Ovid's Curse
by MelWil
Category - Sam/Donna
Rating - PG13
Summary - Love = Pain and Suffering
Archive - Just let me know
Disclaimer - I don't own them. I merely choreograph stories for them.
Feedback - Yes please! To lina_wilson@hotmail.com
Authors note - The references to Ovid are talking in particular about his work
Metamorphosis. Yes I'm an Ancient History Geek
-----------------------
*December 2003*
-----------------------
He didn't look back. I had
almost anticipated this. I had known that he would want to be looking forward,
into the great big future lying out there for him. There was no opportunities
lying in the past. Still I had sat in expectation, peering out of the window,
just hoping that maybe, he would turn around and flash me one last smile,
something to remember him by. A smile to make the last year more meaningful, a
little more significant than just another random year of my life.
But Sam didn't look back. He didn't see me standing here in Josh's office,
watching him walk away. He didn't see the tears streaming down my face and I
tried to hold myself together. I wondered if he had noticed my absence at his
farewell party, my lack of words, my lack of opinion. I wonder if he thought of
me at all?
I hadn't realized that Josh was standing in the doorway behind me. He too had
been watching Sam leave. Now he came inside his office and stepped towards me.
"Donna?" He whispered.
"Is this real?" I asked turning around to face him.
Josh assumed the unreadable face that he had taken to wearing whenever
conversation involved Sam. "I'm sorry Donna."
"Why is this happening?"
"I don't know, Donna." Josh replied softly, wrapping his arms around
me. "I don't know."
-----------------------
*November 2002*
-----------------------
"We are just receiving
the confirmation now. The vote counting has just reached a complete in Florida
and the votes from this state will be awarded to . . . President Josiah
Bartlet!"
The explosion following this announcement was terrific. These were the last of
the required electoral votes, any more states now would just be a bonus. Josh
and CJ had begun dancing around the room, Toby had broken open a bottle of
champagne, the President was hugging Abbey and Zoey like he never wished to let
them go. Donna wasn't sure that she had ever been hugged this much in her life.
Suddenly Josh's mobile phone, which she had been holding, began to ring.
"Hello?" She shouted as she answered it, one hand over her other ear
in an endeavour to hear. "Hello?"
"Donna!" Sam was also shouting. "It's been called! It's
definite!"
"We know." She said looking at the enthusiastic partying happening
around her. "Are you coming over here?"
"On my way. I'll see you soon."
Hanging up the phone, Donna held up her hand to try and catch the attention of
the people around her. "Sam just called. It's definitely called. He's on
his way over." Cheers swallowed her last words as the partying resumed.
Charlie twirled Donna across the room, before moments later having a glass of
champagne pressed into her hands by Toby.
"Drink up." He said, his dark eyes flashing. "We have four more
years of the serious stuff."
Sam arrived ten minutes later and his appearance was greeted with applause. He
took a deep bow and handed some papers to the President. "Your remarks,
Mr. President." He announced, with a huge grin taking over his face.
"Congratulations Sir."
~*~
The champagne had flown for
hours. The President and the First Lady had taken their leave a few hours
earlier, but still the party continued. CJ delighted the room with another
rendition of the Jackal, and Sam and Josh had performed their Vonda Shepard
number. Donna had danced until she felt her feet might fall off, and then she
had danced some more. It was about three in the morning when Sam grabbed her
hands.
"Come on, I want to dance with the prettiest girl here." He called,
pulling her onto the dance floor.
"Just how many girls have you said that to tonight, Sam?" Donna
asked, laughing.
"Is it my fault that they're getting prettier?" He asked in mock
seriousness.
"Or that you're getting drunker?" She grinned.
"I'm not drunk." He protested, dipping her into a deep tango pose.
"Sure you're not." Donna challenged.
"I'm not!"
"Prove it."
"How?" Sam asked
"I'm inviting you to breakfast later this morning. If you turn up, I'll
know that you aren't drunk." She said
"Ok, what time."
Donna thought for a second, she should leave here in the next hour or so and
she would need some rest. "9 am."
"It's a deal." Sam confirmed, shaking her hand before twirling her
across the room.
~*~
Knock, knock, knock.
Donna rolled over wearily and looked at her clock. 9 am. She blinked a few
times and wondered what on earth she was doing awake at this time.
Knock, knock, knock.
Ok, someone was at the door, she thought blearily. She decided to forgo the
bother of her robe and slippers and padded barefoot in her flannel PJs to the
front door. Opening it up, she was more than slightly surprised to see Sam
standing there.
"What are you doing?" She asked suspiciously.
"You invited me over for breakfast." He said coming inside.
"Which you obviously forgot about." He continued, gesturing to her
attire.
Donna ran the events of the previous evening through her mind. "The
President won the election."
"Right." Sam confirmed.
"And there was champagne and dancing."
"Yep."
"And you said that I was pretty."
Sam nodded.
"But I thought you were drunk, so I invited you in for breakfast to prove
it." Donna concluded.
"And here I am." Sam replied.
Donna considered this for a second. "I was sure that you would forget. So
you really weren't drunk?"
"Nope." He smiled
"And you still said I was pretty?"
"Well you are. Now what about breakfast?"
Putting a hand to her head that was now pounding, Donna gestured towards the
kitchen. "If you want breakfast, I'm afraid you're going to have to help
me make it."
Sam smiled. "How about I make some coffee and you go have a shower?"
He suggested.
Donna didn't hesitate. "OK." She started towards the bathroom and
then stopped and looked back at him. "You know it's been a while since
anyone made me coffee."
"It's been a long time since I saw a barefooted woman in flannel
pajamas." He replied, a teasing note entering his voice.
Donna blushed a little. "Oops." She said, finally noticing what she
was wearing.
"No." Sam said. "I like it. You look sweet."
-----------------------
*December 2003*
-----------------------
Josh had given me the
afternoon off and had told me to head home. So I had trudged out to my car,
only to find that the cantankerous thing refused to start. Swearing under my
breath, I pulled out my mobile phone before I remembered that the battery was
flat. "Well this is turning into a fantastic day." I muttered sarcastically
as I began the walk back to the West Wing.
When Josh saw me he raised his eyebrows. "I thought I sent you home
Donna." He said, as sternly as he could manage.
"My car wouldn't start and my phone battery's dead." I informed him
as I headed for the phone on his desk. "I need to call the AAA."
However when I finally got through, the voice on the other end told me that
they were bogged down with work and I was looking at a lengthy wait. I really
didn't want to go and wait out in the cold again, so I asked them to call me
back at work.
"I'm stuck here for a few hours." I informed Josh.
"A few hours?" He asked.
"Yeah. They have breakdowns all over the city."
"Well do you want to come to the mess with me?" He offered.
"Nah. I've got some work I can do." I said.
Josh nodded and headed down the hallway. I didn't really have any work to do,
but I didn't want to go to the mess. Everyone who was there would be talking
about Sam, and I could live without their sympathy. Instead I began walking
around the halls and before I knew it, I had found myself in the nearly empty
communications bullpen. The door to Sam's old office stood open, so I went to
the doorway and looked in.
"It hurts, doesn't it?"
I turned around to see Toby standing there. He gestured to the empty office.
"I always thought Sam would be the stayer." He continued in his quiet
voice. "We're going to miss him."
I nodded, willing myself not to cry. "Yeah"
-----------------------
*January 2003*
-----------------------
"Introducing President
Josiah Bartlet and First Lady Abigail Bartlet."
Donna rose to her feet and clapped along with everyone else. This was the final
inauguration ball of the evening, and was expected to last until the sun rose.
The President came down the stairs and greeted the guests, most of whom were
his staff, friends, family and closest supporters. "I would like to thank
each and every one of you." He announced. "As you know I have spent
the bulk of my evening making speeches and offering thanks. And while I might
be all out of speeches, I still have some very important thank yous to give.
"Firstly I would like to thank my family and friends, in particular my
beautiful wife and daughters who have stood alongside me when things have
gotten tough. I would also like to thank those supporters who made my
reelection possible because they believed that we could make America a better
place.
"But my greatest gratitude must go to my senior staff who served in my
campaign, while they helped run this administration. These people are Leo
McGarry, who ensures that when we run the country, we run it properly. CJ Cregg
who gives my thoughts, actions and mistakes to the country and still makes them
like me. Toby Ziegler and Sam Seaborn who make my words so eloquent and
inspirational." Donna looked at Sam, who was standing next her grinning,
as the President continued. "And Josh Lyman, whose brilliant political
mind and his courage in the face of difficult times helped us get to where we
are today." Looking to the other side of her, where Josh was standing,
Donna swore that she could see her boss' head growing larger.
"I would also like to thank everyone else who has worked in my
administration over the last four years and who gave me their full support
during the campaign. You are all wonderful people who I value greatly. Now, I
think it's time we got some music playing."
As the music started, Sam turned to Donna and extended his arm towards her.
"May I have this dance?"
Donna grinned at him. "You aren't drunk tonight, are you?"
"Nope."
"Well then I think a dance is definitely in order."
~*~
"Donna!"
Donna looked up towards the direction from which her name was being called.
When she saw Sam walking towards her, she smiled and unconsciously tucked a
stray piece of hair behind her ear.
"Hey Sam."
"Are you heading off now?" Sam asked.
Donna gestured to Josh who was slumped on the seat behind her. "Josh went
overboard on the champagne and once again I have to figure out how and where
I'm going to deposit him."
Sam chuckled. "Would you like some help."
Looking at her boss again, Donna gave a definite nod. "I think that your
help might be required." She confirmed.
They managed to balance Josh between them before picking their way through the
remnants of the ball and outside. Once they hit the cold January air, Donna
began to shiver. "What I wouldn't give for a pair of flannel PJ's
now." She grinned at Sam.
He laughed. "I don't know." He said looking at her jade green ball
gown. "That dress looks gorgeous on you."
Donna blushed slightly. "It's not that great for winter though." She
said unnecessarily.
"Here." Resting Josh's weight on Donna for a second, he shrugged off
his jacket. "Put this on."
"But then you'll be cold." Donna protested.
"We haven't got far to go." He replied.
Donna put it on and gave a little twirl. "Now there's a look."
When they arrived at Josh's place, Sam managed to get Josh up the stairs while
Donna fished his keys out of her evening bag.
"It's a good thing I thought to throw these in." She muttered.
"Have you done this before?" Sam asked as they maneuvered Josh into
his bedroom.
"Too many times." They left Josh on the bed and walked out to the
living room. Donna shrugged off Sam's jacket and grabbed the blanket off Josh's
couch to wrap around herself. "I'd better hand around for a while
longer." She said.
"Let's go sit out on the steps." Sam suggested. "The morning's
too pretty to spend in Josh's living room."
They walked out onto the front steps. The sun was shining down on the street,
melting the little bit of snow that had fallen the night before.
"The sun washed away the remnants of a magical night." Sam mused as
he brushed the top step clear and sat down. "Did you have a good night
too?" He asked, looking up at Donna.
She sat down next to him. "In some ways it was even better than the first
time around. I mean, we've all gone through so much in the last four
years." She looked at him seriously. "But it was also bittersweet.
Because amazing things happen during elections and inaugurations, and that's
the last one we'll have with President Bartlet."
Sam nodded. "Yeah. This inauguration seemed to start a big time clock
ticking. We only have four more years to get things right. We're going to have
to take every chance which we are presented with."
Sam's voice was becoming more intense and Donna could feel herself blushing
again. "So what's first on the agenda?" She asked, half scared and
half hopeful of what his answer might be.
He leant over and gently kissed her. As Donna responded, the kiss became deeper
and more passionate. Finally they pulled away and just sat, looking at each
other and smiling.
"That is first on the agenda." Sam told her.
"Do you think we can make it second and third as well?" Donna queried
mischievously.
Sam laughed and kissed her on her forehead. Then he wrapped his arms around her
and she snuggled into his embrace. Silently they sat together on Josh's
doorstep, watching the world come to life around them.
-----------------------
*December 2003*
-----------------------
I'm sitting at my desk, a
steaming cup of coffee in my hand, determined to get something done. My coffee
is just how I like it, hot and bitter. Kind of like a relationship, I thought,
recalling a line from one of my favourite television shows. As I absently
doodled over my page, I realized that someone was standing behind me. Looking
up, I noticed that it was the President and quickly got to my feet.
"Oh, I'm sorry sir." I apologized. "Were you after
something?"
He shook his head. "I just wanted to get away from some reading I'm
supposed to be doing. I'm not interrupting anything am I?" His gaze
wandered over my note pad.
"No Mr. President." I confirmed with a quick shake of my head.
"How are you holding up, Donna? I know that Sam's leaving is hard on all
of us, but I thought you might be particularly upset about it."
"I'm surviving." I said, trying my hardest to smile.
"Didn't Josh try and send you home?" The President asked.
"My car broke down. I'm just waiting for the AAA to get back to me."
As if on cue, the phone began to ring. As the President walked away with one
last smile, I picked it up.
"Ten minutes? Ok, I'll meet you there."
-----------------------
*July 2003*
-----------------------
"Violence on
television!" Josh exclaimed. "Do we have to do this again?"
Donna joined him in the bullpen where he was looking at his message. "Um,
yep. Leo asked you to have a look at it. He wants you and Sam to debate both
sides of it with the new statistic and polling numbers and to put together a
viable position paper to show the President."
"Am I being punished for something?" Josh asked as they walked down
the hall. "I mean what did I do to deserve this? I didn't insult any
Christians did I?"
"Not this week." Donna said as she took a turn to the left away from
Josh.
"Where are you going?" Josh queried.
"Leo asked me to give the message to Sam as well." She replied.
"I'll come with you." He offered.
"No, you need to go see CJ about that thing." She reminded him.
"The interview thing?" He asked. As Donna nodded, his face fell.
"Oh great." He muttered, trudging towards CJ's office.
Donna laughed and made her way to Sam's office. She poked her head inside and
smiled at him. "Hey there."
Sam looked up and smiled in return. With his glasses on and slightly rumpled
hair he looked utterly gorgeous. "Hey Donna, what's up?"
Donna bit her lip and reminded herself that they had promised not to do
anything in the West Wing. Save it for tonight, she told herself off, thinking
about their special six month anniversary night that they had planned.
"Leo wants you and Josh to look at violence on television again." She
informed him.
Sam nodded and checked over her shoulder to make sure that no one was watching
them. "Are you ready for tonight?" He asked softly, reaching out his
hand towards hers for a brief second.
"I can't wait." She replied. They stood still for a few seconds,
wishing that they were anywhere but in the White House, before a noise outside
broke their reverie. "Violence on TV." She reminded him as she went
to the door.
"I won't forget." He assured her.
~*~
"What is the matter with you Sam?" Josh threw his pen down on the
table and glared at his friend. "You haven't been with it all day. The
President wants this tonight, you know?"
Sam looked apologetic. "I'm sorry, my mind's just been wandering a bit
today."
"You're as bad as Donna." Josh grumbled. "She's been flighty all
week. It must be the weather or something."
Sam gave him a tight smile. They had managed to keep their relationship quiet
for this long, they had agreed it was the best for everyone. Normally he had no
trouble putting her out of his mind so that he could get some work done, but
thoughts of their anniversary night had left him rather absent-minded and
distracted.
"So we've got the free speech angle . . ." He said, trying to get
back on track.
As Josh launched into a lengthy, complicated and boring argument against this,
Sam felt himself zoning out again, musing about Donna. In fact, he was so
involved in his thoughts, that he was truly startled when Donna actually
appeared at the door.
"The stuff you asked for, Josh." She said, handing a thick folder to
him.
"Thanks." Said Josh, taking it. "Sit down for a second, would
you Donna? I'd like to try this out on you."
"Ok." Donna settled herself into the chair next to Sam.
This time, neither of them was listening as Josh extolled the virtues of
violence regulation. Instead they were reaching towards each other's hand under
the table. When they felt the warmth of their touch, they shared a little smile
that caused Josh to stop in the middle of his sentence.
"Alright, you two. What on earth is going on? I know I haven't had the
attention of either of you all day. What are you two plotting together?"
Donna felt her face reddening as Josh stood up. "Something is going on
between the two of you, isn't it?" He asked with sudden clarity.
Donna and Sam let their hands drop and looked at each other, wondering how they
should answer this. Finally Donna gave a little nod, causing Josh to throw his
pen across the room.
"Does CJ know?" He asked, pacing the room.
"What does CJ need to know?" The Press Secretary was standing in the
doorway, looking over her glasses, like she was an old fashioned school ma'am,
ready to pull all trouble makers back into line.
"That those two are 'involved'" Josh exclaimed.
CJ looked at Josh. "You're kidding me?" She shifted her gaze to Sam
and Donna. "He's kidding me right?"
Sam looked at CJ. "No, he's not." He told her in a low, angry voice.
"For how long?" CJ asked.
"CJ" Donna protested.
"How long?" CJ wondered if she had the energy to handle this.
"Six months." Sam replied.
"Samuel Seaborn, how many times do I have to tell you that I am the first
person you call? You of all people should know this! You should have come and
talked to me! What if the press had picked this up?"
"But they didn't CJ." Sam remained sitting, alternating his glare
between CJ and Josh. "And frankly, our lives should not be subjected to
the whims of the press. There's absolutely nothing wrong with Donna and I
getting together and there was no reason why we should have had to tell
anyone."
CJ glared at him over her glasses, while Josh leant against the far wall and
scowled. Donna looked down at her hands and for the second time that day wished
that she could be anywhere else but in the White House.
"What's going on?" Toby appeared behind CJ's shoulder. "You can
hear CJ shouting all over the White House. Who screwed up?"
CJ nodded towards Sam and Donna and Josh remarked from against the wall.
"They're involved."
"Josh." Donna warned him quietly.
Toby looked at CJ and she nodded in confirmation. "I must be missing
something." Toby remarked. "How long have they been 'involved'?"
"Six months." Sam, Donna and CJ told him in unison.
Toby's eyebrows shot up "Well if we've only just found out about it,
they've obviously been discreet about it. And Donna doesn't work for Sam. And
if the press have a problem, we don't comment on the personal lives of
staffers. Where's the problem?"
CJ shook her head. "I suppose there isn't really a problem. I would have
liked to know though." She said pointing at Sam. "It would have made
my job easier if the press had found out."
"Josh?" Toby asked.
"It's fine." Josh replied. But the ice in his response was noticeable
to both Sam and Donna. There was no way that Josh was happy with this.
-----------------------
*December 2003*
-----------------------
By the time I finally managed
to get home, the grey sky had been replaced with a nighttime full of clouds. As
I climbed up the flights of stairs to my apartment, I had a stabbing reminder
of the times Sam had placed his hand on my lower back to guide me up the
stairs. With each step, I seemed to experience a different emotion, and by the
time I reached my front door I didn't know if I wanted him to be waiting for me
in my apartment so I could hug him or if I never wanted to see him again
because I was so angry with him.
Letting myself in, I looked through the pile of mail I had collected on my way
in. Shuffling through them I saw that I had a couple of bills, a letter from my
mother, a post card from my sister and a few pieces of junk mail. The last
envelope held only my name and address, and as I opened it I wondered who on
earth would have sent it to me.
The letter inside was short, hand written in familiar handwriting which
produced another flood of memories.
Dear Donna,
Things had changed, things weren't right and it was time for me to start
moving. I know that you'll understand this. I'm sorry that I hurt you, you
didn't deserve it. I can only remind you of Ovid. Pain and suffering was our
final gift.
I'll love you always
Sam
As
I refolded the letter, I could feel the tears running down my face yet again.
Falling to my knees, I covered my face with my hands and cried for as long as I
could.
-----------------------
*October 2003*
-----------------------
Sam could feel Donna look at
him, but he wouldn't return her look. Instead he looked at the ceiling,
wondering what they were doing here, laying next to each other, the bed covers
tangled around their bodies.
The stress had been building on the two of them. It wasn't the press. CJ had
leaked it, but after some initial interest, they had decided that Sam and Donna
wouldn't sell magazines or newspapers and had left them along. CJ had cooled
down as well. The first few days had been tough. She would arrive in front of
Donna's desk or in Sam's office and ask awkward questions that she insisted she
needed in order to be prepared. But she had given up on this when Sam raised
his voice against her.
Josh however was not happy. He was treating Donna with the coolest of manners,
no jokes, no smiles, just business. As for Sam, Josh was barely even talking to
him, communicating only when it was absolutely required. Sam could see that
their friendships with Josh had melted, but he couldn't figure out if Josh was
being jealous or protective or was just hurt that they had kept it secret.
Sam finally gave in and turned on his side to meet Donna's gaze. As he ran his
hand over her bare stomach he thought about how the two of them had been
fighting lately. They had had fights over how they should appear in public and
whether they should have told people earlier. They had fought over their
respective relationships with their families. They had even squabbled over
dinner plans and movie choices. He believed that they were probably on the eve
of combusting and that rather than having sex, they should probably be talking.
"You know." He said, still running his hand over her torso.
"When I learnt Latin, we had to study a writer called Ovid."
"He wrote myths, didn't he?" Donna asked, trying to play her part in
the conversation.
Sam nodded. "A lot of them were love stories. But Ovid was a jaded old
man, and in his stories love had only one conclusion."
Donna felt goose pimples rise on her body. She tried to tell herself that it
was just because of the wanderings of Sam's hand, but she knew that they were
there because she was afraid of what he was going to say next. "What was
that?" She asked, grabbing his hand in her own.
Sam looked away from her. "To Ovid, the greater the love, the greater the
pain and suffering."
Donna had no immediate response too this and the silence seemed endless. When
she finally spoke, her voice was no louder than a whisper. "Do you believe
in Ovid's views of love?" She asked.
Sam still wouldn't look at her. "I don't know."
Donna put her hand on his cheek and forced him to look at her. "Is love
worth pain and suffering?" She queried, still whispering.
Sam shrugged. "I don't know what love is worth."
As she dropped her hand, Donna felt the tears welling in her eyes. "Do you
love me Sam?"
This time, Sam didn't need persuading to look at her. "God, yes. I love
you like I've loved no one before. But we can't . . ."
"We can't go on like this." Donna finished for him. "I
know."
"So this is the end." Sam stated quietly.
Donna nodded and the tears fell in earnest. Sam gathered her into his arms and
she felt his own tears joining hers. Silently they lay there, wrapped around
each other, postponing the moment when they would need to let go. It wasn't
until the sun peered through the curtain that Donna, still crying, gave Sam one
final kiss and walked away.
-----------------------
*December 2003*
-----------------------
I wiped away my tears and
reread Sam's letter again. It seemed to be the final proof that he had gone,
allowing me to accept it. But still it left a dull ache inside, and ache I
didn't know how to muffle.
When Sam and I broke up, Josh and I had managed to mend broken bridges. But if
possible, Josh made life even harder for Sam. He said that Sam shouldn't have
hurt me like that, if it had been him, he would have tried a little harder,
held on a little longer.
I told Josh that it wasn't the point, that we were hurting so much already,
that holding on would only prolong the pain. But he didn't understand.
So Sam decided to go. He said that writing had ceased to be enjoyable and the
words had all dried up. He was no longer inspired and he needed a new
challenge. So the President let him go.
I haven't talked to Sam since I heard he was going. I had planned to go to his
farewell party, but I thought that my red eyes might attract too much
attention. So instead, I had sat in Josh's office, while he went to the party
and tried to forgive his friend. And then I watched Sam leave without turning
around.
Now I hold his last words to me, this short letter where he tells me that he
loves me. But as I pick it up, I hear him talking of Ovid, the warning to those
daring to fall in love. I sit here and I think of Sam and I wonder if I could
ever love again.