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HOLD ON
Its raining heavily outside like it has been for the past few weeks. He sat there in the dark with tears trickling down his un-shaven face, watching him like he has been doing for the past six months. If was as if the heavens felt what he was feeling and was lamenting together with him over the fallen angel.
He would come here after practice, everyday just to keep him company. He would bring the latest basketball magazines and tapes of their past matches. Sometimes he would stay the night hoping that Kogure would wake up but its been six months and there was still no moment. Yet, he would never give up. He still came day after day, hoping that a miracle would happen.
hold on
He didn’t tell. He wouldn’t let me know. But I found out anyway. I found out the truth bout everything. Love makes you do crazy things I guess. I just could not bear to be apart from. Maybe that was it, my love for him caused him to be ignorant of his own self. How could it be that I did not see it coming? How could I be so blind?
Its after mid-night, way past visiting hours and yet he’s still there, watching Kogure. He knows he doesn’t have to, but he can’t help it. Kogure is everything to him, always have and always will. No matter what happens.
*flashback*
“Who was he? Tell me. I want to know” he demanded as he looked into those brown eyes. The eyes that he could always trust, always until that faithful day. He no longer looks at them with love because all he sees is deceit and lies.
“Who? I dunno… what your talking about.” trying to look away.
“Answer me. Stop lying!!!” He grabbed Kogure, trying to get the truth out from him.
“No, please dun hurt me…” Kogure begged as he held his head in pain. He started to swing his head from right to left and back to right again. Vigorously. With that he fell like his limbs were immobile, He then shook, while on the floor as if he had been electrocuted and white foam were collected in his mouth.
He could not do anything. He was too traumatized by what happened to do anything. All of a sudden, breaking from his dazed position, he picked up the phone.
“911, what is your emergency?” from the other side of the line.
what is it in me that refuses
to believe
I think I’m crazy, crazy over him. And because of this craziness I have stopped basketball ball. It was my life, basketball but that’s the main point. It was. Because of him I stopped. I wanted to take care of him, show him that I’ll always be by his side. Always. And when he wakes up, I will be the first person he sees and I’ll tell him that everything that happened was just a bad dream. A horrible nightmare. Only, if he wakes up.
“Who is it?” he questioned the person who was knocking outside. He didn’t want to be bothered, especially not when he is taking care of his beloved. He wanted it to be just the two of them. Alone, oblivious of the world around them.
He entered without answering. Dressed in white, with a stethoscope around his neck. Holding a clip-board in one hand, looking at it, unaware that someone else was in the room.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t think anyone was here.” he flicked his blond hair and smiled.
He hated that smile. A smile that showed something happy. How could anyone smile at a time like this. Especially when his Kogure is lying on the bed, as if sleeping and not wanting to get up for being too absorbed in his dreams. He recognized that face. The face that he had learn to hate over a short period of time.
I learned the truth about everything that day. Who he was. Why he was at Kogure’s house. And the secret that he kept from me for so long. I could only cry in response to everything his doctor said. I felt as if it were my fault. Like I had something to do without no matter how many times the doctor assured me that it wasn’t. It was by inheritance. Even so, I could not accept it. I knew I had something to do with it whether inheritance or not.
He came again today. A little different from what he looked like every other day. He shaved his beard which was accumulating over the past 6 months and trimmed his hair to that of his old days when he was called a sports man by his friends. He looked like a new man, but his heart begs to differ.
He gently turned to knob to Kogure’s room to see his favorite boy still lying there, asleep. He could only smile at the innocence that boy portrayed. Its been a long while since he last smiled. Its as if he forgot how to altogether but it felt good on his lips and it brought a little flutter in his heart. It felt as if there were fairies dancing over his heart.
Somehow, he didn’t seem depressed as he would day after day. He knew Kogure would not want that and yet, he could not remove the pain he was in. He was told, that there is a possibility that Kogure might not wake up at all. He understood that, he might never be able hug him, or kiss him, or make love with him under the moon shine.
He sat on the bed, beside Kogure. Looked at his beautiful features as the sun glinted on him. It was a sight to behold. Even after looking at him for years, he’d never get tired at the stunning contours of his face. He kissed Kogure on the lips that he adored so much, hoping so much that they would move in response. It didn’t.
He was at little disappointed but he knew he’d try again tomorrow and the day after that. Everyday, until he gets a answer. He holds up his guitar and strums a song that he had kept close to his heart. He sang…
It was the most beautiful voice. Flowers would bloom upon hearing him. Butterflies would gather around and birds would chirp hoping to accompany that melodious tone and yet it wasn’t able to wake Kogure. He wiped his eyes that already had tears, escaping one by one as he sang. He couldn’t take it anymore, he’s almost at the peak before breaking down.
“Hisashi” the voice whispered, the magic words.
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