Sarah's Sadness

A Place for Jewish Women
Who Have Suffered a Miscarriage, a Stillbirth,
Or the Death of a Child Younger Than 30 Days Old
You are the Counter visitor to have rested here for a while.
May you find comfort in the support and love of the Jewish community.

When I'm feeling so very low, I pray directly to G-d. I recite one of the following to:

uplift me when I'm low,

console me when I'm beside myself with grief,

guide me to move forward in a positive way,

tell G-d that even though I don't understand, I still have faith.

If you have any of those feelings, try one for yourself, and let me know if it helped. In addition, you might want to use one or more to add to your memorial service or to the Amidah portion of the Sabbath service.]

When Our Burdens Seem Too Heavy
I come to you, O G-d, for Your gracious help. You dwell within my heart, You feel my distress, You know my pain, and how burdened I am. Give me strength to bear my burdens with courage, wisdom, and grace. Help me to be true to my better self, to discern my real work in life, and to do it with all my might. When I struggle within my own heart, stay by my side. Then I shall be able to say with Your prophet [Isaiah 40:31]:

But those who hold fast to the Eternal shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint.

May my work, and the ties that bind me to family and friends, make life rich in meaning for me, so that each day I live may be yet another step leading me nearer to you. Amen.

[as found in: Stern, Chaim, ed. (1994). On The Doorposts of Your House: Prayers and Ceremonies for the Jewish House. NY,NY: CCAR Press. p. 672.]

This prayer reminds me that G-d is always with me, even when I feel so alone. It helps me stay connected with my family, my friends, and my faith, even when I prefer to be alone.]

In traditional Judaism, this prayer is not recited. In fact, there are usually no mourning or burial rites until the fetus has a 'human shape' (interpreted to be at five months). According to this tradition, all stillborns and babies younger than 30 days old are buried either in family plots or in plots with other fetuses and young babies on the outskirts of the cemetary. In any case, there is no formal service. However, you may not be as traditional. Go with your heart!]

Prayer for a Stillbirth or Miscarriage
G-d, we are weary and grieved. We anticipate the birth of a child, but the promise of life had ended too soon. Our arms yearned to cradle new life, our mouths to sing soft lullabies. Our hearts ache from the emptiness and silence. We are saddened and we are angry. We weep and we mourn. Weep with us, G-d, creator of life, for the life that could not be sustained. Source of healing, help us to find healing among those who care for us and for whom we care. Shelter us under the wings of love and help us to stand up again for life even as we mourn our loss.

[as found in: Reconstructionist Rabbinical Association's Rabbi's Manual. "Death & Mourning". D-28. Provided by Rabbi Ron Aigen.]

In the rabbi's manual, it states that this prayer is to be recited privately or among friends, soon after the miscarriage or to coincide with the time when the period of mourning following what would have been childbirth might naturally be concluded.]

A Mother's Prayer/Affirmation After Miscarriage
by Stacey Dinner-Levin

In this time of loss I call upon my spirit within to guide me to my strength so that I may find peace and completion.

I will use this strength to demand of myself and others my need to grieve completely, for this will be my first step to healing.

During my time of grief I will seek guidance not only from my inner spirit but from loving persons who may offer wisdom and comfort.

I need to understand that the soul as well as the physical body needs healing and to pay attention to this. I will learn to accept that the soul may never heal completely.

I will learn to live not in fear and once again see beauty in my world and purpose in my existence.

In spite of my new knowledge that things happen that cannot be controlled, I must call upon the places within me that tell me I do have control over much of my life and use this control to aid my healing.

Let me recognize the gift in my ability to conceive and carry life however briefly.

Let me take joy in my ability to love so deeply and desire to nurture a soul unbeknownst to me.

Let me find healing in the belief that this soul knew my love for it and that that love helped it to pass to another place.

Let me honor this short life not only with my love but in finding meaning in its existence.

Let me recognize this meaning in not only my ability to survive, but in my fullest appreciation of all the moments motherhood will bring me, along with my deeper compassion and sisterhood to other women who've experienced loss.

Let a part of this soul be reflected in the spirit of my future children, born or adopted, so that I may know it through them.

I will listen to and trust the place in my deepest heart that tells me I will once again be reunited with this soul and will fulfill the need to hold it in my arms.

I will help myself to feel comfort in the knowledge that there is a star in heaven that belongs to me.

Some of these lines touch me more than others do, so I read a different combination of lines each night. If you have some special ones, please send them along.]

Introduction
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Memorial area
Prayers, Psalms, Poems, Prose
Links to related sites

Page designed and conceived by: Sarah Vita copyright 1998 Updated: Mar.9, 1998
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	When Our Burdens Seem Too Heavy I come to you, O G-d, for Your gracious help. You dwell within my heart, You feel my distress, You know my pain, and how burdened I am. Give me strength to bear my burdens with courage, wisdom, and grace. Help me to be true to my better self, to discern my real work in life, and to do it with all my might. When I struggle within my own heart, stay by my side. Then I shall be able to say with Your prophet [Isaiah 40:31]: But those who hold fast to the Eternal shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk, and not faint. May my work, and the ties that bind me to family and friends, make life rich in meaning for me, so that each day I live may be yet another step leading me nearer to you. Amen. [as found in: Stern, Chaim, ed. (1994). On The Doorposts of Your House: Prayers and Ceremonies for the Jewish House. NY,NY: CCAR Press. p. 672.] This prayer reminds me that G-d is always with me, even when I feel so alone. It helps me stay connected with my family, my friends, and my faith, even when I prefer to be alone.]



	In traditional Judaism, this prayer is not recited. In fact, there are usually no mourning or burial rites until the fetus has a 'human shape' (interpreted to be at five months). According to this tradition, all stillborns and babies younger than 30 days old are buried either in family plots or in plots with other fetuses and young babies on the outskirts of the cemetary. In any case, there is no formal service. However, you may not be as traditional. Go with your heart!]

	Prayer for a Stillbirth or Miscarriage G-d, we are weary and grieved. We anticipate the birth of a child, but the promise of life had ended too soon. Our arms yearned to cradle new life, our mouths to sing soft lullabies. Our hearts ache from the emptiness and silence. We are saddened and we are angry. We weep and we mourn. Weep with us, G-d, creator of life, for the life that could not be sustained. Source of healing, help us to find healing among those who care for us and for whom we care. Shelter us under the wings of love and help us to stand up again for life even as we mourn our loss. [as found in: Reconstructionist Rabbinical Association's Rabbi's Manual. "Death & Mourning". D-28. Provided by Rabbi Ron Aigen.] In the rabbi's manual, it states that this prayer is to be recited privately or among friends, soon after the miscarriage or to coincide with the time when the period of mourning following what would have been childbirth might naturally be concluded.]

	A Mother's Prayer/Affirmation After Miscarriage by Stacey Dinner-Levin In this time of loss I call upon my spirit within to guide me to my strength so that I may find peace and completion. I will use this strength to demand of myself and others my need to grieve completely, for this will be my first step to healing. During my time of grief I will seek guidance not only from my inner spirit but from loving persons who may offer wisdom and comfort. I need to understand that the soul as well as the physical body needs healing and to pay attention to this. I will learn to accept that the soul may never heal completely. I will learn to live not in fear and once again see beauty in my world and purpose in my existence. In spite of my new knowledge that things happen that cannot be controlled, I must call upon the places within me that tell me I do have control over much of my life and use this control to aid my healing. Let me recognize the gift in my ability to conceive and carry life however briefly. Let me take joy in my ability to love so deeply and desire to nurture a soul unbeknownst to me. Let me find healing in the belief that this soul knew my love for it and that that love helped it to pass to another place. Let me honor this short life not only with my love but in finding meaning in its existence. Let me recognize this meaning in not only my ability to survive, but in my fullest appreciation of all the moments motherhood will bring me, along with my deeper compassion and sisterhood to other women who've experienced loss. Let a part of this soul be reflected in the spirit of my future children, born or adopted, so that I may know it through them. I will listen to and trust the place in my deepest heart that tells me I will once again be reunited with this soul and will fulfill the need to hold it in my arms. I will help myself to feel comfort in the knowledge that there is a star in heaven that belongs to me. Some of these lines touch me more than others do, so I read a different combination of lines each night. If you have some special ones, please send them along.]