Keeblex's June 1999 Quotes

OK, Here's the deal.  June marks the six-month aniversary of my Monthly
Quotes.  The first quote list came out in November, 1998, but it wasn't
monthly until December, when I have chosen to celebrate the advent of my
greatest Monthly Quotes!  So, this month's theme is Classic Quotes.  Only
the best [quotes], from the best [list], for the best [address book
members].  Remember, forward this so we can spread the fun, and also
delete the huge amount of "Fw:"'s that build up to alleviate work for
future computers.  Enjoy these over 100 (107.4 to be exact) quotes that
have been deemed Classic!!!!!!

Before I do the classics, a few things to point out.  I have found that
the further back in time I go, the more the quotes are Classic, as in,
the best.  Is this a coincidence?  Who can tell.  But, first I must
present the everlasting theme of my quote lists, and the most Classic
Classic Quote:

I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your
right to say it.
       -Voltaire

Classic May:

Where does reality end and dreams begin?  Is it a question of the power
of hard objects we accept as reality, or a question of something greater?
      -Kevin Williams

It takes a truly blind man to see where he is going.
      -Kevin Williams

Life is a roughly equal to death; where there is life, there is no death;
yet where there is death, there is life.
      -Kevin Williams

Mankind in all its glory has only one truly effective weapon: Laughter.
For against the assult of laughter nothing can stand.
      -Mark Twain

Why not?  I'll tell you WHY NOT!!!  Why I outta give you a good straight
answer,  I dunno.
    -So far, the oddest corner of my imagination yet.

If honesty is the best policy, then how do people like Clinton get to be
the single-most powerful people in the world?
      -Kevin Williams

The only thing that seperates us from the animals is.............that we
aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.
      -Greg Fulasz

Are YOU going to eat that?
      -Jason DelaCuadra

We will all be afflicted (at one time or another) with one, or both of
the most horrible conditions known to mankind:  stupidity and ignorance.
      -Kevin Williams

Why do we lock the "insane" people up?  Many geniuses were considered
crazy in their time, and are now extremely important minds.
      -Kevin Williams

How can you suffer from insanity?  Tom was right when he said "I don't
suffer from insanity...I enjoy every minute of it!"
      -Kevin Williams

We have located two conditions inside you.  One is your insanity.  Your
other condition is terminal.
     -Adaptation from Betsy Ruch

Caller: Does Burger King really reheat their Whopper meat in a microwave,
or are  you just sayin' that because you're jealous they have more
resaurants  than you?
Jack: They really do.
Caller: EEEaaaahhh.  I--I'm buyin' a Jumbo Jack.
Jack: Well, I just sold a Jumbo Jack.  And it only cost me $400,000 for
airtime.
     -Jack In the Box commercial

What ever life throws at you, pick it up and throw it back.
      -Nosaj ArdaucAled

Sometimes you have to look Reality in the eye and deny it.
      -Garrison Keillor

Men who treat women as helpless and charming playthings deserve women who
treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts.
      -??

Is it possible that to search for reality is to search in vain?
      -Kevin Williams

Each of us wages a private battle each day between the grand fantasies we
have for ourselves and what actually happens.
      -Cathy Guisewite

Do you want to make God laugh?  Tell him your plans.
     -Adaptation by Kevin Williams

Holding on to anger only gives you tense muscles.
     -Joan Lunden

A friend is more than just a friend if you can beat each other up, then
laugh about it without holding a grudge.
      -Kevin Williams

Crazy?  I was crazy once.  They put me in a padded cell.  I died in that
cell.  Then they locked me in a box.  There were rats in that box.  Rats?
 I hate rats.  Rats make me crazy.  Crazy?  I was crazy once...
     -Adaptation by Tim Ritenour

THE AMEOBA STRIKES AGAIN!!!!  AAAAAAHHHHHAAAAHHHAAAHHHAAAAHHHGGG!!!!!!
      -Kevin Williams

The most predictable thing about the stock market is the number of
experts who take credit for predicting it.
      -Dave Weinbaum

I want to build a BIG shopping mall around the White House..............
      -Kevin Williams

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you
please.
     -Mark Twain (Samuel Clement)

The greatest miracle of mankind is true friendship.
      -Kevin Williams

I'd like to thank the Acadamy....
     -Adaptation by Kevin Williams

Let's make it a true Daily Double, Alex
     -Adaptation by Kevin Williams

The reality of the situation is, there is no reality.
      -Kevin Williams

We are all doomed to die, so why do we fear a harmless, and most
necessary part of life?
      -Kevin Williams

How do you know that death is bad?  Have you ever experienced it?
      -Kevin Williams

Classic March:

Ignorance is hereditary.  You inherit it from your kids.
       -???

How do we know that the Y2K problem isn't just the apocylypse in
disguise?
       -Kevin Williams

Veni, Vedi, Veci!
(I came, I saw, I conquered!)
       -Julius Ceaser

Veni, Vedi, VCR!
(I came, I saw, I rewound!)
       -Enrrique Corrales

History Repeats Itself.
       -Kevin Williams

Veni, Vedi, VCR, Vedi!
(I came, I saw, I rewound, I saw [again]!)
   -Adaptation on E. Corrales by Kevin Williams

I don't understand this Y2K thing.  Why ever should we change all of the
y's in our language to k's?  It makes no sense!  Like the computers would
crash if we left the y's in there.
       -Kevin Williams

There are only three important things in life; God, love, and death.
Does that mean the works of a great mind are meaningless?
       -Dan Letchworth

Too much profound thinking makes you wiser than your peers want you to
become.
       -Kevin Williams

Wisdom is not aquired by age or experience, but by the ability of the
thinker to think beyond the square of society.
       -Kevin Williams

Too much profound thinking makes your brain hurt.
       -Kevin Williams

Did someone forget their deodorant?...Again?
       -B.O.

Classic January:

Is your vampire cat still hiding under my half of the country you stole?
      -Dan Letchworth

You are a sick, egotistical, unethical idiot.  Can I be your best friend?
      -Greg Fulasz

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
      -Tom Todd

You're not a complete idiot; there's still some parts missing!
      -Natasha Blank

God knows much, but man who understands woman knows more.
      -Jason DelaCuadra

If you can't convince them, confuse 'em.
      -Harry Truman

Jon says that if I run fast I can avoid exercise!
      -Garfield the Cat

Waaaaaaait a second.
      -Garfield the Cat

I know many people with average brains.  I know a few people with high
IQs.  But there is only one person I know who can walk, talk, and chew
gum with nothing but a file cabinet and a coffee machine in his head.
      -Kevin Williams

Words are the best weapons.  Guns are for cowards.
      -Paul Ilyinsky

My formula for success:  1) Study hard 2) work hard 3) Have tall parents.
      -Christian Laettner

Life gets better every year.
      -Melisa Manchester

Be kind to your school friends. Never tease them...[if they are short]
      -Lynn Redgrave

There are only 24 hours in a day...(23 in California and 22 in Hawaii and
Alaska)
      -Kevin Williams

Silence can suffocate a person as well as water.
      -Kevin Williams

OK, who's been eat'n beans?
    -Jack in the Box Antenna Ball

I'll just have the beans.
    -Jack, current Jack in the Box ad

Boy, it still smells in here!
      -B.O.

Classic December:

Remember the Alamo...Remember the Maine...How do they expect us to
remember so much?!?
      -Kevin Williams

High school is like a neuclear explosion.  It appears without warning, it
is very loud and scary, and there isn't much hope for those who survive.
      -Dan Letchworth

The stress of the holidays makes the holidays themselves seem that much
better.
      -Kevin Williams

Hey!  Stop enjoying that!
    -Garfield the Cat *Jim Davis*

We are all at fault for nothing.
      -Enrrique Corrales

When I called my dog, it came.  When I call my cat, I get an answering
machine!
      -Kevin Williams

Keepin' the faith.
      -SD Padres

Be proud of your pride.
      -Kevin Williams

Only a cat can look God in the eye without losing its feeling of royalty.
      -Kevin Williams

Fido means faithful in Latin.  Have you ever heard of a cat named Fido?
      -Kevin Williams

When you forget how to spell your own name, but can still spell
otorhinolaryngology without missing a beat, you know you have no life.
      -Keben Wilemz

Hmm...A nice loud rattle.  That's a good sign.  That means its not
underwear.
      -Garfield the Cat

When shopping for a Christmas Tree, there are two things to keep in
mind...One:  look for a tree with soft, supple needles...and Two:  your
ceiling is never as high as you remember.
      -Garfield the Cat

History repeats itself.
History repeats itself.
      -Kevin Williams
      -Kevin Williams

I'm not just good: I'm better!
      -Natasha Blank

Hitler may have been credited for running Nazi Germany as a cruel
dictator, but his cat was actually in control.
      -Kevin Williams

History repeats itself.
      -Kevin Williams

Classic Vintage:

Life is like my cat.  It looks soft, fuzzy and warm from a distance, but
when you get close it bites you in the butt.
     -Kevin Williams Original

Life is like a turkey sandwich.  First you have the bread, then you have
the turkey, then you have the lettuce, then you have the bread.
     -Giovanni Macias

You can't mount a horse until you have a horse to mount.
     -Kristin Williams Original

Someone gave me the gift of common sense, but I don't have the wisdom to
use it.
     -Kevin Williams Original

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
     -Yogi Berra

Life is like a bed of roses.  It has thorns.
     -???

Today I retain my right to remain Quoteless.
     -Joe

There are three kinds of people in this world...the kind who can count
and the kind that can't.
     -Anonymous

Chaos is nothing happening all at once.
     -Kevin Williams Original

Make sure that when you drive, you always have the airbag inflated.
     -Chevy Chase

You can't make someone else's choices.  You shouldn't let someone else
make yours.
     -Colin Powell

Life is a funny thing.  The harder you work, the luckier you get.
     -Melvin Simon

Make fun, not war.
     -Robin Williams

Know when to shut up.  It can be very helpful.
     -Teller (of Penn and Teller)

The man who says 'It can't be done' is always inturuppted by the man who
just did it.
     -Mickey Spillane

Expect the worst--you may sometimes get the best.
     -John Osborne

Baseball all wrong.  Man with four balls cannot walk.
    -Adaptation by Jason DelaCuadra

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to become a
vegetarian.
     -Greg Fulaz

When truth and reality come sneaking up behind you, you need to turn
around and kick 'em straight in the nuts.
     -Thomas Todd Original

Is religion the product of science, or science the product of religion?
     -Kevin Williams

Why is it that every time I gain a brain cell, you lose two?
     -Kevin Williams Original

Okay, who's been eat'n beans?
    -Jack in the box Antenna Ball

Is it just me, or does it smell in here?
     -B.O.

Stupidity strikes all, just some more than others.
     -Enrrique Corrales

Warning:  My thoughts can break out into words at any minute!
     -Jennifer McColley

On the other hand, you have different fingers.
     -Jacob fink

A true friend stabs you in the front.
     -???

And That Will Conclude the June Classic Quotes!  Keep watching for
bigger, better quotes in the months to come!