CHAPTER SEVEN:
'WEIRD' IS PART OF THE JOB
The Federation Starship Voyager, somewhere in the Delta Quadrant
Ensign Kim stared at the stranger open-mouthed. "You're....Ares?" he asked, undecided whether to laugh or call for help.
"Ares, Mars, Seth.......whatever, they're all me" preened the Q, trying to sound unconcerned while bristling with pride.
Harry Kim looked him up and down as he unconsciously circled the man, eventually feigning an air of indifference as he asserted "you don't look much like a god."
Ares laughed mirthlessly and rested his hand on his sword hilt. "Well, you don't look much like a soldier, which is essentially what you are, so don't worry about it."
"Oh, I'm not worried" the young man assured him, "just amused. I'd expected the god of war to be more scary, that's all."
Ares turned on him but kept his cool. "You want 'scary', boy?" he asked menacingly, "that can be arranged."
* * * * * *
"I don't believe it!" fumed Gabrielle as she slammed her glass down onto the table, "How can anybody be so stubborn!"
The warrior reached out and laid a comforting hand over her partner's clenching fist. "Gabrielle," she soothed, "calm down."
"I'm sorry, Xena" came the slightly chastened reply as the young queen took a deep breath, "I just....I so wanted it to work out for them."
"I know, but there's still time. If I know you you'll think of something else."
"Was that a challenge, warrior?" smiled the bard, turning her hand over to capture Xena's and pull it to her lips.
"Oh, I know better than to challenge you, Gabrielle, I'm just saying I've never known you to give up on anything, I don't think you're going to start now, are you?"
"Damm right!"
A roar of outrage errupted at the other side of the bar and they saw Sandrine stride past to break up the argument that was developing. With split second timing Xena leapt to her feet and caught the glass that had been sailing through the air and was just an inch from impacting on the Frenchwoman's delicate nose. "Thanks" Sandrine purred silkily, unconsciously fluttering her eyebrows at the tall, imposing warrior.
"No problem" replied Xena with a smile as she strode off towards the fray. "So what's up, boys?" she asked as she stood just outside the arguing circle.
"That's none of your business, sweetie" scowled a large man wearing a spiv's suit and two-tone shoes.
Xena growled but kept her cool, merely answering calmly "it is when you take pot shots at my friends."
"Oh, that one'll be anyone's friend for a couple of francs," the man jibbed lewdly, "besides I wasn't aiming at her, I....." Suddenly he found himself unable to breathe, let alone finish his sentence, due to the death grip that Xena had on his throat.
"That's not very nice, sweetie" growled Xena menacingly as she hauled him up to his tiptoes. Desperately clutching at her wrist to try and shake off the fierce pressure on his windpipe, the man croaked "s...so...rry" and started to choke.
"I think you should say that to Sandrine, before you leave" she advised threateningly as she dragged him over to where the bar owner was standing, staring open-mouthed at the warrior's show of strength. Standing him in front of the Frenchwoman, Xena released her grip, moving around behind him and placing her hands warningly on his shoulders. Giving him a minute to get in a few gasps of air she reminded him sternly "apologize" and gripped tighter on his shoulders.
"I...I'm sorry, Sandrine," he whinned, his voice a little ragged, "I really didn't mean to."
When Sandrine had nodded her acknowledgement, Xena manoeuvred the spiv smartly towards the door and said "good boy, now don't do it again" before shoving him out onto the pavement, adding a kick to his behind for good measure.
When the warrior sat down again she picked up her drink but, as she was about to take a swig, noticed the slightly disapproving look her wife was giving her as she sat with her arms folded across her chest. "What" she asked innocently.
"You can't resist it, can you? Getting involved, being a hero.....even when it's not real."
"Sorry" shrugged the warrior, "just the way I am, I guess."
"Don't get me wrong" said the bard with a placatory smile, "I'm not really complaining."
"Of course not" acknowledged the warrior with a twitch of her eyebrows as she took a sip of her beer, "anyway, you know I never could resist a blonde in distress."
"Hey!" squealed the bard with a playful swot of her partner's arm.
But the trouble was just beginning. The argument had not been solved by the spiv's ejection and soon exploded once more, quickly degenerating into a general brawl. Xena and Gabrielle looked at eachother as if to say 'here we go again' and stepped into the melee. Between them they expertly decked all of the offenders and jettisoned them from the bar within five minutes, retaking their seats and continuing their conversation as if nothing had happened. "Wow!" gasped Tom Paris as he ran up to their table, "you were great!"
"Thanks" they replied in unison and exchanged a lovingly amuzed look.
"I wish I could include you in some of my programmes, it'd certainly liven the place up a bit." He sat down and frowned slightly to himself as if something were just occurring to him. "Actually," he added, "that's not a bad idea. I mean, if you don't mind. I'd need your permission, of course."
The Greek couple looked at eachother in puzzlement before Gabrielle shrugged "I'm sorry, Tom, I don't understand."
"Of course you don't," sighed the pilot, "why would you? Let me explain."
* * * * * *
"You mean it's possible to create hologramms of real people?" asked the bard, her interest peaked.
"Sure, it's no different from creating a fictional character really," Tom informed her, "In fact, if the person's details are already in the databanks it can be a lot easier."
Xena could almost hear the cogs of Gabrielle's brain turning, sure there was an idea beginning to form in her mind. "Well," she asked, giving the bard time to think, "what would you do with us? I mean with our holograms?"
"I was thinking of combat training actually" Tom informed her, "I haven't mentioned it to Tuvok but I'm sure he'd appreciate the idea."
Xena laughed lightly as she put down her glass. "I don't see how that'd be much help to you," she admitted, "I mean, I bet you don't need to fight with swords very often, do you?"
"Well, no," admitted the pilot, "but you don't just fight with a sword, do you? You two can fight with anything, or completely unarmed. That kind of flexiblity would be a very handy skill for us to learn. Tuvok and his security team are trained in all forms of combat, of course, and there are one or two others that have advanced training, but the rest of us just make do with phasers and luck. What if the phasers don't work for some reason or the luck runs out?"
Glancing at Gabrielle and finding her still deep in thought Xena asked "what about B'Elanna? She's an excellent fighter."
"I know" agreed Tom, just a hint of sarcasm in his voice, "but unfortunately she's the Chief Engineer, she already has too much to do. Besides, patience isn't her strong suit, I don't think teaching would be her thing."
Xena nodded sagely, hiding a little smile. "What would we have to do?" she asked.
"Nothing really, just take a trip through the transporter so I can get your pattern in the buffer and then leave the rest to me. Of course, I'd let you approve the holograms before anyone used them."
"Okay," agreed the warrior, "sure, why not?"
"Excellent" beamed the young man, "Gabrielle?"
The sound of her name brought Gabrielle out of her scheming reverie. "You know how to do that?" she asked.
"Yeah, it's kind of a hobby of mine," grinned the pilot proudly "actually, it was me that recreated this place" and he swept his hand around the room.
"Well, in that case," the bard replied as she leaned conspiratorially across the table, "I think we may be able to help eachother. You have my permission to recreate me....if you'll do me a little favour in return."
* * * * * *
Gabrielle smiled smugly to herself and sat back. "I take it" she said, affecting a tone of nonchalance, "that there's already a hologram of Captain Janeway?"
"Of course" acknowledged the pilot.
"And, oh say.....B'Elanna, for example?"
Tom's eyes narrowed as he answered suspiciously "yes, why?"
Xena leaned in, asking "Gabrielle, what're you up to?" but the only reply was a furtive sideways glance and an almost imperceptible wink. "Tom," smiled the bard sweetly, "would you like to help me make the captain the lieutenant very happy?"
The pilot huffed slighlty and nodded. "You have a plan to get them together" he concluded.
"Ah, so you know about their feelings" the bard surmised.
"Of course, the whole ship knows."
"And what do you think about it?"
Tom smiled plaintively and shook his head. "I may not be the right person to ask," he admitted, "given my history with B'Elanna."
Gabrielle looked smartly up and Xena did a double take. "You and B'Elanna?" she asked.
"Yeah. It's been over quite a while but I.....well, I guess I still have feelings for her, you know?"
Gabrielle reached across the table to lay a comforting hand on his arm. "Oh, Tom," she cooed, "I'm so sorry, I didn't realise."
"No it's alright," he smiled wanly, "I couldn't make her happy, I think Janeway can. I do want her to be happy." With a sigh he added "I'll help if I can. What do you want me to do?
* * * * * *
Tom sat back and shook his head in exasperation. "Gabrielle," he stuttered, "that would be a total breach of several protocols. You can't create a hologram of someone without their permission!"
"But you wouldn't be, Tom" the bard pointed out, "the holograms already exist, don't they?"
"Yes, but..." continued the pilot breathlessly, "you can't use holograms of real people without the person's knowledge. There are so many rules against using a hologram to decieve someone, you wouldn't believe."
"But Tom," explained the bard slowly, "we're not actually going to use the holograms at all. Haven't you been listening?"
It was all too much for Xena. Over the course of the conversation she had become more and more amused as she watched Tom getting further and further out of his depth. She had hidden her mirth behind her hand but now it bubbled over, attracting the attention of her two companions. "Tom," she laughed, "I've learned that when it comes to devious plans like these no one ever gets around Gabrielle. I suggest you just go with it and do as you're told, it's much easier that way, believe me."
Gabrielle scowled at her partner before beginning to repeat her plan to the bewildered pilot, explaining it as if to a none-to-bright five-year-old.
* * * * * *
Harry Kim's eyes bulged as he tried desperately to get air into his lungs. "You don't really belong here, do you?" came a voice out of the air, "you're a fish out of water." He spun around but foud nothing but blackness surrounding him as the pressure on his chest increased. "This is what the Harry from this universe felt as he was dying out there in space" said the deep voice, "and you.....well you should've been blown up when Janeway destroyed your Voyager and took those Vidians with her, shouldn't you?" Suddenly Kim was standing on the bridge, staring at a self-destruct countdown with eight seconds to go. "Harry," came the voice of the wargod, (seven...six...five...)"are you scard yet?" (three...two...one...).
End of Chapter Seven
