Ministry for Death

[This isn’t the real ministry of death, but I don’t like buttons that don’t lead anywhere so I’m starting this off.  Maria can rewrite it all when she pulls her finger out and becomes an active member of this religion (no offence, dear, I’m only saying it because I love you).

                                                                                                                              -  Most Rev. Dr. Jenna]

These are the first nominations for the Salamandertron death scene awards.  Basically anyone can nominate any death scene from a film, book, play or TV program for any of the categories, or you can suggest another category, if your favourite death scene doesn’t fit into any that already exist.  Just tell us  the film etc., character or actor that dies, method of death, category (you can nominate it for more than one if you so wish), and what makes it so darn good.  When we feel we’ve got plenty, thank you very much, we’ll have some kind of vote through e mail and then announce the definitive Salamandertron Award winning best death scenes.

·         Mercutio, William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, Killed in a fight – I never found the play of R & J to be particularly tragic or touching, but in the film Mercutio shines as by far the best character, he dies well and touchingly and the rest of the film suffers for his absence.  Romeo’s death could never compare. Nominated by The Most Reverend Dr. Jenna

·       Glenn Quinn, Angel, sacrifices his own life to save a boat load of persecuted demons. Firstly  Doyle  knocks Angel out, as so many of us have wanted to do at some point. He then snogs Cordelia, leaving her with the brain-splitting migraines with pictures that are the visions sent by the powers that be. Then he leaps a ridiculous leap to unplug a thingy that will otherwise kill them all, and so saves the day and secures his own atonement. Yummy, especially since his actual death looks like something from Rock DJ video, as he dissolves from the outside in, skin, muscles, the lot. Nominated by Lamby, Keeper of the Creatures

·        We don't know her name, but she was the second of the two women killed by Lestat when he and Louis move into New Orleans in Interview with the Vampire. This scene has overacting, a death so prolonged it verges on torture (i.e. Lestat and Louis have an argument while she sits there bleeding to death,) Tom Cruise's really bad costume, and something strange going on in Brad Pitt's hair. Her death doesn't have an immense impact on the rest of the film, but it wouldn't be so entertaining without it... Nominated by She Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken

·         Tim Truman, Sunset Beach, Murdered by Derek Evans – By far the most irritating character, everyone was praying for him to be killed off right from the beginning and yet it took at least three attempts to finally get rid of him. Nominated by The Most Reverend Dr. Jenna

·       Imona, Night of the Wolf, by Alice Borchardt. The fact that she's having way too much fun with the most gorgeous bloke just adds to the fact that although its obvious she's dead meat, it takes absolutely ages before she does die and the book can get going again. Nominated by Lamby, Keeper of the Creatures

·         Junior, Reservation Blues (by Sherman Alexie), Suicide – Oh my God.  I feel awful for ruining this for anyone who reads the book (and you all should).  Junior shoots himself after his best friend sells him to the devil for a guitar (it makes sense in the book – honest).  Believe me, it’s really, really sad. Nominated by The Most Reverend Dr. Jenna

·      Russell Crowe, Gladiator, stabbed by evil incestuous Caesar. Has to happen so he can see his dead family again, but probably more tragic because of this. Poor Maximus...  Nominated by Lamby, Keeper of the Creatures

·       Iset the Fair, from Christian Jacq's  Ramses books. She spends at least four books being obsessively in love with the man, has his kid, watches him marry someone else and then commits suicide so he can marry a foreign princess and prevent a war. A bit misguided at times, but so sad...  Nominated by She Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken

·         Errol Flynn, Dawn Patrol, Shot down by Germans – After getting promoted Flynn loses all his friends and then decides to fly a very dangerous mission on his own to make it up top them.  You expect him to complete the mission and fly home to be forgiven.  Oops. Nominated by The Most Reverend Dr. Jenna

·       Despite the fact that he tells us at the very beginning that he'll be dead within the year, American Beauty's Lester Burnham's death at the end of the film still comes as a bit of a surprise. Somehow dramatic and comical at the same time. Nominated by She Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken

 ·    Curtis, Blade, turned into a zombie by a vampire after asking the female lead if she ever        had second thoughts about them. Talk about asking for it! Nominated by Lamby, Keeper of the Creatures

·    The Named Extras of Star Trek - This is a bit of a generalization, but it's fair to say that if a new minor character suddenly appears and acquires a name in the same episode, the chances are they won't last the hour. If they do somehow manage this, maybe it'll be a couple more episodes before they pop their clogs. An honourable exception is Michael Eddington, who managed to last at least a whole series before dying heroically saving the day (and his wife.) Who would have thought it? Nominated by She Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken

·         Bobby, Home and Away – Brought back to life when Ailsa goes mad and sees her head floating in the fridge door, the funniest and most surreal moment ever on an Australian soap.  Nominated by The Most Reverend Dr. Jenna

  ·    Miss Burke, The Faculty - decapitated in a car crash. Her head then grows octopus legs and crawls back to her body, which incidentally is on hands and knees searching for the head- cool. She later goes on to pull one of her own students, which I thought was illegal?  Nominated by Lamby, Keeper of the Creatures

·         Leonardo DiCaprio, Titanic, Freezes to death – This is probably going to be nominated for most tragic death because you either love it or hate it.  For me it had the potential to be very sad up until the moment where Kate Winslet snaps his chin from the plank of wood, it may be realistic that his chin’s frozen to the wood but it’s also a great comedy moment. Nominated by The Most Reverend Dr. Jenna

·    The bloke eaten by the T-rex whilst sat on the toilet in Jurassic Park- when you gotta go you gotta go! Nominated by Lamby, Keeper of the Creatures

·     The boyfriend at the start of Scream, guts fall out all over the nice neat patio- how careless of him  Nominated by Lamby, Keeper of the Creatures

·         Alan Rickman, Robin Hood Prince of Thieves, Stabbed by Kevin Costner – I doubt Alan could have drawn this out much longer.  It’s quite easy to get bored as the man spends half the film staggering round the room with a dagger in his chest.  Even actors on Hercules, who know they’re never going to work again, don’t drag out their scenes this long. Nominated by The Most Reverend Dr. Jenna & She Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken

·       Mel Gibson, Braveheart, hanged, drawn and quartered. Come on, you could have just died quietly, but no you just had to yell 'freedom!' and drop a manky tissue and so on. Stop milking it, mate. Nominated by Lamby, Keeper of the Creatures

·         Leonardo DiCaprio, Titanic, Freezes to death – I assume that this was meant to be the tragic zenith of the film, Leonardo gives his life so that Kate can live, funny how we all laughed… Nominated by The Most Reverend Dr. Jenna

  ·    George Clooney's mate in The Perfect Storm. Okay, so the whole point of the film is that they all end up dead. But when Clooney shoves the bloke out the window of the sinking ship and he floats to the surface, somehow we all expected that ever-present rescue boat or those nice men in the helicopter to come and pick him up. It didn't happen. Oh dear. Nominated by She Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken

·    Danny Nucci, Titanic, hit by a falling funnel. Poor lad, but not many people can say that they were squashed by a big chimney when the unsinkable sank. I wanted to put this in the most tragic category, as its all Leo's fault Danny was on the boat in the first place and it always makes me cry... Nominated by Lamby, Keeper of the Creatures

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