I've never done heroin in my lifetime and probably never will. I've known many people and friends who have done it. Even my heroes were or are heroin addicts, recovering addicts or just plain dead. Heroin wasn't just a drug, it was a way of life. Their lives depended on it. It was a lifestyle. It was their drug. It was their food. It was their life's blood. It changed people, the people in my life. It took complete control of these people. It was an addiction. An addiction and only addiction. It was a priority more than life itself. And when it all boils down in a spoon, it's the end of the beginning...
I didn't know about the drug for many years growing up in Norfolk. I never knew about many drugs growing up until after I graduated high school. I knew people were doing drugs at school, but I was never quite exposed to them. But soon, when friends were either in ISS or just plain suspended from school, I realized why. The high school years were times where I wanted to experiment with things. I was never exposed to these things. I pretty much had to experience these things on my own. But my first run in with any kind of drug was Marijuana. I never knew what it was, but in my book at that time, it was strong. And pretty much it had to be some good shit, because it was very strong. It smelt like something was burning. I didn't get a contact high off of it, but it was strong. I remember this because I was a skater and my friend and his older brother wanted to go skating in these ditches along side the highway 64 where Norfolk meets Virginia Beach. We rode up in the green Studebaker and it was in the summer, so we had the windows down. I remember my friend's older brother packin' a pipe and smoking some very strong weed. It was burning so badly that I couldn't really breathe. It was some strong stuff.
I was just gettin' into punk rock music by listening to stuff like the Sex Pistols and that's when I was out to research the band and the punk scene of the 1970's. I've always heard of Sid Vicious and how he was the bass player and blah, blah, blah. And it wasn't until I watched a movie about him and his girlfriend, that I learned a little about heroin. I didn't know that that was what he was shooting into his arm. But I remembered that he was so fucked up all the time. You never saw this guy sober for any reasons at all.
But he wasn't the junkie with bad problems alone. There was another guy and I'm sure many others who did heroin when Sid lived in New York. I speak of one of the most talented people to live and write and play with one of the best band of all times, I speak of Dee Dee Ramone. As I've read many books about him, I've discovered things that I never knew was going on. Heroin was an addiction to him and other people. As it was called, 'Chinese Rocks' at this time in the 1970's. Other junkies to name would be Johnny Thunders. I'm sure these people all got together at times because they did the same stuff. They all played music and they all did heroin. I didn't learn this till I learned more about music and music history and still I had a lot to learn.
I think the earliest encounter with heroin was when I first actually was in a working band. That band was the Nightcaps. I never knew who really did it, but it showed. And you knew who did heroin due to the fact that people were fuckin' fallin' asleep all the time. I never quite knew why people would do the the things they did just to get sick and feel a certain way. I guess because it was cheap. Probably the cheapest high you can get and get fucked up so much more. Then it takes over your life. But aside from what I speak about, I learned very little about it in the band. I just knew the drummer did it and other bands we played with did it as well. I won't name any names to protect the innocent, but I'm sure people know who the fuck I'm talkin' about.
Yeah, back in 1996, I joined the Nightcaps when I was talkin' to a child friend who helped me get into the band. The band at the time was doing a Johnny Thunders tribute stint. It was cool, because that was pretty much my style of music! Music written by New York junkies themselves. But we did the Johnny Thunders thing and soon, I was asked to join the Nightcaps as a guitarist. That was cool because I hadn't been in an established band. This name was established in this area and I was to become part of it! It only took 6 years from when I even started playin' in bands. It was cool and I was ecstatic. But that's when I was going to learn more about things in the music business, in the music scene, in bands, in the rocknroll lifestyle.
I first experienced the drug when the drummer would be all fucked up, his drumming would hurt the band. He would be really tired all the time. Once, he fell asleep on the drumkit during a show, well, actually a couple of shows. I never quite new what he was on, but I learned that it was something more powerful than yer usual pot and coke. I learned that he would get this from the lead singer of the band we shared practice space with. He pretty much had the shit all the time. Needles were hidden in the practice space and that was pretty much where junkies would shoot up. It was a sad and pathetic time. I never saw this happen, but I just know that the bass player didn't want that kinda shit happening in the practice space. Well, the drummer kept at it and it just seemed like an endless story. It's a little known fact about his stage name, Sargent Stash. I came up with it. We were playin' a show in Ohio with the Cowslingers and their drummer thought our drummer's name was Sarge and I put 2 and 2 together and came up with the name, Sargent Stash because he always had something stashed away to get high! It was a joke for the longest time until it stuck and that's pretty much what people call him nowadays.
Well, after 2 years of playin' in this band, I finally called it quits! I was over the whole fact that there was no money in the band for me, the drummer had started playin' in another band and we had no practice space. Not only with these factors, the thing I enjoyed the most, playing guitar and playin' music, it became a job and I no longer enjoyed it anymore. I wrote many songs for the band and they just kept getting shot down all the time and we weren't doing anything new and that pretty much became the demise of the band. But I think Sgt. Stash was lookin' for something newer in his life. Not only musicwise, but in his choice of stash. In the band we both played in, he was subjected to pot and an occassional coke, but the band he's playin' in now, I guess he gets better stash and he's been playin' in that band ever since I quit and that was 6 years ago.
I got outta the scene and pretty much tried to get on with my life. I graduated college, got a job, met some chick, got engaged, didn't work out, quit many jobs, and decided that I wanted to rock out again. There was something missing in my life and I never knew what it was. I was workin' my ass to death at 2 jobs and just went home and had nothing to show for. I went into a deep depression and just pretty much drank and wrote country songs. Then, the songs became rockabilly and then I got back into punk rock and rocknroll songs. Songs by bands I really missed listening to. I suddenly got resurrected again into rocknroll music. It's what I really needed in my life.
I found out one day that an old friend of mine who used to play drums for the Candy Snatchers had died and they were doing a benefit for him. I had also found out that one of my musical heroes lived in the area and he was running a studio. This gave me a boost of energy. It gave me a lotta inspiration to write songs again, good songs. I finally got to speak to him and he wanted me to record with my band. Well, I didn't have a band. So I needed to get one together. He was pushing me and pushing me to get one together. And I hadn't been to the bars in years and I didn't know anybody at all. I didn't know of any places to practice at all. It was gonna be tough, but I started going to shows again and wanted to meet people so that I could make a comeback onto the scene again.
I met up with some people and when I did, I met up with the ex-guitarist of the M-80's. He knew that I was tryin' to get my shit together. He wanted to help and he wasn't sure who would come along for the ride. There was alotta hope. And I found out the hard way that if you weren't in a band, people didn't take you seriously. It's better to have a band, a record or know some people and they will take you more seriously. And I had just demo tapes of shit I wanted to do. I gave them out in hopes of gettin' shit together and I just pretty much relied on Ralph. Ralph pretty much got shit together and he talked to drummer who said he might do it. And our only thing was finding a bass player. It never seemed like the hardest thing to do, but 2 guitar players don't wanna play bass. That's almost like askin' Johnny Thunders and Walter Lure if they should flip a coin to see who was gonna play bass. So we had to search one out! Jose, a guy I knew for a long time was buggin' the shit outta me! The last time I had seen him, he had long hair and he was bald. He wanted to start a band so badly. I didn't know what to do. Then he kept calling me and beggin' me to start a band. I didn't know what to think. Finally, we all got together. We got the drummer and another guitar player and the bass player. I was all set, 2 guitars, bass, and drums. And besides me, the other three we all junkies.
I'd never seen them do the stuff at the time, but I had soon realized that it's not a proud thing to do in front of people as well. Usually, they would go into another room and shoot up. It was quite obvious. And one time I just wanted to watch, just to see what the fuck all this shit was about. I don't like needles. Never have and probably never will. This was a disgusting sight. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing and I never quite understood it either.
Our shows would be alright from the start, but sometimes, they would get outta hand. Someone would fuck up really bad and just fuck everybody else up in the song(s). It was pathetic. And being in a band, you get this high alone aside from drugs, you get this feeling, a good feeling that everybody out there is out to see you, everybody came to see your show, everybody came to see you play. It's a natural high when you're on stage. You feel high and mighty when yer a foot higher than anyone else or on the same level, but behind microphones. It's a great feeling. I just think being on stage and performing took people to diffrent levels.
We were not rock stars. We were people who just had a band and played music. We weren't makin' shit loads of money. Some places didn't even give us free beer. Free beer is complimentary! It should be!!! Well, we don't have to worry about that because that one place is a pizza joint now! Fuck it!!! The fact of playing and being in a band made you the star, the star of the night. The star of the 20-30 minutes you put on stage. But when yer that high and mighty, the only place to go is down and down indeed.
Let's speak about the second guitarist in the band, Ralph. Ralph had a problem and he didn't work and for as long as I've known him, he's never worked. But he had a habit which required that he needed money for it. Well, one night, we played a show and he lied about the pay for the show and he stole it. $30 bucks! So I kicked him outta the band. For $30 bucks! I know that sounds stupid, but we were to record the next week and we needed every little money we could have and we still did and without him. Probably a good thing. When yer lifestyle becomes your life, then it's a real problem and you need help.
Well, out with him and that left 2 junkies to deal with. Money is hard to come by in this world if you don't work, you're not born with money, have rich relatives or whatever way you get fuckin' money. It sucks not to have money. You need money to survive in this fuckin' world and when your fuckin' world is a fuckin' habitual lifestyle, you'll do whatever means necessary to fulfill your needs. I needed money really badly so that I could put gas in my car just to go to work, so I sold shit I didn't really need like cd's and other shit as well. I had some hard times in my life and I've even had to sell guitars and amps just so that I could pay bills! It sucks, but sometimes you've gotta do that shit. I just know when you need something really badly, you'll do what you can. And in the junkies case, that they did. Like I said, I never knew that it was bad until I formed this band. We were rehearsing as a 3-piece band and the bass player needed a bass rig and the only way he could get one was through our band fund and with help from me. I put that shit on a credit card and the amp soon went to the pawnshop! That's fuckin' pathetic. I did get my money after harassing the fuck outta him. I went without that money for the amp for a month or two. There's no reason why you should have a $450 dollar amp and pawn it for $75 bucks the next day so that you can get high. That's not a habit, that's a problem. Soon, the bass player's bass was gone. So then, he had no equipment at all. The drummer soon started tryin' to learn guitar and wanted to buy one! I don't know why, because the guitar and amp ended up in the pawnshop and then he had no drumkit at all. I don't know if that was pawned or sold. Who knows. I don't. So now, I had a band with no equipment. I was the only one who had equipment and we would play shows a block away from their apartment and they would call me up so that I could come pick them up to play a show and I never did. I had to drive seven miles to haul my equipment and they couldn't walk one block to make it to a show. It was an embarassment to me and pretty much the rocknroll scene. I just couldn't believe I had a band like this. There were nights after shows whereby they wanted to score and use my truck to drive to the ghetto. That never fuckin' happened. Or they would want me to drive to help them score. I did that a couple of times and that was some really fucked up shit. It was also bad that they wanted to use my phone to make connections. That's fucked up as well! I just didn't wanna get involved when I wasn't even the one getting high.
Yeah, but this couldn't last for long. I finally took the band into the studio a week after Ralph was fired. I had to learn the guitar solos he did live and play them in the studio. I wanted to record the set list that we were playin' live. It was a set with 13 songs that we knew very well. They didn't wanna do it, but I forced them to because we were at our height of the band's career was ever gonna be. We cranked out 13 songs in one day and all I needed was the drums to be perfect and bass and guitars could be fixed at any time. Well, we did get all the songs down and it was tough, but we did get it done. And with a couple of rough mixes, I sent out the songs to record labels to see who wanted to put out a record, album, whatever. I took chances and I spend money making cd's, mailing them out, most of which I did while I was at work. It was a lotta work and money and well worth the time, when you look back at it.
Finally someone wanted to put out a single and there were talks of an album. These were things I wanted to hear. All the studio work paid off. All the making of cd's paid off. All the sending out of cd's paid off. I mailed them off all over the country and europe. It wasn't cheap at all. In order to get shit going, I had to take charge of my own band and get shit done. Money came outta my pocket. I never really got reimbursed for any of the money I've spent on the band. The two junkies would still ask for money at the end of the shows and I would give it to them so that they could get high. They didn't have equipment, jobs, but they still had time to get high and show up to the shows late. That's one of the reasons why the band is not a band right now. Well, at least not with them. I mean, it was embarrassing to be playing a show and the bass player is falling on the floor and the drummer is falling asleep on the drums. They would even tell me at the end of the shows that they sounded like shit. And it showed. But I had to end this shit and I did.
What can you do? I just pretty much got these guys in the studio and recorded songs on the setlist and pretty much it had been 13 songs! But I wanted to do that and the outcome was really good because that was the best they were ever gonna sound high or not! I'm glad I did what I did! Outta this I got a sold-out EP on Rapid Pulse which got repressed, a full-length album on Rockin' Bones Records, a song on a 45 compilation called 'Urine stains across Virginia' and a song on a cd compilation called Hodge Podge Volume 4 on 1+2 records! Not bad for a band which was only around for a year and shit started to pickup after the band was no longer a band!
I have heard some news about them lately! The bass player has moved to Alaska. The second guitar player is still in the dumps! The drummer has cleaned up as I have heard and has pretty much tried to settle down and has a kid. I don't know if they will pursue music on their own, but I know I won't do anything with those guys again! Not that that's a bad thing, but I just don't see that happening again!
