From Toshiya With Love

by Arashi

Part 6

"Shimatta!!…"

Kyo was standing face to the restroom mirror, busy at reapplying his
makeup when the burst of voice made him lower his lipstick and turn
around.

A slim young man was bending down, retrieving a fallen object that
had rolled away. He straightened up, his black bob of hair hiding his
face as he held a smashed tube of lipstick in his hands, observing it
with discontent. Kyo glimpsed curiously from the corner of his eyes
as the young man looked up, his hair floating back, and stared at his
half made-up lips with a pout.

He was a beauty. His hair was sleek and silky, and his lightly made-
up face added a subtle feminity to his delicate features. The young
man sighed, lightly trailing a finger along his lower lip, apparently
trying to decide what to do with his ruined make-up.

Kyo's jaw almost fell. The young man had a look of pure innocence,
but his gesture was unconsciously quite provocative…

"Here, take mine," Kyo offered nonchalantly, holding his own lipstick
up, thinking that he had to at least try to talk to him.

The black haired beauty turned around, his eyes wide with surprise as
he stared at the tube of lipstick, then at Kyo's face. He shook his
head violently.

"Ii desu yo! I'll just wipe it off."

That voice… It was so singular…Pretty, and quite high-pitched for a
man, but incredibly cute, and somewhat unforgettable.

Kyo went back to his make-up, ever so often shooting glances at his
neighbor, who was delicately wiping his lipstick with a wet paper
towel. Once his lips were cleaned up Kyo had a good look at him.

"Good thing you dropped it," he commented, "you look even better when
you're natural."

Kyo realized that his words might have been too blunt, but the young
man didn't seem to care, and he turned toward Kyo with a shy smile,
looking as if he was debating whether or not to continue the
conversation.

"Do you think I look like a girl?" the boy asked finally, his face a
little somber.

Kyo hesitated, unsure of what exactly he wanted to hear, but he could
see that he didn't look very contented with his appearance.

"Why do you wear make-up if you don't want to look like a girl?" Kyo
asked after a moment.

The boy shrugged. "To hide myself? And I really have no choice with
what I'm doing in life. You must know what I'm talking about, Kyo-
san."

Kyo put his lipstick down and observed the young man intently.

"You know who I am, but where have I…"

"Plastic Tree no Ryutaro," the other man interrupted, bowing humbly.

Kyo smiled; he had heard of them before but would never have expected
such a pretty man to take part of that band.

"Well, Plastic Tree no Ryutaro," Kyo said, his eyes shining, "what
about having a drink?"

***


*Dear XX,

I hope it works. I'm praying for it to work between Shinya and Die.
Some misunderstandings have been cleared between Die and I today. He
thought I was with Shinya, and I thought he was with Kaoru. And guess
what. He isn't!!!!!! So I just left him outside with Shinya not long
ago. I hope so much they will hit it off! Die looked interested when
I talked to him, though he would never had admitted it. And Shinya, I
know he still love Die! Maybe he wasn't very friendly with Die
tonight… But that's the way he is.

Ah, and, enough on them. I know I'm repeating myself, but who cares,
I'll say it again. Kaoru is not with Die. Kaoru is single. Free.
Reachable. And I've resolved to stop being shy. I will tell him.
Tomorrow. I know when I see him I'll be too nervous to tell him, so
I'll send him a letter. Yeah, I'm going to write it right now.

Toshiya, who thinks maybe life might be brightening a little*


*Dear Kaoru,

I know, this is a surprise that I'm writing to you. But there are
some things that are more easily said on paper. Well I won't put it
off any longer. I love you. Please don't stop reading. Maybe you
think you have read wrong. Maybe you just want to hit me on the head
to knock some sense into me and stop me from loving you, because you
think it will make things awkward between us, among the band, blah
blah blah…

I know you saw Shinya and I kissing in the bus. You must think I'm a
slut. I hope you will not judge me. Because I've loved you for such a
long time, I couldn't bear having you look down on me. Anyway, what
happened between Shinya and I, it had to happen. But it's over now.
Hopefully he will find love on his own.

I don't know if there's more that I could tell you. Except that I
love you. And please don't be afraid to turn me down. I just wanted
you to know.

Love,
Toshiya*

***


Kyo stretched with a loud yawn and hoped out of the bed in a burst of
energy, skipping cutely to the window. A faint light was filtering
through the curtains, and he pulled them slightly appart, expecting a
nice sunshine. He grimaced at the cloudy sky. Well, he wasn't going
to let that ruin his good mood. He threw the curtains opened wide,
but it was still too dark and he had to turn on the light.

Ah, and, who cared if it was dreary today? Kyo had had one of these
encounters nobody forgot in a lifetime. And he'd scored a nice little
fun number along the way. He glanced obsessively at the night table,
making sure the little scrap of napkin hadn't disappeared. It still
lay there, Ryutaro's handwriting clear, a remnant of that wonderful
little evening they'd shared.

They'd tried to talk in that overcrowded bar, but seeing that Kaoru
had really ditched him, Kyo offered that they go eat somewhere
instead of losing their time. They'd found themselves in quite a
crowded place, but it was much quieter than the bar. There they'd had
the most bizarre conversation Kyo had had in a long time. Ryutaro
just had such…weird ideas, he made links between things that had
nothing to do with each other, and his opinions made sense but they
never followed the general beliefs. All of that brought them to lots
of debating and rounds of giggled as they just gave up on trying to
agree. But it was a really fun evening, and Kyo was happy to find
that that boy was more than just a pretty face…

They ended the evening with the numbers exchange and a pat on the
shoulder, keeping it friendly but promising to contact each other
soon enough.

Kyo took out his little phone pad and carefully recopied the numbers,
making sure he made no mistake. Then he threw away the napkin on
which Ryutaro had written, thought twice and retrieved it from the
wastebasket, thinking of how corny he was to keep the little memento.

He got out of his room after dressing up, an easy smile on his lips.
He sat down at the restaurant, feeling voraciously hungry, than saw
Shinya eating in a corner and joined him. Shinya greeted him,
sounding friendlier than usual.

"Had a nice evening?" Kyo asked.

Shinya shrugged. "You could say that. You?"

"Same here," Kyo said, not going any further since Shinya wasn't
volunteering any information.

Kyo suddenly wished he had a best friend in the band… Because he
couldn't keep his encounter with Ryutaro locked inside him for long,
and he certainly wasn't about to confide to Shinya.


***

"I said I'm not hungry."

Kaoru was grunting, head heavy from the hangover that had hit him in
full force. Die was sitting on his bed, trying to urge him out of the
blanket but Kaoru wouldn't budge.

"Smile! I have good news," Die said, "so get up!"

"I don't care," Kaoru mumbled. "I don't think you can make anything
sound good now."

Last night had been terrible. He didn't think he could live with
himself after what had happened…

"I don't know what happened to make you look so disgusting this
morning, but eh, you're about to go out with Toshiya so you should
get bett…"

"Ah, you're funny," Kaoru interrupted, laughing humorlessly. "Thanks
for trying to cheer me up but I'm not in the mood for make believe.
Leave me alone."

Kaoru brought his knees to his chest and looked down into them,
stopping to move, declaring his absence to this world. Die rolled his
eyes impatiently.

"Snap out of it! Toshiya's not with Shinya. He's single!"

"Really…?" Kaoru's voice came out small and hesitant, barely audible
as he was talking to his knees.

"Yeah, really," Die repeated. Kaoru raised is head, blinking at Die.
The redhead smiled and brought an arm around his friend's shoulder
with a quick squeeze. Kaoru exhaled slowly, hugging himself, a smile
tugging at the corners of mouth like a ray of sunshine.
"Thank god… Thank god I didn't…"

Kaoru was overpowered with relief, but Die was frowning. "Didn't
what?"

"Never mind."

Die kept silent, noiselessly demanding an explanation.

"Okay…" Kaoru surrendered. "I almost did the most disgusting mistake,
I don't know which god saved me from doing it but I know I would have
never forgiven myself…"

"That bad? Hm, I guess you really don't want to tell me then…" Die
patted Kaoru's shoulder and got up. "Are you going to eat now?" he
asked, to change the subject.

Kaoru nodded, thinking about Toshiya, thinking that now he had a shot
at being with him he wouldn't let it fly by…

"Let's go, I'm starving!"

***

Toshiya put the last touch of his light makeup, feeling confident and
eager to confront the day that lay before him. Hopefully he was going
to be in Kaoru's arms before the earth achieved another rotation…
kissing him under the twinkling stars. He sighed happily, unable to
keep himself from feeling overoptimistic, starting to imagine every
possible scenario of their getting together as he headed down for
breakfast. *Is he going to be there,* he wondered, heart beating fast
in expectation. What would he do if he saw Kaoru? He was so scared
he'd freeze over and fail to deliver his important letter. *Calm
down, maybe he won't even be there...*

He spotted Kyo and Shinya eating tranquilly, and headed their way, a
bit disappointed that Kaoru wasn't with them, but happy he'd at least
be able to get his breakfast down since he wasn't around.

"Toshiya!" Shinya said with a smile, pulling out a chair. "Hi!"

"Hi Shinya, hi Kyo," Toshiya greeted, earning a distracted reply from
Kyo, who looked like he was on another planet. Toshiya looked at him
curiously, but Kyo didn't seem like he was about to snap out of it so
he set his attention back to Shinya.

"You're not telling me about last night?" he asked with a knowing
look.

"What about it?" Shinya asked, feigning ignorance.

Toshiya shot a quick look at Kyo who didn't seem like he registered
what was going on. "You… and Die…"

Shinya looked down bashfully, concentrating on his bowl.

"What happened?" Toshiya asked with an eager smile as he saw Shinya's
telltale reaction. "You're so red! Shinya, tell me!"

Shinya rested his chin on a hand, not paying attention to his flaming
cheeks, keeping silent as he set his eyes on Toshiya, observing the
beautiful, enthusiastic face. *My friend… my dear friend Toshiya…I'm
so happy I found you, I love you like a brother…* That realization
created a comforting warmth in his heart… He loved Toshiya so much, a
love very different from the one he held for Die, but both of these
loves were a precious, intangible treasure woven in his soul... and
whatever challenge life made him endure, he was pretty sure it
couldn't be destroyed…

"What? What is it?" Toshiya asked, the long gaze making him worry
that he had food stuck in his teeth before he realized he hadn't
eaten anything yet.

"Nothing," Shinya said, straightening up and out of his reverie. They
looked at each other silently for a few seconds.

"So?" Toshiya pressed him. "You're in a good mood, dreamy and all…
You can't tell me last night didn't go right…!"

"I suppose I had a nice evening… had it not been for my own
stubbornness…" Shinya grimaced.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Toshiya asked, about to
explode from curiosity. Shinya had to tell him more; Toshiya wanted
so much for Shinya to get closer to Die and now he wouldn't even
share his evening...

"Hm, I guess Die acted like he didn't hate me," Shinya volunteered
after a moment. "What did you tell him?"

"Nothing. I just hinted a little," Toshiya said, unable to keep
himself from looking sheepish.

"A LITTLE!" Shinya exclaimed, discouraged. "How much is that!"

"I swear he doesn't know you like him! He couldn't!" Toshiya said
earnestly. "I watched my mouth."

A soft chuckle escaped Shinya's lips, then another, until he was
almost sobbing from laughter.

"Shinya…" Toshiya said, slightly insulted. "What's so funny? You
think I can't watch my mouth?"

Then he heard another sound and realized Kyo was biting back a laugh.

"Not you too! Since when are you listening?!"

"Long enough," Kyo said, trying to sober up.

Shinya finally calmed down, tears drying ins his eyes. "I'm sorry for
laughing like that, Toshiya, but if you were as subtle as when you
mentioned the romanticism of the night yesterday…"

Toshiya pouted. "Well, did it work or did it not?"

Shinya felt the color regain his cheeks in full force. "Yeah. He
almost didn't tease me!"

"What an achievement," Kyo said sardonically.

"Shut up," Shinya retorted, but it was good-naturedly. "Guys… I think
you're stuck with a man in love…" he said shyly.

Kyo smiled knowingly, as these feelings were starting to catch up
with him since last night, and Toshiya grinned, squeezing one of
Shinya's hands from the other side of the table.

"You really love him!" he exclaimed happily. "And he must love you
back!"

"Maybe a little…" Shinya said.

"You're so secretive," Toshiya complained. "When are you going to
spill the details?"

"When you're finally with Kaoru?"

Kyo started. "Kaoru?" he said, with a look at Shinya who couldn't
believe he'd blurted that out.

"Damn, I've been discovered," Toshiya said, but he felt a weight
starting lift. "Yes, I love Kaoru," he said, it felt so good to
express his feelings freely, and not only to the white pages of a
stupid diary!

"Go for it, then!" Kyo said with a wink. "I'm sure Kaoru won't resist
you when he sees you in those tiny shorts you used to wear on your
days off! He'll eat you alive…"

"I don't only want him for sex, you idiot," Toshiya said lightly,
though the words had hurt a sore spot. Why was he always seen as a
brainless nymphomaniac? Maybe it was is own fault for dressing sexy
and flirting a lot; he used to like to make conquests, to discover a
different person every time he had sex but it was different now… He
just wanted to love Kaoru and be loved back… To rediscover him every
day, to know him inside and out, to know he'd always be there, that
he'd always be the first thing he saw in the morning… *I love him so
much… I can't help it…*

He snapped out of his thoughts as the image of Kaoru magically
materialized before him. The purple head was making his way toward
their table, with Die by his side. Shinya was smiling shyly at Die,
pulling a chair out for him. Die joined him, tousling his sleek hair
and asking him whether he had slept well. Shinya's cheeks gained a
perpetual rosy flush as they continued their conversation, but he
looked so alive! Both of them did! Toshiya turned away; he had made
this happen, he should be proud of himself, but to be completely
honest, he was envious. He wanted that too…

"Toshiya… *Toshiya!!*"

The blue head looked up, seeing Kaoru staring at him. "You're not
saying hi?"

"Oh, yeah, hi Kaoru, I hadn't seen you," he stammered, feeling self-
conscious as Kaoru's eyes observed his face.

"Still sleeping aren't you?" Kaoru said with a smile. He was sitting
right beside Toshiya… So close yet so far, as they said…

The purple head raised his index finger in a sudden movement,
motioning for Toshiya to come closer. Toshiya froze, unsure. Then
Kaoru flashed him a wide smile, one of these smiles that lit up his
days, that made him remember why he'd let himself fall for him in the
first place... Toshiya smiled back, then his heartbeat went crazy as
the older man brought his face close enough to drop a whisper in his
ear, a hand resting itself lightly on his shoulder, the touch
strangely hesitant.

"Look at them," Kaoru whispered, nodding toward Die and Shinya who
were talking quietly, including Kyo in their conversation but looking
very captivated by each other. "I'd never have thought… But they look
like they're in love…"

Toshiya nodded, then turned toward Kaoru, surprised to find his face
so close… Their eyes locked for a moment, unblinking, neither of them
able to think of another move to make. Kaoru restrained himself from
biting his lip in nervousness as he raised a hand to brush a strand
of hair away from Toshiya's face, wanting so much to touch that soft
cheek…

Then something made them both crash back to earth.

"Ah, so that's what the deal is!!" a feminine, and very angry voice
exploded from behind them, breaking the spell. Kaoru jerked back and
turned around, barely recognizing that skimpily dressed black haired
girl.

"You know her?" Toshiya asked Kaoru quietly, trying to understand
where that psychopath came from.

Kaoru started shaking his head, then a light of understanding crossed
his eyes. "Oh, no," he muttered, looking up at the girl.

"That's right, you should be worried," she said menacingly. "Cuz I
never let myself be treated badly without reacting."

"What have I done wrong?" Kaoru asked, lifting an eyebrow even if he
was terrified of what might come out of her mouth.

"You left me!!!" she exclaimed. "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!!!" she
burst out, sending a well applied slap against his cheek, leaving a
rosy imprint to slowly appear on the fragile skin. Dir en Grey's
table had fallen silent, along with their section of the restaurant.
The girl looked satisfied as she went on. "The only reason you came
on to me is because I was cosplaying THAT BOY!!!" she exclaimed,
pointing at Toshiya, who gulped with difficulty as the world spun
around him. Kaoru… Sleeping with a girl who looked like him?… "And
then you left me alone!!! You want to kiss him so much? Well I'll do
it for you!"

Toshiya was so distraught he didn't realize she was coming closer,
and he started as lips crushed his violently. He pushed the girl away
roughly, restraining himself because he knew he would have made her
fall had he used all the strength of his anger. "Get away," he said
slowly. "Now."

Toshiya's eyes were so dark she didn't have to be told twice, as she
started to fear for her health face to the tall man, and so she put
on a disappearing act. Toshiya disgustedly wiped the girl's lipstick
with the back of his hand as Kaoru avoided looking at him, mortified.

"You… asshole," Toshiya said, his eyes burning into Kaoru's
head. "LOOK AT ME YOU COWARD!!! You sleep with some slut and you
leave her the second she falls asleep. And SHE LOOKS LIKE ME!!!!"

"Toshiya, that's not…" Kaoru started to say quietly.

"DON'T YOU DARE DENY IT!" Toshiya exclaimed angrily. "I don't care
who you sleep with, Niikura Kaoru, I don't care at all! But with
someone who looks like ME!!!!!! I'm not good enough for you, so you
just pick someone who looks like me so you can rub it in my face!!!
You know what!! I can't stand looking at you one more second!"

The only thing that kept Toshiya from slapping him was the red hand
imprint already coloring his cheek. Who cared if Kaoru looked sad and
crestfallen, he was a first class jerk, and Toshiya couldn't believe
he'd loved him...

Toshiya hurried away, feeling like he was leaving behind all he had
ever felt for Kaoru… How could he have loved him! There, Toshiya was
taming himself down for his sake, and all Kaoru did in return was
sleeping with a lowly wannabe! Kaoru, sleeping with someone else,
someone who pretended to be him!! It hurt him so much, he couldn't
see it as something flattering. He couldn't see that Kaoru loved him
so much he would lower himself to a vulgar imitation just so he could
have the illusion of being loved back! All he saw was that Kaoru was
able to replace him so easily, that if Kaoru ever felt something for
him the feelings couldn't be very strong if he could pull off such a
dirty trick!

Toshiya walked quickly, eyes hard as he spent his anger, heading
outside. He pushed the heavy hotel door, stepping into the fresh air,
cool raindrops starting to splatter on his hot skin, rapidly
drenching him. He reached inside his pocket, keeping his pace fast,
heading nowhere, and retrieved the letter to Kaoru… His fist crumpled
the paper, crushed it and he let it drop to the ground, the gesture
making a bitter feeling start to creep out and mingle with his anger,
soon overpowering it as tears fell freely on his cheeks, the rain
making them go unnoticed.

Toshiya hurried on blindly, and finally let himself crash down on an
outdoor chair, laying his head inside his arms on a wet plastic
table, and sobbed loudly, desperately, not caring if the world saw
him… and who would see him anyway, who would be crazy enough to go
out in that weather?

*Kaoru… How could you do that to me… I love you!!! Whatever you do, I
can't help it… It's just stuck inside me...I hate you…* he thought
weakly, shoulders shaking hard; he was so sick of crying all the
time, so sick of everything...

How he wished to have Kaoru come back and tell him it was all a lie,
that he loved him and the nothing ever happened with that girl…

He knew that wish would not be fulfilled...



***


There it is... I hope you understand Toshiya's anger, cause I had a
bit of trouble putting it into words...
I'm happy I could put Ryutaro (¤_¤)in his fic though i've never seen
him with Kyo before...
As always, I want comments! ^^;;;

Arashi, who's been listening to the same Janne da Arc song on repeat
for 4 straight hours...(Dear my...) O.o It's so good when writing ^^;



~to be continued~

email Arashi

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