Keeblex's December 1999 Quotes

Only an e-mail such as this one deserves a subject as long and grand as
that.  Yes folks, this is the One Year Anniversary Last Quote List of the
Millenium DECEMBER QUOTES!!!  I have worked countless hours compiling all
of these quotes for your enjoyment.  I have requested quotes from address
book members, and hopefully all of you will see your name in here
somewhere...or at least get a laugh out of an inside joke included in the
list (we here at Kevvw *Keeblex* Inc. are not by any means above inside
jokes...)  Anyway, I have also included the Classic Classics (only the
best Classics from the Classic list...see June '99 Quote List)  Classics
are designated with a "(C!):".  Every ten quotes are marked off by a
*10*. There are more than 170 quotes overall in this great edition.  I
hope all of you get a great Holiday season from these DECEMBER QUOTES!!!
Note:  I did not finish these quotes.  There are still HUGE numbers of
great quotes I didn't come to, and I will basically CONTINUE this GREAT
QUOTE LIST with THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE FIRST QUOTE LIST OF THE NEW
MILLENIUM!!!!  That means send quotes if you'd like, but still no
guarantees.  Reminder...I will always accept good quotes!  Enjoy!

(C!):  I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death
your right to say it.
      -Voltaire

The sun is always brighter when you're with someone you love and cherish.
      -Kevin Williams

(C!):  Where does reality end and dreams begin?  Is it a question of the
power of hard objects we accept as reality, or a question of something
greater?
      -Kevin Williams

(C!):  It takes a truly blind man to see where he is going.
      -Kevin Williams

Friends aren't just to hang out with, they are to cherish.
      -Kristin Williams

I HUGGED MY ARCHNEMISIS!!!!
      -Neil Chua

Whoever paints skies green and pastures blue should be sterilized.
      -Adolf Hitler

Nak nak.
      -Nak Nak

Sterilize the Zeonians!!
      -Adoif

Who's Adoif?!
      -Kevin Williams

*10*--10

If the world was all a giant McDonald's playplace, no one would care who
Monica Lewinsky was dating.
      -Dan Letchworth

STERILIZE LEWINSKY!!!
      -Adoif

WHO IS ADOIF????!!!!
      -Kevin Williams

(C!):  History repeats itself.
      -Kevin Williams

A single death is a tragedy; one hundred deaths is a statistic.
      -Stalin

When you cut your finger and it bleeds, that's tragedy.  When you fall
into an open manhole and die, that's comedy.
      -Robin Williams

Smaller is Better!!
      -Anonymous...but not Kevin

Damn trombones.
      -Donald Diaz

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
      -"Deep thoughts..."

Sometimes on the Stage of life I forget my lines.  And then must continue
on, improvising all.
      -Steve Rowe

*10*--20

It's better to have creative clutter then tidy idolness.
      -Jason DelaCuadra

(C!):  It takes a truly blind man to see where he is going.
      -Kevin Williams

See everything.  Overlook a great deal.  Improve a little.
      -Pope John Paul XXIII

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.
      -"Bits & Pieces"

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

Hi there.  I'm Garfield.  I'm a cat, and this is my cartoonist, Jon.
     -The first words of Garfield the Cat

Feed me.
     -The second words of Garfield the Cat

(C!):  I'M A POTHOLE!!!
      -Evan Ramos

You can't see it if you don't look at it.
      -Rachael Van Wormer

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
      -Anton, & "Deep Thoughts..."

*10*--30

(C!):  Mankind in all its glory has only one truly effective weapon:
Laughter.  For against the assult of laughter nothing can stand.
      -Mark Twain

Stupidity knows no age or race.
      -Jason DelaCuadra

Cats.  We cats are intelligent, soft, cute, playful, furry, cuddly,
playful, demure... ...and masters of the house.
      -Garfield the Cat

C'mon.  Can you really trust YOUR judgement?
      -Donald Diaz

(C!):  If honesty is the best policy, then how do people like Clinton get
to be the single-most powerful people in the world?
      -Kevin Williams

(C!):  The only thing that seperates us from the animals
is.............that we aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners.
      -Greg Fulasz

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

Family life is too intimate to be preserved by the spirit of justice. It
can be sustained by a spirit of love which goes beyond justice.
      -Reinhold Niebuhr

To know me is to love me.
      -Garfield the Cat

DNA stands for the National Dyslexic Association.
      -Donald Diaz

*10*--40

Life...*cough*
      -Dan Letchworth

What does Jon expect of me anyway?  I'm only human.
      -Garfield the Cat

The patience prayer:  "God grant me patience...AND I WANT IT RIGHT
NOW!!!"
      -"Bits and Pieces"

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

It's great to be weird because people actually like you for who you are.
      -Evan Ramos

My lawyer tells me that I don't know...
      -Jeremy DelaCuadra

Rules were made to be broken!! ;-)
      -Kevin Williams

If they're normal, does that make us supersize?
      -Dan Letchworth

"AIR RAID!!!!"  Oh good...maybe the wall will count for us again...
      -Virginia Martinez

Just because there are 6 billion people in the world doesn't mean they'll
legalize suicide; the peanalty for suicide is still death.
      -Kevin Williams

*10*--50

In the soul of every hardened criminal is the heart of a ten-year-old
boy, and vice versa.
      -Adaptation by Jacob Fink

Do you know what lazy is?  Lazy is taking a coffee break between naps.
      -Jon Arbukle

The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
      -May V. Smith

Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.
      -"Bits & Pieces"

Life is like a shopping cart...everything we find is in it, it gets
pushed everywhere possible, and the right wheel is always messed up.
      -Kevin Williams

Do old people read the Bible so much because they were cramming for their
finals?
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of
North
Amer--Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!
      -Chris Anderson

(C!):  Are YOU going to eat that?
      -Jason DelaCuadra

(C!):  We will all be afflicted (at one time or another) with one, or
both of the most horrible conditions known to mankind:  stupidity and
ignorance.
      -Kevin Williams

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of
paintings by Picasso.
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

*10*--60

A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
      -John Bowring

We evolved from the butterbean!!!
      -Donald Diaz

Odie...a dog named Odie...A blimp named Hindenburg.  A ship named
Titanic.  A car named Edsel...
      -Garfield the Cat

If it's true that we are here to help 'others' -- then what exactly are
the 'others' here for?
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

(C!):  What ever life throws at you, pick it up and throw it back.
      -Nosaj Ardauc Aled

(C!):  Sometimes you have to look Reality in the eye and deny it.
      -Garrison Keillor

Being CRAZY is the only thing that keeps me SANE.
      -Jason DelaCuadra

Only those who risk going to far will know how far they can go.
      -"Good Stuff"

You know what a diet is, don't you?  It's DIE with a "T,"  that's what it
is!!
      -Garfield the Cat

(C!):  Is it possible that to search for reality is to search in vain?
      -Kevin Williams

*10*--70

Education is a weapon, whose effect depends on who holds it in his hands
and at whom it is aimed.
      -Joseph Stalin

Never forget that 'stressed' spelled backwards is 'desserts'.
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

(C!):  Do you want to make God laugh?  Tell him your plans.
      -Adaptation by Kevin Williams

(C!):  Holding on to anger only gives you tense muscles.
      -Joan Lunden

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

It's easier to go down a hill than up, but the view is from the top.
      -"Good Stuff"

I'd like mornings better if they started later.
      -Garfield the Cat

Love is the only thing that makes the sun rise and the day be beautiful.
      -Jessica Carlson

Clones are people two.
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

(C!):  The most predictable thing about the stock market is the number of
experts who take credit for predicting it.
      -Dave Weinbaum

*10*--80

(C!):  Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you
please.
      -Mark Twain (Samuel Clement)

In the ballad of love, I am tone deaf.
      -Anonymously: "MF"

Maybe I'm not so deaf anymore...
      -Same Anonymous

Darkness can not drive out darkness; only light can do that.
      -Contributed by Alex Spearow

I just delete chain letters and look at me I'm perfectly fine.  Except
for...a broken leg twice, two broken arms, trip over things often, seem
to get mugged every other day, and fall over cliffs.
      -Adam Browning

I'll rise, but I won't shine.
      -Garfield the Cat

You might be a redneck Jedi if you ever heard the phrase "May the Force
be with ya'll."
      -Contributed by Jim Williams

(C!):  The reality of the situation is, there is no reality.
      -Kevin Williams

(C!):  How do you know that death is bad?  Have you ever experienced it?
      -Kevin Williams

There are two types of people--those who come into a room and say "Well,
here I am," and those who come in and say "Ah, there you are."
      -Frederick Collins

*10*--90

The early bird is insane.
      -Garfield the Cat

(C!):  History Repeats Itself.
      -Kevin Williams

No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.
      -Aristotle

You might be a redneck Jedi if the worst part of spending time on Dagobah
is the dadgum skeeters.
      -C/B Jim Williams

Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game.
      -"God"

(C!):  There are only three important things in life; God, love, and
death.  Does that mean the works of a great mind are meaningless?
      -Dan Letchworth

"Good morning" is a contradiction in terms.
      -Garfield the Cat

(C!):  Too much profound thinking makes you wiser than your peers want
you to become.
      -Kevin Williams

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance...
      -Derek Bok

*10*--100

Live your life so that people who know you, and don't know God, will want
to know God because they know you!
      -Lauren Alvey

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that
considered a hostage situation?
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

(C!):  Wisdom is not aquired by age or experience, but by the ability of
the thinker to think beyond the square of society.
      -Kevin Williams

Eat every meal as if it were your last.
      -Garfield the Cat

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they
were big things.
      -Robert Breault

(C!):  Too much profound thinking makes your brain hurt.
      -Kevin Williams

C'mon over and bring the kids.
      -"God"

You may be a redneck Jedi if your father has ever said to you "Shoot, son
come on over to the dark side...it'll be a hoot."
      -C/B Jim Williams

So what's the speed of dark?
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

The best way to forget your own problems is to help someone else solve
thiers.
      -"Good Stuff"

*10*--110

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold
tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is
dead?
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
      -"Deep Thoughts..."

Life is what happens when you're making other plans.
      -John Lennon

I want to know God's thoughts...all the rest are details.
      -Albert Einstein

Pick your friends like you would pick a diamond.  They all start off
unpolished, but with a little work, they can become a sparkle in your
life.
      -Gary Harrington

The minute you start talking about what you are going to do if you lose,
you have lost.
      -George Schultz

Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.
      -John F. Kennedy

Do not follow where the path my lead.  Go instead where there is no path
and leave a trail.
      -George Bernard Shaw

*10*--120

(C!):  You are a sick, egotistical, unethical idiot.  Can I be your best
friend?
      -Greg Fulasz

(C!):  I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
      -Tom Todd

(C!):  If you can't convince them, confuse 'em.
      -Harry Truman

(C!):  Jon says that if I run fast I can avoid exercise!
      -Garfield the Cat

(C!):  Words are the best weapons.  Guns are for cowards.
      -Paul Ilyinsky

(C!):  There are only 24 hours in a day...(23 in California and 22 in
Hawaii and Alaska)
      -Kevin Williams

(C!):  Silence can suffocate a person as well as water.
      -Kevin Williams

(C!):  OK, who's been eat'n beans?
      -Jack in the Box Antenna Ball

(C!):  High school is like a neuclear explosion.  It appears without
warning, it is very loud and scary, and there isn't much hope for those
who survive.
      -Dan Letchworth

(C!):  The stress of the holidays makes the holidays themselves seem that
much better.
      -Kevin Williams

*10*--130

What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand?
      -"God"

We need to talk.
      -"God"

Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer.
      -"God"

Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage.
      -"God"

That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it.
      -"God"

I love you and you and you and you and...
      -"God"

Will the road you're on get you to my place?
      -"God"

Follow me.
      -"God"

Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding.
      -"God"

My way IS the highway.
      -"God"

*10*--140

Life is an endless struggle, full of frustrations and challenges, but
eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
      -"Philosophy..."

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in
theright place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting
moment.
      -"Philosophy..."

Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.
      -"Philosophy..."

Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.
      -"Philosophy..."

Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
      -"Philosophy..."

You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you
stop laughing.
      -"Philosophy..."

It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your
hips.
      -"Philosophy..."

Age is important only if you're cheese and wine.
      -"Philosophy..."

The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is
expecting a baby.
      -"Philosophy..."

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but he/she can
usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
      -"Philosophy..."

*10*--150

(C!):  We are all at fault for nothing.
      -Enrrique Corrales

(C!):  When I called my dog, it came.  When I call my cat, I get an
answering machine!
      -Kevin Williams

(C!):  Only a cat can look God in the eye without losing its feeling of
royalty.
      -Kevin Williams

(C!):  Fido means faithful in Latin.  Have you ever heard of a cat named
Fido?
      -Kevin Williams

(C!):  Hmm...A nice loud rattle.  That's a good sign.  That means its not
underwear.
      -Garfield the Cat

(C!):  Hitler may have been credited for running Nazi Germany as a cruel
dictator, but his cat was actually in control.
      -Kevin Williams

(C!):  History repeats itself.
      -Kevin Williams

(C!):  Life is like my cat.  It looks soft, fuzzy and warm from a
distance, but when you get close it bites you in the butt.
      -Kevin Williams

(C!):  You can't mount a horse until you have a horse to mount.
      -Kristin Williams

(C!):  Someone gave me the gift of common sense, but I don't have the
wisdom to use it.
      -Kevin Williams

*10*--160

Need directions?
      -"God"

You think it's hot here?
      -"God"

Have you read my #1 best seller?  There will be a test.
      -"God"

Do you have any idea where you're going?
      -"God"

Don't make me come down there.
      -"God"

Lizards love me, people hate me.
      -Tommy Todd

I face reality all the time. I merely then immediately turn around and
run.
      -Matt Freels

You think you've got problems, what are you supposed to do if you're a
manically depressed robot? No, don't bother to answer that, I'm fifty
thousand times more intelligent than you and even I don't know the
answer. It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level.
      -Marvin, the Paranoid Android

I've been ordered to take you down to the bridge. Here I am, brain the
size of a planet and they ask me to take you down to the bridge. Call
that job satisfaction? 'Cos I don't.
      -Marvin, the Paranoid Android

Sorry, did I say something wrong? Pardon me for breathing, which I never
do anyway so I don't know why I bother to say it, oh God I'm so
depressed.
      -Marvin the Paranoid Android

*10*--170

The grass is always greener on the other side, until you jump the fence
and see the weeds up close.
      -Albert Grashuis

Let us strive to live so that when we die, even the undertaker will be
sorry.
      -Mark Twain

...So if I pour Liquid Drano in this eye, and Hydrochloric acid in THIS
eye, I'll have one less annoying student!
      -Mr. Olmos

If you're not willing to give your life to save the world, what's the
point of living?
      -Kevin Williams

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  Y2K didn't win!
      -Kevin Williams

But I'm not Y2K compliant....
      -Dan Letchworth

Only I would have a name like *Keeblex*
"His name is wonderful..." <><