This is not intended to offend anyone
It is just what I found to be funny "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And, who was the woman you were with?" "Sure and I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?" "I cannot say." "Was it Patricia Kelly?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Liz Shannon?" "I'm sorry, but I can't name her." "Was it Cathy Morgan?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Fiona McDonald, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must atone. You cannot attend church for three months. Be off with you now." Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Three month's vacation and five good leads," says Tommy 
OK, this one is for the women A Bear
If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six
months. I could deal with that.
Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal
with that, too.
If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts)
while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I
could definitely deal with that.
If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone
who bothers your cubs.
If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.
If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.
About last night
As I lay on my bed, thinking about you, I feel this strong urge to grab
you and squeeze you, because I can't forget last night. You came to me
unexpectedly during the balmy and calm night, and what happened in my
bed still leaves a tingling sensation in me. You appeared from nowhere and
shamelessly, without any reservations, you laid on my naked body... you
sensed my indifference, so you started to bite my body without any
guilt or humiliation, and you drove me Crazy while you sucked me dry.
Finally I went to sleep.
Today when I woke up, you were gone, I searched for you but to no avail,
only the sheets bore witness to last night's events. My body still shows
your marks, making it harder to forget you.
Tonight I will remain awake waiting for you... as soon as you appear I
will quickly grab you and won't let you go, will hold you with all my
strength so you won't disappear.
I won't rest until I squeeze you to death....You #&%#$& mosquito!!!!!!!!
HOW'S ABOUT A TETANUS SHOT ? This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife says, "Where are you going?"
He said, "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said, "Are you sick?"
No" he said, "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
So his wife gets out of her rocker and puts on her coat.
He said," Where are you going?"
She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."
He said, "Why?" !
She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing, I'm
going to get a tetanus shot. If you have a good one you'd like to see here and its not too porno like, send it to me in an email.
OK, I got one more but it's kind of sensitive, so I put it on a page by itself.
So if you want to see a Blonde chick with a nice pussy click here. |
