INSOMNIA

The black-framed clock ticked away, snatching seconds away from grasp.

Tiny discarded fragments of glinting glass carpeted the floor, remnants of the cracked mirror.

He sat, lost and occupied, watching intently with self-satisfaction as the dull red liquid flowed in thin threads down his slit wrist. His immaculate white shirt was stained with the color.

“Yes…” he hissed, pleased with his own newfound courage. Still, the pain made him wince. The blatant constriction in his chest that he could not ignore hammered on.

What made him lose the usual calm façade that he presents to the curious onlookers?

Why is he taking off his flawless mask to show his audience the hideous truth?

He laughs skeptically, the broken sounds ravaging his body with the misery they conceal.

The door creaks open on its slightly rusty hinges and a voice diffidently pierced the eerie hush. “Kei.”

The inky shadow flitted upon the ground as the figure stumbled forward in horror. A hand reaching out to grasp Kei’s mutilated wrist, flagrantly ignoring the rough curse emitted against him.

“K…Kei?” the same voice stammered, shaking with disbelief and sorrow.

“Why are you so surprised?” Kei shot back harshly, relishing the flicker of alarm in the other’s stricken eyes.

The stars winked impatiently, drawing Kei’s attention to the night sky through those thin curtains flapping in the wind.

“You need to bandage that up.” Saki said in a monotone, his voice hollow of the panic he had expressed just now.

“Leave me alone.”

With indigo eyes narrowed and refined eyebrows raised, Saki grabbed a fistful of Kei’s shirt and hissed unceremoniously, “Just what is your problem, Kei?”

Kei stared at the guy in front of him unblinkingly, his head pressed back against the cold concrete wall, his mind not comprehending.

Finally regaining enough sense to shove Saki aside, he got up clumsily, stumbling towards the balcony.

As Kei carefully pushed the curtains aside, his blood stained wrists blotted the flimsy material with red blemishes.

The skies were layers of dull shady grey and painfully vacant black. There was a soft film of mist, occasionally shielding shining stars from view. The stars were like discarded gems, flung across upwards mindlessly.

The clock’s constant and steady ticking was the only sound that kept the room from total motionlessness.

“Why are you doing this? It’s late. Let me bandage your wrist. Just get back to sleep, ok?” Saki said edgily, a tinge of plea unwillingly revealed.

“I can’t sleep…” Kei replied ingenuously, a small smile lighting his face as his eyes gazed unfocusedly at Saki.

“Kei, you know I love you…don’t do this…” Saki tried, swallowing the sorrow that was seeping into his words.

The smile faded immediately as Kei looked away, his musky blue eyes exhibiting the smugness he did not show in a simple smirk.

But Saki saw the defeat lurking in the depths of those cobalt orbs, the pain and hatred towards life and the world.

Striding forward impulsively, he gathered Kei in his arms, embracing the delicate body tightly yet gently.

“I don’t need you to tell me you love me.” Kei whispered, a bloodied hand reaching up to brush away some strands of Saki’s deep black hair.

“Enough of it, Kei. I can’t stand your silence. Tell me if you’re upset, tell me if you’re angry…just, don’t act this way.” Saki reproached regretfully.

Kei grasped Saki’s hand as he continued in the same low whisper, “I can’t sleep. I can’t stand it…I feel it pressing down against me…I hate the walls enclosing me…”

Saki could feel it in Kei, his fear of darkness, the unfathomable fear of shutting his eyes. The dim world had no colors.

His chain of dreary thoughts snapped as he felt a heavy head thudding down on his shoulder.

Kei had passed out.

Cursing slightly under his breath for forgetting about Kei’s gashed wrist, he lifted the limp body onto the soft bed.

After he cleansed and bandaged the wound, Saki stroked Kei’s hair lovingly, relishing the silkiness of those copper locks.

Unwarily, a tear fell onto Kei’s lips and astonishment took over Saki.

Why was he crying?

Was he distressed by Kei’s state?

Was he lamenting Kei’s anguish?

Or was it his, own selfish agony?

The globule of tear shimmered faintly, reflecting the muted glimmer of the stars

. Bending down, Saki pressed his lips onto Kei’s closed ones, his body shaking vaguely, as he tasted his own tear and Kei’s fragrance.

Entwining his long fingers with Kei’s, he continued staring at Kei, strangely subdued.

The calm unnerved Saki. Releasing his hold on his lover, he stood up.

The door clicked shut, and once again, Kei was alone.

Imperceptibly, his eyes fluttered open, illuminating in them, hints of unknown triumph and bitterness.

Tearing the bandage off his wrist roughly, he stepped like greased lightning towards the balcony yet again.

Fumbling, he finally got a steady grip on the ledge.

Thrusting himself up onto his stage, he could hear no applause.

This is the moment, when the curtains come down.

Will there be any encores?

The fresh wind soaked through his skin and chilled his bones.

His dream was fulfilled.

His death was a performance.

The haunting presence of the old souls…they were watching.

Appreciating the exultation and savoring the euphoria of this sole moment, he closed his eyes, renouncing his trepidation.

A foot off the ledge into sheer fine air, he plummeted downwards rapidly.

Something snapped. He was asleep at last.