COURAGE & NO REGRETS

The soft breeze swept lightly across the quilt of light grass. Rukawa Kaede sat motionlessly on the cold stone bench, staring up at the time-honored and stately church. He was alone, atop this small hill where a lone church stood. He was here, to attend the funeral of his best friend. His loved one, Sakuragi Hanamichi. The solemn and sorrowful ceremony was held a few hours ago. And now, everyone had left, save him. He strode slowly and carefully into the church of memories. He walked past the long rows of benches and slightly cracked windows before reaching the altar in front. This church again. The very church where Sakuragi's wedding and today, his funeral were held. Rukawa brushed the dust of various objects near his touch. Backing and sitting down onto a creaky bench, images from the past forcefully occupied his mind.

FLASHBACK

"Are you even planning to open your mouth and utter your confessions to Hanamichi at all?" Mitsui asked irritably.

"Hello, dude? We've been giving you our full support ever since you accidentally, well, maybe not that unintentionally, told Aya-chan about your.well, interest, love, whatever, for Hanamichi." Miyagi grumbled.

Rukawa ignored the deliberate attempts to get him to talk to Sakuragi. "Soon. The chance will come."

END OF FLASHBACK

Rukawa's POV :

Sakuragi's a great buddy. I didn't wanted to lose a friend. That was the excuse I gave everyone and myself initially. But in the end, I knows better. I am just an insufferable coward. I couldn't find the guts to tell Sakuragi. Why should I be afraid of rejection? As compared to Sakuragi and Miyagi's failures, one is not going to send me sinking Titanic-style into the deepest ends of depression or hurt.

The chance will come? What crap. Well, maybe it does for some other people. Of course, the main point is, 'some other people'. Which means not for me at least. That's how things are going to work out? Or should I blame myself for not taking the initiative, chance or not. Putting it off never works. It's either a yes or no. What's the problem? Right, I forgot. I was afraid. Scared, haunted by the fear that he would not accept my love. Am I wrong?

FLASHBACK

"Hey, congrats, Hanamichi! Who would have thought you'd be the first of us all to get married?" Mitsui joked. Ayako and Haruko was talking to the bride who was radiating happiness and bliss as she stood proudly beside her husband-to-be. Rukawa stood aside deep in thought, otherwise, to be it crudely, in a daze.

"Kaede? You ok down there?" Rukawa blinked awake as a familiar laughing voice knocked him back to reality.

"Yeah, I'm fine.con..congrats." Rukawa muttered almost reluctantly. It was not known whether Sakuragi noticed as he grinned good-naturedly. Rukawa did not know what to say. The inner struggle in him was getting almost unbearable. All that mental pain taunted at him cruelly and mercilessly as the heavens above mocked him for his folly.

Perhaps, he was granted a last opportunity. "Do.Do you have anything to say to me?" Sakuragi added hesitantly suddenly.

"YES YES! I love you Hana, so just ditch this girl and we'll be together forever!" Rukawa forced back these words. Convinced that all was lost, "No."

"I see. Well, I've got to go see to the other guests. Excuse me." Sakuragi hurried away before Rukawa could do anything.

The church bells clanged joyfully as the pastor declared the couple newlyweds. Rukawa was long gone before Sakuragi and his wife left the aisle. Three months later, Rukawa was arisen loudly one misty morning by the angry ringing of his phone, which was insisting his attention. What he heard next make him crawl into the sheets and cry brokenly like he had never done before.

.::+[At the Funeral]+::.

Sakuragi's wife, Hatsuko, sobbed tragically as the pastor droned on and on. The same crowd who were present at the wedding gathered again. Rukawa sat alone, on the very last bench at the back. He looked up, as Hatsuko abruptly stood up. Managing a weak smile, she addressed everyone.

 "Hanamichi wanted me to fufill his very last wish. And that is to read out his diary. In it, are entries which mean a lot to him. He has confessed to me about the truth. I have accepted it, and out of love for my husband still, I would hence take this chance to read out his diary's contents." Rukawa kept silent, gazing piercingly at Hatsuko who bravely continued, while struggling to hold back tears.

'Dear diary, today's my wedding day with Hatsuko. Everything went really smoothly and Hatsuko looked really happy. I met Kaede. He came. Why? I invited him, so he came? I am so stupid. I actually asked him whether he had anything to say to me before I step onto the aisle. What was I expecting? That baka kitsune to go down on his knees and beg me tearfully to break off the whole thing? He said no. And I just left, giving an excuse I don't even remember myself. I guessed the harsh disappointment was too hard for me to take in front of him. I'm such an aho.'

Rukawa swallowed, suddenly feeling uptight and wary. Hatsuko smiled slightly as she flipped the page.

'Dear diary, I can't lie or deny this. But I wouldn't say it to anyone. I'm really happy with Hatsuko. She's a perfect wife. But I don't love her.' Soft gasps and whispers erupted at these words, exhibiting disbelief and shock. Rukawa waited tentatively. Ayako, Miyagi and Mitsui turned back to raise their eyebrows at him. He ignored them pointedly.

'I don't love Hatsuko. I don't love my wife. Why did I marry her then? I'm despicable. Have I been using her to fufill my need for love? What crap. I'm just a coward. A coward with too much pride. I didn't want to be rejected again. And I wasn't sure. I guess I could write it down. I can't say it out loud. He hasn't been showing anything. But hey, I love you, Rukawa Kaede.'

Rukawa felt heat flowing thorough his entire body as everyone turned sharp gazes at the man whom Sakuragi actually loved. "I.I." He muttered softly. 'I had no guts to tell him face-to-face. Now that I've confessed, I hope someday he would know that I love him.'

Hatsuko closed the diary. She walked calmly towards Rukawa. She was glowing with happiness as she said, "I have finally done something really important for Hanamichi. That's enough, and I'm content. And this, is a gift to you." She extended Sakuragi's diary to Rukawa who took it after a moment's hesitation.

END OF FLASHBACK

Rukawa's POV:

No, Hana.I'm the one with no courage. We could have been together forever. I thwarted it all. Be peaceful in Heaven now that I know. Regrets aside, I hope you are safe now. We'll see each other again. In a few decades. Now, I'll live for you too.

End of POV

Rukawa blinked and squinted in the sunlight as he stepped out once again of the dim, old church. A small smile lit his face up. Making his way down the hill home, clutching Sakuragi's diary, he whispered, "I love you, Hana."

.::+[OWARI]+::.