My Third Humour page!

A blind man enters a Women's Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things.....
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3 - I'm a 6 feet tall, 200 pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares:
"Nah.... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Bubba Has Shingles

We've seen too many doctors lately and it seems that more and 
more Physicians are running their practices like an assembly 
line. Here's what happened to Bubba...

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked
him what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So she took down his
name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have
a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked
Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles."

So she took down his height, weight, a complete Medical history
and told Bubba to wait in the examining room. A half-hour later
a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said,
"Shingles." So she gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure
test, an electrocardiogram, told Bubba to take off all his 
clothes and wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came
in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." The
doctor said, Where?" Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where 
do you want them?"

 Cowboy Boots

Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!

Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one
of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? 
He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her
pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't
want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, 
she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the 
little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet" 
She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any 
easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them
on. She managed to keep her cool as together they 
worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right
feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She 
bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and 
scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to.
And, once again she struggled to help him pull the 
ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they
got the boots off and he said, "They're my brother's
boots. My Mom made me wear 'em." Now she didn't know 
if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the 
grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on
his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked,
"Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed 'em
in the toes of my boots."

The teacher's trial starts next month.

The Mother-In-Law

A man goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. The mother-in-law dies. They go to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home but that it'll cost over $5000, whereas they can bury her in the Holy Land for only $150. The man says, "We'll ship her home." The undertaker asks, "Are you sure? That's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here."

The man responds, "Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance.