8-Bit Musings

"Wait. If it’s a Cave of No Return, then how does anyone know what’s inside of it?"    - Black Mage

"I like swords."    - Fighter

"Er... well, y'know. You can't make an omelette without, um... destroying a forest. Or something."    - Black Mage

"God, I hate you."    - Black Mage, to Fighter

"’Two-fisted monkey style’?"    - Black Mage, to Fighter

"We’re gonna be light warriors! Weeeeeeee!"    - Fighter

"Well, if I had to guess, I’d say that’s electric death."     - an old man

"Argh! My brittle old man hip!"    - an old man

"I am the Black Mage! I casts the spells that makes the peoples fall down!"    - Black Mage

"Why, it would take some kind of insane megalomaniac fiend to take pleasure in wielding the tapestry of creation to focus pure energy into reality through nothing more than my own will, the rush of electricity through my being, the power – my God, the power! It’s the only time I feel aliiiiiiiiiiiiive!” - Black Mage

"Ribs... broken. Organs... bleeding. Spleen... still unaccounted for. ~wheeze~"    - Black Mage

"I could very easily destroy you all."    - Black Mage

"Wait, that wouldn’t work. I’m so bad ass that I count for two light warriors, so the king would still perceive us as five. Damn my incredible fighting skills!"    - Fighter

"I’ve got black magic, a hair trigger, and a short fuse. Bring it!"    - Black Mage

"Black Mage is always helping people. The problem is, they almost never understand his unique brand of help so they usually end up yelling… or screaming… or burning."    - Fighter

"Silence, hostage wench! Cower before my dark powers of unpleasantness!"    - Garland

"Oh, heavens no. I’m nefarious, not cruel."    - Garland

"Your ideas intrigue me and I wish to learn more."    - Black Mage

"Don’t push it, Mage! Your meddling will get us fire pokeys in our eyes!"    - Fighter

"Sword-chucks, yo!"    - Fighter

"I guess we’ve no other choice than to check out the strip club district."    - a city guard

"Hey, look over there."    - Thief

"Evil is good... Mmm, pie."    - Black Mage

"Ha! Who needs wits when you’ve got swords!"    - Fighter

"Put the pointy end into the squishy things that scream and bleed."    - Black Mage

"Oh dear Lord, that's not a tentacle!"    - Black Belt

"'Poit'? What a wussy sound."    - Fighter

"I am going to stab you so much."    - Black Mage, to Fighter

"Just so you know, this 'art of silent walking' of yours seems to involve stepping on a lot of dry twigs."    - White Mage, to Black Belt

"Is this where my fresh baked cookies come into the master plan?"    - Garland

"He must be so powerful that even the shiniest sword could not save us now!"    - Fighter

"We have clearly reached the point where only rampant and unchecked stabbing can save us."    - Black Mage

"I, Garland, will, uh... knock you all down!"    - Garland

"Garland? Who is Garland? I am... uh... Barry."    - Garland

"I would jump into the acid right the hell now just to save time, but then I wouldn't be able to hear your own horrible acidy screams of death."    - Black Mage

"My brain feels kinda funny."    - Fighter

"Maybe it's a very slooooow acting acid?"    - Garland

"I mean, geez! I'll bet I could kill like ten times as many people if I didn't have to worry about the legal repercussions."    - Black Mage

"Blah blah end of the world blah."    - Black Mage

"Er... I mean, I just remembered that um... I left my magic on... in my house... where I live."    - Black Mage

"I was thinking I should run around in an idiotic panic."     - Fighter

I just want to cause devastation on a global scale. Is that so wrong?"    - Black Mage

"Hey, that's what I'm here for: sage, yet disturbing advice."     - Black Mage

"Rar!"    - a dragon

"If we disguise ourselves as dragon-food, we could take him by surprise..."    - Red Mage

"Everyone knows that dragons love ketchup. That's why they live so close to ketchup mines."    - Red Mage

"Why must the good ones die so young, while Fighter tormented me with his existence for so damn long?"    - Black Mage

"+3 cookies of yummy."    - Red Mage

"I'm glad you liked my cookies. The secret ingredient is evil."    - the Witch

"It would be terrible for your health if you suddenly died."     - the Witch

"Here it is, the legendary Armoire of Invincibility!"     - the Witch

"I don't tell you how to heal, you don't tell me how to kick."     - Black Belt, to White Mage

"Spinal hazards are hazardous..."    - Fighter

"Give me my hat back, you blasted theoretical space-time model!"     - Red Mage

"Laugh, damn ye! Don't ye know hilarity when ye sees it?    - Captain Bikke

"They left everything that was nailed down. I did not."     - Thief

"Scurvy? B-but how? We've been eating a balanced diet of nothing but Cheetos for the last three months."    - a pirate

"No offense, but it's kinda hard to take a guy seriously as the 'Terror of the Inner Seas' when he screams like a little girl."    - Red Mage

"By Neptune's beard, ye be only slightly less bad ass than kelp!"    - Captain Bikke

"Imagine, tryin' to sail a ship across a mountain range. Couldn't be done, ye understand. It's a matter of logistics. There's just too much mountain in the way."    - Captain Bikke

"We're so powerful, just our battlecry killed them!"     - Fighter

"Oh, that. Yeah, that's just horrible fanged death from the briny depths of the sea attempting to kill us. Pay it no mind."    - Red Mage

"Should I be worried, impressed, or insulted that you could so easily imagine me as a pretty unicorn princess?"    - Black Mage, to Red Mage

"Our flesh!? But that's where I keep my delicious nutrients!"    - Fighter

"Jump overboard! It's the only way to save yourself from the sea-monsters!"    - Fighter

"They may be monsters, but they're sea monsters. What're they gonna do? Flop around on deck and suffocate at us threateningly?"    - Red Mage

"Good lord, no, sir! That was a direct hit with a 40 ton giant bomb. Why would you order such a devastating strike if you wanted to take care of them?"    - an elf

"Whoa, hold it. 'Human on a sunny day'? How is that a crime?!"    - a prisoner of the Elves

"We could stealth sue you."    - a lawninja

"My plans are always practical! It's the laws of physics that get in the way of my success."    - Red Mage

"What did I ever do to deserve this as my fate? Other than all the sinning."    - Black Mage

"I blame the overall lack of swordsmanship."    - Fighter

"That's because I'm using hypno-vision."    - Black Mage

"But we've never been smote before."    - Fighter

"Just once I'd like to go a day without being doomed."     - Black Mage

"Man, democracy sucks when only one guy is in charge."     - Black Mage

"Yes, clearly I was a fool to doubt the word of a figment talking sword."    - Black Mage

"Aww, stupid useless memory. I forget things so fast, it's a wonder I talking good can do still."    - Fighter

"Do not question wizards, for they are quick to turn you into a toad."    - the Witch

"If we can hear your internal monologue, then it isn't."     - Fighter, to Black Mage

"That's just so darn typical of ne'er-do-wells."    - the Witch

"What tortured thoughts plague our leader? What doubts must gnaw at him like a hungry gnawing animal gnawing with hunger?"    - Red Mage, about Thief

"An evil miracle is still technically a miracle."     - Black Mage

"Wee! I am totally hailed."    - Fighter

"No, no, no. Everyone else is doomed."    - Black Mage

"Now you're just doing it to annoy me. You don't even have heat vision."    - Red Mage, to Black Mage

"Your words are fire giants besieging the Asgard of my mind."     - Black Mage, to Fighter

"I don't tell you how to steal, and you don't tell me how to diplomatify."    - Red Mage, to Thief

"I find those to be suitable excuses. Your stabbings have become slightly less imminent."    - Black Mage

"He's clearly dying of acute negativism."    - Red Mage, about Black Mage

"If ever our plots have had a shortcoming, it's had to do with logic."    - Thief

"Yeah, my theory is that if you're holding the Earth Orb, then I can run away."    - Red Mage, to Thief

"I know the difference between right and wrong. I just don't care."    - Black Mage

"This thing desires brains. Speaking to you is a waste of its valuable time."    - Black Mage, to Fighter

"I dunno, BM. I've got a headache. From the stabbing."     - Fighter

"Strange things are afoot at the Circle Cave."    - Thief

"We used to have 36 hour days, but I keep them at 24 hours now just to make everyone hurry."    - Sarda the Wizard

"I should have mentioned this at the beginning. I solve my problems through violence."    - Black Mage

"Dammit, Fighter. White Mage doesn't like me because you're a rotten friend."    - Black Mage

"Yar! I am a bear!"    - Fighter

"I tried being reasonable. You all saw me. I have no other recourse but to shove him into the lava."    - Black Mage, about Black Belt

"Does anyone else smell dragon?"    - Fighter

"Use your weapons, they are designed to inflict damage!"     - Red Mage, in combat with a dragon

"'No, I don't want to learn a teleportation spell,' I said. 'That'd be one less doom spell,' I said."    - Black Mage

"She seems reasonable. Let's reason with her using our reason."    - Black Mage

"For a moment there, I was afraid your idiotic plan would doom us all. But we have a handbag on our side. My worries are unfounded."    - Black Mage, to Red Mage

"Love is a very powerful force. Even more so when it's focused into a coherent beam of destruction."    - Black Mage

"White Mage, Black Mage! Something bad has happened to physics."     - Thief

"I'll need your help re-establishing order to the universe after I'm done with RM's wallet."    - Thief, to White Mage and Black Mage

"We could try to squeeze you in for a thwarting when we're done with Chaos if you like."    - Black Mage, to one of the Nameless

"I think I've read enough insanity languages to know how to spell the names of the Nameless."    - Red Mage

"Infinite nothingness sucks."    - Black Mage

"Yeah, I don't need a quest to teach me the importance of faking friendship."    - Red Mage

"He cannot resist the seductive lure of wealth. I once saw him steal something that wasn't even there."    - Fighter, about Thief

"Yeah, other than the real ones, I don't believe in dragons."     - Thief

"Still, Black Mage raises an excellent point. We're edible."     - Red Mage

"I just want to murder someone, don't weird it up."     - Black Mage, to Red Mage

"Look, are you going to have an introspective metaphorical battle with your own base urges, or do I have to eat you?"    - the personification of man's struggle with his own greed, to Black Mage

"What's a guy gotta do to be abhorrent around these parts?"     - Black Mage

"Fighter, get down from there, you know better than to ride crimes against nature."    - Black Mage

"Just because we deserve this doesn't mean I'm not pissed off about it."    - Black Mage