I have found some funny suggestions for all of you campers or wannabe campers.Remember we have to laugh at ourselves.That is sometimes all that helps get us through the day.All the jokes on my pages are meant in good,clean fun and in no way is meant to offend anyone.
When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire.
When smoking a fish, never inhale.
A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm.
A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
You'll never be awakened by the call of a loon if you have an unlisted number.
The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
Acupuncture was invented by a camper who found a porcupine in his sleeping bag.
While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour.
Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.
Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass.
You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.
The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat, should never be confused with a gnu paddle, a similar device used by Tibetan veterinarians.
When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
You can compress the diameter of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.
Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping.
Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish.
A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.
In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.
A large carp can be used for a pillow.
Check the washing instructions before purchasing any apparel to be worn camping.
Buy only those that read "Beat on a rock in stream."
The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations.
The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.
Effective January 1, 1997, you will actually have to enlist in the Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.
Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country.
The tricky part is getting them on the bears.
A great deal of hostility can be released by using newspaper photos of politicians for toilet paper.
Hope you got a few chuckles out of these.
Now for some serious hints which I find invaluable.
Here are 2 very real hints which we use throughout the year to get ready for camping season.
Take an empty tube from a paper towel holder,roll newspapers up inside ot it.This makes for a great firestarter.No more worries about finding that terrible wet wood.
Take an empty 2 liter bottle of soft drink,fill it with water.Put it in your freezer.When ready to go camping put it in your cooler.This really helps to keep things cold.Saves on running to the camp store to buy bags of ice.
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