How
to be the Perfect Asian Parent (for tha
oldies)
1. Be a little more lenient on the 7:00 p.m. curfew
2. Don`t give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs
3. Don`t reveal all the intimate details of your kid`s life to the entire Asian community
4. Don`t ask all your kid`s friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girlfriend yet.
5. Don`t ask where the other point went when your child comes home with 99 percent grade on his/her report card.
6. Don`t "ai-yah" loudly at your kid`s dress habits.
7. Don`t
ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life?" if he/she majors in a
non-science field
1. your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
2. your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15.
3. you shop at 99 Ranch.
4. your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends` kids.
5. your parents say, "Don`t forget your heritage."
6. you drive mostly Japanese cars.
7. you`ve learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
8. you`ve had to eat parts of animals they don`t even put in hot dogs.
9. you`ve ever gotten little red envelopes around February.
10. piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors.
11. you hear (your name+ eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you. (e.g., Jean- ee - yah! or Mary - yah!).
12. your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.
13. the Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night`s dinner.
14. your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
15. an Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother? Well then, is it your sister?"
16. your relatives` houses smell like incense, mothballs or both.
17. everyone thinks you`re good at math.
18. your parents` vocabulary is filled with "Ai-yahs and Wah`s"
19. your parents insist you marry within your race.
20. you never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation oriental food
21. your parents have never kissed you
22. your parents have never kissed each other.
23. you learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents.
24. people see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate.
25. you have 12+ aunts and uncles
26.you own a rice cooker or two
27. you buy soy sauce by the gallon.
28. you will most likely be taller than your parents.
29. your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head.
30. you have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry
