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Smokers unite
Dear Dr Zuma....
Thanks for your ingenious Tobacco Bill.
All of us in South Africa can now look forward to living in a new, improved
rainbow nation.
Your Tobacco Bill has served to highlight
the problems facing this great country and soon we can expect to see some
of the following amazing results:
* No more murders committed because the
perpetrators were under the influence of tobacco.
* Less domestic violence - husbands will
no longer go home and beat up their wives while under the influence of tobacco.
* Fewer traffic accidents - no longer
will we see the sickening results of a 15-car pile-up caused by one
inconsiderate driver who was under
the influence of tobacco.
* Fewer pathetic, reeling people roaming
the streets while under the influence of tobacco.
* Our underworked police force will finally
have something to occupy their time as they patrol the streets
searching for people lighting
up a cigarette.
Of course, as with all great ideas, there
will be a few pitfalls...
* Tobacco companies will lose millions,
but they can just retrench a couple of thousand workers to join the rest of the unemployed. Hopefully,many
of those retrenched will be smokers so you can jail them to keep them off the streets.
* Sports sponsorship such as the Winfield
Tri-Nations Series, The Rothmans July, Peter Stuyvesant music
concerts, The Camel Trophy and
the Gunston 500 will fall away, but I'm sure you can sponsor these events
yourself with money obtained from
the Sarafina fund.
* The jails will be filled to capacity
with all the criminal smokers, but that will be easy to rectify as all
the poor people already in jail for
petty crimes such as murder while under the influence of alcohol can be
released to roam the streets once again.
Pretty soon we will have a country that
you, Dr Zuma, can be proud of.
All the criminal smokers in jail and all
the others outside.
No doubt it won't take them long to completely
destroy the little that is left of this country and we can all go back
to living happily in the bush that this country started out as.
Smokers of South Africa
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