of both his jeans and his boxers before beginning to pull down. His face flared slightly as he felt the cold rush of air touching his thighs and private parts. He pulled his remaining clothes down to his knees and carefully stepped off of them, one leg at a time, not wanting to look back to where Sendoh was standing. He gathered both his boxers and pants and walked towards the table where the blue comforter had been placed. The feel of his lean pale thighs brushing against each other felt somehow prickly, as the the cold air rushed to him, almost making him shiver. When he reached the table, his lower clothes were piled with the shirt he had placed there awhile ago, when Sendoh had been preparing his art supplies. Only after that did he pause, with nothing to hold on to and to distract him, as the gravity of the situation dawned on him.

He was standing naked with his back to Sendoh, his older friend seeing all of him. His back was taut, and he felt very nervous as the situation brought about dreaded feelings from his past. A shudder almost ran through his spine as he lowered his gaze, feeling somehow ashamed, the long locks of his bangs covering his eyes. Right at this moment, he could not help but ask himself so many questions. Like why...

Why was he standing here without barriers to the only friend he had in the world? Why did he feel so defenseless as he felt eyes boring into his back, looking at all of him? Why did he easily allow his friend to paint him in this manner - a manner which made him feel cold and alone, as if the world was ready to rip him apart at any moment? Why did he allow himself to display this vulnerability as he was being reminded once more of the past he wanted to escape from? Why?

His fingers curled slowly, turning into fists on his sides, as he felt inner turmoil. He was doing this because...

Because Sendoh asked it of him...

His hands opened, relaxing, as a feeling of warmth almost touched him. He was doing this because he wanted Sendoh to be happy and not bored, as he had claimed earlier on. Taking a deep breath, he let cool air numb his lungs as he stepped forward then slowly pivoted. The view of the window where continuous rain fell in torrents greeted his sight as the rush of loud sounds from the storm began to register once again on his mind. Soon, he was looking at the wall near Sendoh... And then at Sendoh himself...

The older boy was standing tall before his easel, his eyes widened slightly as he could not help but just /focus/ on Rukawa. He was taking in the sight of the slender body, with its lean muscles and thin frame. The fine lines and curves just looked smooth to the touch... The smooth raven hair, striking ice blue eyes and the pale pink flat nubs on the boy's chest were a strong contrast against the creamy complexion. His eyes were wandering to every corner, seeing how proportionate everything looked, slender and even, pale and simply... beautiful...

He could admit to himself that his friend simply looked... perfect...

"What do..." Rukawa spoke, his voice soft in the silence of the room. He suddenly felt embarrassed, wanting to cover his nudity or at least his modesty. His hands opened and closed on his sides as he tried not to blush at Sendoh's examination of him. He tried to speak again, the words almost being swallowed by his nervousness, "How do you want me... on the bed?"

His words broke Sendoh's scrutiny and the older boy cleared his throat, as if caught doing something improper. He lifted his gaze and focused instead on the younger boy's azure gaze, seeing the slight uncertainty there. He quashed down wayward thoughts about his friend as a soft smile touched his lips. "Any way you wish. I... I will be the artist to define you as based on who you are. I can not control the actions you will do upon yourself. I can not manipulate your position as that would go against whatever natural position it is that would define you."

The younger boy looked at Sendoh for one moment, as if trying to decipher the words, then nodded solemnly. He looked sideward to where the bed lay and finally turned towards it, stepping nearer and nearer it. Once he was on the edge, he climbed up and kneeled on the white softness, trying to seek the position that he would feel most comfortable in. Though the situation was less than comfortable already, he knew what Sendoh was talking about. In defining a personal portrait of a person, one must not tamper with what was natural...

Rukawa sat on his thighs, the feeling of flesh against flesh making him shiver slightly. The position was not sufficient for him. He knew that the long amount of time that would be used for painting would cause his knees, thighs and legs to cramp later on if he stayed in the same position for a very long time. He tried leaning forward, lying on his front, trapping his front with his body and the bed. It made him feel safe somewhat as warmth would be there to aid him later on. Lying on his front as he would be looking towards Sendoh's direction would be good... but he could not help but feel that it would not give justice to what his older friend wanted to do. Sendoh wanted to define him... all of him...

He swallowed as his body unconsciously moved on its own accord, one of his sides lifting, until his frontal body was turned towards the older boy, most everything that he normally hid now visible to his friend. A faint flush touched his cheeks as he breathed deeply, warm breath exhaled replaced by cool air. He felt his side, which was pressed against the bed, beginning to warm as the rest of his body was being exposed to the air. He lifted his arms to lay not on his sides but elsewhere so as to add an artistic appeal. The arm that was next to his side which was pressed on the bed crooked on the elbow, as his hand lay palm up next to his silk-like hair. His other arm stretched upwards, towards the pillow he had unconsciously laid upon, elbow crooking as his upper arm pressed against the side of his head and his forearm and hand curled around the white pillow, fingers clutching at the soft top edge. His eyes looked towards Sendoh's direction as the older boy swallowed quietly, forcing himself to move and not stare too much...

Sendoh lowered himself to the stool that was before the blank canvas. The easel was right near the bed, on its side. At the back of him was a white wall where right next to it was the window that showed the dark rainy night. He reached down towards a pencil that was located next to his paintbrushes, his suddenly clumsy hands nearly knocking over the case. His fingers curled around the pencil properly before he lifted that hand towards the blank canvas, letting the lead's tip touch the white surface of the canvas, making a dot that was not yet visible. He looked up once again towards Rukawa's direction and now saw the younger boy's eyes looking towards something to his left so that the blue gaze did not look directly at his own. Sendoh swallowed as he turned back to the canvas, his skilled hand beginning to sketch the shape of his friend's body...

His hand moved slowly at first, drawing the sharp curve of where hips met torso, then gradually increased in speed as he found himself wanting to complete the portrait soon. For awhile, as his quick hand stroked the tip of the pencil on the canvas, creating lines, curves - shading, smudging, erasing and blowing on the dirt from the eraser... For awhile, all that could be heard inside the room, besides the heavy sound of the storm outside, was the sharp sound of pencil and canvas meeting again and again. The sound only stopped once Sendoh was done sketching his younger friend's profile.

And he leaned back to look at it with silence.

Looking back at him was the perfect copy of the boy who lay nude before his eyes. Beauty in black, white and shades of gray. The boy lay on his side, in an artful manner, his hair, for once, not covering his eyes. The pale forehead was smooth as it was bared, thin eyebrows striking against the marble features. The eyes were unhindered by bangs tonight, as they focussed on a part of the room that viewers of the portrait would one day wonder about. The small mouth and its lush lips lay relaxed under the elegant length of the nose. The long swan neck stretched slightly, a part of it shadowed because of the head above it. Slender muscle and smooth skin rippled slightly from where they were stretched, as based on the arms which were positioned carefully at the sides of the boy's head. The chest rose slightly with curves, indention in the middle bathed in shadow and light. Round nubs of nipples were on each chest, its colors contrasting against the white skin. And then there was a slight fall as ribcage and chest gave way to the abdominal area, looking smooth against the glow of the lit electric lamp of the bedroom. The indention that continued from between the chests was even more stark here as its lines reached towards the hollow of the navel. The navel was shaped like a small eye, once a connection to the life giver. And from the abdominal area came the curve of the hips that connected to the waist, where thighs began to connect to the upper body. Between those thighs and hip bones was the triangular hollow that lead towards... something Sendoh did not find the courage to draw out of tastefulness of his preferred art and out of respect for his friend...

Sendoh took a deep breath as he decided that the sketch was good enough. The pencil which he held with his right hand lowered finally, placed back to the case where it was earlier on. His hand then picked up a paint brush, its tip a medium circle as it would be used to color flesh...

"Have you... ever been painted before?" Sendoh asked, finally beginning to initiate a conversation as he looked down towards the sight of his brush dipping on a jar of clear water. He lifted the paintbrush from the jar and let its tip touch the sides of the jar so as to let excess water drip. He retrieved the paintbrush completely from the jar before pointing its wet tip on the palette where the light colors of paint he had squeezed earlier on were at. He let some of the colors of white and pink mix, creating his friend's pale skin tone.

The younger boy's eyes shifted slightly, looking at his eyes as he lifted his gaze. Rukawa blinked his eyes before looking towards the direction he had been looking at earlier on once again. He answered in his soft voice, "...Not really... How about you?"

Sendoh shook his head in negation as he turned towards the canvas, carefully pressing the tip of the paintbrush against the canvas, where he stroked it on the insides of the lines that signified the body. Pale flesh slowly made the sketch alive, making skin appear instead of the former bland grey scale colors. "I paint but others don't paint me... Who knows? Maybe one of the people who claim to be my fans do... though I don't know it..."

"I'm sure there is at least one out there..." Rukawa muttered in response. "You have many fans as you are the best there is in the entire Japan..."

Sendoh looked up in surprise and focussed on his friend. "Perhaps..." he mumbled. He was reminded once again that his friend had given up on the sport that once defined him. Basketball... It was not merely a sport to the younger boy before. It had been his life. To Sendoh, in the past, basketball had not been given much importance to. There were other things in life. Even now, his attention was not mostly concentrated on the sport. Usually, he was tuned to many different things that he hoped would give him a moment of pleasure or, at the least, non-boredom. Although it was not the most important thing to him, he did still give it value... unlike Rukawa...

"Akira..."

Sendoh cocked his head to the side as he saw the younger boy turn his eyes briefly at him, then turn away once again. He blinked his eyes as he could not help but sweep his eyes on his friend's nude form, watching the fine lines and curves that defined his friend. He tried not to think once again of how the sight was almost affecting him, his formerly cold room becoming a bit warmer. He looked immediately down and dipped his paintbrush in the pale flesh color that he had created earlier on before lifting it towards the canvas so as to coat the body of his friend with that color. "What is it, Kaede?"

"I..." the younger boy seemed to hesitate at something, his voice faltering. "I mean... I wanted to ask you why you... Why you wanted to paint me..."

A small smile dawned on Sendoh's lips as he continued to color his sketch with strokes from his brush. "Definition."

"Definition...?" There was slight confusion in the younger boy's voice.

Sendoh nodded as he focussed on the palette once again. Now that he was done coloring the body with the preliminary and base skin tone, he needed highlights - something slightly darker than the tone he had previously used. It was to create the effect of shadows and contours he wanted to highlight, so that the portrait would look three-dimensional. He reached down to mix the pigments of pink-white with pale gray using a scapula then picked his brush once again, coating its tip with the new color.

"Honestly," he began, his voice solemn as the sounds of the storm continued to pound outside. "Honestly, you are a person that I could not figure. Although we've been friends for quite awhile now, I find myself curious, needing to decipher you. Maybe I want to become closer to you. We hang out always and yet... It's as if we're not close enough. I want to know you. This feeling grows stronger everyday... I can't stop it... I don't know why... And now, painting you and your essence... All of you... Seeing everything... If I can define you by means of painting, maybe I can learn more about my friend..." He paused before looking up with honesty. "My best friend."

A small gasp was the immediate response to him as the younger boy turned startled eyes to him. "...Best friend?"

Sendoh shrugged his shoulders, his eyes softening. "Yesterday... Or rather, last night... Remember what I told you?"

Rukawa shook his head, pinpoints of light from the lamp dancing in his eyes. He shivered minimally, an action unseen, as Sendoh's intense gaze was on his, demanding his full attention. He rolled his shoulders slightly, pressing his legs close together, leaving no space in between in his nervousness.

"I said I saw you as a brother." Sendoh said in a gentle voice. "I still see you as one. But brothers can only go so far... Friends are closer. And you're my friend. But as I said, my interest in you becomes stronger everyday... I guess, it's today when I finally realized that the days we've spent together... Just sitting under the trees during our breaks... eating together... just talking about the most mundane things... I guess I realized that I'm always with you and that I enjoy your company... Enough that I think you've become my best friend."

The younger boy could not help but lower his gaze, wanting to retort something that said that he was not worthy of such a thing. But he said nothing as he looked down at the white sheets, at the color that was nearly the same as his skin tone. He took a deep breath, cool air that entered him reminding him of the coldness that was circling around his exposed body - something that reminded him once again of his nudity. His cheeks reddened slightly before he controlled himself, lifting his gaze and looking towards the direction that he had been looking at earlier on. He sought instead to change the subject.

"Akira?"

"Hm?"

From his vantage point, Rukawa could see the older boy working passionately on his art. He could only guess what his friend had placed there - if it was realistic art or if it was a symbol of who he was as a person. After all, Sendoh saw this event they were in as a definition to him. He was aware that the older boy could not truly capture what he was as a person but the effort was truly admirable. He spoke, "You've been painting for a long time now?"

"Since primary school. In art class, most specifically. I found myself easily able to copy the picture of a parrot from a book... How about you, Kaede-kun?"

"My Grandfather..." Rukawa muttered, recalling the old man and wondering briefly how he was doing. His grandfather lived in this city as well, in a large mansion located in the outskirts. Things had not ended well when he decided to leave for America, two years ago. Just like with his old coach Anzai, his teammates and a few other people, things had not ended well. Back then, he just wanted to leave and reach his dreams, and perhaps get a glimpse of the father he had never met before... But all his efforts in the said country had been in vain. Instead of gaining something, he'd lost so much... Rukawa held his breath, quickly quashing down memories lest he lose face in front of his friend. He spoke instead, answering Sendoh's question, "He was an exceptional painter although he only painted as a hobby. I borrowed his materials sometimes so I could paint. It helps me to forget... and uh... never mind..."

Sendoh looked up and gazed at his friend for one moment, curious. In his mind, he wondered... Was it because of the boy's murdered mother? What was the story behind her horrifying death anyway? He wondered briefly in his mind about it before letting it go. If Rukawa wanted to tell him anything, he would feel honored. But he would not push his friend into telling him anything that made him feel uncomfortable. He turned his gaze down on the many colors of paint once more, moving his hand to dip his paintbrush on the now-murky water on the glass.

"You're probably wondering why I wanted to draw you nude, aren't you?" Sendoh asked as he looked at the canvas and tried to continue highlighting the indention between Rukawa's chest in his painting. Tip of the paintbrush touched the surface of the canvas as colors continued to create the picture of his friend. He did not look up to see Rukawa's reaction so he did not get to witness the nod of the boy, only hear his words.

"I am... yes... Why did you want to paint me... in this way?" Rukawa asked in a soft voice, shifting slightly against the white sheets, feeling its material brushing against the warm side of his rather sensitive body. The sheets felt smooth against his skin.

"It's because they said that to know someone, you have to look at /all of them/. I don't mean in nudity but from what I'm doing now, it's part of it. I mean in art. Do you not see another person through art? Like in stories and poetry, you understand a person through how he is described. I guess, in some way, to paint you is for me to describe you, as I said earlier on. Sounds a bit crazy, I know."

Rukawa shook his head in immediate negation. "Not at all. I do understand."

A small grin touched Sendoh's lips as he continued to paint his friend. "By the way, I don't do this just with anyone - nude paintings, I mean," he added hastily, as if to clarify something. "You're the first male I'm doing. Well, except my friend's cat who had been a male but he wasn't a human so that doesn't count."

Sendoh realized he was rambling and felt sheepish. Lifting his gaze slightly, looking above the canvas, he saw Rukawa smiling very slightly in amusement. He felt the corners of his lips tugging up in a true smile as well. He truly loved it when his friend smiled. In the painting he was doing now, maybe he should place a smile on the boy's lips. Maybe... but then, maybe not. After all, what was Rukawa's true essence? Was it not something dark and mysterious, something he had yet to understand? That was the reason why he was doing what he was doing right now. He wanted and needed to decipher who Rukawa Kaede truly was.

"You should do that more often," Sendoh could not help but say as his eyes lowered towards the canvas once again.

"Do what?" Rukawa queried as he continued looking blankly at the wall at the left of Sendoh.

"Smile. It suits you."

Rukawa blinked his eyes once, the corners of his lips frowning slightly in incomprehension. Smile, Sendoh had just said... He had learned how to smile in America. But over time, he had forgotten about it. He sighed softly as he felt himself shivering, the cold air continuing to chill his naked body. He moved to close his legs tightly together once more, shoulders moving slightly forward as if to quell the temperature from affecting him. It didn't really work.

Sendoh heard the faint shuffling of cloth and could not help but look up, above the white canvas. His eyes met the sight of his friend lying on his side on the bed, the curves of his body stark as caused by the shadows and light. The singular electric lamp behind Rukawa cast shadows on his naked body. Rukawa's long body was stretched out across the expanse of the bed, shadows making many areas look angular. Rukawa had his arms stretched out above his head and his glass blue eyes were looking blankly at a point on Sendoh's left. Sendoh felt his breath getting stuck on his chest. By now, he could feel sweat protruding on the sides of his forehead. His bare feet curled into balls against the rug. He bit his lips as he forced himself to look at the bottom of the easel, picking a new paint brush and feeling its slender wooden texture. He dipped the bristles of its brush on a glass of clean water. His hand was almost shivering slightly - but not from cold. He could just feel something stirring on his lower abdomen - a feeling of a tingle between his legs. Sendoh gritted his teeth as he chanted a mantra in his mind while mixing the pigments of pale pink and white together, trying to create the color of Rukawa's skin tone.

<I see him as a brother, as a friend... I can't react like this! I see him as a brother, as a...>

He continued to chant this mantra in his thoughts as he continued to paint his friend.

Meanwhile, Rukawa, who was lying on his side on the bed, could not help but feel embarrassed at the situation. It was not that he was not used to being naked before a man. In his... former sport... taking off your clothes before another man was unavoidable. But no one looked at you with scrutiny during those times. Right now, it seemed so personal, as if Sendoh was crawling inside his skin, deciphering him in all the vulnerable places possible. It was, as if, he was at Sendoh's mercy, without anything to protect himself with. It was as if Sendoh had him nailed to a spot, as if he was a pinned butterfly...

Rukawa's swallowed, feeling nervousness seep into him once more. He vainly wished that Sendoh would paint a bit more quickly so he could wear clothes and feel safe once again. At the moment, he felt cold and... He wondered what time it was. Casting his gaze towards the window at Sendoh's right, he saw that night had completely fallen as storm continued to ravage Yokohama. He closed his eyes briefly as he tried to sense his surroundings.

At the moment, he felt cold and very uneasy. Also, he could hear the intense sound of huge rain drops pattering against the roof of the house. He could see darkness as his eyes were closed. He could smell the scent of paint and his own scent, cherry shampoo and soap mingling. He could also smell... Sendoh's scent. He was in Sendoh's bed, which he had shared with the older boy just last night...

He opened his eyes.

And was surprised to see that Sendoh was right before the bed, looking down with gentleness at him. He involuntarily swallowed at their extreme proximity, feeling very uncomfortable.

Sendoh tilted his head to the side before leaning down towards his friend, blue gaze kind as he looked on with concern at the boy. "You were shivering... Are you cold?" A palm rose from his side and moved closer to his friend, reaching out to touch a cold cheek. He touched the soft skin, silently marveling once more at how gentle it was to the touch. "You are... I'm sorry. I didn't realize that the room was cold. I'm wearing a long sleeves and I just asked you to... I'm sorry."

Not quite sure how to respond, Rukawa was quiet as he looked up at his older friend, feeling the slightly callused hand caressing against his cheek. He felt himself leaning slightly to the touch and he could not help but close his eyes, the cold surroundings almost disappearing as one connection of human touch soothed something in his soul. It was so rare when he felt something like this. It made a part of him surrender to the contentment of the moment.

The older boy smiled softly as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed, the mattress shifting and indenting when his weight settled on it. He found himself drawn to his friend, like a moth to the flame as he noticed once again noticed something significant about him.

Rukawa... was such an attractive person...

He could not help but be affected. He could not help but want to... To... feel the smoothness of the exposed body... To let his hands wander...

Sendoh held a breath, vainly controlling himself as he tried not to look downward. He knew it was not a proper thing to do nor to even think about. Sendoh chided himself and gritted his teeth before settling his gaze once more on the younger boy. Rukawa's eyes were closed as if he was sleeping, looking, for once, relaxed and peaceful. It was a look he liked. Sendoh moved his hand from Rukawa's cheek towards the soft hair that had been resting backwards, revealing the smooth forehead. He let the raven hair caress his fingers as he moved them through the black silk threads. It felt so soft to touch, like the fur of a cat. He could just move his fingers through his friend's hair again and again. Sendoh's eyes softened considerably as he ran the pads of his fingers through his friend's scalp again and again, as if by that action, he could soothe the internally-wounded boy.

Finally, because of his coaxing, the said boy opened his azure gaze and looked up at him. It was at that moment that Rukawa could not stop himself from asking in a whisper, "Why are you so nice to me?"

But the said whisper was unheard as Sendoh continued to look at him with gentle eyes. "What was that, Kaede?"

The younger boy looked up at his friend for a moment before shaking his head slightly. "Nothing... It was nothing..."

Sendoh wondered about that for a moment before letting his hand wander unconsciously, moving from the younger boy's hair towards the nape at the back, feeling the fine hair there. His fingers slowly trailed down the smooth back of his friend, feeling the spine... when it suddenly stopped. Sendoh's eyes widened as he realized what he was doing. He lowered his eyes in shame as he whispered an apology, "Sorry."

His hand left the boy's back as he placed them instead on his lap. He sat stiffly, suddenly feeling uneasy as he realized that he was sitting before a naked boy who had his very attractive body stretched out before him. He bit his lips as he swallowed, his adam's apple moving up and down in reaction.

Rukawa, meanwhile, pulled his arms from where they lay beside his head, returning them on his sides. He pushed himself slowly from the bed, arms supporting him on his back as he sat up. His eyes were looking faraway, at a point on the wall that signified nothing. His knees crooked before him as he pulled his legs and thighs towards his chest, covering his modesty. One arm wrapped around his knees as the other rested on top of them. He leaned his chin on the top of his knees as cold air rushed to him once again. He really felt cold at the moment. He wondered if Sendoh was not yet done with his painting.

"Kaede?" Sendoh's words broke through his blank thoughts.

Rukawa blinked his eyes and turned them towards Sendoh's, inquiry in his gaze. "Yes?"

Sendoh cleared his throat. "Uh... I was just curious about something..."

"What is it?" Rukawa asked, head tilting slightly to the side.

"I'm... I mean... I've known you for a few weeks, I know. Just a few weeks. But I feel as if I've known you a long time. I know it sounds stupid..."

"It's not."

Sendoh lifted his gaze immediately at that, his eyes boring into Rukawa's.

Rukawa shook his head in negation, as he explained. "Your opinions matter, whether you think so or not..."

"Why?" Sendoh was truly curious.

"Because..." Rukawa muttered before shrugging and lowering his eyes. "They're yours."

His eyes blinked before a small smile touched his lips. "Thank you. No one had ever said that to me before. Not really..."

"What do you mean?"

Sendoh breathed deeply as he tried to explain himself. "I guess I should tell you... My family situation isn't really ideal. You already know that my dad's a traveling business man. Well, he barely comes home. I barely know him, really..." He shrugged. "But that's okay... I guess I'm used to it. Anyway... my parents' relationship is strained - always had been. Starting junior high, Uncle Taka - the man you met just last night - had sort of adopted me. From then on, I started to go to school in Tokyo. He was my family. He was nice. Like the father I never really had. Only in high school did I go back to Kanagawa... Coach Taoka had invited me to study in Ryonan. He had discovered my potential in basketball and asked me to join the team... So I did..."

When he turned towards Rukawa's direction, he saw a slight movement by the boy as if he was physically struck by something. Sendoh wondered about that movement, feeling a bit worried.

"It must be nice..." Rukawa muttered, unable to stop the bitter sadness that he felt as he held himself more tightly, burying the lower portion of his face on his knees. "For someone to want you..."

But as usual, Sendoh could not hear his voice. It was too silent...

Sendoh lifted a hand towards Rukawa's knees and placed it there, right before the boy's face. This time, his younger friend could not help but look at him in question. Sendoh took that time to place a palm against Rukawa's forehead, pushing it back so that he could see his friend more clearly. And then he neared the boy, shifting closer, his other hand lifting as he stretched both his arms. He placed his arms around the younger boy's shoulders and pulled him to the circle of his arms. Rukawa, in turn, had no choice but to sit on his legs as his torso was pressed against Sendoh's clothed one. Sendoh buried a hand in Rukawa's hair as he pulled the boy's head gently to rest against his shoulder. Rukawa's body was cold... Sendoh tightened his hug, his arms wrapping around his friend's back securely, as if he did not want to let him go. It felt warm to be this close to someone. Especially on this cold night, it felt so good... so safe...

"Please tell me," Sendoh whispered against Rukawa's ear which was next to his lips. "Please tell me about it. Even just a little... I'm not going to judge you or say anything... Just tell me... Please tell me about America..."

"Akira..." Rukawa muttered, something in his chest twisting like a knife plunged into him. He shook his head, not wanting to say anything. He could not bear to tell anyone, not Sendoh of all people. How could he? If he did... No, he couldn't tell Sendoh...

Sendoh sighed against Rukawa's ear before moving his head upwards. He pressed his lips on top of the boy's head and kissed his soft hair without thought, the action so natural as if they were close brothers.

A sigh escaped the younger boy's lips upon feeling that action, bitter thoughts entering his mind immediately, to mock him once again. It made him recall that he could never deserve his friend's kindness. It made him want to run away so that Sendoh could bestow his attentions to someone else... someone pure...

Rukawa's eyelids slid close, his view of the lit room turning into darkness. He shifted from Sendoh's embrace as he lifted his hands to touch the older boy's hands. He pulled those hands away from his body and placed them on the surface of the soft bed. He pulled away from Sendoh's embrace and sat up straight before opening his eyes once again. His sapphire gaze looked towards the direction of his clothes, located on the table near the bed as he tried to ignore his nakedness and the fact that Sendoh was so near to him. First things first...

"Are you... done painting?" he inquired, hands shifting on his sides.

Sendoh, who sat on the bed, and was now looking at the back of Rukawa's head, blinked his eyes before nodding. "Yes... You could dress now... You felt so cold..."

Rukawa nodded his head wordlessly before stretching his legs to the edge of the bed then rising, the rush of air towards him making him cringe silently at the temperature. He walked towards the table near the bed, feeling eyes boring into his naked back. He picked up his boxers, its black cotton texture soft to the touch. He leaned down slightly to wear it one leg at a time before pulling it up to cover himself. Its soft fabric made him a bit more secure. Rukawa looked towards his other clothes before a sudden shuffling sound from behind was heard by his ears. He turned his head towards the direction of the sound in time to see Sendoh standing from the bed and moving towards his closet on the opposite side of the room.

The older boy opened the closet and retrieved something from inside it before closing it once again with a click. When Sendoh turned to him, the older boy's hands were holding on to a white sweater with the kanji of Ryonan embroidered in blue thread on the front. He walked towards Rukawa, the rug underneath absorbing his footsteps so there was barely any sound. When he was right before the younger boy, he held the sweater to him. "You feel cold. Wear this."

"Thank you." Rukawa nodded his head before receiving the sweater with gratitude. He looked absently at the blue kanji of Ryonan in front of the white sweater before pulling it over his head, the material of it rich against his bare skin. He slipped his arms in its sleeves and when he popped his head out of the collar, he saw Sendoh grinning at him. He could not help but feel warmth suddenly at the sight of the older boy looking at him that way, as if they were truly... best friends...

He had never had a best friend before...

Sendoh reached out a hand with a grin and touched Rukawa's cheek before pinching it. "You're so cute."

He winked and laughed softly before leaving the startled boy, moving to sit on the bed and beginning to unbuckle his belt. Once he unfastened the leather belt, he unbuttoned his jeans then pushed it down past his hips, knees and ankles, slowly revealing lean muscles. He folded it neatly before rising and moving across the room, towards his hamper which was placed next to the door to his bathroom. He lifted its cover and placed the jeans inside, reminding himself internally to wash his clothes before they left for Tokyo once again. After he closed the hamper without sound, he moved his fingers to the top front of his shirt, fingering the top button. He began to unbutton his shirt, fingers deft and precise, until the shirt fell open in front. He moved his hands to the collar of the shirt that was pressing against his neck and began to pull them down from his shoulders until he had completely removed the shirt. He placed it too on his hamper, opening its top and dumping the article of clothing on top of his jeans. After that, he moved towards his closet once more, retrieving a simple navy blue sweater and pulling it on like Rukawa did. Once done, he moved towards the bed, pausing only once he saw Rukawa looking at him. He smiled as he began to move towards the boy instead, feeling an indescribable amount of joy bubbling in his chest at just seeing his friend there.

"Kaede," he whispered once they were standing before each other, Sendoh towering over Rukawa with his three inch advantage over him. Rukawa looked up at him in question, saying nothing. But Sendoh said nothing more as a sudden naughty moment occurred, his hands lifting from his sides and quickly darting forward. His quick fingers grabbed on to the younger boy's sweater and then pulled the boy towards the bed. He pushed Rukawa down on the bed with force, immediately lying on top of him. He grinned as he looked down towards his friend's startled face.

"What are you doing, Akira?" Rukawa asked, finding this situation very familiar. Sendoh seemed to like to do this to him, joking with him so easily. He just did so earlier in the afternoon. He glared half-heartedly at the older boy.

But Sendoh paid him no heed as he raised two index fingers in the air immediately, grinning, then suddenly swooped down to poke Rukawa's sides, tickling the boy mercilessly. "And Sendoh Akira will get Rukawa Kaede to laugh tonight, ladies and gentlemen because he's getting tired of seeing his best friend always looking sad and distant!"

"Akira!" Rukawa gasped, feeling the tips of Sendoh's fingers brushing against his sides, making him squirm beneath the older boy. A part of him was feeling as if he was being tortured as mirth threatened to escape from his lips. Sendoh's invading fingers were continuously tickling him, the touches making his reflexes work overtime. He tried to push Sendoh away or at least tickle back in response but Sendoh was alert and quick in his movements to avoid Rukawa's counters, all his fingers now working to tickle his friend's sides and belly as well. Rukawa writhed, legs kicking out from Sendoh's sides, arms pushing against his friend's shoulders in desperate attempts to get the older boy to stop tickling him.

"It's coming, folks! Rukawa Kaede is opening his lips! Oh, is that to shout, 'Stop, Akira!', or is it to finally give us what we've all been waiting for? Will he laugh, ladies and gentlemen?!?"

"Akir..." But Rukawa could not hold himself any longer as his quick breaths gave way to the laughter that had built up in his chest. Mirth spilled forth from his lips, rare laughter that he had not experienced so vividly and so intensely before. Laughter bubbled from him in the midst of his gasps as he shook his head to and fro, his hands moving to hold on to Sendoh's forearms as he tried to get his older friend to stop. "Akira... St... Stop!" But laughter continued in torrents, unable to be stopped. His slightly parted lips gasped and laughed, unable to be controlled because of the high amount of stimulus that he could not stop.

Sendoh grinned widely as he heard his friend laugh for the first time, the action making Rukawa's chest move up and down. He felt Rukawa's hands close around his forearms more tightly by the second and he grinned, one hand continuing to poke the boy's side. His other hand was pressed against Rukawa's belly, shifting up and down, squeezing the flesh under the sweater once in awhile. He tickled his friend for a few minutes more and only stopped when he heard Rukawa breathing hard, unable to laugh any longer. He paused his tickling, hands both pressed on Rukawa's waist underneath the sweater, and looked down at his friend, a genuine smile on his lips. Rukawa, below him, was still breathing deeply, trying to recover from the strenuous laughter he had just done. Sendoh snorted in amusement before shifting his body to the side, his hands on the younger boy's waist moving his friend concurrently to his own movement. Their bodies shifted so they both lay on their sides, facing each other. That done, he lifted his head from the bed and placed a hand underneath it. Resting his chin on his palm, his eyes watched his friend in silence.

Resting his own head on a soft pillow, Rukawa glared at him.

Sendoh pressed his lips against his hand, laughing softly in amusement. "You're so cute when you laugh, Kaede-kun..."

"It's not funny." Rukawa frowned, resting his head on the pillow for one more moment before shifting his body to the side so that he lay on his back once again. His eyes looked up at the white ceiling as he took a deep breath. Now, after laughing so hard, he did not feel so cold anymore. Laughing had been tiring but oddly fulfilling... in some way... He did not really understand.

Had Sendoh known what he had been thinking? In some way, the laughter had improved his mood. In some way... he almost liked the feeling it gave him...

Enough to say something about what Sendoh had been asking earlier on...

It was as if the light mood had made the ache in his heart considerably lighter - enough to reveal something...

Once the laughter died down and silence reigned on the room, Rukawa decided that he owed Sendoh some amount of truth as they were supposed to be best friends now. He moved his body sideward, away from Sendoh, until he was looking towards the other side of the room. Facing away from Sendoh, it seemed easier to talk. That way, he didn't have to face the reality in the older boy's eyes.

"I..." he whispered. He cleared his throat and tried to make his voice increase in volume. "I mean... You wanted to ask something from me earlier on... right? About America..."

The smile upon Sendoh's lips immediately faded as he nodded solemnly, action unseen by his younger friend. "If only you want to tell me though..."

Rukawa sighed softly as he leaned his head on the pillow underneath him. A sudden memory struck his mind, one that involved the sound of the subway as he waited for the train that would lead him to his high school. Sometimes, he didn't have to ride a train...

"I..." Rukawa muttered, an arm lifting from his side and moving to support his head over the pillow. "I don't know... what to tell you... What do you want to know?"

"Anything you will allow me to know."

Inwardly, Rukawa sighed, feeling unhappiness welling deep inside him, unseen by no one but himself. It grieved him silently that he had to speak about his past but there was the unmistakable feeling of /wanting/ to reveal. Sendoh was his friend, that he now knew. Somehow, knowing that there would be one person who would actually... No, best not to rely on people. Although Sendoh was his friend, he felt very uneasy to reveal all that had occurred. If Sendoh asked it of him one day... about /him/... He knew he would tell Sendoh. He knew now that he could barely deny Sendoh anything...

For now though...

"If you... If you wish to know about something... Please just ask questions..." It would be easier that way - and safer. He did want to reveal anything prematurely... Fear clouded his heart over Sendoh's would-be reaction.

The older boy looked at the nape of his friend, watching the fall of soft hairs touching the slender pale neck. He could just recall seeing Rukawa for the first time in two years again, sitting there underneath falling flowers. How the boy looked so lonely... How, every time he saw Rukawa, the boy could not seem to stop his ache. It made him want to walk forward amidst others who only passed by the boy, towards Rukawa, hands reaching forward to touch with kindness...

"Kaede-kun, why?" His voice was soft but sure, as his need to know grew more intense each day that they spent together. Now, even as they lay together, he wanted to reach out and bring them closer to each other. His eyes could clearly see the small space that separated them. He wanted nothing more than to close the distance and to bathe the gray shadows with bright light. "Why do you run away? I know... I'm aware I don't know you that well... Back then, two years ago, do you still remember? We were barely even friends. I spoke with you and we conversed. We liked to play with each other... I felt so happy when we played... I don't know why I felt that way... Back then, I was already looking at you. Back then, you were determined and driven. You stopped at nothing to reach your dreams... so admirable... But now..."

Absently, with heartache, Rukawa looked forward, into the white wall that was lit by the electric lamp's glow. He felt his fingers underneath his hair opening and closing, clutching on to the pillow he laid on. Bitterness choked his heart as he asked softly, "Do you see me as a coward? As I run away from what had once defined me?"

"I don't - !"

But Rukawa did not let Sendoh continue as he continued speaking in his soft voice, "Maybe I am. I claim... to hate a sport that had once consumed me so much. For so many years, it was the only thing that I thought of... the only thing that... Never mind... But it had been important... And now, I claim to hate it... I suppose... I suppose it sounds so wrong. Basketball doesn't think or doesn't act... It's just a sport... An innocent sport..."

"Kaede-kun..." Sendoh whispered, unable to say anything to counter those words because they were, sadly, the truth. It reminded him of the honest and frank words he had told Rukawa after they had played their first one-on-one outside from their teams. He had told the boy that Rukawa could never beat him because of a flaw in how he played. It had been brutal to say the truth to Rukawa but in the end, he had helped the boy to improve not only as a player but as a person as well. From then on, Rukawa began to understand things... Sendoh could still recall the rush of yesteryear when he had been sitting at home, watching the IH games being broadcasted on a local channel. It had been Sannoh versus Shohoku. Rukawa had been playing so hard... He'd been so proud of him back then...

And then, when Rukawa suddenly did the action that had once stifled him as a player... When Rukawa passed the ball for the first time to Akagi so that the tall center could score two points... A small smile had touched Sendoh's lips. Because he, unlike all the stunned people who tuned in to that match - unlike Rukawa's teammates, the spectators, the other players, the commentators... He alone knew why Rukawa changed. In a way, it was because of him. And back then, it made him feel special. Rukawa had listened to him...

Rukawa continued to speak, "I sound like a hypocrite... don't I? Maybe I am... But I..."

"Kaede... do you feel it sometimes?" Sendoh muttered, breaking through the younger boy's words and thoughts. "When you feel the urge to do what your body was used to? To step inside a court, whether there are large crowds that surround you or there is no one but yourself... To touch the rough rubber under your hand and to hear the sound of the ball being dribbled? Don't you miss it sometimes?"

"I..." Rukawa unconsciously shut his eyes tight. He could see it once more. He could see himself in the gym of his school in America...

He was dribbling a basketball, eyes looking intensely at another player's. When he had been new in America, he had been so driven and determined. But the hunger gradually decreased. Now that he thought about it, it seemed so surreal. Basketball had always been a part of him. But in America, the place where he wanted his dreams to be fulfilled, something began to eat him, to stop him, to stifle him from what he had once felt so passionate about...

Someone...

Rukawa gritted his teeth as his back stiffened. He recalled people and their faces flashing on his mind. He could still recall them... and him... How it all ended in tragedy... because of him...

A deep but silent sigh escaped his lips as he opened his eyes and looked blearily at the opposite wall. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry for being this way... but I can't help who I am..."

"You were always misunderstood, weren't you?"

The precise words pierced through Rukawa and made his eyes widen slightly in shock.

"I know this... I know... They talk about you and I listen. Unreachable, untouchable, loner, weird... Quiet, anti-social, arrogant, single-minded... So many horrid things about you... Not all of them were true..." Sendoh reached out with one hand, across the space that separated the two of them. His fingers absently touched the hairs at the back of Rukawa's nape, caressing flesh and hair with a gentle touch. "I know who you are. They all don't..."

Rukawa sighed, feeling internally consumed. The touch on his nape made a part of him tingle with emotion, something he could identify. It brought about an emotion he was used to feeling.

"Why did you return? I would have been happy to not hear from you for a long time if you were doing well there... But now that you're back... Why? Why are you back?"

"Because... Because of... some..." A deep breath escaped Rukawa's lips as he felt the stress of the situation. But the moment that was silently intense made him realize something. He now knew that he must at least... justify himself. He had to. Sendoh had a right to know why he was here. Because they were... friends... And if Sendoh did not want to be his friend after he revealed himself, then that was okay. He knew in his heart that he didn't really deserve Sendoh's friendship anyway... He never did...

"Akira... I..." Absently, he pulled his hand free from under his head. His other hand moved in front of his face. He looked at both hands, pale and slender, but guilty. His hands... The hands that he had once been stained with blood... How could he ever use it to do something so pure? He didn't want to corrupt anything with who he was... He really didn't...

"Never mind..." Sendoh broke through his thoughts, his deep voice calming a part of him. "It's okay... You don't have to tell me... It's okay. I'm just demanding sometimes. I'm sorry if I caused you pain or anything... I didn't mean to... I was just curious about you, is all."

"No, I'm sorry... I could just tell you but I..." But the truth was, he was afraid. Afraid of losing the only person who was his friend... The only person close to him. Rukawa had so many dark secrets. So many afflictions. If he had been stronger than he was today, he should not have let Sendoh in his life in the first place. He should not have involved /anyone/ in his life... It had been selfish of him to involve a nice person such as Sendoh in his life... Was it too late to turn back?

"Let's talk about something else. Anything else. I'm really sorry for pushing you like that, Kaede-kun..."

"It's okay... It's just me... I should be the one apologizing..."

"No..."

"Akira..."

Finally, Sendoh smiled softly as his hand resumed to touch the boy's nape, fingers running through the soft black hairs. "Tell me instead of your lover. I... I hope you don't mind but I'm curious about him..."

This time, Rukawa stiffened, his actions felt by his older friend.

"Ended badly, huh? Who was he anyway? Was he from Japan or America? How did he look like?"

"He was... uh..." Rukawa muttered, feeling suddenly numb because of the questions that were being asked of him. It did not really hurt, he knew, to answer. It was just descriptions. And besides... That person was no longer around to haunt him... only in his dreams would he be there...

"Hope you don't mind my questions." Sendoh said, a small grin upon his lips. "Just wondering, that's all..."

"Uh... yeah... He was an American... Caucasian... Much taller than me and wider... He was in my team in Chicago..." Numbness enveloped him like pinpoints of sharp and cold ice as he answered, a part of him avoiding something. He wanted nothing more than to go to the bathroom and swallow a tablet or two of Lithium, the drug prescribed to him after his mother had died many years ago. It alleviated him from severe depression. Sometimes, it just got too much for him... Sometimes...

"Really?" Sendoh asked, now recalling the tape he had watched. Aida Hikoichi had brought the tapes to him after he'd asked for them. The tapes involved Rukawa playing basketball in Japan and in America. One tape had brought tears to his eyes - when his friend had been a child... When that child failed to bring victory to his team after so many had expected the young boy to do a miracle. The intense pressure... And then Sendoh recalled the success of Rukawa in America - how he was so good in defending, passing and shooting... Who could be Rukawa's lover in that team?

"Kaede... I hope you don't mind me asking but... Can I ask you another question?"

"...What is it?"

Curiosity danced in Sendoh's eyes as he absently looked down at the bed, at the white sheets. He reached down at the sheets and pulled it free from under him. Using both hands, he draped the sheets above him and Rukawa. It felt better when it covered him. The coldness was not felt so vividly.

Finally, he asked in an almost whisper, "Did you love him?"

Sendoh looked towards the direction of Rukawa's head, watching the stillness. No sound came from the boy but the occasional exhaling of soft breaths. From Sendoh's point of view, all he could see was Rukawa's back rising and falling as if the boy had fallen asleep. He waited for a minute more - maybe two - for any answer to be responded. But no answer came... It seemed as if Rukawa had fallen asleep.

Sighing softly, Sendoh turned on his side and lay on his back, looking up at the lit white ceiling. Why was he so interested, he wondered. Why all these questions that tried to pry Rukawa open so that he could see all of who the boy was? Why did he just paint his friend nude and sought to define the boy in terms of art? Why did he look at Rukawa as if he was not a boy but... No, better not get to that.

But still...

It truly made him wonder why he was so interested in the boy...

Sendoh threw his head back against the pillow he laid on and felt exhausted at his thoughts. They were tiring to think about. Why was he even thinking them anyway? He knew only one thing. Rukawa was special to him. Whether it was as a brother or a friend... or best friend... It did not matter. The important thing was that...

Absently, he moved his hand to the side, towards the bedside table where the lamp was at. He turned it off with a click until the light turned to darkness. The sound of rain was still loud, heavy downpour continuing. It made him wonder when it would stop. Sendoh turned on his side once more, facing Rukawa's back. And, in tentative movements, he inched forward, closer and closer to the boy. And with gentle movements, he reached forward with one arm, placing it under Rukawa's head. His other hand reached to circle around Rukawa's waist securely. His frontal body slowly spooned Rukawa from behind as he felt warmth being exchanged through their clothes and their bare legs. Sendoh pressed his nose to Rukawa's hair, inhaling the sweet scent of cherries. And he closed his eyes, breath evening as he relaxed himself for sleep.

The important thing was that it felt right...

As Sendoh drifted off to sleep, Rukawa, who had been looking forward all this time, finally exhaled a breath, feeling the warm arms around his form. He knew he could never truly deserve this... He could never deserve anything...

But for some reason, he could not stop his selfish wish for tonight as he closed his eyes and began to breathe evenly...

The wish for safety fulfilled in the circle of Sendoh's embrace...

to be continued...