As we all know, English is a pretty complicated language to learn. It's quite common to find English mistakes on foreign products, signs, and on many other things. In fact, it's so common, my husband Josh suggested we move to Japan and start up a business called "Super Happy Anal Love Translating Company" to help correct the mistakes. The logic is that foreigners won't know what the name actually means, but they'll come to us anyway because we use "cool English words" in our title ^_^ *Ahem* Anyway, the point of this is that English mistakes are quite common and often hilarious. On this page, I will list some of the funny English (or "Engrish") that I've personally seen or heard, much of it while I was in Japan in July of 1999, although some are things I have actually seen on products made by supposedly native English speakers. For some, I will offer an explanation of what I think it really means, and most will have my usual dumb comments :P Enjoy!

Last updated: 2003.08.01--Added to signs section

Postcards

Here are some of the phrases I saw on postcards in Japan:

• Dolphin postcard: "Let's play with me!"--I don't think that's legal, Mr. Dolphin ^_^
• Postcard for sale at the Tokyo Tower: "The imposing Diet building"--In case you don't know, the Diet building is a government building in Japan...interesting how the Japanese view the government as "imposing." ^_^

Rules

Here are some of the rules that were displayed in youth hostels in Japan:

• In Tokyo youth hostel bathroom: "Please do not wash hair or clothes in toilet."--They were referring to the bathroom, but since one of the Japanese words for "bathroom" comes from the English word "toilet" ("toire"), it's easy to see how they made this mistake.
• Kyoto youth hostel rules: "7. Large amounts of money should be self keeping."--Damn straight, they should :P
• Another Kyoto Youth Hostel rule: "9. Please bring back this tag to front when you leave hare."--Heh heh, this one would make you think that you have to leave a rabbit behind before you can leave ^_^
• A sign about lockers in the Kyoto youth hostel: "We will not compensat if you do not use. Parents."--Interesting use of periods in this one.
• Same sign as above: "Large amounts of money should be kept on your derson. Other wise lockers are available."--Heh heh, I like how they have "wise" lockers...as opposed to the stupid ones?

Maps/brochures

Here are many of the amusing mistakes found in brochures or maps in Japan.

• On a "DECKS" brochure: "How to DECKS"--DECKS is a shopping area...I wasn't aware there was a proper way to "do" a shopping area ^_^;;
• Same brochure as above: "Let's eat DECKS!"--This just sounds really funny in English ^_^
• Same brochure: "Shopping!dining!amusing!"--Apparently, the slogan for DECKS.
• Tokyo map: "Our goal is to create art and culture and help them grow, so that people's lives may be enrichened."--I find funny English to be so "enrichening."
• A DECKS map: "Enjoy map"--Apparently, it shows you things to enjoy :P
• Miyajima brochure: "Historical Relice Tour of Miyajima and Mt. Misen"--"Relice" probably means "relics." It sounds more like "relish" :P
• Same brochure as above: "Super Ancient Letter, Petrograph"--Well, I guess that's a good enough explanation of a petrograph :P

Product instructions/warnings

Here are some of the things written on foreign merchandise I've seen. The first several items on this list are from a series of Dragonball Z action figure model kits made in China.

• Front of box: "This item is an assembling toys."--Ahh, good, then I won't have to put it together myself ^_^
• Back of box: "Super real action system!"--I love how foreign products always seem to feature the word "super" for emphasis ^_^
• Back of box: "The new-designed costume facilitates the figure which in fine proportion with movable joints acts lively."--Yes, I love how "lively" my plastic action figures act :P
• Back of box: "Transformation comes possible."--Oro? o_O
• Listed under cautions: "Beware of being swallowed by child, due to small parts."--Ack, watch out! A child is coming to swallow your small parts!
• Another caution: "Avoid disturbing the other while enjoying this item."--(A variation of this uses "others")...Uhhh, this is one of those things that I just can't understand. Are they trying to say don't disturb other people while playing with it? If so, why did they feel the need to warn you about this? Aaa, Wakanaaaai!
• Another caution: "1 figure included"--This is stupid only because it's written on the box that includes both the Trunks and Goten figures...and why is it listed under cautions, anyway?
• Another caution: "During cutting, do not put your head to close."--I just think this is funny for how little the manufacturers think of the buyers...you know, it's a lot harder to cut if you put your head really close rather than if you keep your distance, so why would you do it anyway?
• From instructions sheet: "Then combines it with A1 and A2."--Heh heh, I wonder who "then" is.
• More instructions: "Insert G51 until you hear 'Kar'"--I can only surmise that "kar" must be some Chinese sound effect.
• More instructions: "There is difference between up and down."--No shit :P
• More instructions: "Insert hair tightly on head."--Another one of those "duh" directions...you'd think people would be smart enough to figure it out on their own ^_^
• More instructions: "Insert legs of figure into the trousers and lift them up."--Gee, thanks, I wasn't aware of how to dress the figure :P (Actually, these things are kind of hard to dress...you really have to pull on those pants to lift them up).
• More instructions: "Unreasonable drag may cause demage."--I like to say that this means if you dress the character in unreasonable drag, it will cause them to "de-mage" (If they were even mages in the first place ^_^;;).
• More instructions: "After put on the costume: Put this parts inside the outerwear."
• From Vash action figure box: "Vash the Stampede with display base and many option!"
• Warning from the same box: "Take care of sharp edge not to harm your eyes"
• Another warning: "The plastic package might harm you so becareful when opening."
• Another warning: "Contains small partsmall child might cause suffocation."--Always remember to make sure you don't suffocate on small children...
• Warning from an unknown product: "¡Danger! A dangerous toy. This toy is being made for the extreme priority the good looks. The little part which suffocates when the sharp part which gets hurt is swallowed is contained generously. Only the person who can take responsibility by itself is to play."--I'm not sure what product this warning comes from because I saw this warning taped to the front window of a Japanese store in downtown Portland. I think it's just hilarious ^_^
• Warning for Dance Dance Revolution dance pad: "There is maybe have some white powder on the surface of this product, please wipe off by a piece of soft, clean cloth."
• Another warning from same product: "Make sure to pave the cushion."--Will do :P
• Another warning: "Don not put it by furniture and other odds and ends."--Who's Don?
• Another warning: "Young children must be guided to use it or need parents and teaches to accompany, in case to be tumbled by it."
• Another warning: "High technology product, do not apart, separate or fix it anyway. Or the damage can not be guaranteed."--So we're supposed to want to have damage guaranteed?
• Another warning: "Do not keep it in the quite high or low temperature environment, especially far away from the fireplace."
• Another warning: "This product is made for indoor games only. Do not use it outdoors or in other occasion."--And exactly what "occasions" are there besides indoor and outdoor?
• Another warning: "When using this product, pay attention to keep your feet safety."--And what exactly is a foot safety?
• Another warning: "Please do not jump strongly, that may bring troubles to the other person."--Ahh, the notorious "other" is back...why do they always assume that there must be someone else there to whom you might "bring troubles"?
• Mah-Jongg instructions: "The word with the papentnesist is the romanized."--That is the most interesting spelling of "parenthesis" I've ever seen...
• More instructions: "Pronunciation of the chinese charactered."--Uh...yeah :P

Internet

Even the Internet cannot escape the hilarity of bad English..

• Internet banner: "Get debt free!"--You just have to wonder if that's really even possible...and if it was, why would you want to do it?

Television

I remember watching a morning show in Japan which had a segment that made fun of the fact that Japanese people often mess up their English. In the show, an American man would ask people about a certain topic in Japanese, and they would talk about it. Once they finished their stories, he would ask them to retell their story in English. It goes without saying that their stories often changed drastically in their retellings ^_^

• In the first episode I saw, the American man was asking people to confess something. One Japanese man confessed that he had been telling people he was 38, when he was really 40 (Ooh, so devious :P). When he tried to convey this in English, his story included lines such as, "I am two-years-old," and, "I am real 14."
• In the same episode as above, a lady was saying something about her breasts (I didn't really understand what she was saying in Japanese, as I had only had two years of Japanese at the time, and her English made little sense. She may have been talking about having breat implants). When she tried to tell her tale in English, she said, "I was poor milk. Now I am full milk" (Whatever that's supposed to mean o_O;;).
• In the second episode I saw, I don't remember what the topic was, but I do recall one lady who got mad at the American guy, or something. Anyway, to indicate she didn't want to talk to him anymore, she said, "I am talking road." I can only assume she meant she was talking TO the road...

Signs

• Outside a Russian(?) store in downtown Portland: "You like! You buy!"--My, this sign is quite confident, isn't it?
• Ouside a restaurant in Arizona (maybe...don't remember exact state): "Ho-made pies."--*Ahem* I realize they were trying to shorten "Home-made pies." They didn't seem to realize that it takes on an entirely different meaning when they write it that way...or maybe they're just being honest?
• Above entrance of Tres Fabu bridal boutique in Portland: "Custom Gowns--Tux--Maidens"--It's always nice to know I can get fresh maidens whenever I need them...let the sacrifices begin!
• Painted on entrance of office building in Portland: "C.A. Butt"--OK, I know this is someone's name, but didn't they realize they were just setting themselves up for ridiclue by painting that on the front door?

Billboards

• For the Portland Rescue Mission: "Donate your car and feed the homeless and poor."--Err, are they so desperate that they're planning on feeding people cars?
• Update on above billboard: Apparently, the people who made the above billboard realized they needed to clarify themselves, so a few months later the message was changed to "Donate your car to feed and care for the homeless and poor." So apparently, now they just need cars that are good at taking care of people and are edible, as well ^_^

Commercials

• For Public Storage: "You can store all this at Public Storage and move in for just $10!"--I like how they just assume people will want to live in their storage space...

Doujinshi

Sometimes, Doujinshika try to use English in their books...but often, they don't really say what they intend to say, or say it in really hilarious ways ^_^

• Legato (from Trigun), on a doujinshi cover: "I hope my conduct cause him great PAINS!"--Silly Enlish like this causes me great pains in my sides from laughing so hard ^_^
• From the same doujinshi cover: "Vash and the insuranse salesladies with traitor's minister OVERTHROW!--Yes, that made sooo much sense :P

Food/drink

• From a bottle of Ramune: "For even more dericious this drink please cihll before drinking"--If you read it outloud, it sounds like they want you to "kill" before drinking.
• From the same bottle: "Direction 1.Break the - seal. 2.Remove the safty ring from the opener a top of the ring."--I wonder why they felt the need to put a dash between "the" and "seal"...

  ---

  Anime | Author | Editorials | English | Fan-art | Fan-Fiction | Home | Opinions | Sounds | Stuff | Trades/sales | YKYTOWSMVW