ONE

B'Elanna dropped into a crouch the moment she felt the transporter beam leaving her. She looked around, listening intently for any sign that her arrival had been noticed, but the cold night air was quiet and still, with only the occasional flutter of bird's wings to disturb the calm. Under cover of the forest in which she had materialised, she made her way quickly but carefully towards the dark building where the captain was being held. An impenetrable forcefield had made it impossible to transport directly into the building, but B'Elanna was confident that her plan for getting in would work. The cloaking device that had been developed by herself and Seven of Nine vibrated silently and gently against her bicep, informing her that it was functioning as designed, so she stood up, shouldering her rifle in preparation, and ran towards the entrance of the high-security prison.

Despite the forcefield, guards patrolled the building constantly, for this was the place where the most important captives of this world were kept for 'interrogation'. B'Elanna ran unnoticed past the sentries at the entrance, confirming that the cloaking device was indeed operating correctly, and stopped in front of the great doors. Voyager's scans of the facility had shown that these doors were the only way in or out of the prison, which was completely sealed, air being provided to it artificially. B'Elanna checked her cronometer; there were only a couple of minutes until the doors would open to allow a change of sentries, and she would be ready and waiting to slip inside.

* * * * * *

The young warrior waited before she entered the cell, peering cautiously around her, thinking that perhaps opening the door may have triggered an alarm of some kind. It seemed, however, that the Varnib had so much faith in their security arrangements that alarms were an unnecessary extravagance. The captain lay on the floor of the tiny unlit cell in a naked, sweating heap. Her wrists were restrained behind her back, her ankles shackled to the floor, her body twitching periodically although it was clear she was barely conscious. B'Elanna swallowed the pain and anger that flashed through her and clambered into the cell, pulling the door to and retrieving the portable light from her backpack. She squatted beside the captain and passed her tricorder over the restraints, finding the required frequency within a minute and releasing Janeway's limbs. Next she took her cloaking device off-line, hoping to Kahless that this wouldn't trigger an intruder alert, and laid her hand lightly on the captain's shoulder. "Captain," she said softly, shaking Janeway's shoulder just a little when she received no response, "Captain Janeway." The captain moaned, her eyelids fluttering as she struggled towards consciousness. Eventually her eyes opened, though they were unfocussed. Believing her tormentors had returned she gasped "No...... please, no more... I can't..."
"It's all right ma'am, I'm not going to hurt you" B'Elanna reassured as she put up her hands to emphasise the promise. Janeway's breath caught in her chest as recognition crept up on her. She knew this woman, she was sure of it. She closed her eyes and dug deep to find a name that matched the face and voice, wincing a little with the effort. Her eyelids blinked a few times as if trying to clear her vision and when they opened again and looked at the dark woman before her, she asked uncertainly "B'Elanna?" The woman smiled. "Yes," she confirmed with a nod, "I've come to take you out of here, Captain."

Kathryn's eyes closed again and she let out the breath she had been holding, a shiver of relief running down her body. Almost immediately, however, she pushed the relief away. She wanted to believe this but she had been tricked before. She reached out to touch the young face but her focus had gone again and she missed, her hand waving aimlessly before B'Elanna's face as the captain asked breathily, "are you real?" her eyes narrowing in an attempt at clarity. Torres took hold of the captain's hand and guided it to her cheek, letting Janeway feel her. "Yes" she said, "I'm right here, Captain." The captain held on to B'Elanna's cheek, not wanting to break her only contact with sanity and hope. Her face darkened as tears sprang to her eyes, but they didn't fall, she had cried too much lately for that.

"Can you walk, ma'am?" B'Elanna asked, waiting patiently as Janeway considered the matter. She thought about her legs and remembered screaming as one of the Varnib ran a device over them........she faught the memory, pushing it deep down, and suddenly became aware of the pain in both of her legs, a pain she had become innured to. She shook her head, wincing as she tried to control the intense sensations. "No" she said quietly, "I think.....they broke....my legs." B'Elanna tried to look unpeturbed and nodded, reaching into her backpack and retrieving a hypospray. She made a move towards the captain, but Janeway's mind flipped back to an image of the Varnib 'doctor' looming over her with a similar device and she pulled away, ignoring the pain the movement sparked all over her body and raising her arms in an atempt to protect herself. The Klingon instinctively backed off. "I'm sorry captain," she said, deepening and slowing her speech, "it's alright, don't be afraid....it's a painkiller the doc gave me in case you should need it...trust me, ma'am...let me help you." She reached out her empty hand and pushed a tendril of damp hair from Kathryn's wary face, repeating softly "trust me."

Janeway relented, nodding silently, and allowed B'Elanna to deliver the strong analgesic into her bloodstream. As the pain seeped out of her, she relaxed, accepting the encroaching numbness with gratitude. She had become so used to pain throughout her body that she hadn't realised how bad it was until it was gone and she could breathe again. She could hear B'Elanna's comforting voice as if through an envelope of cotton wool and as the drug settled into her blood and took it's full effect she became unable to understand the words, merely allowing herself to be comforted by the sound of a friendly voice and to sink deeply into the cushions that seemed to have formed around her.

B'Elanna reached into her pack again and brought out a pair of joggers, a vest and a second cloaking device. Carefully, she lifted the captain's limp legs, ready to stop at the first sign that she was causing pain, but Janeway was floating now, on a drug-induced cloud of semi-consciousness, feeling nothing, silent and still. The engineer dressed the captain as if she were a doll and, after initializing the cloaking device secured it to Janeway's arm. The captain moaned softly and tried to speak "wha...?"
"Sshhhhh" B'Elanna soothed, moving so that her lips where an inch from Janeway's ear. "It's alright, Captain" she reassured in a whisper, "don't worry about a thing. I'm going to take you out of here now, but you have to be very quiet, okay?"
"..kay.." Kathryn acknowledged drowsily and fell silent once more, not aware that she was shivering slightly. Torres removed her gold and black jacket, retrieving the reinitialized cloaking device and replacing it on her arm. She sat the captain up and put the jacket on her, fastening it in the front, and then she gathered the flopping form into her arms and carried her into the empty corridor, cradling her like a baby.

* * * * * *

B'Elanna found an out of the way spot in the entrance lobby and sat, laying Janeway's head in her lap, waiting for the next scheduled opening of the doors. She removed her commbadge form the jacket she had placed on the captain, and put it on the sleeve just above the cloaking device, where it would be more accessible. Janeway was completely unconscious now, and mercifully silent, the only sign of life an occassional twitch. B'Elanna looked down at her face, glistening with fever, and a stab of rage went through her. 'How lonely she must have been,' she thought as she considered the beautiful face, 'never able to relax, never able to stop being the captain, stop being in control, and then this.......how can she ever recover?' These thoughts went round and around in her head until she heard footsteps and her attention was drawn to a squad of half a dozen soldiers marching toward the doors.

Quietly she stood, lifting the captain with her, and waited until the last soldier had passed before she tagged onto the end, her face barely 5 cms from his back. She marched behind the group until they were a couple of metres past the doors and then broke off, vering off towards the forest in which she had arrived. Immediately an alarm sounded and all hell broke loose, the soldiers running around, shooting indiscriminately at any noise from the woods. A stray shot disabled B'Elanna's cloaking device, revealing her to the soldiers and she began to run, her precious, invisible cargo still in her arms.

Initially the shot to her leg felt more like and intense cold than an actual pain but she cried out as the cold turned to a searing heat that flashed up and down her leg accompanied by an accute stabbing. Somehow she kept going, her hand tapping the commbadge on the captain's arm, and she she gasped "Torres to Voyager!"
"B'Elanna!" came the irate voice of the first officer, "what the hell do you.....?"
"No time, Chakotay" she stammered, panting as the pain in her leg grew and grew, "Two to beam...directly.. to sickbay...on my mark." She knew if she stopped here to allow the transport she'd be dead before the beam could catch hold of her and the captain would be dragged back to the prison, and so she kept running, hardening herself to the pain that still grew in her leg. When she stumbled into the forest she ducked behind a large tree and leant against it, moving her hand around the captain's arm to turn the cloaker off and allow the transport. Another shot caught her in the ribs and she screamed as she slumped against the tree, alomost dropping the cpatain. "NOW!" she yelled, as two soldiers ran up to her, their guns aimed straight at her head, but the shots they sent off sizzled in the air and only blasted into the tree as B'Elanna and the captain disappeared.

* * * * * *

Chakotay gazed through the window of the doctor's office at the motionless figure on the biobed. Although he had long ago got over Kathryn Janeway, he still cared about her and he couldn't help being overwhelmed with compassion for anyone that had been through what she clearly had. The doctor had finished his extensive catalogue of her injuries. Over half the bones in her body had been broken or cracked, there were torn muscles and ligaments throughout, caused by massive drug-induced convulsions, her heart had been severely affected by the relentless electric and plasmic shocks she had been subjected to......... the list went on and on. Chakotay was dazed, "yet you say there wasn't a mark on her body?" he asked incredulousy.
"It would seem the Varnib are a highly sophisticted and subtle species, Commander. Whereas we have put our resources and talents into developing highly complex insturments for repairing injuries, they have spent theirs in developing similar devices for creating them. For example, her ribs...they were not broken by force but with what we might call a 'bone de-knitter', I imagine it's very slow and very painful." He took a deep breath and sighed "In my opinion this technicalogical kind of torture is far more traumatic than the brutal version. You know where you are with a good punch in the ribs, but this....it's cold, calculated, clinical and infitely cruel."

Chakotay mulled over the words, his eyes brooding. "Will she recover?" he asked after while.
"Physically, yes, in fact I've repaired 94% of the damage already, the rest is just a matter of time. Mentally and emotionally, however...I really can't say, Commander. Captain Janeway is an extremely proud woman, strong, corageous, confident and, above all, always in control. All that has been taken away from her in the cruelest way imaginable. I really can't predict the effect that will have. I'm sorry...we just have to wait and see." The commander took a deep breath and nodded slowly. When he lifted his head he was 'Acting Captain Chakotay' through and through. "What about B'Elanna?" he asked. The doctor rolled his eyes in frustration. "I wish I knew," he said with feeling, "the injury to her side seems relitively minor, I believe it is already healing withough my help. As for the leg wound, I must confess I'm at a loss. I've never seen anything like it. There is no visible surface wound yet it's as if every nerve has been stimulated. As I said, the Varnib are a very subtle people." Chakotay winced and shook his head, but didn't comment, merely asking "may I talk to her?"
"I'm sorry," replied the hologram with a shake of his own bald head, "she was in considerable pain, I had to sedate her."

* * * * * *

Kathryn awoke with a jump. she was in the lab again, of course, not naked this time and it would seem not bound, but she was definitely back. Why hadn't they bound her to the table? She didn't understand, but it didn't matter, she could move off the table, which meant she could try to escape. As she hauled herself off the table she saw a man approaching her. He wore the usual blue and black of the Varnib but she didn't recognise him, not at first. There was something familiar about him but she couldn't put her finger on it. The man spoke, his voice calm as was her tormentors' custom at the begining of an interrogation, "Captain," he said, "Kathryn...it's alright, you're safe now, you're back on Voyager." She knew he was lying, of course; they had dangled that particular carrot in front of her face before and it had always been a trick. She backed up against the wall and her trembling hand touched its coolness and crept along it to find a way out. Her other hand touched hair and she looked down, immediately flicking her eyes back to check the position of the man that called himself 'the doctor', but he hadn't moved so she looked down again at the hair her hand was now grasping. The woman it belonged to was asleep, or unconscious, anyway she was lying on a table ....no it wasn't a table...it was a kind of bed, but very high, it reminded her of......something. When she looked closer she realised she knew this woman. She had been there before, she had carried her, she had stopped the pain. Kathryn looked back at the man who was still standing a little way off, giving her space, then back to the woman on the bed, then around the room. This didn't seem to be the lab after all, at least not the same one they had used before, it was clean and warm and there was a familiar feel to it.......it felt like.....home. "Sickbay!" she realised in a tiny voice, looking the man for confirmation and asking in the same tremulous tone "Voyager?"
The man nodded and affirmed "Yes, Kathryn, this is Voyager." She smiled weakly at the man she now recognised as the EMH and tears spilled down her cheeks unheeded. Feeling the fine hair still wrapped around her fingers she looked down to untangle it and recognised the woman in a flash of joy. "B'Elanna!" she croaked through her tears and then she fainted.

* * * * * *

The captain's journey back to health and sanity was arduous. She was afraid, untrusting, even paranoid at times, and finally she sank into depression, but her only tears were silent and shortlived, being pushed away as soon as possible. Those around her were patient in the extreme and gradually their perseverance paid off. Wary of trying out his skills as a psychologist after the unfortunate consequences of his last attempt, the doctor had designed a holographic counsellor for the captain. Based mainly on Commander Deanna Troi, of the Enterprise, but also incorporating the combined wisdom of various other notable psychologists, the programme had proved invaluable to Janeway's emotional recovery and sooner than anyone had dared to hope she had, if not recovered, at least regained her grip on reality.

B'Elanna's recovery had taken almost as long, and she was still not fully healed. The injury to her side had been reletively minor, but her leg was causing the doctor all sorts of problems. He had thought her well on the road to full recovery when she had suffered some kind of relapse, almost akin to an infection, causing her excruciating pain. At one point he had been afraid that he would have to amputate and replace her leg with an artificial limb, but since he was unfamiliar with the type of the injury he had no guarantee that that would work, and so he rejected the idea and continued with his course of treatment. Eventually his efforts began to pay off and little by little the corageous young lieutenant recovered enough to begin physiotherapy.

TWO

What with one thing and another Janeway and B'Elanna didn't see eachother for quite a while, but when Chakotay had reluctantly told the captain the full story of her rescue she felt she needed to talk to the lieutenant as soon as possible. The commander still hadn't had a chance to talk to B'Elanna properly himself, but in view of the amount of suffering she had been through and the fact that she had retrieved the captain, he was inclined to let her off with a reprimand.

"Come" said Janeway as she lifted her head from contemplation of the PADD she was holding. She was not really taking in the information it contained but it beat thinking. The door of her quarters hissed open and B'Elanna came slowly in, leaning heavily on her metal walking stick. "You wanted to see me, Captain?" she asked.
Janeway stood quickly and went towards her visitor saying "yes, B'Elanna...but I could have come to you."
"That's okay ma'am, I needed the excersise."
Janeway took the young woman by the arm and led her toward the couch as she asked "How are you? The doctor said you were shot up pretty badly."
"Yeah," she admitted as Janeway helped her to sit down on the soft couch, "some kind of wierd alien weapon he doesn't recognise. He's not quite sure what it did to me but he says it's getting better, it's just going to take a little time."
"and rest," added Janeway, "you have to take it easy B'Elanna....promise me." B'Elanna tried to protest as Janeway placed a cushion on the sofa and gently lifted the young woman's leg to rest on it.
"Oh...that's not necessary, ma'am," she started, but Janeway silenced her with an admonishing hand.
"Indulge me...please," she requested, "....and promise to take it easy for a while."
B'Elanna smiled and relaxed into the sofa "Alright captain, I promise. But tell me, how are you?"
Janeway gave a wan little smile and admitted "Oh..I don't know. I...I'm still in one piece" and, wishing to avoid the subject, stood abruptly and moved away to sit on the chair opposite, crossing her legs nervously.
"B'Elanna," she began quietly, "first I want to thank you...for coming to my rescue."
"Any time, ma'am..." she saw the look in Janeway's eyes and accepted the inevitable "but, you've been talking to Chakotay."
Janeway nodded and looked at her guest in confusion. "He says that not only did you not have authorization for your rescue mission, but he actually ordered you against it."
"Yes, ma'am."
"I just wondered if you had anything to say about that."
Torres looked away, stifling her reaction to the jab of pain that went through her leg. "No captain," she said, "not really."

The captain rose and started pacing restlessly around the room. "Why, B'Elanna?" she asked, "You put yourself and the rest of the crew in danger....."
"...oh no, Captain, I was very careful not put anyone else in danger."
"Nevertheless," said the captain, folding her arms across her chest "there is always some danger for everyoune involoved in an operation like this."
B'Elanna hesitated, but she had to agree, "I guess...I wasn't thinking about that, Captain."
Janeway spun on her heel and almost shouted, in a highly agitated voice, "it seems to me you weren't thinking at all!"
The younger woman winced with the sudden harshness in Janeway's voice and said sheepishly "no, ma'am, I'm sorry."

The captain trembled a little and took in a deep breath to calm herself. She owed her sanity to this woman and she didn't want to be angry with her. "No, B'Elanna," she relented softly, "I'm sorry." She moved back to the chair and slumped wearily into it. "I don't mean to sound ungrateful," she said with a sigh and a rub of her aching temples, "I'm more grateful to you than I can ever say for getting me out of that hellhole....but you know I can't condone this."
B'Elanna nodded, "I know, ma'am" she said as she shifted a little in her seat.
The captain continued, in a tired voice, "well, it's Chakotay's order you disobeyed and it's up to him to deal with it, but if you're expecting me to put in a good word for you B'Elanna, I'm afraid..."
Torres smiled comfortingly at the captain, "No, ma'am" she said, "I don't expect anything. I'll gladly take the consequences."

Janeway sat back and looked deep into B'Elanna's eyes as she asked "so...why?" B'Elanna tried to look blasé as she answered but her heart was pounding like a drum, "the ship can't function without you, Captain."
The captain snorted her contempt for the remark and replied "you know that's not true. Chakotay's perfectly capable of getting Voyager home...more capable than I am at the moment....if he has you in the engine room."
"Oh no, ma'am. Seven and Vorik may not have my improvisational skills but they're more than able to run the ship."
Trying to keep hold of her patience the captain retorted "I don't want to sit here and argue with you about which one of us is more valuable to the ship, B'Elanna, I just want to know why you did it. Chakotay was formulating a plan."
"Not fast enough for my liking, Captain. The cloaker was ready, it just needed to be tested...and what better way? There was no necessity to wait, ma'am."
"That wasn't your decision to make!"
"No, it wasn't...but I made it anyway."

Kathryn stood again and turned her back on the engineer, not wanting her to see the weakness that she felt had overtaken her. She gripped on to the side of a cabinet for support, forcing herself to breathe deeply and control the panic attack that was threatening her. When she calmed down she came back and stood over the reclining young woman looking down at her with exhusted eyes. "Please, B'Elanna" she said "nothing is making sense to me at the moment. I need to understand. Why did you do it? I want the truth."
Torres looked up at her and again her gaze comforted the captain. "I'm not sure you're ready for the truth right now, Captain"
"Maybe not, but I want it anyway."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
B'Elanna knew Janeway would never let this go and so she nodded and said "alright.....alright, ma'am, but you'd better sit down first."

When the captain was again in her seat, B'Elanna began, a little tentatively at first. "I said the ship couldn't function without you, Captain, and I believe that's true but it's not why I did it. The truth is that my motivation was altogether more selfish than that; what I should have said is that I can't function without you." She looked at Janeway for a reaction but saw only total confusion. "I love you, Captain", she admitted, "more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone. I can't remember a time I wasn't in love with you... or maybe I just don't want to. When Neelix told us what the Varnib do to their prisoners, it made me crazy, I couldn't stand it, I had to get you out. I didn't care if I lived or died and, right at that moment, I wasn't thinking about anybody else either. All I knew was that I had to save you, that I had to stop your suffering." B'Elanna paused to take a breath but Janeway was still silent, her face impassive, so B'Elanna continued. "I let my heart rule my head, ma'am. I allowed my personal feelings to override to my professional judgement, I disobeyed a direct order, I stole Federation technology, and yes, I probably endangered the crew. I am guilty of all that and if I've disappointed you I'm really sorry, but if you're asking me to apologise for doing what I had to do to save you.....I won't to that, ma'am..... I can't. I'd do it again in a heartbeat."

For a few moments they were both still and silent, Janeway because she couldn't move and B'Elanna because she was afraid to. "Well..." Janeway eventually said, "I... I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything, ma'am" B'Elanna reassured her, "just forget about it."
Janeway absently shook her head, "no," she said in a dazed voice, "I... I can't do that.... but you're right, I can't handle this right now. Maybe...you should go now."
Before she exited, B'Elanna turned and faced Janeway. "Captain," she said, drawing Kathryn's attention, "I know you must be pretty confused right now. If I've made that worse, or hurt you in any way, I'm truly sorry. Please believe that's the last thing I would ever want to do."

* * * * * *

"She said she did it because .....she loves me" explained the captain with a sigh, slumping back in the massive armchair that sat in the middle of Deanna's office. "And how do you feel about that?" asked the cousellor gently, looking tenderly at her patient's confused face.
"I don't know."
"Well...do you love her?"
"I....I don't know" Kathryn admitted with a wince and a sorrowful shake of her head, "I don'tseem to know anything at the moment". She let her head fall back against the deep pillows and closed her eyes. "I don't seem to feel anything either" she added.
"That's quite normal, Kathryn. You've battled with depression before, right? This is perfectly natural." Janeway didn't reply for a while, merely pulling her bare feet up under her and staring at the ceiling. Then after a few minutes of silence she said "I know how I should feel about it."
"And how's that?" enquired the hologram.
"I should be flattered.....but maintain a professional distance until she gets over it."
Deanna sat forward, her hands clasped noncholantly before her, "you think she will, then?...get over it, I mean. You think she's just infatuated?"
"I don't know" came the far off reply.
"Kathryn, I've never met B'Elanna Torres but, from what you tell me, she's a little past the teacher crush stage. She sounds like a very strong, intelligent and resourceful woman, one that knows her own mind and, I'm sure, her heart. She's a highly professional officer but yet she disobeyed a direct order and risked her life to save you. If you're trying to deal with this by dismissing her feelings, I don't think it's going to work that way."
Janeway looked at her counsellor, her eyes a little glazed and merely acknowledged "no."

"Have you spoken to her about this?" asked Deanna, handing the captain another cup of coffee.
"NO!" gasped Janeway, almost dropping the mug, "I.....I can't!"
"Why not?"
"I just can't" she replied sadly, and wiped a tear from her cheek with an 'tut' of iritaion.
"Are you sure you're not just running away from the situation?" asked Deanna as she regained her seat.
"Of course I am" snapped Kathryn, calming herself before asking "what else can I do? Sometimes a strategic retreat is the best form of defense......right?"
"Sometimes," nodded the counsellor sagely, "but you didn't get to be a Starfleet captain by running away from what scares you, now did you?"
Kathryn took a deep breath and said "well, maybe I've changed."
"Oh, I'm sure you have," agreed Troi, "what you've been through would change anyone. But it can't change who you are, Kathryn. Nothing can do that".
The captain snorted and avered sullenly, as she stared into her swirling coffee, "well, I certainly don't feel like the same person," her bottom lip beginning to tremble. Deanna nodded and stood, walking over to the captain and crouching down before her to place a comforting hand over her trembling one. "Give it time," she said softly, "you can't put a schedule on recovering from a trauma like this. Maybe you'll never be quite the same but you will learn to deal with life again, Kathryn. I think you're doing fine. Just give it time."

* * * * * *

Kathryn screamed in pain and terror and woke with a jerk, scuttling up to the head of her bed and hugging herself tightly to chase away the nightmare. She rocked herself slightly and tried to breathe, flinching against the lingering pain and panic in her chest. "C...compu..ter, lights f..full!" she managed to get out and winced as the sudden glare hit her eyes. Her whole body was covered in a film of sweat and she began shivering as it started to evaporate, leaving her cold. As her breathing calmed and the chaos in her mind soothed itself down, she relaxed and fell forward onto the bed, grimacing as she found herself lying on sodden sheets.

Exhausted but now wide awake and unable to bear the thought of going back to sleep and inviting the terror to return, she got up, showered, dressed, changed her sheets and made herself a cup of coffee, sitting down on her large sofa to drink it. Suddenly her little voice spoke in her head, 'You can't do this anymore, Kathryn', it said, 'you don't want to be like this....you have to get back'. For the first time in months she smiled. Since the beginning of her ordeal at the hands of the Varnib, the little voice that had sustained and guided her all these years had been silent, she thought it had gone forever, but now.....perhaps she was starting to get better after all. As she took a sip from her cup the voice whispered 'B'Elanna' and faded away again. The cup stopped in mid air as she realised that what she wanted now, most of all, was B'Elanna's arms around her, protecting her, carrying her away from all the pain once more.

* * * * * *

"Come in" called the lieutenant when her doorchime sounded, twisting her head around to observe whoever it was enter her quarters. A small figure came in tentatively and stood in the shadows just inside the doorway, as if unsure of its purpose. "Captain!" B'Elanna exclaimed as she recognised her visitor and she sprang rather too hastily from the couch, gasping as her still healing leg spasmed in protest at the sudden movement. She clung to the arm of the sofa for a few seconds to steady herself and allow the pain to pass before limping over to the figure that still stood motionless by the door.

The captain had clearly been crying. Her cheeks were stained with tears and her eyes were sore and puffy as they rose to look unfocussingly into B'Elanna's eyes. On the way to the engineer's quarters Janeway had suddenly been overcome again and had leant against the bulkhead holding herself for fear that otherwise she would literally disintergrate, and shaking with fear and trepidation, but her little voice had once more come to her aid and urged her on.

B'Elanna reached out tentatively to place a warm hand on the captain's shoulder. She did no more than that, not wanting to frighten the woman that seemed to be silently pleading for her help. She waited, giving Janeway the time to say what she needed to and eventually her shaky voice said "B'Elanna, I....I know this is...unfair on you, but I....I really need...." she lowered her head, taking a deep breath before she could continue. "Would you.....would you do me a favour?" she requested.
"Of course, anything" B'Elanna assured her softly.
Kathryn could feel the tears welling up again managed to complete her request before they fell and stopped her speech, "Would you please.....just....just hold me?" she asked in a tiny voice.

B'Elanna gathered the shaking woman into her arms, holding her tightly as her own heart broke at the torment of the woman she loved. Janeway's shaking got stronger as she gasped and panted into B'Elanna's shoulder, fighting to retain control, but Torres said softly "It's alright, Kathryn, just let it go."
"No" gasped Janeway, shaking harder in B'Elanna's arms, "I can't.....I'll fall...apart."
Torres held her tighter and soothed "that's okay, you'll put the pieces back together again afterward."
"What if I can't?" she moaned, gripping B'Elanna a tightly as she could.
"You will," B'Elanna assured her firmly, "I'll help you. I promise I won't let anything happen to you, Kathryn. Trust me. Just let it go."

Kathryn couldn't hold on any longer so she did let go. She screamed into B'Elanna's chest, clutching at her before collapsing into uncontrolled and uncontrollable tears. When her legs gave way B'Elanna caught her and lowered her gently to the ground, never letting go of her, ignoring the jabbing pains in her leg as she settled herself on the floor. They stayed like that for an hour, B'Elanna leaning back against the wall and holding tightly on to the distaught woman in her arms. For a while the captain was near hysterical, screaming and thrashing at B'Elanna's chest with her fists, or gripping onto her Klingon rock so tightly that her nails drew blood. Later her shrieks subsided into wrenching sobs, tearing from her throat and chest, and later still as exhaustion overtook her, her weeping was silent, except for the shuddering gasps for breath her collapse had caused. Eventually she lapsed into a fitful sleep, whimpering and moaning softly through her chaotic dreams, but soon even that seemed to fade and she slept peacefully in B'Elanna's arms.

B'Elanna took a deep, shuddering breath and leaned her head back against the wall wearily. Her shirt was soaked with Kathryn's tears and mangled from her desperate clutching, her chest and shoulders were bruised and scratched where Janeway had unconsciously pomelled them and torn at the flesh, her leg hurt so much she thought she would throw up at any minute, but the greatest pain was in her heart. She knew this was good, that by refusing to bottle up her pain any longer the captain had taken a vital step along the road to recovery, but Kahless! it was so hard to watch the woman she loved go through that kind of agony. She made a vow that whatever Kathryn wanted from her, Kathryn would have, whether it be love, friendship or (gods forbid) nothing at all. She would give the captain whatever she needed and she would protect her to the ends of the universe with her life, her heart and her soul.

* * * * * *

When Janeway awoke, she found herself wrapped in a strong, warm embrace and a little smile crept onto her lips as she snuggled closer into the protecting arms. She was groggy and her eyes were sore, her head aching, but she felt lighter than she had in months and when she eventually looked up at the smiling face above her she was struck softly by the proud, beautiful features of the woman that held her. "Hi," said B'Elanna gently, "how are you feeling?"
"My head hurts, but I think I feel better." B'Elanna nodded and smiled down at her lovingly.

The captain stirred and sat up a little, her eyes wandering down and focussing on the ravaged chest that had been her pillow. "Oh, god!" she cried and sat up stiffly.
"What?"
"Did I do that to you!?" asked Janeway, appalled at the thought.
"What?" enquired Torres as she followed the captain's eyes down to the scratches on her chest,
"oh, yeah....but it doesn't matter." Her tone was unconcerned and she smiled warmly. Janeway sighed and moaned "I'm so sorry, B'Elanna," her eyes clouding over again, but the Klingon cupped the captain's face in her hands and said firmly "Kathryn, it's okay. I'll live." B'Elanna's hands were hot and a little clamy and the captain frowned in puzzlement as she noticed the thin film of perspiration on the Klingon's face. "B'Elanna?" she asked, her voice filling with concern as she shifted to kneel before the young woman. The pressure easing on B'Elanna's leg caused a fresh surge of pain and she gasped, her whole body growing tense and her breath uneven. "B'Elanna!? What....? Oh god, I've been sitting on your leg too, haven't I?" B'Elanna squeezed her eyes shut and gritted her teeth against the pain, merely nodding in reply. Janeway swallowed hard and asked in a mortified tone "how long?"
"uh....a couple of..hours" panted Torres, her fists balling into the carpet.
"Why didn't you move me?" gasped the startled captain, as she reached out to caress the sweaty cheek. The pain began to ebb and B'Elanna relaxed a little, letting her head rest against the wall as she replied "I...I didn't want to disturb you." Janeway shook her head in wonder and, as if to clarify what she had heard, she said softly "You've been sitting here, on the hard floor, enduring that pain for two hours....because you didn't want to disturb me?!"
B'Elanna winced as a spasm grabbed her leg and nodded "yeah."
"Are you crazy?!"
B'Elanna replied only with a sheepish smile.

It was obvious to the captain that the young lieutenant was in considerable pain, though she was doing her best to hide it. "Shall I call the doctor?" she asked, her hand stroking B'Elanna's cheek tenderly, trying to give what comfort she could. "No," said B'Elanna wearily, flicking her eyes up to indicate a cabinet near the couch, "there's a.....hypospray in that drawer." Janeway got up immediately and retrieved the instrument, pressing it gently to the engineer's neck. The drug seemed to bring her relief and in a few minutes she was considerably more relaxed, her breathing more regular. "Can you walk?" asked Janeway, "I don't think you should sit on this floor any longer." Torres nodded and made a move to haul herself up but was stopped by the captain's gentle hand on her shoulder. "Wait" she ordered, and reached for the walking stick that was leaning against a nearby bookcase, handing it to B'Elanna; then she took the lieutenant's other arm and pulled it around her shoulders, reaching around the Klingon's back to steady her. "Okay, let's go" she said and heaved B'Elanna onto her feet, steadying her as she swayed slightly and grunted at the protest her leg gave her. B'Elanna hobbled to the bedroom, leaning heavily on Janeway and her walking stick, stumbling occassionally, but eventually they reached the bed and the captain helped her lie down.

"Is the hypospray not working?" asked Janeway, noticing the grimace of pain that marred B'Elanna's features.
"Yeah, it's working" panted B'Elanna, "but it only takes the edge off. Anything stronger'll knock me out."
"Maybe that'd be a good thing" noted the captain, but B'Elanna shook her curly head against the pillows and replied "no, since this happened I seem to have spent most of my time unconscious. I'm missing my life."
Janeway laughed softly and knelt down by the bed, reaching out to take B'Elanna's hand. "I had no idea it was this bad, B'Elanna."
"Oh, believe me, it's a lot better than it was. Don't wory, Captain, I'll be fine....eventually."
"Is there anything I can do?"
"No, not really. I just have to try and relax the muscles."

Janeway went to the bathroom and brought back a bowl of water and a sponge. She sat on the edge of the bed and began mopping B'Elanna's sweaty brow and when the young engineer protested that she didn't need to do that she said "B'Elanna, after all you've done for me.....let me look after you...please." Torres sank back into the bed with a sigh and nodded, closing her eyes as the coolness of the water began to soothe her fever. Janeway wiped her face and neck and then unbuttoned the Klingon's shirt and began gently washing the scratches she had made.

After a while Janeway thought that B'Elanna had fallen asleep, but then she gasped, her body tensing suddenly and her eyes flying open. "B'Elanna?"
"Uugh!...cramp," panted the Klingon raspily, "I have.....c..cramp," and she began to tremble as her head pressed back into the pillows and her fists scrunched the bedclothes beneath them. "Hold on" said the captain, and she quickly went to the end of the bed and lifted the engineer's leg. She massaged the rigid muscles with strong fingers, wincing at B'Elanna's cries of pain but knowing she had to do this. "I'm sorry," she said breathily, "try to relax, B'Elanna, don't tense up, don't fight me." Torres nodded, swallowing hard and whimpering as the captain bent and stretched and massaged her leg, until eventually she worked the cramp out. When B'Elanna sank heavily into the soft bed, once more soaked in sweat, she seemed to have passed out but as the captain leaned over her, her eyes fluttered open and she gave a weary smile, which the capatain returned, asking "better?"
"yeah," she whispered tiredly, "thanks."
"No problem."

Janeway wiped the new coat of sweat from B'Elanna's soft skin, smiling as the Klingon whimpered "oh, that feels good." When she'd finished she cleared the bowl and sponge away and leaned down to stroke B'Elanna's cheek.
"Is it really better, B'Elanna?" she asked softly.
"Yeah," said the finally pain-free Torres, "it's fine, Captain."
"Kathryn" Janeway corrected and then suggested "why don't you try to sleep now, mmm?"
"Oh, no" protested the engineer, "I'm fine."
"B'Elanna," admonished the captain softly, "you're exhausted. Come on now." She stood and took off her shoes and then, motioning for the Klingon to slide forward, she slipped in behind her, leaning against the bedhead and placing one leg on each side of the astonished Klingon's body. "Lean back against me, B'Elanna," she ordered softly, "and sleep in my arms." Torres settled back comfortably and smiled as she felt the captain's hand slipping through her hair and then her arms tightening around her. "Kathryn," she said, "I want you to know, that whenever you need me, I'll be here for you. If you need to be held, or to talk, or...whatever, always remember I'm here. Okay?" Kathryn swallowed the lump in her throat and let her cheek rest on the top of B'Elanna's head. "Thank you, B'Elanna. That means a lot to me. You make me feel so safe and protected."
B'Elanna hugged the arms that tightened around her and said "I'm glad."
"But next time don't let me squash your poor leg, okay? Promise me?"
Torres giggled softly and agreed "okay, I promise."
"Good," crooned the captain as she absently stroked B'Elanna's hair again, "now sleep." With Janeway's warmth around her B'Elanna slid into sleep almost immediately, but just before it claimed her, she was sure that she felt the captain plant a tiny kiss in her damp, ebony hair.

THREE

B'Elanna leapt back, ignoring the twinge in her leg, and blocked the warrior's bat'leth with her own. Twisting round, she delivered a stinging kick to his knee and he went down with a grunt, holwing as the shining blade descended on his neck leaving a headless corpse. B'Elanna straightened up and dropped her bat'leth on the floor, stumbling back to lean against the rocky wall of the firelit cave and doubling over, trying to catch her breath. She was completely disgusted with how out of shape she had become during her months of incapacity, cursing herself at her inability to finish off her holographic opponent sooner. 'A year ago that would have been an easy fight' she thought as she rested her throbbing head against the wall. Now that she was walking without the aid of a stick, though still with a limp, the doctor had said she could start excersising again and she had been so relieved that she had chosen to ignore his warnings about over doing it.

"B'Elanna!" said a voice on the other side of the cave, "what the hell are you doing!?" and out of the shadows stepped Kathryn Janeway, her red hair glowing in the firelight.
"Training" she panted in reply.
Janeway ran over and stood before her friend placing a soft hand over her heart. "Are you alright?" she asked.
"Yeah.....just a little out of breath" she panted, "honestly, Kathryn, I'm so unfit."
"Well it's not surprising, is it?" said the captain, reaching out to mop B'Elanna's sweaty brow, "you've been sitting around doing nothing for months, and now you launch yourself into a Klingon battle. I really think it's too soon, B'Elanna. You're pushing yourself too hard."
"Like you said, I've been sitting around doing nothing for months. I'm so frustrated I'm about ready to explode. Much as enjoy our walks, I need something more vigorous."
Janeway smiled sweetly and leant against the wall. "I know," she said softly, "it must be really frustrating for you, but you have to take this slowly. Start with something easier and build up gradually. When the doctor said you could start taking real excersise again, I could've sworn I heard him use the phrase 'light activity', I don't think this is what he had in mind. I know it's hard for you but you have to be patient, B'Elanna."
B'Elanna snorted and looked daggers at her friend, "I never was very good at that" she said, and added sullenly "besides, this should have been easy enough. It's only the first level."
Kathryn smiled and accused "I bet your leg hurts too, doesn't it?"
"It's okay."
"B'Elanna!" warned the captain, with a raised eyebrow.
"Alright, alright. So it hurts a little," she admitted irritatedly, "I'll live."
Janeway stood upright and put an arm around the recalcitrant Klingon's waist. "Come on" she said, "I'm taking you home." and even though both of them knew that B'Elanna was now perfectly capable of walking, they remained entwined.

Half way back to B'Elanna's quarters, she stopped with a little hiss as an ache went up her spine. "What?" asked Janeway in concern.
"It's alright, I'm just....a little stiff." Torres assured her, wincing as her back complained again and stretching backwards a little. "Maybe I did overdo it a bit" she admitted.
"hhmmmm" acknowledged the captain with a raised eyebrow, "well I don't like to say I told you so but....." B'Elanna gave her petulant sidelong glance and flexed her back again.
"How about a nice long soak in a hot bath?" offered Janeway softly, "I have some wonderful herbal oils that are very soothing to the muscles. Sound good?"
B'Elanna let out a long breath and said "that sounds wonderful, Kathryn, thanks." So they turned around and headed for Janeway's quarter's, the captain's arms supporting her aching friend.

* * * * * *

Janeway sat on her sofa with a glass of wine and thought of how close she had got to B'Elanna over the last few weeks, since that first cathartic night. It seemed she had become a second physiotherapist to the engineer, just as B'Elanna has become a second counsellor to her. She helped B'Elanna deal with her physical pain, just as B'Elanna helped her deal with her emotional pain, and now that both those pains were growing lesser by the day they found that in the process they had forged a friendship that was unshakeable. Indeed, it was deeper than a friendship, it was a meeting of minds, hearts and souls and, although they had never had even the hint of sexual relationship, it was clear to both of them, as well as many others on the crew, that they were deeply in love with eachother. Kathryn had always been physically attracted to her chief engineer but she had never realised before just how wonderful the woman was. Despite her passionate, argumentative Klingon streak, when it came to Kathryn she was extremely patient and sensitve. Janeway knew how much B'Elanna wanted her, but the Klingon had never done anything that might be construed as making a move, fearful of frightening the still slightly shaky captain. In fact the engineer had sworn to herself that however tough it was to keep away, she would wait for the captain to make the first move, when she was ready.

"B'Elanna?" she called out, after hearing only silence from the bathroom for some time, "are you alright in there?"
"yeah" came the slightly drowsy reply.
"You haven't fallen asleep, have you?"
"Not quite."
Janeway rose and went to replicator to refill her wineglass. "Would you like some wine?" she asked.
"That would be great."

When Janeway enetered the bathroom to deliver the wine she found B'Elanna utterly relaxed, one arm draped over the side of the bath, her head resting back, her eyes closed. There was a wonderful, slightly spicy scent in air, emanating from the steam that rose in swirls from the water that lapped gently around B'Elanna's perfect form. "Well!" said the captain, taking in the gorgeous sight with a little smile, "you seem to be much more relaxed." Torres opened her eyes and reached out languidly to take the offered glass, "this may just send me off to sleep, after all," she drawled.
"Well don't worry," said the captain, sitting on the edge of the bath, "I won't let you drown." Their eyes locked and love passed between them in that gaze, bringing a smile to both their faces, then the captain stood up and put down her glass on the nearby basin; "sit forward," she said quietly, "and let me wash your back."

B'Elanna sighed softly as the captain gently lathered her back with soap and then began massaging her neck and shoulders. She rolled her head around on her neck and tried to keep a hold on the sensations that were spreading through her body at Janeway's touch, but she couldn't prevent a whimper; "mmmmhhhhh," she breathed contentedly, "that's nice." Kathyrn picked up a sponge and soaked it, holding it up above the Klingon's neck and squeezing so that the water casscaded down her back. She gently wiped the rest of the soap away and then, fascinated by the fine skin and the strong musculature and the way the light sparkled in the water droplets clinging to B'Elanna, she unconsciously ran her hands lightly over the flesh of her shoulders and back, exploring the perfection before her intently. Without quite knowing how it happened she leaned down and planted a soft kiss on the shimmering skin that covered B'Elanna's shoulderblade, and then another a little further down. She moved to the other side and continued her featherlight attentions, covering the Klingon's upper back with tiny kisses until B'Elanna's breath bacame quietly ragged and she moaned in appreciation.

Suddenly an image flashed in her brain, and she stopped dead, wincing at the memory and holding her breath until the wave of nausea passed. It was an image of her tied face down on a table, sobbing and screaming as the flesh was flayed from her upper back in neat strips. Of course, that hadn't really been what happened, that would have been far too bloody a process for the Varnib, but a combination of mind drugs and psychometric projection had made her believe that she was being flayed alive, and had made her feel it too.

She leant her forehead against the back of B'Elanna's neck and whispered "I'm sorry" as a tear slipped down her cheek.
"For what?" asked B'Elanna, "don't be sorry, that was lovely."
"No," said the captain with a wan smile, "I'm sorry I can't go on." She stood and walked around to face her friend, slumping down on the side of the bath with a sigh.
"Bad memories?" asked the Klingon, and when the captain merely nodded sadly she reached out a comforting hand and laid it on Kathryn's knee.

The captain took a deep breath and calmed herself. "B'Elanna," she said softly, looking her friend in the eyes, "I think you must know by now how much I love you, how much I want you."
Torres smiled and nodded, "I think I have an idea, yes" she said.
"I want us to be together, I want so much to make love with you....but every time I think about it, about what I want you to do to me and what I want to do to you I....I..I'm reminded of things that were done to me by....by the Varnib, and I feel sick to my stomach." She looked helplessly at B'Elanna, tears falling now and sobs begining to form in her chest, "I don't...seem to be.... able to get....past this," she said as B'Elanna stood and stepped out of the bath, "I don't know what to do."
"Kathryn, look at me," ordered the Klingon gently, as she came to stand in front of Kathryn and reached down to raise the woman's teary face, "I want those things too, but I don't want you to feel under any pressure. I'll wait as long as it takes for you to be comfortable and I'll never push you, but you mustn't push yourself too hard either." She smiled a little wickedly and asked "hey, you remember what you said to me earlier about that?" Janeway returned the smile and nodded, "you should really take some of your own advice, you know." she leaned down a planted a soft, chaste kiss on Kathryn's forhead adding "there's no rush, Kathryn. I'll be here when you're ready."
"I know this isn't fair on you, B'Elanna. I'm afraid you'll get tired of waiting. I wouldn't blame you if you did."
"Never," B'Elanna assured her, looking down into her fearful eyes and caressing her cheeks softly, "I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me, lady, whether you like it or not." This said she pulled the captain gently into a tender hug and stroked her back lovingly. Once she was safe in B'Elanna's warm, if rather wet, embrace, the captain felt much better and she buried her face in her friend's naked chest, inhaling her beautiful clean scent gratefully. "You're so wonderful" she murmurred.
"I know" said the Klingon with a giggle.

* * * * * *

"B'Elanna," said the captain later as they sat drinking wine in her living room. "Would you stay with me tonight?"
"Of course" replied the engineer immediately. There had been a number of nights when Kathryn hadn't wanted to be alone, and B'Elanna had gladly stayed and slept on the couch that easily coverted into a large bed so that she would be there if Kathryn had a nightmare. The captain shifted and clarified her request asking, "but, would you sleep with me, I mean in my bed?" B'Elanna's eyes focussed on her companion's questioningly. "I don't want to do anything," explained the captain, "well actually I do want to but I don't think I can....yet. I just want to feel you close by me. Maybe you could....hold me?"
A radiant smile broke over B'Elanna's lips as she reached out to caress Janeway's cheek. "Sure," she said, the love evident in her voice, "whatever you need, Kahtryn, you know that."
"Are you sure you don't mind?" asked the captain a little tremulously, "I mean, I don't want to make you uncomfortable or...."
B'Elanna stopped her with a raised hand. "How could I mind, you silly goose? I'd love it. As for being uncomfortable....I do have some control over my desires, you know" she teased lightly.

Kathryn lay with her head pillowed on B'Elanna's shoulder, the Klingon's strong arms around her making her feel completely safe and absoloutely loved. She had leant B'Elanna an oversized Starfleet Accademy T-shirt to sleep in and it's fresh, newly washed scent combined with B'Elanna's own slightly exotic musk somehow comforted her. She knew how much the Klingon wanted her but she trusted her completely. A sudden need for something more intimate made her ask "B'Elanna, can I ask you for something else?"
"sure."
"Do you.....I mean...do you think we could...would you....mhhh!" B'Elanna smiled at the captain's sudden inability to express herself and looked down, raising Janeway's chin so that she was facing the captain square on, tightening her hold slightly to try and calm her. "What is it, Kathryn?" she asked softly. The captain took a deep breath and let it out quickly in a deep sigh. She gathered herself together and looked B'Elanna straight in the eye and then she asked "would you kiss me?" The Klingon pulled back slightly, though she didn't relax her hold on Janeway, and she looked questioningly into the captain's eyes with a slight smile tugging at her lips. "Are you sure?" she asked, a little tremulously, but the captain merely smiled and nodded warmly, saying simply "yes, I'm sure."

The kiss was exquisite, so soft and tender that at first they could hardly feel the pressure. B'Elanna held back, ready to back off at any minute should the captain seem distressed, but it was clear that Janeway wanted more contact and so Torres very slowly and gently eased her tongue out to caress Kathryn's slightly open lips. The kiss lasted for a few minutes as they gently, lazily explored eachother's lips and teeth and tongues but it did not escalate into passion, nor was it ever in danger of doing so. When they pulled apart and graced eachother with beautiful smiles, Janeway whispered "thank you" and with a little laugh B'Elanna answered tenderly "oh, it was my pleasure, ma'am."

* * * * * *

"Lieutenant," greeted Vorik as B'Elanna limped into Engineering, "it is good to have you back."
"Oh, belive me, it's good to be back" she replied with a somewhat relieved smile "but the doc has me on 'light duties' for a few weeks, so you'll still have to do all the heavy stuff, okay?"
"I do not believe that will be a problem, Lieutenant" said the Vulcan.
"Good, then why don't you come and give me a full report in a little while."
"Of course, Lieutenant. I have a leaking plasma conduit to deal with but I will be with you as soon as possible."
B'Elanna smiled as she made her way towards the lift to the upper level "No hurry," she said,
"take your time. I'm just happy to be back in my engine room."
A tiny smile twitched Vorik's lips and he nodded in understanding. "of course, Lieutenant, I'm sure there are a few other jobs which need my attention."

As she slid down into the chair in her small office a smile of contentment settled on the Klingon's face. She wanted just to sit here for a while and savour the experience of being back where she belonged and her hand stretched out to caress the console before her as if it were her lover. "Oh, Voyager baby, I have missed you" she said softly, "I'm sorry I had to stay away so long, but you know she needed me, right?" She thought of Kathryn, no longer sitting alone, unable to bring herself even to leave the safety of her quarters, but still not able to retake command of the ship from Chakotay. Although absolutely restored to physical fitness and enotionally as stable as she was ever likely to be, the captain was still fearful that she would fold under the pressure of the very next crisis. She had convinced herself that she would somehow let the crew down if called upon to make a decision on their behalf, despite the doctor's assurances that she was fit to command. B'Elanna had done her best to reassure her friend of her abilities, attempting to lighten the mood with the observation that the captain was as fit to lead now as she had ever been, but Janeway had merely smiled sadly and asked "how can I ask the crew to trust me when I don't trust myself? .....I've lost it, B'Elanna, I don't think I can get it back."

B'Elanna sat back with a sigh and asked no one in particular "how do I help her?" She looked down at the console that was her main point of contact with 'her' ship and asked "what do you think, Voyager? I know you miss her too. Tell me what to do," adding helplessly ".....please."
"Lieutenant?!" enquired Vorik as he hovered in the doorway. B'Elanna's eyes snapped up and she flushed.
"uh....umm..." she stumbled, then relaxed and admitted with asmile, "you caught me, Vorik. I was talking to the ship."
"Ah" was all the Vulcan had to say.
"Oh, I'm sure you'll find it illogical, but I feel like I have a personal relationship with this ship, and all these weeks......I've missed her."
Vorik raised one eyebrow and confirmed "you are correct, Lieutenant, I do find it illogical. 'She'...is a souless, inanimate machine."
B'Elanna almost visibly flinched as she denied "oh no, Vorik! Voyager is far from being souless. As for being inanimate....well, we are travelling at..what...warp 3?"
Vorik was inwardly impressed by the Klingon's ability to judge Voyager's speed so accurately, but his face only registered mild interest. "Indeed, we are currently travelling at warp 3.1," he comfirmed, "if you will consult your console..."
B'Elanna raised her hand to stop him and avered "oh, I don't need to consult my console, Vorik. I can tell without looking, just by feeling, that Voyager is travelling at around warp 3, that her port stabilizers are off by about 1%, that she's been overhauled in the last two days and that, despite that, her dilithium reserves are dpleted." A smug smile settled on her face as she asked "now, Ensign, what can you tell me?"

* * * * * *

Kathryn had started going for walks around the ship. At first she had been tentative about encountering the crew but, much to her surprise, she had found that they seemed to have as much respect for her as ever. When someone addressed her as 'Captain', however, it felt strange and somehow wrong; she certainly didn't feel very much like a captain. She did feel however, that she was growing closer to the crew all the time, much closer than she had been when in command, and she liked it. Getting to know members of the crew that she may only have come into contact with once or twice in the past, made her realise that she was still connected to this ship and its family.

She walked into Engineering about half way through B'Elanna's shift and found the Klingon poking around in a Jeffries tube with a hypospanner. "B'Elanna?" she called out and flushed slightly as a smiling face looked up out of the hatch.
"Hi....Kathryn" greeted the young woman, hoping that the captain would reprimand her for such familiarity while on duty, but Janeway didn't seem to notice, merely asking "What are you doing in there?"
"Fixing a conduit" came the reasonable reply.
Janeway leaned on the hatch and observed "you know the doctor specifically told you not to crawl around in constricted spaces where you can't stretch, eg. Jefferies tubes."
"I know," the Klingon replied calmly, "but the conduit needed fixing and everyone else is busy, so.... I'm doing my job."
Janeway winced at the dig and began frustratedly "B'Elanna, the doctor said...." but she was forestalled by Torres climbing out and standing up to face her, hands on hips. "You really want to discuss what the doctor said, Kathryn?" asked B'Elanna with an eyebrow raised in challenge, and when the captain winced and lowered her face she added "no, I didn't think so." She turned and put one foot up on the edge of the tube, ready to re-enter, "well, if you don't have to follow his advice," she stated, "neither do I," and added for good measure "unless you were thinking of asking Chakotay to order me out," before crawling back into the tube, stifling a flinch as she felt a twinge in her leg. A private smile settled on her lips and she thought to herself 'if that doesn't get her going, nothing will'.

B'Elanna's clear dismissal was having the desired effect. A couple of months ago Janeway would have accepted it, but now it made her angry as hell. How dare B'Elanna talk to her like that in front of the entire engineering staff? This kind of insubordination was unaceptable and she was determined to deal with it right here and now. Command presence snapped back into place as she ordered in her most dangerous voice, the one which had made Hirogen hunters cringe, the one that she had thought lost forever, "Lieutenant Torres, get back out here right now!" B'Elanna's eyes widened and she smiled triumphantly, mouthing a victorious 'YES!' to herself as she turned to crawl painfully out of the tube, and when she was standing stiffly before the captain, enduring the Force Ten Janeway Glare of legend, she felt her old fear of the captain's wrath return, despite the fact that she had planned to provoke it. Though Janeway was not in uniform it was more than clear she was in control. "You are out of line, Lieutenant!" she said, her tone one of barely contained anger.
"Yes, ma'am, I'm sorry" mumbled the engineer, trying to sound contrite even though there was a smile tugging at her lips which made it difficult. Janeway noticed that and it insensed her further. Keeping a tight reign on her anger she asked "Is something funny, Lieutenant?" her voice laced with icy ire. B'Elanna's chest shook a little as she supressed a giggle and she replied "no, ma'am."
"Lieutenant Torres!!" snapped Janeway, "you're on report. I'm not going to put up with this sort of....." she was stopped mid-sentence as B'Elanna's eyes settled on hers. They were so full of warmth and love that for a moment the captain quite forgot why she was angry.
"Captain Janeway, I presume," said B'Elanna softly, "good to have you back, ma'am" and she smiled tenderly.
Janeway calmed and sighed deeply, her eyes closing in understanding. "You did that on purpose" she said quietly and, though it had not been a question, B'Elanna answered "yes.....well someone had to."

* * * * * *

She was lying on the table, her head slightly raised, her wrists shackled at her side and her ankles locked in a wide open position. Flames seared in her belly as another jolt was sent through the thick rod that impaled her and she arched her back off the table with a scream of despair. Sweat glistened on her naked, shuddering body and her red hair, now dull, lay lank and clung to her forhead. She twisted her head from side to side, moaning as the pain abated, shuddering in the after effects of the shock. "Tell me the codes, Kathryn" came 'the doctor's' calm voice, "save yourself all this...tell me." When there was no reply he pressed his scaly thumb on the red button again and another scream was ripped from her aching chest. "The codes, Kathryn," he requested reasonably, but she shook her head slowly and panted "never."

The captain convulsed as the powerful drug began to take effect and her muscles shook with tesion. If she had had the energy she would have screamed again, but this strain was so strong it took her breath away. She had been moved to a chair, her wrists and ankles locked to it, and had been injected with a spasm-inducing drug. She bent over as the next spasm hit her full force in the abdomen, her empty stommach retching, her hands clenching into fists so tight that her nails cut into her palms. 'The doctor' stood before her, a hypospray in his hand, "this is the antidote, Kathryn," he said, "tell me the codes and I'll inject you with it, and this will all be over." Her head swam and throbbed, and through the merciless agony of her clutching muscles she became vaguely aware of a distant sound... the sound of a woman crying and sobbing, begging and pleading for an end to her torment. She realised with utter dismay, that the woman was herself.

Janeway woke with a strangled scream, shaking and sweating profusely. B'Elanna was there, holding her shoulders, stroking her hair, telling her it would all be alright, that it was just a dream, that no one would hurt her anymore. She let the tears flow and fell into Torres' arms, clutching at her back. "I was so close," she sobbed, "so close to telling them.....everything they wanted to know" and she buried her face in B'Elanna's neck.
"But you didn't" Torres reassured her, loosening her grip when the captain pulled away and looked into her eyes like a frightened child.
"Only because you came along," she admitted, "I would have told them, you know, it wouldn't have taken much longer, I...I.."
"Kathryn, listen to me," B'Elanna ordered her softly but firmly, "most people would have talked long before you even contemplated it. You are not superhuman, Kathryn, not even Starfleet would expect you to be superhuman. No one expects that....except you."

"And is she right?" asked Deanna Troi, as she settled herself in her armchair, "do you expect yourself to be superhuman?"
"I guess, I've always pushed myself to be the best I could be, and found a way to punish myself when I wasn't."
"And is that what you're doing now?"
Janeway eyed her counsellor with a frown and asked "what do you mean?"
"Well, think about it. You won't allow yourself to be with B'Elanna and you won't allow yourself to reclaim your position as captain..."
"Because I'm not competant."
"I disagree, so does the doctor, and deep down I don't think you really believe it either." She sat forward and placed a hand on the captain's knee. "Kathrn, I'm not accusing you of anything, I just want you to think about this for a few days. Could you be denying these things to punish yourself, for not being infalable?"

FOUR

"Sir, I'm picking up two vessels closing on us" announced Harry Kim.
Chakotay's tattoo wrinkled in concern as he asked "lifesigns?"
"Vidian, sir!"
The commander leapt to his feet and immediately ordered "Red Alert!" as he turned questioningly to Tuvok, frowning as the Security Chief answered the unspoken enquiry with a nod, "Their weapons are charged, Commander" he said gravely.
Chakotay flushed in the eerie red glow that infused the bridge and called down to Engineering "B'Elanna, we've got trouble. How long before we have warp back on-line?"
"An hour," came the Engineer's voice and Chakotay made a gesture of frustration as he commented "That's about 50 minutes too long!"
"Best I can do, sir" Torres replied.

Chakotay took a couple of seconds to think. "Alright," he said, "bring us about, Mr Paris, and set a course away from the Vidians, full impulse. It might buy us a little time to think."
"Aye, sir" the pilot acknowledged, as his fingers flew expertly over the helm. For the Vidian Sodarity, however, desperation had long ago become the mother of invention, and their superefficient engines were able not only to keep up with a warpless Voyager but to outstrip her with relative ease. The Vidians began firing as soon as they were within range and Tuvok announced that the shields were down to 83%. "Return fire, Mr Tuvok," ordered Chakotay, "target their weapons systems." Tuvok obeyed with a raised eyebrow that indicated he would've prefered to target their warp cores.

Voyager's first volley disabled one of the ships and caused heavy casualties, effectively removing it from the fray, but the second vessel neatly avoided the blast that crippled its colleague, and came back for more.
"Evasive manouvers, Mr Paris," ordered Chakotay, "pattern Omega Two" and Voyager immediately lurched into a vertical dive, banking steeply to emerge on the other side of the remaining Vidian ship, firing as she rose. The Vidians, however, had reinforced their shields and the shots did not do significant damage.

A volley of phaser fire sent Voyager's shield plumeting to 51% as she made another pass, catching the underside of the hulking Vidian vessel with a photon torpedo that had a more satisfying effect than the last attempt. "Evasive pattern Alpha Five" yelled Chakotay, and the Voyager spun into a graceful roll, neatly avoiding a torpedo, which passed within a metre of her hull. The Vidians' next shot, however, caught the edge and shook Voyager with a massive blast that sent sparks flying all over the bridge. Plasma energy flashed from a damaged conduit, catching Chakotay in the back, and for the commander, everything went black before he knew what was happening.

* * * * * *

Kathryn awoke with a startled grunt as the red lights started flashing, the PADD she had been reading before she dozed off clattering onto the floor beside the couch. Adrenaline pumped through her as her internal alarm sounded and her little voice screemed 'VOYAGER'S IN DANGER!' Instinctively she leapt to her feet and, despite her casual appearance, ran for the turbolift to take her to the bridge. It was as if she was in a Warrior Haze, or a Klingon Battlelust, her body working on autopilot as her mind ran through scenarios and solutions. She arrived on the bridge in the midst of chaos, just as Chakotay dropped to the deck, in calm, collected, Captain Mode.

"Report!" she barked at Kim and, despite her long absance, her questionable mental state, her jeans, T-shirt and bare feet, neither Ensign Kim nor any other member of the bridge crew questioned her authority, so commanding and comforting was her presence. She heard the abbreviated report and acted immediately. "Transport Commander Chakotay to Sickbay," she ordered the computer and, even as her first officer disappeared, she sat determinedly in her command chair and ordered "full spread Photon torpedoes, Mr Tuvok. Target their warp engines."
"Aye, Captain" the Vulcan acknowledged with a sense of restoration that registered on his face only as a tiny, twitching smile.

Most of the torpedoes connected with the Vidian ship, though it skillfully avoided damage to its warp engines by swerving at the last minute. "Mr Paris," said the captain, "evasive pattern Delta Nine."
Paris hesitated, asking "Delta Nine, Captain!?"
"Do it!" the captain bellowed, in a tone that left no room for thought of argument.
Delta Nine was an unorthadox maneouvre, involving a highly dangerous back flip that at once left Voyager's forehull vulnerable and enabled a curving spread of torpedoes to coverge on a single point.
"Tuvok, target the propulsion systems," Janeway ordered and then, with a look of absolute determination in her narrowed eyes, ordered "engage!"

Voyager flipped onto her back, twisted over, and came up firing, the torpedo spread curving neatly into a veritable fireball that impacted on the Vidian's hull with shattering effect. "B'Elanna!" yelled the Captain, "I need warp right now!" and if the Chief Engineer was startled to hear Janeway's voice, she didn't indicate it, replying "I can give you Warp 3, Captain, no more."
"I'll take it" replied Janeway and ordered Paris to jump to Warp leaving the crippled Vidian ships far behind and unable to persue.

There was an almost audible sigh of relief around the bridge and Janeway allowed herself a little smile before commanding "Harry, scan for a safe place we can hide for repairs, more than 50,000 kms would be good, we don't want those two's friends turning up."
"There's a nebula 65,000 kms off our port bow, Captain" Kim announced after a couple of seconds, "the gravimetric currents are minimal but they should mask out signal."
"Very good, Mr Kim," acknowledged the captain, "Tom, set a course."

* * * * * *

"How are you feeling, Chakotay?" Janeway asked as she lay a reassuring hand on his chest.
"I'm fine, Captain," the first officer assured her, sitting up stiffly on the biobed and dangling his legs over the edge, "what about you?"
Janeway smiled more brightly than she had in months and replied with an astonished giggle "Apparantly, I'm fine too. I feel wonderful, in fact."
Chakotay's grin was almost as wide as his captain's. "Does that mean you're back in command, Captain?"
"If you've no objections" she confirmed with a nod.
"No, ma'am, not at all. Frankly, I could do with a few days off."
Janeway patted his shoulder and said "of course, Commander. Take all the time you need..... and thank you for your patience and your friendship these past few months."
"Not a problem," replied chakotay with a smile, "I'm just glad you're back on form."

When Kathryn left Sickbay she went straight back to her quarters and put on her uniform. It felt so right to be back in the familiar garb of her position, the four pips gleaming on her collar, and if any doubts surfaced as she looked at herself in the mirror, they were only the normal, healthy doubts that a captain should have every now and again to keep them from becoming complacent. She knew she still had issues to deal with relating to her experiences with the Varnib, and she knew that it would be a long time before she could look at those experiences objectively, if ever at all, but she also knew that they need no longer affect her ability to function either as a Starfleet Captain or as a human being.

"Captain on the bridge" called Harry Kim, as Janeway stepped through the turbolift doors, and the entire bridge crew rose and stood to attention. Kathryn flushed with pride, both in herself and in her crew, and acknowledged the salute graciously. "Thank you, everyone. As you were" she said as she sat down in her command chair. "How are the repairs going, Harry?" she enquired.
"We're almost done, Captain," the dark-haired ensign informed her, "another half hour should do it."
"Good. Tom, as soon as the repairs are complete, resume course, maximum warp. I want to put as much sapce between us and those Vidians as possible, before any of their friends turn up."
"Aye, Captain" the helmsman acknowledged and began making his preparations. The captain sat in her chair for a while, savouring the feeling of being back in control of her ship and herself, and then stood and made for her readyroom. "I'll be in my readyroom," she announced, "you have the bridge, Mr Tuvok."

* * * * * *

The captain slid seductively onto the couch, beside Torres and handed her a glass, pouring the bubbling liquid carefully, so as not to spil any. "I feel a little underdressed" remarked B'Elanna as she clinked glasses with her friend and took a sip.
"Don't worry," said the captain, her voice as smoothe as velvet, "in five minutes you won't be dressed at all" and she raised an eyebrow suggestively. It was all the young engineer could do to avoid choking on her Champagne. "Kathryn," she gasped, "are you sure?"
Janeway smiled and licked her lips slowly. "Yes," she affirmed, "I'm positive." When B'Elanna still looked uncertain, the captain reached out to stroke the Klingon's cheek tenderly. "Look," she said softly, "I can't promise I won't get scared, but I know you'll help me through it. I trust you, B'Elanna, and I want this so much."

B'Elanna leant in and gave Kathryn a tender kiss, exploring her lips and teeth with a rough Klingon tongue. Very slowly she reached out to pull Janeway gently towards her, careful not to be too aggressive or demanding, always leaving the captain the opportunity to stop her and move away. Janeway returned the Klingon's kisses a little tentatively at first, but then she became more eager, pressing herself tightly into the hard, muscled body of her Chief Engineer, burying her hands in the dark waves of her hair. She whimpered as B'Elanna's mouth moved to her neck and nipped lightly at the smoothe skin, sending little shivers creeping over her flesh, and she trembled slightly as Torres tightened her hold a little, savouring the sweet taste of Kathrn's skin.

"Mmmm" moaned Janeway as B'Elanna planted feather light kisses down her chest and along the edge of her silken dress. Her head fell back onto the couch as the young woman laid her gently down and settled beside her, her hands slowly running the length of her silk-clad body. Janeway reached up and undid the buttons of B'Elanna's shirt, one by one, pushing it off the young woman's strong shoulders with a sigh of appreciation at the feel of the muscles playing under her touch. Soon the Klingon's bra joined her shirt on the floor and the captain gasped "God, B'Elanna, you're so beautiful" as she raised herself to take a hard nipple gently in her mouth. B'Elanna sucked in a breath between gritted teeth as Kathryn's mouth sparked intense pleasure in her chest and when Janeway's hand began kneading her other breast, tugging and squeezing gently on the nipple, she almost collapsed on top of the red-haired captain.

It was when B'Elanna reached out to undo the zip at the back of Kathryn's dress that the captain tensed up for the first time and flinched slightly away. "Sorry" she murmurred as she tried to still her thumping chest, lowering her head in shame. B'Elanna took her chin and raised her head, saying "Kathryn, look at me. It's alright." Her steady love-filled gaze bagan to chase away the captain's fear and she relaxed somewhat, a sheepish smile emerging on her lips. "You can keep it on if you want to" B'Elanna reassured her but the captain shook her head and replied, "No, it's alright. I want to feel you against me." When the Klingon reached out again to remove the dress the captain didn't pull away and her insecurities vanished when the engineer moaned in approval of the magnificent sight of a naked Kathryn Janeway.

B'Elanna stood and held out her hand, suggesting "let's go into the bedroom." Silently Kathryn took the offered hand and allowed herslf to be lead towards the bedroom but half way there she suddenly felt uncomfortable and stopped, causing Torres to turn and eye her concernedly. "What?" asked the engineer gently, stepping closer to Janeway. The captain's eyes looked at her with trepidation as she answered "Nothing. I...I just feel...vulnerable."
B'Elanna gently raised Kathryn's face and asked "You want to stop?" but the captain's reply was immediate.
"No!" she said, "I think....I just need to be in charge...in control. Is that okay?"
B'Elanna smiled and nodded, "of course it's okay. Anything you need is okay. Don't ever be afraid to tell me what you want, alright?"
"Alright."

Reassured, the captain stepped past B'Elanna and lead her into the bedroom, walking backwards. She sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the young Klingon to her by the hips, burying her face in the soft abdomen. She unzipped Torres' trousers, easing them past her slim hips along with her underwear, and when the young woman was naked she urged her onto the bed, lying down to pull B'Elanna on top of her and roll her over onto her back. B'Elanna gasped as the captain's hot mouth landed on her left nipple and began to suck, sending a ripple of pleasure down her spine, and she arched slightly off the bed with a tiny shudder of delight.

Kathryn's mouth wended its way down B'Elanna's body langourously, taking time to explore despite B'Elanna's moans of urgency, until eventually it arrived at its destination. The captain inhaled deeply, revelling in the heady, exotic musk, and then her tongue darted out to caress the throbbing clit, sending B'Elanna into a paroxysm of pleasure. "Aghh, Kahless!" she gasped, her hands convulsing into Janeway's hair, and she trembled violently, her body undulating against the silken sheets. Kathryn reached under B'Elanna's shaking thighs and up to her aching nipples, pinching the hardened nubs with increasing pressure as the Klingon's fingers clutched at the sweaty sheets beneath her.

Janeway's tongue grew more and more insistant, and her fingers pinched thighter as B'Elanna's shuddering passion grew stronger and stronger. "Ah, Gods! Kathryn!" she panted as the tingling in her clit became almost painful. When she came it was explosive. She convulsed, bearing down against Kathryn's determined tongue as the juice spurted out of her into the captain's waiting mouth, but Janeway was relentless, squeezing every last drop of ecstasy out of her young lover, until the Klingon was utterly spent.

"That was incredible!" panted B'Elanna as Kathryn kissed her way up the sweaty Klingon body beneath her, ending her journey with a passionate kiss on B'Elanna's swollen lips. The captain gathered the exhausted young woman into her arms and held her tightly until her breathing stilled. "You're incredible" she corrected.

* * * * * *

Kathryn sat astride B'Elanna's thighs as the Klingon leaned back against the bedhead. Two fingers of B'Elanna's left hand were deep inside the captain and her thumb caressed the hard clit with every thrust of Janeway's hips, while Torres' other hand played with her tingling nipples. When the young engineer had first entered Janeway, the captain had almost panicked, remembering the times the Varnib torturers had violated her with instruments considerably larger and less flexible, but B'Elanna's reassurances and steadily loving gaze had eventually bannished her fears. Now, her eyes locked on that tender gaze, she rode B'Elanna's hand and, deep in her belly, felt the sensations that she had thought she would never feel, never want to feel again. She clutched at her lover's shoulders and, burying one hand in the young woman's luscious black curls, pulled her head down to her aching nipple.

B'Elanna sucked, licked and nipped at the bud, careful not to be too agressive with her sharp Klingon teeth, while her free hand still played with the captain's other breast. Janeway moaned deep in her throat and her arms locked around B'Elanna's back as she shook with pleasure, her face turning into the soft black hair. Her thrusting hips became more determined, driving B'Elanna's fingers deeper as she approached her climax. Her mind went blank, focussing entirely on the single point of shimmering, laser-sharp light inside her, and when that light became so intense that it began to burn her she let go and convulsed in a mighty orgasm that sent her mind and body reeling, spiraling out of control.

The tears she shed then, as B'Elanna held her close, were tears of joy and of pain, tears for what she had lost and what she had gained, tears of regret and gratitude and fulfilment and, most of all, tears of love.

The End

SW
18/05/01