My Profound Secret
The bittersweet sting of fresh wounds caresses my consciousness
with the knowledge of my most profound secret --
A precious power I can call at will.
The power of pain;
The power to lash out;
The power to stop the tears I cannot cry;
The power of blood;
The power to still thoughts of you.
I smile serenely or cruelly as I feel the sticky warmth
flow down my florid skin.
The coppery scent wafts around me,
wrapping me in anesthetic arms.
Beautiful blades glisten,
reflecting my sacred scars in their unforgiving light.
The sanctification of my suffering --
A secret power I can call at will.
The bittersweet sting of fresh wounds caresses my consciousness
with the knowledge of my most profound secret.
To know me is to know death and to choose
life
The Greater Feast
The smell of siamese benzoin fills the air
with an all-consuming presence,
a god demanding his due,
just as the cup and cross of suffering
pours into the ocean of life,
the blood of the lamb and the mighty serpent
blended into a perfect work of Art.
By twos and threes the secret force stirs the power within.
Who could guess that such a simple thing
could yield such a puissant gift?
Who could guess my pain of obligation
would lead to the greatest feast of all?
The crimson river flows from my veins
as the smell of siamese benzoin fills the air.
A Haunting Encounter
In my own inner world electric sparks
Exist only in the vivid colors of my dreams,
Yet an invisible magnet draws me to you.
My reason screams out warnings while my heart yearns longingly.
I would be both aloof and loved
Scorned and conqueror.
I am both mother and child and
My love is alternately a flowing font
and a barren desert
But for my chosen it is a wine that comes from
somewhere beyond myself.
Your essence permeates my mind
My eyes overflow with crimson tears.
Ars Regia
A raven calls in the chill of night.
With morning dove songs, swans awake.
In a secret chamber awaits a rose.
The serpent twines about the orphic egg;
Sulphur scents electric air.
The blood of the lion spilled,
droplets of mercury glisten gold.
The Joyous Wedding Day has come.
Oh! golden Sun and Silvery Moon
Fiery Water toasts the chariot and caretaker
With shimmering drops of radiant dew,
seven lotuses shine beneath the living Sun.
The Beholden
Two souls lost in the misty mind of aloneness,
Reach out in search of tenderness, an effervescent light.
a warm touch, a kiss,
a softly spoken word
or a sweet embrace.
Kindred spirits meet in passing.
They share the orgasmic dance of life,
seeking refuge in one another,
yet finding fear and paths fraught with tears.
But never is there a pain more frightful,
a sorrow more morose
as one who has been cast aside as naught
when her heart has been torn apart.
For even when the dance was over
her heart was large enough to love,
but in his blindness he did not see it.
He saw only what he could not have.
Visionary
Among the company of the mad I partake from the bitter cup
That has been handed down throughout the ages to
Genius and degenerate alike
The pinnacle of joy, a fleeting light of hope beckoning, tantalizing
Is a fickle friend, but for but a single sup
I would wallow in the most harrowing of hells.
For to have tasted her sweet lips even once
is better than never having felt the frenzied fire,
the dazzling delight, the ineffable ecstasy.
In the darkest of days, memories of marvelous movements
In the sea of the soul, soothe with the salve of surrender
Crawling on hands and knees, wretched and alone
I reach to the heavens from where
She beckons the bereaved.
The Dying of the Sun
Ravaged by the unforgiving sun,
I hide in the darkness, longing
For the cold silence of winter sleep
Cruel seasons, eternal,
Though I am thy slave,
I scorn thee with all the vileness of my heart.
I curse the savage hand of time,
The merciless turning of the omnipotent clock.
I long to be devoured into the dark emptiness of space,
Infinite, omnipresent, timeless, death.
Take me, almighty darkness, welcome me
Into thy womb and drown me in thy kisses.
Let us devour the sun together
Cursed, Accursed!
You drip in blood, even as I weep.
The Most Complex Simplicities
A parting of ways – A tearful goodbye
Emotional hurt - Physical pain
Blood – Relief
Emptiness – Satiation
Love – Hate
Pride – Humiliation.
Imagining the feel of your warm sweet breath,
Forgiveness comes with the sting of a razor’s caress.
Truth – Delusion.
Redemption–Damnation
Life – Death.
A slit of the wrist – An illusion of bliss
A sigh – A kiss
A sip of wine – A taste of deliverance
You – Me
Together – Alone.
Always – Never.
The Final Hour
I bang my head against imaginary walls
and flail the limbs of my heart.
In a self-made prison, bound and gagged,
restrained by a straight-jacket of
unresolved emotions and groundless fears,
I silently scream; a call for compassion
or a plea for penance, or maybe just a
hollow howl at a merciless moon.
Kneeling beneath a smoky rose-colored sky,
fissures of light penetrate the clouds of my mind,
promising the possibility of freedom.
I can only stare in wonder, basking in a brief
shower of stars, still shackled in manacles,
the key just a hair’s breath away.
Star Sapphire
A secret rose blooms, in velvety midnight sky
Silken petals unfold, in the center of the Moon
The law of love decreed, with priestly lance raised up,
Intoxicated by the serpent's kiss, we drink from the golden cup
Enfolding us in eternal bliss, four exalted swans soar
Scarlet wine flows freely, from the mouth of the sacred whore.
The Last Rite
Oh Cruel Mistress!
Do my anguished cries not reach your deaf ears?
Foul fiend, would'st you deny thy servant
One last taste of your sweet lips?
Your love is fickle, but my heart is true
I yearn for, but one last kiss
Then would I willingly wade into that dark mire
My fate is a fool’s folly
But your beauty beckons
With serpentine succor
Promising perfect bliss before
That moment of annihilation.
Daring the Truth
I sit silently in my crypt
while you rampage and ravage like a rabid wolf.
I'd like to bash your head in
Watch chunks of flesh splatter against
The ivory linoleum of the kitchen floor
Watch as rivulets of blood seep onto the
Persian throw rug, once so treasured for
It's alluring beauty.
Mysteries of the east tantalize and taunt
As clouds of opium inspire oratories
In my head.
Aaah, yes, I sigh as I trace the veins in my arm,
Shivering at the tingles evoked by my trailing fingers.
I smile as I imagine ripping them open with the gleaming blades
Ornamenting my walls.
A laugh escapes my lips as I look away
In disgust from your gluttony
The scent of copper and salt...a rich, fleshy smell
Tickles my nose as I curl up to dream
of the damnation which surely awaits us both.
A Stranger in the Glass
A bewildered smile looks back at me
in the reflection of the window.
It’s a smile that belongs to a woman more experienced than I.
It’s a smile of a woman more cunning than I.
I am perplexed by the hardness of the eyes I once knew,
Eyes that now cry so much more easily than before.
Wells of wisdom, memories, sadness, joy, and loss-
Are my tears as twisted as the knots
in my stomach when I think of you?
Light glistens from my hair.
Golden sparks of sunlight remind
Me of youthful summers outdoors
Now I spend my summers inside
and shield my face from the sun like a vampire.
A sigh passes through my lips.
I turn away from the stranger in the glass.
I am not the woman I saw in there.
I don’t recognize her;
I don’t really exist at all.
I’m hollow and drained, waiting to be filled
By the only thing denied me.
Fatal Flaws
She thought daisies and daffodils would fill the emptiness inside
Painted smiles masking private pain
She didn't notice the small crack near the base
A tear slipped through, soon followed by another.
Flowers wilted and dried,
The Sun too harsh when water became scarce.
A fresh bunch of blossoms soon followed suit.
Someone please fix this wound,
The vase silently pleaded.
Alas, no one seemed to listen
No one saw the fatal flaw
Dozens of roses, lilacs, and mums
Dried up and died, one by one.
The crack slowly widened,
Tears no longer contained
Leaves trembled and petals fell
Into a pool amassed on the mantel,
Where a picture lay forgotten.
Reunion
I sought refuge in your arms
Feelings I'd thought past, suddenly reborn
In a whirlwhind of longing
for the temporary renactment
Of a love gone awry
A longing for the safety
of a tenderness of heart
My mind danced in a crystal palace
A palace of illusion,
With Crystal beams in sight
and rainbow songs in heart
I leaped and twirled
A thrilling pirouette.
But for those dancers whose
Blood has poured into
the parched earth far below,
There is no safety in reality
And crystal shards soon take their toll.
No longer a fairy princess
in the castle we once shared
I dance alone, a phantom
in a dress of torn black lace.
Moonlight shines upon my amber hair;
Tears stream down my crumbled face.
My blood long dried and gone,
I sought refuge in your arms.
In the memories of the past
But what I really wanted was
The taste of your sweet kiss
and a promise for the future.
The Pelican
(or the Mass of the Phoenix)
An angel's gift for famished souls,
Golden Gate of life
A double-edged sword
Plunged deep into tender flesh
Ruby beads overflow
With the sweet elixir of life
A sacrifice set before fledgling gods,
Given with a Mother's love
Majestic wings spread out for flight,
Standing upon ashes of ages past.
More poetry
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