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Why I Think Fictional Villains Get a Raw Deal
Let's see. In fiction, unlike in 'real life', my heart goes out to villains and bad guys. I mean, they spend their whole lives scheming away, putting their life and soul into being thoroughly nasty and making everyone else's life a misery. They plot. They form intricate little plans, devilish in their cunning. They are slaves to their goals, sacrificing all chances of personal happiness and enlightenment, severing all links with anyone for whom they feel affection so that they can afford to be ruthless. They get really good at what they do, defeating all pretenders to their crowns. They wait years, decades, even centuries, slowly beating a path towards the goal in subtle, mysterious and secret ways. And then, just as they are on the brink of achieving all the power, money, immortality etc that they ever dreamed of, their hopes are dashed, their plans destroyed and lifetimes of hard work are wasted at a single blow. And by who? An equal: intelligent, hardworking and concientious? Someone who has spent years trying to turn back the forces of evil? Someone who knows or cares what they are fighting for? No. Not a chance. By a half-assed, half-witted screwball chosen about two weeks previously either totally at random, by being in the right place at the right time, or by dint of some long dead ancestor whose blood is now diluted so much that they are now barely related. Rarely is the hero chosen because of his her own merits - they often have none. Neither do they do any work themselves. The wizards, watchers, boffins or trusty friends do all the research, hard work, feats of logic and accumulation of artifacts, and all the heroes have to do is hold the key, say the words or swing the sword. They don't even care about what they're fighting for - usually the quest/cause/reason is explained to them around thirty seconds before the final showdown. Sometimes they don't even care about saving the world or whatever and refuse to do anything to save the history of mankind right up until the final minutes (extra time, if you will) when all else has failed and it's obvious that the universe will end unless they get off their arses right now and do what they were meant to do six weeks ago. At least the villains are interested in the cause, or they wouldn't devote their whole lives to achieving/attaining/destroying it.
What makes it worse, of course, is that the villains generally have a good psychological reason for their actions: abuse, neglect or torment as a child; complete failure at something they wished to do; peer pressure; being despised for being different or for something which they had no control over; a genuine desire for quality childrens programming. Maybe the reasons don't quite justify the deeds, but they make them understandable. But do the villains get offered a good psychiatrist or even a self help book once they are apprehended? Do they heck. They are killed, imprisoned, banished to the dungeon dimensions to rot in torment for all eternity. It's so unfair.
Bob: see character analysis
Steerpike (Gormenghast): neglected and despised during youth; plotted for years; never made a single mistake; acceded almost to the pinnacle of power; horribly disfigured; defeated by Titus, a man with less nounce and sense of self-preservation than a soft-boiled egg.
Cain: grew vegetables instead of hunting; was turned away by God; killed his self-satisfied, over-privileged brother; condemned to live forever in hatred and loathing.
A Vampire Guy I Once Saw on Digimon: put years of effort into corrupting digimon; during final showdown beats eight 'good guys' with his skill and cunning; is killed after being defeated once by one 'hero' who is fresh, happy and not hampered by already having fought eight battles.
Dick Dastardly and Muttley (Wacky Races):compete in every race; get within two hundred metres of winning every time through their well thought up schemes; get a little over enthusiastic and set one last trap; beaten by a small problem in the trap every time, often by idiots like Penelope pitstop; never even get a plot change.
Brer Fox: only ever wanted to eat a rabbit - as foxes do; continuely humiliated and harangued by Brer Rabbit.
Shylock (The Merchant of Venice): only wanted what was owed to him; tried to enforce a legal agreement; humiliated in court and treated as inferior because of his religion.
All The Vampires in Buffy the Vampire Slayer: infected (often against their will) with eternal life and a haemoglobin deficiency; took the natural steps to cure the deficiency; hounded and killed with ridiculous ease by the stupidest 'heroine' ever to defile the earth with her step.
Team Rocket (Pokemon): Jesse deprived at chilhood, had to eat snow; James forced to marry against his will; don't seem to be too keen on evilness; often embark on honest jobs but forced back to bad ways by Meowth; blasted off in every episode by a bunch of smarmy, snotty-nosed kids.
Tom the Cat: that mouse just winds him up, right? He's a cat. He is supposed to eat mice. Yet every time he tries he gets blown up or cut into pieces. Sometimes it happens when he's just sunbathing or minding his own business or whatever.
Sylvester the Cat: as above, only replace the word 'mouse' with 'bird'.
Wile E. Coyote: ditto road runners.
Hans Grueber (Die Hard): so much smarter than the hero; thought up excellent plan; carried it out pretty much flawlessly with as little unnecessary life-expenditure as possible; hideously stereotyped; plunged to vicious death from skyscraper window; obviously failed because, although German, was forced to give commands to German henchmen in English and clearly suffered from misunderstandings.
The Sheriff of Nottingham (Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves): Ok, so he's nasty and blood thirsty and misgynistic, but he has absolutely the best lines in the film, as well as the best dress-sense. Anyway, raised by that horrible witch, how else is he going to turn out? And doesn't Kevin costner's Robin Hood just irritate the shit out of you?
Satan: no, I'm not a fanatical occultist or anything, but I think he has it bad. Here's why: God's spy ('satan' means 'the accuser' in Hebrew); picks up on sins and things that are wrong; tells God; God yells at him and banishes him to hell to stay there forever even though he was just doing his job.
So, my conclusion is this - please treat your storybook villains a bit more fairly. Either give them a bit of justice now and then or make them into inhuman monsters. It's the only way to stop people sympathising with them.
Thank you for paying attention to my crazed ravings. May you always find someone to listen to yours. If anyone has any comments, knows where in the Bible the Fall of Satan is, or has a favourite badly treated villain that I've not mentioned, please email me.