Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Star Wars Episode II is here, ladies and gentlemen, and place not your faith in those "official" movie critics. I'm freelance - you can trust me. So here's the lowdown on the latest installment of the biggest franchise in movie history.
Storyline
Things are starting to get hairy in the Star Wars universe. Several systems show signs of breaking away from the Galactic Republic, which of course threatens to undermine the very foundations of the thousand-year-old democracy. Make no mistake - this is the real story of Attack of the Clones. Anakin Skywalker may be the narrative focus of the prologues, but the death of democracy by corruption stands at the heart of the tale. Anakin serves mostly as a metaphorical symbol of the gradual decline of the Republic - Star Wars fans know full well that Anakin's frustration, thirst for power, and eventual fall from grace foreshadow the transformation of Republic to Empire. That's what the story is about, and it's handled convincingly. If only that darn "romance" crap hadn't gotten in the way...
Characters
Practically no Jar-Jar! Collective sighs of relief now welcome. All in all, some characters shine while others simply don't. Anakin is quite obviously a very conflicted character, but perhaps a little too conflicted - he must deal with his Jedi training, his respect for Obi-Wan but the feeling that he's being held back, his feelings for Padmé, missing his mother, etc etc etc. While some might think that this merely makes it that much more obvious why he'll eventually turn to the Dark Side, I personally thought that it was overdone. Padmé Amidala is rather one-dimensional in this film; her reasons for returning to Coruscant are contrived, it's far too obvious that she's only there as Anakin's love interest, and her character gives off far too much of a Lara Croft vibe for a Senator and ex-Queen. Obi-Wan, in contrast, seems to be fairly laid-back and well-adjusted this go-round. His character never seems forced or out-of-character, and his interactions with his "young Padawan" are believably earnest. Jango Fett is a bit of a disappointment - one minute he's going up against a Jedi and holding his own, the next he's down without throwing a punch, and we won't even mention the really corny dialogue between Jango and his "son" Boba. At least we know Boba will pick up the slack for him eventually - maybe it was a good thing Boba Fett hardly said a word in the original trilogy? Dooku is aptly sinister, and Senator Palpatine (does the guy have a first name?) is the quintessential connving bastard we all know and love. And Yoda? Yoda is badass. ~insert cheesy grin here~
Effects
C'mon, it's Lucasfilms. Do I really have to say anything? Okay, I will. CGI still has a little ways to go, but when it gets it right, it really gets it right. Planets, starfights, all handled exceedingly well. Droid and clone armies? Droids better than clones, but then, robots always come out better than humans even today. The Jedi versus the Federation droids? Now we see why the Jedi are the peacekeepers of the Republic. Sweeeeet. The battle for Geonosis? Huge. And even though CGI Yoda is still a little too obviously computer-animated when he's hobbling around with his cane, give that bad boy a lightsaber and you'll be a believer.
Aliens
Did I mention Yoda? Anywho, the Kaminoans were quite interesting - kinda reminded me a little of the guys at the end of A.I. Though the manta rider was definitely the best part of that specific planet. Geonosis was a little too Tatooine for my liking, but the insect-like denizens were unique. The exotic beasts in the arena battle were well-done, but nothing that would make you want to trade in your Rancor. All in all, in terms of alien beasts, this installment isn't anything to write home about.
Acting
With any luck, Episode III will be set far enough in the future that Hayden Christensen won't be playing Anakin Skywalker again. Amidala was supposed to fall in love with a creepy s.o.b. like him? He's lucky she didn't slap him with a restraining order. Christensen's suggestive leers killed any convincing romantic role he might have been able to play. While his arrogance was pretty convincing, it carried over into far too much of the rest of his character. Natalie Portman didn't have much to play with here, but the aforementioned Lara Croft attitude got to be a bit much in the end. Ewan McGregor was convincing as Obi-Wan, and Christopher Lee always excels at looking menacing, though I don't think he was given much to work with either. Samuel L. Jackson was one bad hombre, though.
Romance
I hope this isn't going to turn into a "Spider-Man syndrome." Why the romance part of these movies is getting so horrible, I don't quite know. Therefore, I will affix to it my "pure unadulterated schmaltz" sticker. Man, I miss Han and Leia...
Overall
Damn fun to watch. The first hour and a half (!) dragged, though, which was very unfortunate. Splitting the gangs up must have sounded like a much better idea at first - in the film, it just made the transitions seem forced, and I couldn't wait for the Naboo scenes to end so we could get back to the interesting stuff with Obi-Wan on Kamino. Fortunately, it all pulls together in the end - if you thought Obi-Wan and Qui-Gonn v. Darth Maul gave you shivers, you ain't seen nothin' yet!
Leaves a good taste in your mouth, but oddly enough, after two and a half hours, I felt like there should be more. Everyone says that the new films "don't capture the feel of the first trilogy," but I don't think that's a sufficient explanation. Really, this is the way Lucas would have loved to do the first three - special effects up the wazoo, to bring his every little nuance to life. Why do you think he keeps going back to tinker with them even now? And yet, having said that, I take it back; it is the feel. These movies just aren't as much fun as the first one. They're darker, and therefore take themselves a lot more seriously. Is that what we're missing?
In all, I think we as an audience are making a very obvious yet plausible and reasonable mistake. We're treating Star Wars like it's being presented to us - as six different films. In reality, it's one overarching storyline, a movie that's fifteen hours long. It's about the descent into darkness, and in the end, it's about redemption. Once it's complete, we'll be able to look back and say, "It all works now!" Or we won't. We'll just have to wait and see.
But that day has not yet come. There is another...
Overall rating:
Send me on my way... back to the main page
