Try not to just repeat the story.
People don't want you to tell them the entire story of the film in just summary-fashion, without adding any sort of opinion at all. I've read plenty of reviews, and that's all they did. As a reviewer, we should elaborate on each aspect of the film. If the acting sucks, was the story at least strong? That brings me to rule #2...
Try not to just slam the movie.
The biggest complaint I have about most reviews is that they just go off about everything, but don't bring up the things that were done right. Just because the plot was contrived and cliche, doesn't mean the actors didn't make it work, or that the director's style wasn't worth watching. I try to think about how almost every movie, no matter how bad, has things that were good. You don't have to focus on the good points to get around the fact that the movie wasn't all that great, but don't just bring up the negative, either. Try to give a thorough review, that shows all the sides.
Try not to give anything away!
There's a very big difference in "Minor Spoilers" and "Major Spoilers." Unless you're writing a review for "Indiana Jones" or something that everyone should've seen by now, there's no reason to have to give away major plot-points in a review. I've read reviews that gave away the endings to The Sixth Sense, The Usual Suspects, and Fight Club. There's no excuse for these people... and I can just hope that someday something awful will happen to them. A good movie will suck you in, and when you get to some revelation in the story, no matter how big, there's a level of astonishment that nothing compares to. Why would anyone want to purposefully ensure that others NEVER EVER experience that themselves? I don't care how lame the movie is, I want to figure out what happens on my own.
Try not to sound too inti...intellijent
Recently, I've stumbled onto reviews that use thousands of 'big words' to bash the film and filmmakers with. I noticed that without the 'big words' (which look like the person just had a thesaurus beside him, because they're words that NO ONE would use) the review didn't seem to say anything at all, It was just a rant by someone that either didn't understand the movie, or got pissed off that the movie wasn't what they thought it was going to be. I'm not the most intelligent person, but I'd like to think I'm not an idiot, either. I won't use words to make myself sound 'more smart.' I write my reviews as if I were talking to my friends, and if I misspell anything, attribute it to the late hours I usually write and that I'm typing too fast.
I can't say that I will always abide by these rules. Who knows, a movie could come out that turns out to be the worst thing i've ever seen, so yeah, I might bash it... but only after I've decided nothing good was in it, at all. I do promise that I'll never give away anything, and if I do, I'll do a SPOILER WARNING.
I want you guys to read my reviews, and make your own assumptions. My reviews are going to be 99% positive, not because every single movie is awesome, but because I think almost every single movie is worth seeing for something, and I'll tell you what it is and why I think so.
Comments, questions, just e-mail me.
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